To The Mom Who Feels Like A Failure Part 2
As a Mom of a child with disability, do you ever get caught up in feeling of being a failure or guilt as a Mom? I am right there with you. Written by Sarah McGuire
As a Mom of a child with disability, do you ever get caught up in feeling of being a failure or guilt as a Mom? I am right there with you. I talk more about this struggle in part 1 of this article. You can read more about it here.
For me, there are four thought patterns that lead me to feeling guilty and like a failure. Today we are going to look at the first two of those and how to reframe them.
1. I’m not enough. News flash - you’re human. I know you know that, but really, you are NOT God. You are limited. You can’t do it all. AND, that’s not a surprise to God, just like your current circumstances are not a surprise to God. He knows. He also knows you’re in over your head. I don’t know what is behind your thoughts of failure or guilt, but for me, I have always liked being very competent. I am a perfectionist. And I grew up with a “try harder, work more and you’ll succeed” mentality. The problem with that mentality is that I’m human and at some point, my ALL is simply not enough. So, what then?
God made us to depend on Him. After-all, He is God and we are not. 2 Corinthians 12:5-10 is a good one to keep on hand when you forget you’re human and start feeling like a failure because you can’t perform supermom feats. I like God’s direct words to Paul, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” Paul had to reframe his thoughts when God didn’t remove his physical struggles and this became his perspective, “So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses…For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
Admit to yourself and to God that you can’t do it. It is beyond you. Then throw yourself into God’s care and dependence on Him by asking for help.
When I finally got to that point, after 18 long, sleep-deprived months (sigh, I was very self-sufficient), I told God, “I need you. I need you to show up with skin on and hold this child so I can sleep a few hours because I can’t do it anymore (and I literally couldn’t, my body quit and I had had a physical and emotional breakdown) and no one else is helping.” Later that week, I got over my pride and I asked some older ladies at my church who I didn’t know and had never met for help. And one couple offered to help! What a blessing they have been in our lives…Jesus showed up with skin on and their names are Mark and Marjie.
I don’t know how God will provide for your need. But I do know you need to admit your weakness, acknowledge your need for Him, and ask for His help!
2. I’m a failure as a mom. You ARE that loving, caregiving mom. Look at what you ARE doing rather than at what you are NOT doing. Your circumstances may be a result of living in this sin-cursed world as we await a perfect eternity. However, your circumstances have not escaped God’s attention. And He sees what you ARE doing. He sees how much you love the child He has entrusted to your care. He sees what you are sacrificing to care for that child. He sees how hard it is. He sees your isolation, fears of the future, what you can’t accomplish because you ARE caring for and loving this child. He sees your faithfulness. He sees that you are a reflection of His love to this child and to those around who see your dedication. And if, like me, you ask, “Who? Who sees? I have no social life.” What about the myriad of therapists and doctors? Glorifying Him by being a reflection of Him to others and this world is your highest calling, even if it looks different than what you imagined. Your love and faithfulness to this child can speak volumes!
Reframing these thought patterns is hard but when we recognize them, we can start reframing them with the truth from God’s word. Next week we will look at two more thought patterns that sneak into everyday life.
Written by Sarah McGuire
Sarah McGuire is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.
Romance, A Divine Design
The thing I love about romance is that it involves being known, chosen, desired, completely loved and adored for who you uniquely are… Written by Sarah McGuire
As I shared last week, I’m a complete romantic. To my core. I love romantic books and movies. December rolls around and I get excited about the sappy movies that will soon be on television. Jonathan teases me saying, “Let me tell you what happens. Boy meets girl. Boy has an ugly sweater. Girl has a problem. It gets solved. They fall in love. The end.” I grin and say, “Yup, isn’t it great! You want to watch with me?” That usually earns me a kind-hearted eye-roll. Yes, the story line is basically the same in all of them, but I don’t tire of it. I love all things about falling in love
When I find myself longing for something that seems impossible to attain or to attain fully, I find that it often points to a desire placed in me by God that will be fulfilled in eternity. I think romance is one of those longings.
The thing I love about romance is that it involves being known, chosen, desired, completely loved and adored for who you uniquely are. There is no disapproval or disappointment, only delight, delight in each other over all others.
Throughout Scripture, there are several pictures of God’s relationship with us such as potter/clay, shepherd/sheep, father/child, as well as bridegroom and bride (that translates as “fiancé”). He has proposed. And when He returns for us, to bring us to the home He has been preparing, there will be a wedding celebration feast!
Hosea 2:16, 19-20 says, “When that day comes,” says the LORD, “you will call me ‘my husband’.” “I will make you my wife forever, showing you…unfailing love and compassion. I will be faithful to you and make you mine.”
This story doesn’t just follow the typical plot line, it created the typical plot line. Boy loves girl. Girl has a problem (sin). Boy rescues girl (gives His life, pays the price owed by girl to get her out of her problem – I John 4:10). They fall in love. There’s a wedding!
Are you questioning the falling in love part? Does it feel like a long-distance relationship before the telephone? When the doctor handed you the diagnosis, your child is in surgery – again, you haven’t had a full night of sleep in years due to the breathing machine, your child has no friends and your heart breaks with their pain, when your spouse says, “I didn’t sign up for this” and leaves. It can all feel like God doesn’t care for you at all, let alone that He cares with unfailing love.
If that is where you are at, take time to contemplate that He defines love. He IS love (I John 4:8). He has chosen you and He takes “great delight in you” (Zeph. 3:17). He knows the number of hairs on your head (Matt. 10:30) and collects your tears in a bottle (Ps. 56:8) and promises to one day wipe every tear from your eye and to get rid of death, sorrow and pain forever (Rev. 21:4). How romantic is that!
I find that too often I walk through life consumed with my tasks and problems, totally unaware of the things my Fiancé has put all around me to show His love for me and that He’s thinking of me. If His love feels distant, ask Him to show it to you and then keep your eyes open for little things He puts in your path to say, “I love you. You are precious to me. Enjoy this, my darling”. Tonight, maybe look up in the sky and remember that your Fiancé actually did hang the moon for you.
Written by Sarah McGuire, Co-Founder of Hope Anew
