Beyond Labels: Seeing the Beauty in EVERY Child

Do you ever feel like your child is looked down on because of their disability or special need?

In the world, you often see a differentiation between the “haves” and the “have nots.” Those in sports are esteemed more highly than the shelf stocker at Walmart. The advice of those with the largest following on social media or YouTube is more sought after than the grandfather or grandmother up the street.

Sadly, this can even be true at churches. I hear of many parents on this journey in special needs walking through the church doors looking for community and eventually walking away because they are made to feel like their child is a burden. Congregation members treated their child as less than and not really valued.

If this is your story, I’m sorry. This Easter season, I want to assure you that God does not see your son or daughter as less than.

Here are 5 ways that we can see this in the Bible. 

1. Your child is created in God's image

"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." - Genesis 1:27 (NIV)

This verse reminds us that every person, including those with special needs, is created in God's image and is therefore uniquely valuable and important in God's eyes.

 

2. God sees beyond physical limitations

“But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.’”

– 1 Samuel 16:7 (NIV

While human beings often focus on physical appearances and abilities, God looks at the heart. He sees beyond a person's disabilities to their true character and potential.

3. God sees my child's struggles and cares for them

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." - Psalm 34:18 (NIV)

As a parent, it can be heartbreaking to see my child struggle with challenges or disabilities. But I take comfort in knowing that God sees their struggles and cares for them deeply. God is close to those who are brokenhearted, and I believe that He is with my child every step of the way.

4. We are all equal in Christ

“There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” – Galatians 3:28 (NIV)

In this passage we can see that in Christ, there is no distinction between people based on their race, gender, or social status. This includes people with disabilities, who are equal members of the body of Christ. God values each person equally and desires for us to love and accept one another just as Christ has loved and accepted us (John 13:34-35).

5. God has given your child a unique gift or talent to share with the world

"Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms." - 1 Peter 4:10 (NIV)

This verse reminds us that every person, including those with special needs, has unique gifts and talents that can be used to make a positive impact on the world. By valuing and nurturing these gifts, we can help our children to realize their full potential and make a positive difference in the world around them.

This Easter season, as we celebrate the death and resurrection of our savior, I want to encourage you that not only does our heavenly father know and love you. In the same way, He fully loves your son or daughter. He does not view them as a burden or less than.

He tends his flock like a shepherd:
    He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
    he gently leads those that have young.

~ Isaiah 40:11 (NIV)

Written by Jonathan McGuire

---

Jonathan McGuire  is the dad of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides the beat up, battered, and worn out parents of children impacted by disabilities and special needs through the spiritual and emotional challenges they face to Christ-centered hope and healing.

Experiencing Joy

This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. (Psalm 118:24 NLT)

Today, yes today my soul is filled with joy.

And although I wish I could say that is my normal, I have to admit there have been many days that I have wasted the gift of the present day by fretting about the future. Oh, today though, I stopped and breathed in the experience of being present in the moment and discovered a bounty of blessings all around me. I was met with gladness, with pure joy that overflowed in my heart… you know the type of joy that makes you just want to get up and dance and skip around the room…yes that type of joy!

It was not an elaborate vacation or hiking in a flowering field, that brought such joy. No, it was sitting in the stands of my son’s Special Olympics track and field event.

The world seemed to have stopped as I took in the scene of over 100 athletes who all had challenges but not one single individual showed the struggle or the pain on their faces. I watched athlete after athlete, my son included, crossing the finish line with smiles and shouts of joy at their accomplishment. Here were individuals that had to persevere through so much to just make it to the event not to mention the physical or sensory obstacles that stood between them and the finish line. It did not matter if they came in first or last, their focus was locked on the finish line. I saw athletes stop running to go to another athlete’s side who had fallen, I saw athletes walking with what looked to be a debilitating limb, I saw athletes in wheelchairs powering through with their hands… all with one goal in mind, to finish!

I leaned further and further into the moment. I embraced the present and I saw modeled right in front of me how to receive the day as the Lord intended and I watched what it meant to be truly glad in it. And at that moment, I heard a whisper in my spirit say “Child, every day can be like this when you receive the day as a gift from Me and focus only on being present in it!” I breathed in again absorbing the lesson my Savior was teaching me at this moment . A lesson on how he longed for me to receive the gift of the day from Him and embrace it with gladness.

But some days are really hard on this earth, aren’t they? Some days the pain of broken relationships, or of illness, or of job loss, or of loss of life can take us down and steal our joy. But our Lord declares even those days, He has made! For me embracing this truth meant I needed to move the truth out of my head and into my heart. Such a journey would allow me to say through the pain, that there is gladness in my heart and rejoicing in my spirit even on such hard days.

As I sat and watch men and women with such gladness pushing through so many obstacles, tears of understanding of what it looks like to rejoice and be glad came to my eyes. And my soul was being transformed to see with the eyes of my heart. At that moment, sitting there on those stands, I was taking a profound lesson on joy.

So let me ask you a question, are you sitting with joy in your heart today? If not, what is holding you back from accepting the gift of the day and truly being glad in it? If you are struggling to find joy through the pain, then would you consider inviting God into your doubt, your hurt, and your fears? Come to Him authentically and let your heart be molded to His likeness so that you can receive every day (even the painful ones) as a gift from Him and experience joy!

Written by Carrie Park

From Carrie’s heart…

By God’s grace, my heart was taken captive by Him and I was brought to my knees as an adult acknowledging my need for my Savior.  God has filled my life as a wife, a mother of five, and as a leader of people. And through this journey, I have discovered a passion of mine to reach, encourage, and inspire others to live a thriving life with our Savior, Jesus Christ. 

​So come, grab a cup of tea settle in and find encouragement from Carrie’s blog Abiding in the Between here.

“Virtually Lost” At School This Year

As parents of three kids attempting to tackle kindergarten, preschool and second grade, it’s about all we can do to not throw in the towel this year. The cacophony of sound from multiple devices, kids refusing to mute and yelling, and our tiny dog barking is a comedy show each day. Each of our kids has different needs and abilities, and I’m inadequately trained to do all but the simplest school activities with them.  I only have to manage the chaos of virtual school one day per week, but it’s humbling every time. Often I can’t get signed on, and I question how much my kids are actually learning in this environment.  

From the sensory barrage that is a tidal wave, one thing I do know they are learning is how to deal with adversity.

Unlike our Heavenly Father, as parents, we  aren’t endowed with omnipotent knowledge on virtual meetings, math, or craft projects. In times like these, our deficiencies become sharply clear as we are exposed.

Unfortunately, kids often view our struggles as a complete breakdown of their parents sovereignty. They are used to us having the answers. I’m sure every parent has the memory of realizing their own parents inability to adequately provide. In that moment, a veil has been torn in their childhood reality. 

What a hard reality for a kid to try and understand, but we shouldn’t try and shield them from the fact we are human. But within this new reality are a few teachable moments, the dreaded teachable moment!

So what’s a regular Dad like me supposed to do in these situations? 

It’s a common trope that “more is taught than caught” with kids, and we know every child is watching their parents with a careful eye at all times. This brief window of time we are in virtual school allows my children see what their Dad’s true super power is: not giving up when things get hard.  This is something we often talk about, but being totally out of my areas of competency forces me to put my lectures into action. Woe to the parent who has loaded their teaching with finger wagging one liners like “patience is a virtue!” or “You will thank me one day!” as turn about may be fair play when the kids have you in the fetal position on the floor out of desperation. Even when we (the parental units) are on the ropes, our kids always rally when they see us make a comeback. 

Raising children with disabilities, you are preparing them for the additional hurdles they will always have to contend with. So show up, and dig in. It’s OK to let them know you are struggling, ask them to pray with you and seek God’s help. Jesus prepared his disciples in how to pray.

Prayer is a powerful weapon, and I don’t ask my kids to use it enough. As my kids and I struggle, it often seems to put a wedge between us (parent/child), but if we can see our issue as something to fight together, we grow in strength. Not only do we know that this helps our children cope with issues, it’s also a scripturally sound practice.

Matthew 18:20 talks about how Jesus is with us when two or more are gathered in his name. Although this verse is regarding sin, don’t let a struggle between you and your child become the “sin.”   Call out the adversity together, large or small. This isn’t about shifting blame, but just being real and admitting “we can’t get the iPad to work, AGAIN, and yes I’ll write an email to the teacher letting them know we were trying.”  It’s often in this critical moment where I get a chance to shine in teaching about perseverance. My child is putting their faith in me and for a brief moment I have their full attention, so how do you consciously or unconsciously respond to the struggle?  

Jesus set such an amazing example of patience and reserved strength in the face of adversity. Even in his hardest challenges, he rose to the occasion to set things right and speak truth (think of his temptations by satan in the wilderness). His approaches were infinitely clever, and in addition to loving people fully, his secondary tactics were never the same (think of all the interactions with Pharisees). There were many circumstances that Jesus encountered that were less than favorable, and often people were actively trying to trip him up or prove him wrong.  And in all this, he was leading with love by making time to teach lessons to his disciples.  That is the way we need to approach overcoming adversity with our children. Not despite the hardships we face, but because of them. 

Often on my virtual school days I feel as though I’m on the verge of my own temper tantrum, and having my kids see me walk back from that ledge is a powerful message. We all fall short of the example Jesus set for us, but if I’m leading with love and showing them the struggles of this world are no match for His provision, that is a win. Sometimes they don’t work out the way we planned, but that’s OK. We get extra recess because we don’t get this blessing of quality time back. Then, like magic, the iPad connects to the meeting, which can only be attributed to divine intervention.

Written by Jesse Brubaker

---

Jesse Brubaker is a father of 3 little ladies and married to Naomi Brubaker.   He loves food, and is especially skilled at making huge messes in the kitchen. He grew up on a small family run Christmas tree farm in Central Virginia & is now a commissioned missionary working toward moving to France to help bring the gospel to Europe.

Who Needs Some Grace?

As we step closer and closer to the start of the 2020-2021 school year, for most of us, there are a ton of unknowns; more unknowns than I would typically encounter with the start of the school year.  All of this has me spinning in a perpetual whirl of worry and confusion and wondering,

“Am I doing the right thing?”

For me, there feels like so there are many choices but none of them are the ones I feel really good or excited about. 

A few weeks ago I was spinning in a sea of worry about the Fall and the idea of needing a lot of grace and understanding in this season was impressed upon me.  I began thinking of all the people I would be extending grace to this Fall and all the people that would be extending grace back to me.

1. My kids- This is ALL new for them. This is disappointing, hard, confusing, sad and filled with unknowns. There is a big sense of loss for their connections with their teacher and their peers. 

2. Their teacher- Teachers have not been taught to teach like this!  As a former special education teacher, I can not fathom how I might prepare for a semester of teaching my students online.  I know the heart of most teachers is to be with kids, lead them to love learning and be successful, thriving students.  What most teachers are having to prepare for goes against how they were wired at their core to care for kids and ignite a strong desire for learning.

3. Other families- The more I talk to people, the more I become aware that everyone is experiencing this differently.  There are a small number of people who are thriving in Covid, a few that are really struggling and many that are somewhere on the spectrum in between.  This range of views and sentiments towards this disorienting experience is hard to navigate with other families and friends.  

4. Myself- I have the tendency to try to control things more than I should. I have struggled to strike a good balance of being all the roles I am needed in in this season.  There is simply not enough time and energy to do all of this to the full extent.  

5. My spouse- He is a fabulous supporter, cheerleader, and a loving husband and father.  Part of his day is spent out of the house working his full time job.  Sometimes, the ability to leave the house feels like a special privilege, especially when I think about what my day will entail.     

6. School administrators/IEP team- My daughter’s intervention team tried to meet just after school closed in early March.  At that time they didn’t even know how to sign documents to initiate her evaluation.  As the months have passed, they have figured out many things, but there are still so many unknowns. Her evaluation has not even been initiated! Her accommodations are mostly supports I have to implement at home for her success in a virtual format.  With no manual on how to navigate this we have had to be very patient with the school team and offer them a lot of grace as they try to figure out what to do.  I am not implying that we compromise our child’s education for the circumstances, but offer a large measure of patience when working through the challenges as a team.

The list could go on, to include employers, immediate family members and many more. 

So what does extending grace look like practically?  Being OK with the unknowns, things being slower, loud and messy.  Maybe this looks like doing the opposite of what you are inclined to do or say.  

Maybe grace in this season looks like focusing on personal self-care.  Taking small moments of deep breathing, breath prayers, walks, enjoying nature and going to bed earlier are some simple ways to care for ourselves during the day.  Try using some of the sensory strategies we use with our kids on ourselves to remain calm. Make yourself a cup of tea and look out the window for birds.

Maybe grace in this season looks like stepping up our organization game. Packing lunches the night before, laying out clothes and waking up earlier can help us be able to better focus on the hard things that we will encounter during the day.  Creating visual schedules and using timers or alarms on our smart devices can help us not miss the virtual check-ins with the teachers.  

But maybe ultimately grace in this new school year can look like us being more realistic, more loving and more flexible with everyone and everything we encounter.  And ultimately, that is the example I want to set for my children, as now more than ever, they are watching me and learning from my actions.

Written by Naomi Brubaker

Naomi is a mom of 3 girls ages 7, 5, and 2.  Her oldest daughter is diagnosed with ADHD and a visual processing disorder.  Her family lives in Richmond Virginia where Naomi leads the special needs ministry at their church.  Her background in special education and ability to understand parents from her experiences with her daughter give her a unique perspective in her role at the church.  Naomi loves to run, sew and take walks with her husband with any free time she has. 

To The Mom Who Feels Like A Failure Part 2

As a Mom of a child with disability, do you ever get caught up in feeling of being a failure or guilt as a Mom? I am right there with you. I talk more about this struggle in part 1 of this article. You can read more about it here.

For me, there are four thought patterns that lead me to feeling guilty and like a failure. Today we are going to look at the first two of those and how to reframe them.

1.     I’m not enough. News flash - you’re human. I know you know that, but really, you are NOT God. You are limited. You can’t do it all. AND, that’s not a surprise to God, just like your current circumstances are not a surprise to God. He knows. He also knows you’re in over your head. I don’t know what is behind your thoughts of failure or guilt, but for me, I have always liked being very competent. I am a perfectionist. And I grew up with a “try harder, work more and you’ll succeed” mentality.  The problem with that mentality is that I’m human and at some point, my ALL is simply not enough. So, what then?  

God made us to depend on Him. After-all, He is God and we are not. 2 Corinthians 12:5-10 is a good one to keep on hand when you forget you’re human and start feeling like a failure because you can’t perform supermom feats. I like God’s direct words to Paul, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” Paul had to reframe his thoughts when God didn’t remove his physical struggles and this became his perspective, “So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses…For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Admit to yourself and to God that you can’t do it. It is beyond you. Then throw yourself into God’s care and dependence on Him by asking for help.

When I finally got to that point, after 18 long, sleep-deprived months (sigh, I was very self-sufficient), I told God, “I need you. I need you to show up with skin on and hold this child so I can sleep a few hours because I can’t do it anymore (and I literally couldn’t, my body quit and I had had a physical and emotional breakdown) and no one else is helping.” Later that week, I got over my pride and I asked some older ladies at my church who I didn’t know and had never met for help. And one couple offered to help! What a blessing they have been in our lives…Jesus showed up with skin on and their names are Mark and Marjie.

I don’t know how God will provide for your need. But I do know you need to admit your weakness, acknowledge your need for Him, and ask for His help!

2.     I’m a failure as a mom. You ARE that loving, caregiving mom. Look at what you ARE doing rather than at what you are NOT doing. Your circumstances may be a result of living in this sin-cursed world as we await a perfect eternity. However, your circumstances have not escaped God’s attention. And He sees what you ARE doing. He sees how much you love the child He has entrusted to your care. He sees what you are sacrificing to care for that child. He sees how hard it is. He sees your isolation, fears of the future, what you can’t accomplish because you ARE caring for and loving this child. He sees your faithfulness. He sees that you are a reflection of His love to this child and to those around who see your dedication. And if, like me, you ask, “Who? Who sees? I have no social life.” What about the myriad of therapists and doctors? Glorifying Him by being a reflection of Him to others and this world is your highest calling, even if it looks different than what you imagined. Your love and faithfulness to this child can speak volumes!

Reframing these thought patterns is hard but when we recognize them, we can start reframing them with the truth from God’s word. Next week we will look at two more thought patterns that sneak into everyday life.

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.