Who Needs Some Grace?
As we step closer and closer to the start of the 2020-2021 school year, for most of us, there are a ton of unknowns; more unknowns than I would typically encounter with the start of the school year. All of this has me spinning in a perpetual whirl of worry and confusion and wondering, “Am I doing the right thing?”
Written by Naomi Brubaker
As we step closer and closer to the start of the 2020-2021 school year, for most of us, there are a ton of unknowns; more unknowns than I would typically encounter with the start of the school year. All of this has me spinning in a perpetual whirl of worry and confusion and wondering,
“Am I doing the right thing?”
For me, there feels like so there are many choices but none of them are the ones I feel really good or excited about.
A few weeks ago I was spinning in a sea of worry about the Fall and the idea of needing a lot of grace and understanding in this season was impressed upon me. I began thinking of all the people I would be extending grace to this Fall and all the people that would be extending grace back to me.
My kids- This is ALL new for them. This is disappointing, hard, confusing, sad and filled with unknowns. There is a big sense of loss for their connections with their teacher and their peers.
Their teacher- Teachers have not been taught to teach like this! As a former special education teacher, I can not fathom how I might prepare for a semester of teaching my students online. I know the heart of most teachers is to be with kids, lead them to love learning and be successful, thriving students. What most teachers are having to prepare for goes against how they were wired at their core to care for kids and ignite a strong desire for learning.
Other families- The more I talk to people, the more I become aware that everyone is experiencing this differently. There are a small number of people who are thriving in Covid, a few that are really struggling and many that are somewhere on the spectrum in between. This range of views and sentiments towards this disorienting experience is hard to navigate with other families and friends.
Myself- I have the tendency to try to control things more than I should. I have struggled to strike a good balance of being all the roles I am needed in in this season. There is simply not enough time and energy to do all of this to the full extent.
My spouse- He is a fabulous supporter, cheerleader, and a loving husband and father. Part of his day is spent out of the house working his full time job. Sometimes, the ability to leave the house feels like a special privilege, especially when I think about what my day will entail.
School administrators/IEP team- My daughter’s intervention team tried to meet just after school closed in early March. At that time they didn’t even know how to sign documents to initiate her evaluation. As the months have passed, they have figured out many things, but there are still so many unknowns. Her evaluation has not even been initiated! Her accommodations are mostly supports I have to implement at home for her success in a virtual format. With no manual on how to navigate this we have had to be very patient with the school team and offer them a lot of grace as they try to figure out what to do. I am not implying that we compromise our child’s education for the circumstances, but offer a large measure of patience when working through the challenges as a team.
The list could go on, to include employers, immediate family members and many more.
So what does extending grace look like practically? Being OK with the unknowns, things being slower, loud and messy. Maybe this looks like doing the opposite of what you are inclined to do or say.
Maybe grace in this season looks like focusing on personal self-care. Taking small moments of deep breathing, breath prayers, walks, enjoying nature and going to bed earlier are some simple ways to care for ourselves during the day. Try using some of the sensory strategies we use with our kids on ourselves to remain calm. Make yourself a cup of tea and look out the window for birds.
Maybe grace in this season looks like stepping up our organization game. Packing lunches the night before, laying out clothes and waking up earlier can help us be able to better focus on the hard things that we will encounter during the day. Creating visual schedules and using timers or alarms on our smart devices can help us not miss the virtual check-ins with the teachers.
But maybe ultimately grace in this new school year can look like us being more realistic, more loving and more flexible with everyone and everything we encounter. And ultimately, that is the example I want to set for my children, as now more than ever, they are watching me and learning from my actions.
Written by Naomi Brubaker
Naomi is a mom of 3 girls ages 7, 5, and 2. Her oldest daughter is diagnosed with ADHD and a visual processing disorder. Her family lives in Richmond Virginia where Naomi leads the special needs ministry at their church. Her background in special education and ability to understand parents from her experiences with her daughter give her a unique perspective in her role at the church. Naomi loves to run, sew and take walks with her husband with any free time she has.
5 Simple Activities To Talk About Big Feelings
I find myself reaching for creative ways to get the conversation going to help me to support my children through this time where I’m sure they’re wrestling with huge emotions – fear, disappointments, worry, uncertainty in all the changes, helplessness, out of control.
Written by Cathy Porter
Covid-19 has stirred up some big feelings. What is happening in our own communities and around the world is so very unexpected and unusual it is difficult to work through the emotions that have come along with all this change. Talking about feelings, naming them and acknowledging them together can be incredibly helpful at times like this. But where can we begin?
Knowing where something hurts, or what emotion is being felt doesn’t come instinctively to some members of my family and I find myself reaching for creative ways to get the conversation going to help me to support my children through this time where I’m sure they’re wrestling with huge emotions – fear, disappointments, worry, uncertainty in all the changes, helplessness, out of control. Talking together gives a chance to bring myself alongside and support more closely, and for us helps us to pray more specifically having talked about how we’re doing.
Here are 5 simple activities to help us talk about big feelings:
Out of control get a large piece of card or paper and draw a big circle in the middle. Using old magazines to tear out words and pictures, and pens to draw and write fill the circle with things you can control and outside the circle with things out of our control. Picking one of the things in our control that we could act on can even bring some relief to the big feelings.
Body mapping – make gingerbread cookies talking about what each part of your child’s body might be feeling like right now. While they’re cooking maybe draw round the cookie cutter and mark the parts of the body that feel different (like butterfly tummy, or aching head) and be detectives together to work out what emotion might be making our body feel that way.
Playdough faces – use Playdough to make faces with different expressions. Make one for how you are feeling today.
Color– Get out some paint and paint those feelings – what kind of character are they, what do they look like, what color are they?
·Charades– play emotion charades, taking turns to act out and guess emotions. Have a good laugh together and then chat about which one each of us have felt recently.
I hope these ideas are as useful to you as they have been to us. These are unsettling times for us and our children and anything that can help me to stay closely alongside, ready to help and support seems to be a worthwhile thing – I guess chatting with them about their big feelings is inside my circle of control!
Written by Cathy Porter
