Healthy Rhythms Part 2: Relationships

I didn’t understand how much becoming a parent would change my relationships. And being a parent to a child with special needs impacts that even more greatly. I don’t even just mean earthly relationships but my connection with God too.

Before I had my daughter Emmaus I got up early most mornings to spend time with God. It is something I saw my parents do and something I strived to be faithful in doing. And then I had a baby, which lead to less sleep. And that didn’t end in a typical time frame. In fact, due to her diagnosis and her disease process my oldest daughter didn’t sleep through the night till she was four. FOUR.

 So as you can imagine getting up a minute

before ABSOLUTELY necessary was out.

But like I talked about in part one planning is important even in the unpredictability of having a child with special needs.  I had to adjust to my new reality and my time spent with God had to adjust as well. I am thankful to live in the age of podcasts. I made it a priority to listen to biblically sound podcasts, or sermon podcasts. Things that pushed me forward in my relationship with God but that I could do while driving in the car or while on the go.

But, I had to PLAN to use my spare moments. The key is intentionality.  

Another relationship that changed greatly is the one with my husband. We do not have a typical family so our relationship doesn’t function like a lot of marriages. It is easy to let the relationship get away from us. We have had to become intentional about investing in it.  

We aim to schedule some kind of “date” EVERY WEEK. Now that might mean we put the kids to bed and play a board game. If we can get out of the house we try to but it just isn’t always possible.  For a while we had a sitter and went to breakfast together each week. 

Yearly, we try to get away together just the two of us. It is hard, and a bit scary to hand over the reigns of our crazy lives and step out to focus on each other, but we come back rested and reconnected. It doesn’t have to be long, or pricey, but it has been invaluable to us.  

Whether you are just starting your special needs journey or you are just needing to breathe life into it, try to remember that relationships will change. Remember to allow space and grace for that change to take place.  Be encouraged that there are ways to still engage even if it looks much different than before.

Written by Laurisa Ballew

Laurisa Ballew is a nurse by trade and mother to a special needs child by fate. She fiercely believes hope and grief walk hand in hand in life, and that storytelling is the universal language that connects us all.  Laurisa has three daughters and writes about the constant humility of parenting in her blog Raising A Sisterhood. 

Healthy Rhythms Part 1: Rest

It feels a little bit vulnerable to write about the importance of Healthy Rhythm to this group. Because let’s be honest, raising a child with any kind of special need does NOT lend itself to that. There are so many things that are unpredictable and our plans change frequently.  Because that is our reality it makes rest so much more important.

Early on in our special needs parenting journey my husband and I were really lucky to be a part of a church that highly valued healthy rhythms of rest, work, and relationship, and so they became priorities for us.

So, let’s dig in and talk a bit about healthy rhythms.

One that is extremely important for all parents, but even more so those of us parenting child with high needs is REST. I define rest as something that brings you life. And that might look extremely different person to person. For me rest is active. I don’t do still well. So getting to go peruse target- kid free, while listening to an audio book feels restful. Or spending some time being creative, whether that is doing a home project, or sewing, that process of creating while might seem like work gives me life.  Now my husband would consider both of those things work. And his rest often looks like getting away to watch whatever NFL game is on with a buddy. Or having literally nothing on the schedule.  

Rest is something that is so vital for us to remain or get into a healthy place, but it feels impossible at times.  So how do we make it happen?  

We have to Plan & Protect it. 

I don’t know about you guys, but nothing LITERALLY NOTHING important gets done unless it is on my calendar. Especially not something that is for me and me alone. No matter how vital something is to me I will push it off to meet the more urgent needs. But if I fail to take care of my needs it leads me to a thin place and then things start to unravel.

 Rest for me started when a friend offered to watch my daughter 1 day a week for a few hours. It meant I had to let go a bit, trusting my friend to take care of my complex (then seizing) kiddo. At first it felt awkward setting aside those four hours to myself every week to not get things done, but to instead bring fresh air to my overwhelmed life. Then it became a habit. It became a time I relied on and resulted in me coming back as a better mom, wife and woman. Over the years it has transitioned to my husband allowing me the time every week and me doing the same for him. But we have to start by planning and protecting it.

God did not design us to work endlessly and then fit in rest at the end if possible. God created man on day six. And then day seven was a rest day. THEN, only after a day of rest Man set to work in the garden. 

How would our lives change if we committed to scheduling a block of rest time- something that is life giving every week and doing it- and then working from our rest instead of resting from our work?

Written by Laurisa Ballew

Laurisa Ballew is a nurse by trade and mother to a special needs child by fate. She fiercely believes hope and grief walk hand in hand in life, and that storytelling is the universal language that connects us all.  Laurisa has three daughters and writes about the constant humility of parenting in her blog Raising A Sisterhood.