Beyond Labels: Seeing the Beauty in EVERY Child

Do you ever feel like your child is looked down on because of their disability or special need?

In the world, you often see a differentiation between the “haves” and the “have nots.” Those in sports are esteemed more highly than the shelf stocker at Walmart. The advice of those with the largest following on social media or YouTube is more sought after than the grandfather or grandmother up the street.

Sadly, this can even be true at churches. I hear of many parents on this journey in special needs walking through the church doors looking for community and eventually walking away because they are made to feel like their child is a burden. Congregation members treated their child as less than and not really valued.

If this is your story, I’m sorry. This Easter season, I want to assure you that God does not see your son or daughter as less than.

Here are 5 ways that we can see this in the Bible. 

1. Your child is created in God's image

"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." - Genesis 1:27 (NIV)

This verse reminds us that every person, including those with special needs, is created in God's image and is therefore uniquely valuable and important in God's eyes.

 

2. God sees beyond physical limitations

“But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.’”

– 1 Samuel 16:7 (NIV

While human beings often focus on physical appearances and abilities, God looks at the heart. He sees beyond a person's disabilities to their true character and potential.

3. God sees my child's struggles and cares for them

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." - Psalm 34:18 (NIV)

As a parent, it can be heartbreaking to see my child struggle with challenges or disabilities. But I take comfort in knowing that God sees their struggles and cares for them deeply. God is close to those who are brokenhearted, and I believe that He is with my child every step of the way.

4. We are all equal in Christ

“There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” – Galatians 3:28 (NIV)

In this passage we can see that in Christ, there is no distinction between people based on their race, gender, or social status. This includes people with disabilities, who are equal members of the body of Christ. God values each person equally and desires for us to love and accept one another just as Christ has loved and accepted us (John 13:34-35).

5. God has given your child a unique gift or talent to share with the world

"Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms." - 1 Peter 4:10 (NIV)

This verse reminds us that every person, including those with special needs, has unique gifts and talents that can be used to make a positive impact on the world. By valuing and nurturing these gifts, we can help our children to realize their full potential and make a positive difference in the world around them.

This Easter season, as we celebrate the death and resurrection of our savior, I want to encourage you that not only does our heavenly father know and love you. In the same way, He fully loves your son or daughter. He does not view them as a burden or less than.

He tends his flock like a shepherd:
    He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
    he gently leads those that have young.

~ Isaiah 40:11 (NIV)

Written by Jonathan McGuire

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Jonathan McGuire  is the dad of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides the beat up, battered, and worn out parents of children impacted by disabilities and special needs through the spiritual and emotional challenges they face to Christ-centered hope and healing.

Hold On Tight

If I could go back in time to those days before his birth, and have a chat with my pregnant self,  I would tell myself this about the parenting journey I was bound for:

1. It will be different than what you are imagining.

2. You will know, but not quite understand, the moment that you lock eyes that first day.

3. You will also instantly know that you are his person.

4. You are strong enough to rise to the occasion. 

5. You were meant for it, and you’ve got this.

6. God will lead you. Hold on to Him tightly.

7. Stop yourself the very first time you read what other babies his age are doing and your stomach drops, because he isn’t doing it yet. Just rock in that glider and stare into those beautiful brown eyes.

8. If you google that missed milestone one time or a million times, and get lost in your mind with worry, that will do nothing to change the outcome. Instead look at how intently he is listening to your voice as you read Goodnight Moon in his sailboat nursery. The worry is useless, and the outcome is not anything to fear.

9. When he begins to roll his toy cars in such a way that you feel it is less play and more some type of visual stim, a word you won’t learn for a few years yet, think about how happy he looks.  Make note of these things, but don’t fret. Instead, choose to enjoy the smile on his sweet little toddler face.

10. When you notice incredible skills happening far too soon in comparison to others, just marvel in it. Don’t read every article written about it, wondering why or what it means that he can do it.  Your nights will be far better off spent sleeping while you still can.

11. At a certain point there will be no sleep, so grab every wink.

12. When the sleep gets hard, you will manage. 

13. In case you already forgot number 4, you are strong and capable.  

14. Your child is also strong and unimaginably capable. Perhaps the strongest, most resilient person you’ve ever known. You’ll see.

15. When he struggles to sit quietly on the mat at library story time, just go to the park instead. 

16. When he runs from you and others say things like, “He’ll come back, just call his name.”, trust your gut and RUN.  He’s not coming back.

17. Start looking for the angels sent to meet him on his path. They are truly everywhere you turn. You will be amazed. He will recognize them right away.

18. You will see him form the most enduring bonds with these people.

19. Don’t waste a moment’s thought on those not meant for him.  He will recognize them, too.  

20. He will have some difficulties, yes.  Who among us is granted a life without them? Focus on the many triumphs instead. 

21. He will be completely misunderstood, as will you. Ignore this. Make no apologies and overlook the judgement of others. Live these days focused on the audience of your one heavenly Father.

22. He will also be completely embraced and accepted. It will bring glee and immense gratitude to your heart each time.

23. You. Will. Be. Enough. Don’t question that fact, but know that your faith, family and dear friends will also carry you when you need them.

24. Begin this prayer immediately. Pray for God to lead you.  Tell Him that you’re listening and ready to follow his plans for your little boy.

25. Walk next to your son, hand in hand, through it all.

26. You’ll learn soon that he’s come here to teach others things like compassion and empathy and humanity.  He’ll teach them some about fonts and logos, as well, but that won’t make sense to you for a couple of years. 

27. Your baby is perfect. One day when he is 8, he will look into your eyes and plain as day, give you every answer you’ve been searching for.  His self-awareness and self-acceptance will put your mind at ease in an instant and bring a calm to what at times will feel stormy.  It will be one of those beautiful moments in life that you want to capture, that you want to freeze inside of. 

28. Always remember that this is his life to live. He was sent here with a unique purpose just as you were. Remind yourself of that in the times when you feel like you must find all of the answers.  

29. You will grow through this time.  Your heart will grow. Your empathy will grow. Your heart’s desire to help other children will grow even bigger than it already was, and now with an entirely different level of understanding.

30. Lastly, it will all be okay.  I promise.  It will be better than okay.  His life will be amazing and full and happy and fun and he will know the abundant love of his adoring Mother.

Written by BreAnn Tassone

BreAnn is a wife and mother to two beloved children.  Her 8 year old son is twice exceptional and has been diagnosed with PANS/PANDAS, and her 3 year old daughter is his most incredible advocate.  They both bring joy to this world in their own individual ways. BreAnn lives with her family in central Virginia.  She is a former Special Education teacher and serves as a volunteer at her church within the special needs ministry.  She is a homeschooler and coordinates groups and events within her community to support the childhood experience of her neighbors and friends. It is her conviction that all children benefit when all children are included, accepted and can live this life learning from and supporting each other.

You Are Not Alone – Join a Group that “Gets It!”

A friend looked at me and said, “Your whole faith foundation is shaking, as if you have no firm ground to stand on, isn’t it?” She’s the only one who knew and I hadn’t told her. I was so fearful others would find out I was questioning God and the very building blocks of my faith in Him. I was so ashamed I had these questions and doubts. My relationship with God had been my entire life. It had shaped my education, life goals, and daily rhythms. And now, I didn’t know what was true anymore.

Oh, I knew the book answers. I had graduated top of my class with a B.A. in Bible/Theology and another with a M.A. in Biblical Counseling. I went to a good Bible-teaching church, but it wasn’t meeting me where I was at. It didn’t get to the practical daily life questions that had become my struggle in the two years since my son with additional needs had been born and my world had flipped upside down. I felt so alone. Alone with my questions. Big, deep, scary God-questions. Doubts. Fears. Struggles. Life circumstances with no apparent answers. No way out.

My friend promised to pray for me, no judgement, just loving concern. That’s the best response she could have given. My questions were so deep that quick, simple answers were not going to solve them. It’s been over ten years since that conversation. I spent many of those years wrestling with God. I’ve found the answers to my faith questions and my relationship with God is stronger and truer than it was before.

As my husband, Jonathan, and I have talked with other parents of kids with disabilities or special needs, we’ve learned that I was definitely not alone with my questions and struggles. Questions and struggles not only in relation to God, but also in relation to how to navigate this life as a parent with a child who has additional needs. But, who do we go to with our questions? Who do we go to for support on days when life is overwhelming and often others just don’t “get it”?

Hope Anew is launching an online community for parents of kids with disabilities or special needs. A laugh together, cry together, pray together community.  

• Some features of the community include:

• Forums/Chat room

• Subgroups for more specific areas of interest (residential care, adoption, etc)

• Quarterly master classes

• Soul Care events with sharing and prayer

• Answers to questions that can’t be googled

• Monthly themes related to parenting kids with additional needs

• And more…

Come join us in the Hope Anew Online Community, where together we are building the most encouraging, real, hope-filled way for parents of children (of all ages) impacted by disabilities or special needs to engage with a group that “gets it!”

For more information go to www.HopeAnew.com. You can also find us on Facebook and can glean from others who have walked this path on the Hope Anew Disability Podcast.

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here!

A Mentor During Hard Times

Have you ever had those “ah ha” moments? Sometimes they are that one piece that helps everything else fit together and sometimes they are so obvious that you don’t know why you didn’t think of it before.

I was helping our youngest son fill out a form for an online contest, when I had just such an “ah ha” moment.  One of the questions on the form asked him who he considered to be a mentor of his. He went through the obvious answers of his grandparents, his mom and his dad. Frankly, I was excited to see that I still made the list. It was his last answer that surprised me and made me think. The answer was God/the Holy Spirit.

At first, I wanted to say that he couldn’t say that. I wanted to tell him that wasn’t what the question meant. It reminded me of the old joke where a Sunday school teacher would ask the students a question and the students would always give the answer of “Jesus.”  It didn’t matter what the question was.

After we talked, our son reminded me who our God, specifically the Holy Spirit is. He is always with us and He helps us in understanding God’s word. He convicts us. He teaches us.  

The definition of a mentor is an experienced and trusted advisor. Synonyms are a guide, confidant, counselor, spiritual leader, and therapist. For those of us, who have a relationship with Christ, the word “mentor” so wonderfully describes who the Holy Spirit is to us.   

As followers of Christ, the Holy Spirit  is our mentor, our counselor, our comforter, our guide, our confidant who lives within us (Romans 8:9).  

Do you ever get stuck in those moments of wanting to give up? Do you ever feel like you are alone in this journey and like a complete failure? Perhaps you are struggling with God, His promises and wondering why He would ever allow your child to struggle with the pain they are experiencing. Maybe you are in the process of making some difficult decision and you feel like it’s a no win situation.  

We often go through life, trying to make it day to day on our own. There is a feeling that we should be able to “pull ourselves up by our bootstraps.”  Our pain is so deep and vulnerable that we don’t dare open up to those who are close to us but keep it buried somewhere.

In those moments, remember that if you are a follower of Christ, you have a mentor, a counselor, a comforter and a guide.  You have someone that knows your fears, your feelings of guilt, and the depths of your struggles. You have someone that will guide you to the truth, and our hope.

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

Lets Journey Together, The Hope Anew Disability Podcast

Where are you at in this journey in disability and special needs? Are you the parent who is still searching for answers and trying to wrap your mind around this new diagnosis that has been given to your child? Maybe your overwhelmed with the day to day, the doctor appointments, the emotions that you are struggling with and the pain that you see your child in.

 Maybe you are the parent whose child is aging out of the system and you don’t know what lies ahead. Your friend’s children are going off to college and launching into their new lives, while you are trying to figure out what is next or who will take care of your child after you are gone.

Or are you the grandparent? You want to be able to come alongside your children more and support them but you don’t know how. Your grandchild eats a special diet, relies on special medical equipment that you don’t understand or maybe it is difficult for you to care for them because of challenging behaviors over which they have no control.  You see that your children just need a break but you don’t know what to do.

 Where are you on this journey? What is your story?

This journey can be isolating. It can be overwhelming and you can feel like you are completely alone. In describing how I felt, I used to tell people that I could live in the jungle in Papua New Guinea or in the middle of the city in Fort Worth and feel just as isolated.

Sarah and I began our journey in disability 12 years ago with the birth of our youngest son. He was allergic to literally all food, except sweet potato and on the severe end of the Autism spectrum. Our journey likely has looked different than yours, but we have probably wrestled through many similar struggles.

We would like to invite you into our home the first Monday of every month as we sit down with other families and professionals who have been on this journey and hear their stories and learn from their experience .

During our conversations, we will hear how they have found purpose in the pain and seen beauty in the journey. During this time you will be encouraged. You will feel like there are others who get it and you won’t feel quite so alone. You will experience hope, learn to build a different dream and be better equipped for the journey ahead of you.

You can join these monthly chats by searching iTunes for the Hope Anew Disability Podcast or by going to the Hope Anew website here: https://www.hopeanew.com/podcast.

We would love to hear from you! Please let us know if there is a specific topic you would like us to discuss in our monthly conversations or someone you would like us to interview.

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

God Sees You

"Abram replied, 'Look, she is your servant, so deal with her as you see fit.' Then Sarai treated Hagar so harshly that she finally ran away. The angel of the LORD found Hagar beside a spring of water in the wilderness, along the road to Shur...And the angel also said, 'You are now pregnant and will give birth to a son. You are to name him Ishmael (which means 'God hears'), for the LORD has heard your cry of distress." "Thereafter, Hagar used another name to refer to the LORD, who had spoken to her. She said, "You are the God who sees me." ~ Genesis 16:6-7, 11, 13 (NLT)

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by life, in a tight or impossible spot with no help in sight and then, on top of that, alone...overlooked, like no one understands, sees, or cares? That is exactly where Hagar found herself. She was a servant, kicked out by her mistress, alone in the wilderness, pregnant. Yet, it was in these circumstances that Hagar meets and sees God like she never has before. And she gives us insight into WHO God is and what He is like even to an average everyday woman and mom.

After God gives Hagar a glimpse into her future, she responds by saying, "You are the God who sees me." I don't think she was impressed by the fact that He saw a traveling woman there by the springs of water unaccompanied and likely distraught, as other travelers passing by might see her. No, she was impressed because He saw to her very heart and all that encompassed. This so impressed her that she gave God a name we haven't seen in Scripture before, "The God who sees me".

You can rest assured that God sees you, too. You may feel invisible and overlooked by others in this world, but God sees. He sees you when you are checking the monitors all throughout the night. He sees you when your child is having a meltdown, again. He sees you when you can't bear to think about the future and what it holds for your child. He sees you when this last option therapy or procedure didn't work. He sees you when you just want a shoulder to cry on and there isn't one. He sees you. He sees all of it and He is there for you. It's WHO He is. He hears your cry of distress and He sees you.

God gave Hagar the name for her son, Ishmael, meaning "God hears" because He heard Hagar's cry of distress. Is there anything burdening your heart today that you need to cry out to God and tell Him? Go ahead, He's listening. Truly listening to hear your heart, your hurts, your worries, your anger, your doubts, your fears.

God Who Sees, thank you for seeing me.