The Angels of Our Path

It seems from the moment we realized we had a magnificently special child, the angels were there.  At the time, we may not have recognized them as such, but I can assure you that they were there.  God sent people smack dab into our lives, seemingly out of nowhere, that would make a significant impact on our experience as a special needs family.  If you are just starting this journey, keep your eyes open for them.  They are there.  God is guiding you through their care and knowledge and acceptance.  

As clearly as I can see those people now, there were moments when I was so distraught over the people that I had thought would be there for us and weren’t, that I almost missed them.  There are definitely people that don’t understand how to shepherd you through this type of grief and confusion and the figuring it out time that comes with learning the ropes of special needs parenting.   I think it’s okay to feel disappointment about that, but to understand that we are all just human.  Our friends are human, our family members are human and with that comes differences in how we handle things.  Even if people we expect to walk with us don’t, it is okay.  God sends who we need when we need them.  The number of angels that have been sent our way far out measures any disappointments we felt along the way.  

Each heaven-sent guide, led to the next and the next and the next.  This chain of help and healing and connection is remarkable to trace back.  People speak of “word of mouth” when asked questions like, “How did you locate your Occupational Therapist?” or “ What led you to that preschool?”.  I don’t think of it as “word of mouth”, but as God’s voice leading us in the right direction.  I often pray for God to lead me.  I promise him that I am listening.  If he will lead me, I will follow.  

I have followed these little nudges and as a result, we have found our way thus far.  

The therapist that “everyone loves” somehow had an opening for us in her very full schedule.  She became our first guide.  She taught me about what my son was struggling with, she led me to appropriate care providers for him, she coached me on what he needed, and she gave a name to some of the things we didn’t yet understand about him.  To this day, we feel her impact in my son's life every day.  She led us, also, to the next of our angels here on earth.  My son’s first preschool teacher. Without her love and care, my son might have never gotten the chance to experience school.  She held his hand and accepted his differences while she championed his strengths.  The bond he still shares with her is like no one else in his life.  

Through a course of wild coincidences, our next angel flew in.  She gave my son the chance to learn about the Lord.  As a special needs family, we struggled to find a church that was a fit for us.  This woman gave us a place.  She runs the special needs ministry at a very loved church in our town, and when we met her we found our church home.  Her guidance and friendship and loving care of our son and other children has allowed for acceptance and inclusion to grow in our community.  My son, thanks to her, was able to participate alongside his peers and take part in all of the childhood church experiences that other kids typically get to enjoy.  She led us, also, to another of the angels in our life.  This next angel came into our lives as a suggested summer camp aide for our son.  She was just finishing high school, and she spent the summer with our boy.  To this day, she is one of the only people I fully trust to leave him with.   She connected with him instantly and learned him and loved him. It takes time spent together to really know and bond with a child, and this teenager invested more into my son than I could have ever dreamed.  

The dear friends and family members that have tucked in with us and been a part of our day-to-day life are also a part of this squad sent from God.  They’ve listened and comforted and been strong for me when I couldn’t be.  Then they listened some more. They’ve withheld judgement and just been there. In it. This group just seems to grow as time passes.  Our lives were blessed with even more angels as our son entered elementary school, before we decided to homeschool.  The relationships he formed there have continued on well after our leaving.   Buddies from church, hair stylists, and the list goes on, one after the next, have become interwoven into our story and our hearts. These angels and the many more we’ve met along the way, are our people.  Our team.  Whether we still see them everyday or not, they remain with us.  They are forever family to us, and our gratitude to them and to God for sending them is immeasurable.  

As you travel this journey, look for the repeated names, the coincidental meetings, and know that there are no accidents.  Keep your eyes and ears open for the angels sent your way.  You will find them. 

BreAnn is a wife and mother to two beloved children.  Her 8 year old son is twice exceptional and has been diagnosed with PANS/PANDAS, and her 3 year old daughter is his most incredible advocate.  They both bring joy to this world in their own individual ways. BreAnn lives with her family in central Virginia.  She is a former Special Education teacher and serves as a volunteer at her church within the special needs ministry.  She is a homeschooler and coordinates groups and events within her community to support the childhood experience of her neighbors and friends. It is her conviction that all children benefit when all children are included, accepted and can live this life learning from and supporting each other.

Angels or One-To-One Aides

“I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121 ESV)

One of the great things about the summer for our kids is the opportunity to attend a camp, whether it is an overnight go-away camp or just a local day camp through a church or private organization.

It is, however, a challenge for our special needs kids because of the extra support they require, and it is a real blessing when they have a qualified one-to-one aide to support them there. But there is always a fair deal of anxiety, at least for me, since even when it is a camp with a special needs focus, you still wonder if the person will be a match for our child.

This year, our 11 year old non-verbal autistic son attended one week of a day camp at our local YMCA, along with some other special needs friends from his school community.  I thought it would be great initially, since I thought it would be a wonderful experience, but I didn’t relax until my wife let me know who his one-to-one aide was, his Special Olympics swim coach. This is a man who runs a wonderful program at the YMCA for our special needs kids with private swim lessons and also coaches and trains them to compete, and above all else he is a loving and a caring man.

The week my son attended camp turned out to be one of the highlights of our year, as every day we received pictures his coach would send us of him engaged in a variety of activities, including sports in the gym and on the field, swimming and games. The tears would fill my eyes as I saw the evidence of my son interacting with his peers in typical ways, not looking out of place or unhappy with his surroundings, but with huge smiles and the joy of a child at play. My favorite memory is the short video I received of him practicing to shoot a basketball in the gym with the help of another counselor, a skill he has really been trying to learn for sometime.

All of this would not have been possible if it wasn’t for his coach, who didn’t need to go out of his way to support just one student, but his love and kindness showed through when we needed him. It was a profound reminder that when we think something is impossible for our kids, God can make a way by bringing just the right people into our lives when necessary. Our prayers for him to have a good experience were not just answered, we were exceedingly blessed because he had the one person that fit him the best.

A week later when we were on a camping trip, I was playing with my son in the arcade room at the resort, and he was immediately drawn to the basketball shooting game way back in the corner. This is the type of game he had played many times in the past and I knew he really enjoyed playing, but many times in the past it had been somewhat difficult for him because he lacked the gross motor skills to do it easily. However as he ran up to the game now, he easily picked up the balls and pushed them up from his chest appropriately, the result being the balls traveled to the hoop and either rebounded or went right in, something that he was never successful at.

My mind immediately raced back to the video I watched with the counselor who helped practice the skill with my son repeatedly. That would not have been possible without the gift of our son’s very special one-to-one aide that showed up at just the right time and became the special “angel” we needed then.

I know there may be some activities or programs that he may not always be equipped for, but I also know that if we pray for help, help will come and we can trust that it will be better than expected.

Written by John Felageller

John lives in Northbrook, IL with his wife Elizabeth and his son Christopher (ASD), and is currently an Elementary Teacher at a Charter School in Chicago, IL.  He is a regular contributor to Key Ministry’s Special Needs Family blog, and is both a live presenter and on Key Ministry’s Facebook page. He coordinates a Special Needs Dads meet-up in his community and works with several other local Special Needs organizations that serve both parents and children.

Connect with John on his Facebook page here.