Rejoicing Vs. Grieving

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!”

~ Philippians 4:4

If there was ever a verse in the Bible that I felt like taking the white out marker to, this at one point may have been right at the top of the list. Let’s be real, when we are in the midst of a hard time this probably isn’t our go-to scripture passage. As a side note, if you are coming alongside someone who is struggling, this shouldn’t be your go-to scripture to encourage them.

When we are struggling, we are often told to REJOICE as if that is an exclusive emotion and that we shouldn’t grieve the loss.

Did you know that you can feel multiple emotions at once?

At times, these emotions can even seem contradictory to each other. For example, we have the word, “bittersweet.”  Can you think of a time that was bittersweet to you? It might be the completion of a therapy but the loss of a therapist. It may have been the graduation of a child or when a friend had to move out of state for a job.

There is a focus that is often missed when a caring soul tells us to rejoice. The focus that is missed is, “in the Lord.” No matter how bad things get, I can look at my heavenly Father  and rejoice in who He is. I can rejoice in His character, His power, that even when it feels like we are alone…He never leaves us. I can rejoice that someday I will be with Him in heaven and the effects of a sin-cursed world will no longer wreak havoc on those I love.

While I am rejoicing in the Lord, I can still grieve a particular situation. I can grieve that milestone my child didn’t reach. I can grieve the therapist who left that they connected with. I can grieve the additional struggles and pain that my child may experience in life due to the effects of their disability.

In fact, we need to grieve those things.

There have been times when I have asked couples how they coped with various difficult situations in their journey through disability and they replied with they just chose to rejoice. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but that is just called denial. This is one of the official stages of grief and can last for a short period, for decades, or can come and go.

When we live in the land of denial and refuse to move forward in the grieving process, it will re-emerge eventually. It may re-emerge as negative emotions or even health issues.

If you find yourself in this place of grieving, don’t feel guilty or like it means that your faith isn’t strong. It is part of the journey and it is part of healing.

As I close, I want to encourage you to REJOICE…IN THE LORD. However, when you rejoice in the Lord, know that He is with you as you journey through the land of grief. 

What is one character trait of God that you can praise Him for today?

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

Hope Anew has launched the Hope Anew Online Community and would love to have you be a part of it! You can learn more at www.HopeAnew.com.

Diagnosis, A Defining Moment

I remember the moment perfectly. I was a counselor and was at a Burger King with a client when I heard the news about the planes hitting the twin towers in New York.  The rest of that day, my role was to help my clients process their own fears as the news unfolded.  Coming alongside the student who had hidden under his desk and was scared to come out and checking in with the rest of my families to see how they were doing.

There was a unification in our country as we mourned with the families impacted and we wanted justice. There was a time when it was no longer taboo to talk about God and how He comes alongside us.

The pain has faded for many and except for a posters on 9/11 saying “We Will Remember”, life has returned to normal for those who were not directly impacted.

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 For those of us with a child impacted by disability, there is another date that is cemented in our minds. We each have our own twin towers moment. That moment when our world came crashing down. My twin towers moment began with Sarah telling me, “I think our son has autism.” The rest of the conversation is a bit of a blur to me as she walked me through why she thought Jordan was autistic but I do remember the emotions.

I remember being flooded with denial and thinking that she was over-reacting and must be wrong. I remember the fear of the unknown and what it would mean for his future. I remember the feelings of being overwhelmed and the sadness that came with wondering if Sarah was right.

 After Sarah shared this with me, I went into work the next morning and sat down in the office of a trusted colleague who had a grandson that was diagnosed with autism. When he asked how I was, the first words out of my mouth were, “Sarah thinks Jordan has autism.” We talked, he listened and I went back to work grieving and eventually building a new normal, and a new dream.

If you and I were to sit down together, I bet you could tell me exactly when your child was diagnosed, where you were and how you felt. You could tell me what life has been like since then and about the people who were there for you in the beginning and who it is that still comes alongside you.  

You may still get a sense of anxiety and panic as you are in situations that bring back those memories. You may still be in that place of grieving and asking God those hard questions. That’s okay. Someday, you will be able to dream a different dream too.

Healing will come but we will always remember.  

“I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”

 Ephesians 3:16-19 (NIV)

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.