The Holiday Season Can Be Hard for Caregiving Families

The holiday season can be hard for caregiving families. I spent Halloween, New Year’s Eve, and my birthday the hospital with our infant son. Because of his precarious health when he was young, several times we made the difficult choice to stay at home for Thanksgiving and Christmas instead of spending it with extended family.

I didn’t like making those choices. I didn’t want to miss the holiday traditions I’d experienced growing up. On our birthdays, we chose the menu for dinner and whatever dessert we desired. Thanksgiving and Christmas were spent with either Mom’s extended family or Dad’s, the women gathering the day before to prepare feasts that culminated in the most delicious homemade pies I’ve ever eaten.

At the beginning of each holiday when our son was hospitalized or we chose to stay home, I grieved what our young family would miss. However, as we experienced each holiday with people who weren’t part of our extended families, I found pockets of joy.

 We met nurses and doctors who gave up time with their families to keep our baby alive.

Our son received balloons and toys in the hospital.

We talked on the phone with our parents.

We received newsy letters and cards from extended family members.

We spent holidays with friends, sampling their unique Thanksgiving food traditions.

I perfected the family recipes for pie crust and fillings and brought them to share with friends.

Our 15-year-old son, when hospitalized for his final surgery, met his favorite NFL quarterback.

As each pocket of joy became part of my life, I could acknowledge my very real grief about what we missed without being devastated by it. I could move forward in faith, knowing that God would salve what we had lost with what would be gained. I could look forward to pockets of joy.

 The holiday season can be hard for caregiving families, but there are simple ways to insert pockets of joy into them.

Here are a few for you to try.

1. Prepare the same holiday feast as your far away loved ones and eat together during a Zoom or FaceTime call.

2. Schedule a time for extended family to watch a holiday movie and real time chat about it on social media.

3. Distribute care packages, prepared by your family and friends, to hospital workers who are caring for your child during the holidays.

4. Create fun family traditions that can be practiced at home, in the hospital, or wherever else you find yourself during the holidays.

The holiday season can be hard for caregiving families, but pockets of joy can be powerful. Our son is almost 40. When he reminisces about the holidays of his childhood, he doesn’t mention what he missed. He mentions pockets of joy–favorite toys, movies watched together, learning to make pies and other holiday treats. And best of all, having his picture taken with Elvis Grbac, the quarterback of his beloved Kansas City Chiefs.

Written by Jolene Philo

Jolene Philo is the mother of a son born with life-threatening special needs and the daughter of a father severely affected by multiple sclerosis. In her 25 years as an educator, she integrated children with special needs into her classroom. She’s written 5 books about caregiving, special needs parenting, and childhood PTSD. She recently co-authored a book with Dr. Gary Chapman about how parents of kids with special needs can use the 5 love languages in their families.

Jolene speaks at conferences around the country and internationally, facilitates classes about childhood trauma for educators, and trains special needs ministry leaders and volunteers. She blogs at www.DifferentDream.com. She and her husband live in Iowa.