The Shell Of Many Colors

“He is not here, for he has risen, as he said. Come, see the place where he lay.”

(Matt., 28:6, ESV).

This past Good Friday I had my son with me for an overnight visit. Being a now divorced dad, there are many challenges that naturally come up, but one very important one is how our autistic son will be supported in his Christian faith. For my part, I have sought out a new church with a special needs ministry that we could attend together, try to keep up with Bible reading when we can, and of course celebrate the holidays.

For a change, I decided to attempt coloring Easter eggs with him on my own for the first time. It might not seem to be any big deal to parents of typical kids, but in our house doing something as trivial as coloring easter eggs can be a big job. While I know my son understands what coloring Easter eggs is over all of these years, he still struggles with the motor control to independently control and dip the eggs, and of course he deals with sensory issues which encourage him to want to stick his hands in and splash the water. But I still felt it was an important bonding activity for the two of us, so I purchased the eggs and the kit, set up everything as orderly and neatly as I could, and we endeavored to color some eggs. Since he is non-verbal, I also set up his Ipad with his communication app next to the setup, so that he could tell me what colors he wanted to use. When it was all ready and I called him over to the table, I of course took the obligatory picture of him pointing to the colors that he liked best.

An activity like this could truthfully be pretty quick, as I just ask my son the colors he likes, assist him in dipping them into the coloring, and lay them down to dry, simple. But as people of faith, I want him to know that this is about more than just doing something fun. The eggs represent rebirth and new life, and more specifically the act of Jesus coming out of the tomb on Resurrection Sunday. I paused to reflect though on what this  meant for me and my son doing this together, as that visual of emerging from the egg had bigger connotations in that moment. I thought about this hopefully being the beginning of the end of the covid pandemic, and our whole population coming out of quarantine. I also thought about my son’s own condition as a non verbal child, and how him being able to use his device to communicate his wants was also a way of him coming out of the shell of his speech impediment. 

Watching the eggs dry, I gazed as the wet colors settled on the shells, forming their intricate swirls and patterns, contemplating their uniqueness. Just like each one of those eggs, they are unique and beautiful in their own way, manifesting the colors of God’s love, wrapping around the hardened shells of doubt and fear. It is a wonderful reminder that everything can change in the blink of an eye, as soon the shells will break, and the tomb will open, revealing the glory that was hidden inside.

Written by John Felageller

Follow John on his website: www.johnfelageller.com

The Prayers You Say Waiting at the Food Counter

“And those servants went out into the roads and gathered all whom they found, both bad and good. So the wedding hall was filled with guests.” (Matt. 22:10 ESV)

One of the most challenging things to do as a special needs parent is to take your child out to crowded public places, specifically restaurants, as there is frequently a great deal of stimulus and activity. There are also lots of variables, even when you go to a place you’ve been to before and your child is experienced with, as everyday can bring something different. But when you go to a completely new place, then it can quickly feel like the whole world is up for grabs, and you do your best to try to assess the situation quickly.

One recent weekend, I found myself in a new restaurant with my son and while I was excited to eat there with him, I realized the difficulties that were going to come with it soon after we entered.

It was relatively empty with only a few tables being used in the main dining area, but I still chose a table as far back as possible as I have become accustomed to, and told him to wait while I ordered the food. I raced up to the counter and began to scan the rather full menu and made choices as quickly as possible, when all of a sudden I heard a peculiar sound. I turned to the side to glance over at my son, assuming the worst, and standing there I observed my son having opened a folding door near our table. The folding door covered up some mechanical things in the restaurant and he had become very curious with the machinery, and the folding door. I quickly put my order in, paid and ran back over to my son to let him know to stop and he couldn’t do that, but the whole time in between the ordering and getting back to the table seemed like forever. I could have easily just screamed across the restaurant at him but I didn’t want to embarrass him, yet I couldn’t help but start to feel embarrassed anyway. 

I went right back up to the counter to wait for the food, and grabbed all of my necessary cutlery and napkins and such, and went right back to the table while we waited for the food to arrive, changing the apps on his Ipad to keep him distracted. The food came a few minutes later and that instantly calmed him, as usual, and we proceeded to have a relaxing time. That is, until it was time for him to be done, and after sitting for an extended time deciding  he was done and needing to get up and walk. I promptly cleaned up and we went to the bathroom and left, getting through another meal the same way we usually do, but also grateful that we didn’t have a scene with him opening the closet door earlier. But as we walked out I remembered that not one person made a comment to us the entire time we were there, and I considered that maybe even after all these as a special needs parent, I still struggle. 

I struggle with my son being called out for bad behavior, or actions that just don’t look normal, or with myself for appearing like some frantic parent who can’t handle their child. But the fact remains that when no one makes those comments, and when we can get in and out of a restaurant without a comment or even a look, I wonder to myself, am I trusting the prayers I say while i wait at the food counter? Am I believing in the God I pray to that he is hearing me when I struggle with those experiences, and remember the power in the prayers that I say when I need his help the most? It is a solemn wake up call for me, that the God I pray to once reminded us that all should be invited to the wedding feast, so that every table, and every heart, was full.

Written by John Felageller

Connect with John on his Facebook page: www.facebook.com/johnsspecialneedsblog/

The Accidental Sleepover: How We Were Blessed By Blessing Others

One of the greatest challenges my son deals with is making relationships with his same age peers, whether typical or special needs. While he is friendly with some of the neighbor kids and a few of his friends from school, having him make “real” friends is something my wife and I are still very much working on.

We were amazed at the blessing our son received when a close friend down the street called my wife in a panic to let her know that her special needs son had an accident on their play-set in the backyard, so they had to rush him to the emergency room.  Expecting a long day and night at the hospital, the mom had asked us if we could take her other son, the typical brother, to stay with us and possibly spend the night. My wife hurriedly said, “Yes” and within several minutes came the young boy, complete with an overnight bag. We prepared for what would turn out to be our son’s first sleepover. 

Now hosting this type of a sleepover is a slightly different endeavor than those of typical kids, since our son is used to his standard routines of his favorite TV shows, iPad time, lots of eating and maybe some outside time before bed. Since our son can also not communicate verbally, it’s not always easy to figure out how he may want to interact with his friends.  

Luckily, as we inquired with the boy, we discovered that many of his favorite things were things our son enjoyed as well! One of the first things I offered him was playing games on the Nintendo Wii, which is great for my son since he enjoys a lot of the sports games that I can give him an assist with. When we suggested some other movies or shows they could watch, they were also ones our son instantly gravitated towards. And, of course, dinner time was great for bonding, as we managed to get them both to sit down for a meal.

 By the time we got to the nighttime stuff, our son went to his bed, but this time very excitedly and with a huge smile glued to his face. When my wife asked him through his iPad if he was glad his friend had come over, he confirmed with a hearty electronic “YES.”

 The next morning we all got up, had breakfast, the boys watched a little TV together and we got ready for our usual Sunday routines. Our neighbor dropped by to pick her son up to go home. Confirmation that the night was a success, came later that day when the boy let his mom know he wanted to do it again!

We then realized that our willingness to bless someone else in turn blessed us in ways we couldn’t imagine just hours earlier. Comforting others in their moment of crisis allowed our son to be comforted with a gift of friendship, and a memory of his first sleepover, accidental or not, yet totally joyful.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, ESV) 

Written by John Felageller  

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