Embracing God’s Love for Special Needs Parents

This special needs parenting journey is challenging. Sometimes it feels like we’re drowning in appointments and anxiety, and other times it all seems manageable, but either way, something will happen to throw a monkey-wrench in everything. Something hard, as if we weren’t experiencing enough hard as it is. A rough day. Another diagnosis. A financial hardship. A sickness or hospitalization. Or our current situation of the spread of coronavirus and our social distancing and losing the village that we relied on--our churches, schools, children’s therapists and specialists, etc. It is easy in times like that to feel overwhelmed and to ask God a plethora of questions.

A few years ago, I was having an exceptionally hard day and I felt myself getting angry at God. “Why God? Why is everything so hard? Where are you? You’re supposed to be a good God and I don’t see you doing any good in this situation.”

I raged silently at a God who felt just as silent.

I knew I desperately needed some time to be alone with God, but my boys needed dinner and attention. And then, bedtime rolled around.

After my older son, about four or five years old at the time, was all snuggled in bed and we had read his book before bed, we prayed together. Sometimes I did the praying, sometimes we did prayers fill in the blank style as he could only say one or two-word phrases. I would say “thank you God for ____” and then he’d respond with something he was grateful for. Usually it was Mama or Dada or Baby (his little brother) or Birds (what he called his ipad because he loved to play Angry Birds on it) and so I decided to go with the fill-in-the-blank style prayer.

Me: “Thank you God for ____.”

“Eesus!” he said with a grin.

I choked back tears as I told him, “Yes, thank you God for Jesus.” I’ve never had any indication that he understood anything relating to God, Jesus or Bible stories, except for identifying “baby Eesus” at Christmas time. I’ve never prayed before using the words “Thank you God for Jesus.” It was his own spontaneous thought and it filled my heart with hope and joy.

We finished our prayers and I kissed that precious little guy goodnight and as I left his room it hit me: God had answered my angry prayers through the mouth of a child who would need years of speech therapy to be able to talk like his peers. I had demanded God tell me where He was and why it felt like He wasn’t caring for us. And He gently reminded me that He loved me and my children so much, He gave us Jesus.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16 NIV

Oh, how amazing, how incredible is that?

The more I thought about God giving us Jesus, I realized that the Creator of our universe can relate to our special needs parenting journey in three unique ways that can encourage us:

God treasured His child, even before His child did a single thing.

“After his baptism, Jesus came up out of the water and the heavens were opened and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and settling on him. And a voice from heaven said, This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy.” (Matthew 3:16-17 NLT).

Jesus hadn’t yet done a single miracle or shared a parable and yet God was proud of Him. He called Jesus His beloved Son. He found great joy in Him.

And as parents, we do the same thing. We love them the moment we first meet them, and even though they need us to do everything for them, even though they cannot do a single thing for us in return, we love them. No matter how much care they need in their lifetime, we will still love and treasure and advocate for our child. They don’t have to do anything to earn our love, we just love them with all of our beings and are willing to do anything to help and protect our children.

God watched His child be rejected, struggle, and suffer.

God knows what it’s like to see your child suffer and struggle. He watched people not understand His son, watched them mock and test His son. He witnessed His child get beaten and whipped, carry a heavy wooden cross, and then have nails hammered through His wrists and ankles pinning Him to that cross. His son suffered for hours, and I’m sure God longed to take His son off of that cross, to hold Him tight in His arms, and take His son far away from the cross. Oh, yes thank you God for Jesus!

He knows how much we love our children, and the greatest thing of all is that He loves our children even more than we do.

He joins in our heartbreak when we watch our children experience pain or go through medical procedures. He grieves with us when we watch our children struggle to do things that come so effortlessly to other children. He understands our longing to change the circumstances for our children. He understands our pain when we see our children not be understood by others or mocked and excluded by others. 

God had a greater plan, and it was for our good.

But God had a plan. He knew there was a glorious purpose in His dearly beloved son’s struggles and suffering. I’m sure that didn’t make the pain and helplessness go away as His child hung on a cross. His love for His son was as fierce as ever, but His love for you and me and for our children and all of humanity was steadfast and unwavering. Yes, thank you God for Jesus!

Sometimes we have a plan for our children they cannot see. They cannot see the purpose in a medical test or a procedure or the therapies they go to, but we know the purpose for it. They don’t always see us advocating for them with schools and insurance companies and our churches, but we advocate because we have a plan and goals in mind to help our children be included and get the supports and services they need.

We may not see all the details of God’s plan and purpose on this side of eternity. We will see glimpses of it here and there, but it is in trusting that God has a plan that will help bring hope, purpose, and meaning to this special needs parenting journey.

“God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him.” 1 John 4:9  NLT

Yes, my son was definitely onto something. Thank you God for Jesus!

May we be able to grasp God’s unstoppable, never-ending love for each of us this Holy Week and always. 

Bio: Jenn Soehnlin is a middle school English teacher and mother to two boys who are precious blessings and who both have special needs. She is the author of Embracing This Special Life: Learning to Flourish as a Mother of a Child with Special Needs.

Jenn enjoys blogging about faith, praying Scripture, and special needs parenting at www.embracing.life. You can join her Facebook group for special needs mothers Embracing This Special Life for online support, community, and encouragement. 

Embracing Your Child's Heart

I constantly worried about my four year old son’s development and his multiple diagnosis. I continually analyzed how far behind he was his peers, even children years younger than him, and watched them do effortlessly what we’d been working on for months and sometimes even years in therapy. I was so focused on my son’s development, I wasn’t enjoying just being his mom.

And then my two year old son began receiving a few diagnoses of his own. I found it very easy to focus on his anxiety and strong-willed nature, and how I wished he had neither. I resented his strong-willed personality, his anxious behaviors and meltdowns with all the other stressful things and never-ending appointments I was dealing with. I was so focused on my son’s behaviors, I wasn’t enjoying just being his mom.

And then I read this verse:

“But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7).

I’d read and heard this verse many times, but I’d never put it in the context of my own children. The verse convicted me initially. I definitely was focusing on their outward appearance and their development and their behavior and not on their heart.

But then the verse freed me to love and embrace my children for who they are, how God uniquely crafted them.

Looking at the heart

Once I started looking at my older son’s heart, rather than his development and skills, I found so much to be thankful for, so many strengths and passions and gifts to nurture in him. For the first time in a long time, I truly just enjoyed being his mother and enjoyed spending time with him.

Once I started looking at my younger son’s heart, I started to see what the behavior was indicating. He wanted a little more attention from his frazzled mama. A little more structure in our days, since each day’s schedule was different with various never-ending appointments and errands. And once I started getting more intentional about giving him some undivided attention and more structure in our schedule, his overwhelming behaviors slowly stabilized to a more manageable level as he began to feel more nurtured and supported. We began to have a lot more fun together.  

It’s easy to focus on our children’s outward appearance or behavior or development. It is easy to compare our children to other children. But we are called to look at our children’s hearts, as God does.

It takes an intentional mindset shift to make it happen, but by striving to focus on how God uniquely crafted my children, and their hearts, their gifts and passions, it is bringing so much joy and purpose into my parenting.

Written by Jenn Soehnlin

Jenn Soehnlin is a mother to two boys who are precious blessings and who both have special needs. She is the author of Embracing This Special Life: Learning to Flourish as a Mother of a Child with Special Needs.

Jenn enjoys blogging about faith and special needs parenting at www.embracing.life.

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