Quarantine Has Changed Me
This time of quarantine has been challenging. It has been no small task to take a large step outside of the roles I normally hold to fill the roles that quarantine requires of me.
Written by Laurisa Ballew
This time of quarantine has been challenging. It has been no small task to take a large step outside of the roles I normally hold to fill the roles that quarantine requires of me. It has been a challenge to decrease the freedoms I have at my disposal. But it also has been a time of readjusting the expectations around my life and that has been a huge benefit. I wanted to take a few minutes to share some of the positive changes that have come out of this time.
I like to go-go-go. It has been life altering to suddenly have to stay in place. I have literally had to learn how to sit on the couch and just BE. In the first days of quarantine I somewhat panicked about this, but much to my surprise I have enjoyed this slower pace. As things being to open and schedules threaten to get busier I am finding myself really weighing the benefit of an added activity. Quarantine has taught me to slow down and protect the time our family has together.
I hate to write this one, because it sounds very shallow, but I have learned the value of “do I really need that”. My days of heading to Target to stroll the aisles and destress and ultimately buying things I don’t really need have passed. Amazon Prime doesn’t really have 2 day delivery anymore. And I can’t easily just run through the Starbucks drive through as the line is now 5 years long. Basically what I am saying is my Instant Gratification habits have died. And I find myself asking “Do we really need/want that?”. And guess what that has helped? Our bank account. Isn’t is magical when you stop spending money aimlessly you have more? Dave Ramsey would be so proud! We have saved so much so that we have been able to do a couple house projects we had trouble saving for before!
God is the same Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow. Our daughter is medically complex but has had a really good few years. The fear of her getting Covid has brought back some of those fears I have had about her health. When I feel the anxiety rise I just have had to come back to the simple truth that God never changes. He is good in all things. That doesn’t mean she won’t get sick, but it means if that happens we will have the strength to get through it. A good friend used to tell me when I worried, “this fear is not upon you, so you don’t have the strength to handle the situation. But God simply does not leave us alone in a fire, so if that situation came about you would have strength to walk through it”. Guess what? Those words have never failed me, and they won’t in this situation either.
Expectations make or break the day. This is something that I have worked hard to teach my children during this time. But honestly, I have had to consistently remind myself as well. Expectations need to be realistic, verbalized and agreed upon. I have had to practice setting them with my children during this time, especially as we learned to home school. But practicing having realistic, verbalized and agreed upon expectations has even really helped my husband and I. We go into the days knowing what each other needs which sets the tone for clear communication and mutual goals.
The beauty of walking through hard things is the great amount of personal growth that can come if we allow the circumstance to mold us for the better.
Laurisa Ballew is a nurse by trade and mother to a special needs child by fate. She fiercely believes hope and grief walk hand in hand in life, and that storytelling is the universal language that connects us all. Laurisa has three daughters and writes about the constant humility of parenting in her blog Raising A Sisterhood.
When Things Don't Go As Planned
It was one of those mornings. Our car was in the shop. The evening before, they called to let me know it was ready to be picked up. Written by Jonathan McGuire
It was one of those mornings. Our car was in the shop. The evening before, they called to let me know it was ready to be picked up. When they called, I asked, “Were there any other issues?” They promptly replied, “No,” and I went to pick it up the next morning, excited that we would have our car back. Twenty minutes later, as I neared home, I noticed a sound like driving over rumble strips on the side of the road, only there were no rumble strips so back to the repair shop I went.
It would have been easy for me to turn the drive back to the repair shop into a pity party, grow angry with them for not catching the problem and to get upset about the time I had lost.
Instead, I had to consciously choose to reframe the situation. Through this process I was able to praise God that:
The problem occurred immediately so it was not a mystery what the issue was.
It didn’t happen in the upcoming weeks as we traveled for different speaking engagements.
Family was loaning us a vehicle so we were not stranded.
The shop was ethical and told me to bring the car back in immediately for them to look at it.
As I processed this, I felt the tension reduce. I was able to arrive at the shop and talk with the manager in a way that was glorifying to God as opposed to my natural response in the situation.
While I was stressed about how the delay in schedule would impact the rest of my day, I didn’t carry the tension of anger, bitterness and resentment with me boiling under the surface, building up pressure until it exploded and later burned an innocent bystander.
This reframing is a difficult process, requires the help of the Holy Spirit and I have to take it moment by moment. In all truth, my success rate is not real high but God is gracious and it’s exciting to see growth…as incremental as it may be.
What do you have going on right now that you can reframe? Are you battling the school for services your child needs? Is there a therapy or service you want for your child, but can’t access because of the expense? Are you discouraged from constant caregiving? How would it impact you emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually if you were able to reframe that situation?
“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”
Philippians 4:8 (NLT)
Written by Jonathan McGuire
Jonathan McGuire is the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.
Planning For Transitions
“Hey Dad, I signed up to go to Destination Unknown with the youth group in a couple of weeks!” It was a Wednesday night, and these are the words our youngest son greeted me with as I picked him up. Written by Jonathan McGuire
“Hey Dad, I signed up to go to Destination Unknown with the youth group in a couple of weeks!” It was a Wednesday night, and these are the words our youngest son greeted me with as I picked him up from AWANA (the church program for the younger children). “I’m sorry, what did you say?” was my instant reply. My knee jerk response was to want to say, “No, you’re not ready for that”.
Instead, after he repeated what he said, I sat there slightly stunned. I could only manage a weak, “We’ll need to talk to your mom about that when we get home.”
Sarah was just as shocked as I was. Sometimes change can be just as difficult for us as parents as it can be for our son who struggles with change. It’s not because we don’t want him to grow and keep moving forward. No, there is a fear of the unknown and how he will do.
With each transition and each new event, there is are a litany of questions running through our brains like the words of a teleprompter on a screen. Can he handle the extra stressors? Can he handle that long of a time without us being with him as a safety net? Will he know how to order food that he can eat if they eat out at a restaurant? How will he handle things when he is extra tired and stressed out? The list of questions goes on and then repeats itself over and over.
Sarah and I talked. We prayed and we talked some more. Finally, we decided to let him go for it and see how it goes. However, we didn’t agree to let him go and then just cross our fingers in hopes that everything would go smoothly.
Sarah put on the proactive parent/advocate hat and put together a “What you need to know about our son” fact sheet for the youth pastor. On this sheet she included:
Food allergies
What situations he tends to react to more and other pertinent information
How he responds when he is overly stressed
Tips for the leaders on coming alongside him (which sometimes means giving him space) when he is overly stressed
Next, instead of just emailing the information to the youth pastor or trying to catch him after youth group or church, we set up an appointment to sit down with him mid-week and walk him through the information. This allowed for a time when he wasn’t rushed and could ask any questions that he might have about how to handle different situations.
The youth pastor was happy to meet with us and was grateful to learn more about how to come alongside our son. This time we had together also served to boost our confidence in how smoothly this transition would go – hopefully.
Each of you go through transitions with your children and each transition is different. What has been the most beneficial thing that you have been able to do to help your child transition as smoothly as possible?
Written by Jonathan McGuire
