Spiritual Warfare

Until recently, I felt like spiritual warfare was a way of over-spiritualizing experiences in life and the World.  It felt like people would claim spiritual warfare for a flat tire or the things that occurred to make someone late for bible study.  It felt hooky to me, but I knew there was truth to this idea of the enemy, at work against what God was trying to accomplish in my life. 

Early on in my time on church staff, some interpersonal conflicts began to impede the ministry work.  There was an unresolved tension and no real reason for these conflicts.  A wise friend/coworker gently guided me through the idea that the enemy was working in these places.  That his goal was to derail our ministry efforts and the harder we worked for the good of God, the harder the enemy would attack.  Until you feel these attacks first hand, it can feel like over-spiritualization of experiences of people giving power to the enemy for coincidences and inconveniences.  

Having the knowledge and tools to fight this spiritual battle is critical to all believers.  We are fighting a battle against an enemy, the bible makes that very clear.  Ephesians 6:11-12 states:  “Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

I should not be surprised when experiencing these attacks or seeing others experiencing spiritual attacks.  I believe worship is one of our battle weapons in the fight against the enemy. I find the words of worship music can drown out the lies of the enemy or send him running.  There is a song that I love that I feel sums up the protection God has for us, the weapons we have and what we are fighting. The song by Upperroom “Surrounded” starts out by saying clearly that God has prepared us a table in the presence of our enemies, praise and thanksgiving are my weapons. It repeats over and over “When it looks like I’m surrounded, I’m surrounded by You.”  The entire song feels like a defense to the attack of the enemy and it’s true, we are not alone in these battles, we are surrounded by the Spirit of God.  

In learning more about what the enemy is trying to do in my life, directly in opposition to what God is trying to do, I felt ill equipped. Knowing the more I pursued God’s love for me and my family, the more the enemy would be aware of my weak spots and try to enter.  My marriage, my kids, the ministry work I was doing, my friendships and more are all at risk for an opening to be seen by the enemy and to have him step in.  It only takes a little space for the enemy to get into our minds. The hard part is then removing him from these spaces and places in our life.  I am by no means an expert or even remotely equipped on this topic, but have come face to face with the enemy in my life.

Most recently, I remember a few months ago 2 very dark days filled with calculated spiritual attacks.  My kids were impacted, husband, dog, my own well being and the enemy even terrorized my dreams.  These two days were draining and difficult.  I felt like my world was in a delicate balance and one more thing added to the day would send it into complete implosion.  At the end of these exhausting days of what truly felt like a battle, I knew without a doubt that God ruled supreme over all.  He is on his throne and in control.  

We could see in the days leading up to this spiritual battle that tension was building.  We began to put on the armor of God and prepare.  We have a dedicated prayer team that we email out regular prayer requests to and we immediately sent an emergency prayer email giving the details of what was going on.  Immediately people all over the US and world began praying for us.  We guarded our hearts with truth and went into these challenges with immense peace, very little fear and a lot of unknown. How would our lives look different if we called on a group of believers more often to intentionally pray over our needs, our battles and our need for strength in these times.  What would a challenging day, doctors appointments or IEP meeting feel like if all over the nation we were calling on each other to offer critical prayers on our behalf?  I have to believe it would make a huge difference on the orientation of our hearts and potentially the forces at play in our lives. 

Not every day necessitates this full on warfare, but every day has opportunities for the enemy to take hold of pieces of our life.  Keeping close to the tools that will reorient our focus will guard against any effort of spiritual attack.  Some ideas I have to combat ongoing, insidious attacks are playing and worship songs, praying out loud, establishing healthy, regular rhythms with God to remain in step with His will for my life and memorizing scripture.  Being in a practice of pruning away the things in my own life that take away from God’s glory is also important.  Once the enemy is in, it is difficult to get him out.  

I know that the enemy will use any possible place to threaten the work of God in my life. Nothing is safe from him, unless under the protection of Christ. There is another worship song that my daughter and I love that we often turn on loud by Elevation Worship, “See a Victory” . The chorus goes, “Cause my God will never fail. No, My God will never fail. I’m gonna see a victory, I'm gonna see a victory…” It goes on repeating this truth, that we WILL see a victory because God never fails. His power is perfect and stronger than any demon or Satan. Be aware of the enemy’s schemes and be ready to support those who are impacted by his evil plans. I know my family will come under attack again and hope the body of believers will circle around us in offering a protective blanket of prayer. We will remain firm in the truth that God wins, always.

Written by Naomi Brubaker

Naomi is a mom of 3 girls ages 7, 5, and 2.  Her oldest daughter is diagnosed with ADHD and a visual processing disorder.  Her family lives in Richmond Virginia where Naomi leads the special needs ministry at their church.  Her background in special education and ability to understand parents from her experiences with her daughter give her a unique perspective in her role at the church.  Naomi loves to run, sew and take walks with her husband with any free time she has. 

The Practice of Breath Prayers

When life is swirling around feeling like it's out of control and we are completely exhausted, feeling bad about our personal health, spending too much time worrying, dealing with the same challenges day after day after day, it feels almost insulting for people to ask or talk about rest.   There is no space for rest.  The moment I take time to “rest” things fall more apart. Let’s be honest, even trying to use the bathroom is an ordeal sometimes, and a shower...please, not happening, right?  If there was a way to slip in effective moments of rest without doing any preparation, and without truly removing oneself from the needs of life, this could be a lifeline we need.  

There’s a practice I was introduced to in a mentoring class at our church called “breath prayers.”  This technique has helped me effectively recenter myself and get the lasting moments of rest I need throughout the day.  Engaging in the practice of breath prayer is an opportunity to exchange my stress and worry for peace with God.  While it is taught to be more of a full body meditation of breathing and relaxing the areas of our body we are holding stress, I find myself using breath prayers all the time without dedicating a place and time for quiet.  Engaging in this intimate communion with God is effective, and God ministers to us in exchange for the moments we turn our thoughts to Him, even if we are keeping a watchful eye on our kids.  

There is solid science behind taking time for the practice of breath prayers.  Breath prayers increase oxygen to our brain as our sympathetic nervous system is engaged when we are feeling nervous, anxious or stressed. This is our fight or flight response. Our body’s typical response when the sympathetic nervous system is engaged is increased heart rate, respiratory rate, sweating, interruptions to our digestive system and more. Intentionally working against these negative responses by engaging the parasympathetic nervous system is the science behind breath prayers. The parasympathetic nervous system promotes the maintenance of the body at rest.  Controlled breathing, paired with scripture, is what helps our body engage the parasympathetic nervous system and reconnect with God, rest and continue to press on with his strength and provision. 

Spend some time building your breath prayers and memorizing short scripture verses that speak to you in your times of need.  Breath prayers typically have 2 parts, an inhale and an exhale.  

Some scripture I love in the context of a breath prayer are:

Matthew 6:8-- (inhale) Father, you know (exhale) what I need.

Joshua 1:9 --(inhale) Do not be afraid (exhale) do not be discouraged (inhale) for the Lord my God (exhale) is with me always.

Psalm 46:10 (inhale) Be still (exhale) and know I am God.

Once you have chosen your breath prayer scripture,  inhale and exhale very slowly as you recite the words of the scripture to yourself. Breathe in deeply and slowly through your nose and feel your lungs fill completely. Try to focus on deeply filling your lower lungs/diaphragm so that your stomach expands while your upper chest remains still. Then slowly breathe out. The exhale should be the longest. Empty your lungs slowly and fully. Meditate on the words of the scripture as you breathe. Repeat several times over and over calming your body and mind more and more with each deep, intentional breath. 

I like to close my breath prayers with one final breath prayer--

(inhale) I am entrusting my _____ to you, Jesus (exhale) and let go of ______.

In a small matter of time, you have intentionally and effectively calmed your heart, mind and body, while connecting with God.  Even without changing your situation, or leaving the things at hand.

Written by Naomi Brubaker

Naomi is a mom of 3 girls ages 7, 5, and 2.  Her oldest daughter is diagnosed with ADHD and a visual processing disorder.  Her family lives in Richmond Virginia where Naomi leads the special needs ministry at their church.  Her background in special education and ability to understand parents from her experiences with her daughter give her a unique perspective in her role at the church.  Naomi loves to run, sew and take walks with her husband with any free time she has. 

Disney with Ease

My family moved to Orlando Mid December 2020 and have tried to soak in all the fun that this town has to offer. Being cognizant of the unique needs of our children and our special visitors,  I have become aware of places that go above and beyond to make sure we have an amazing experience. One of those places is Disney.  Disney can be the most magical place on Earth or meltdown city.  Disney has a fabulous team accommodating guests with special needs.  They have a pass called Disability Access Services(DAS).  These accommodations are great and simple to get.  Having the needed accommodations during your day at the park can be vital in keeping the entire family happy.  Having a simple conversation with Guest Services at the parks gets the things in place that are necessary for the DAS pass.  Take a look at Disney’s website for the specifics about the DAS pass. Your first stop once you enter the park is Guest services to begin this conversation.  Here is a review of the accommodations my family has benefited from at the Disney parks and how we navigate a day smoothly:

(Universal Studios has similar accommodations, but I have had fewer visits to their parks.)

DAS Line access:  For kids who may have trouble waiting in long lines, especially in the sun, this accommodation is really helpful.  This is NOT immediate access to the ride, but rather you have flexibility to wait in other areas with a return time.  My family uses the Disney app to look at the wait times throughout the park.  I do this several times leading up to our visit to the park to get an idea of what rides are typically busy at which times during the day of the week we are planning to visit. Once in the park, we immediately check-in with the ride with the long wait time to make our return reservation time.  The cast member setting up your DAS pass can reserve this wait time for you when you meet with them.  The DAS wait time typically reflects the amount of time you actually wait in the line. 70 minutes in line means 70 minutes to use in other areas.  While we have this reserved wait time, we ride rides that have less than 20 minutes posted wait time which is tolerable for my daughter if in the shade.  We also grab a snack break, watch a show, shop or see a parade. Before long, we are ready to ride the longer wait time rides without any trouble.

• When you arrive at the park, choose your wait time for the longest time and check with Guest services.  

• You can only have 1 DAS ride reservation at a time.

• Check in with a DAS pass before breaking for lunch and dinner.  While you wait for meal your wait time will quickly pass

• With 2 adults, one can check in for the DAS line, while the other begins to walk to a show, lunch, parade etc.  We found that it was a challenge for the kids to see the ride and not ride.  

Rider Swap-  When traveling with little people or kids that may not enjoy a ride, Disney has a rider swap program. It took us a minute to figure out what this meant, but essentially, if one parent has to wait back with a child who can not ride a ride, that adult and 2 others can again without waiting.  No one misses the fun!   This will work in conjunction with your DAS pass.  You simply have to ask for a rider swap when you check in to ride the ride after your DAS wait time.  You can have a rider swap time and a DAS time at the same time as well.  

Cards VS magic bands-  My family uses the park issued cards rather than magic bands.  We clip all the cards together and manage our DAS Lines and rider swaps with the cards separated.  The reason for this is that it allows flexibility for the ride access.  We have not navigated the park with magic bands, but feel like it’s an added expense we don't need.  The cards can be swapped around between our family if one child quickly changes their mind about riding on a swap.  

Dining-  Our family finds this down time vital for a smooth park day. We want our kids to take in the healthy calories at these meals and actually rest.  It takes time away from riding rides, but allows for over stimulated, exhausted kids to get a needed break.  Making a dining reservation in advance is important, so when you reserve your park day, be prepared to make your dining reservation.  In-park restaurants are affordable, less chaotic, air conditioned and allow for everyone to rest for a bit before getting into the park excitement again.  If sit down dining is not an option, be ready to make a mobile order.  This option has less wait, but is not as restful for everyone. You can make your mobile dining order several hours in advance to be fully prepared.  Disney is proactive in addressing food allergies.  They ask that you inform them upon arrival at the restaurant of your dietary needs. They have options to accommodate common food allergies.   Disney also allows for guests to bring in their own food if allergies are an issue into restaurants and the park, simply inform the cast members at the bag check and the restaurant.

Relaxation areas-  These areas have been really helpful for my family.  Map out where these areas are in the park when you have a conversation with guest services.  These spaces are air conditioned and quiet.  An over heated, over stimulated child can take a needed break in one of these areas.  We split our group to allow for maximum quiet time in this space.  But while we are not together, we avoid the really desired attractions to do as a family. 

Snacks and hydration-  We have a medium soft sided cooler that fits perfectly under our stroller.  We load it up with ice packs (not bags of ice) and water.  I bring electrolyte powder to add to the drinks as needed.  Another snack tip for park days is freezing yogurt pouches and apple sauces the night before and adding them to the cooler.  They will either be a nice cool treat at the park or just the right temperature at the end of the day.  To minimize germs, I opt for individual servings of snacks which are easy to pack and throw away.  The ice packs come in handy when kids need to be cooled down quickly.  You can refill water bottles with water and get ice at any of the restaurants free of charge. We try to leave lunch with full water bottles!

Walking and mobility- A day at Disney can quickly rack up mileage walking around.  We have walked between 7 and 9 miles on our park days.  Being aware of the amount of walking you may be doing is important.  Taking a stroller even though it might not be used is helpful. It’s a great place to stash your stuff, but also gives kids a break from this walking.  My 8 year old daughter has been caught riding in the stroller and even took a nap in it one park day when she was fighting a migraine. 

If physical mobility is a challenge for your family, Disney has access lines that avoid the stairs that the typical lines have.  Cast members are happy to assist you through these lines.  The park itself has very few stairs and where there are stairs, there are ramps close by.  Navigating the park is easy, but exhausting.

Weather- When planning your trip, be aware of the temperatures in Orlando.  The summer starts early here and the hot temps last longer than we might like.  Choosing to come to Disney in the cooler months can make a really enjoyable visit.  Summer rain storms are typical daily, so check the weather forecast for the day and plan to be inside a show or ride when storms are in the area.  Also get the outdoor rides out of the way before a storm rolls in.  With any luck and planning you may be able to stay dry and watch a great show! Be warned, if you go inside to avoid a storm and leave your stroller outside, it will get soaked!  Look for covered stroller parking in those instances.

Souvenirs- Disney will get you on the merchandise, It’s all really nice stuff, but it quickly adds up, especially if you multiply things by 3 like I have to for my 3 girls. Avoid waiting till everyone is exhausted to shop, it makes it challenging to make clear decisions.  Also, make a plan for what shopping will look like.  You can scope out your store and souvenir in advance to avoid lots of shopping time.  Each day we went to the parks, the kids wanted a Mickey balloon.  The day we went to Magic Kingdom, the balloons were everywhere and the kids got me to say yes, but I told them we didn’t want to carry them around all day.  They didn't forget and at the end of the night as we were leaving the park, I was standing in line for the balloons.  I had no idea how much the balloons cost, but I was committed.  Never have I spent so much money on balloons, but also never have I seen a balloon last over 2 weeks.  Make a plan with buying souvenirs and stick to it! This is always a tension point for my crew. 

Things to bring and not into the park- Stroller, battery operated fan, baby or hand wipes, extra clothes, sunscreen, hand sanitizer, refillable water bottles.  I don’t bring a purse to the park, but use a fanny pack.  It is easy to ride all the rides with the fanny pack secure around your waist, but a purse is more difficult and not safe to leave sitting in a waiting stroller.

Most of all, have fun.  Disney is a really magical fun place to make memories for the whole family.  

Written by Naomi Brubaker

Naomi is a mom of 3 girls ages 7, 5, and 2.  Her oldest daughter is diagnosed with ADHD and a visual processing disorder.  Her family lives in Richmond Virginia where Naomi leads the special needs ministry at their church.  Her background in special education and ability to understand parents from her experiences with her daughter give her a unique perspective in her role at the church.  Naomi loves to run, sew and take walks with her husband with any free time she has. 

"Status Quo"

The phrase “status quo” has popped up a few times recently in conversations and in things I have been reading, which got me thinking about my feelings regarding things being “status quo” or not.  Status quo is used to describe a normal state of affairs, not bad, not good, but mostly unchanging.  When people describe their life as in a state of status quo, it’s describing their normal.  Although this sense of normalcy has dramatically shifted over the past 12+months and settled into a new place and feels like globally is shifting once again.  This idea of things feeling like they may be in a state of status quo hit with a stinging reality as I reflected on my life.  What would the status quo look like for me? What would the simplicity of a day to day routine that felt very much normal be? What would it be like to not be navigating the ups and downs of crisis but just moving through the normalcy of life?  Maybe, status quo is not fantastic, but maybe it is not filled with as many curve balls as my life feels like it has. 

I have heard it said that Jesus came to disrupt the status quo.  I can see this in the way he gave most of his attention to people who were not regarded as important.  You see this further in his disruption of religious laws that became the focus of worship rather than God.  And who the Jews expected to be the messiah, was not Jesus.  They expected a powerful ruler, not a baby born in a manger.  I think the feeling like things are not status quo is ok.  I think navigating the change and up’s and down’s of life that don’t feel routine or normal are ok too.  It’s how we respond to these unsettling circumstances that are important.  It feels like this is what I signed up for, things not ever being normal as we serve and trust God more.  

As we continue to navigate life that feels disrupted by circumstances, family, children, jobs or joblessness and more here are a few big picture thoughts to come back to:

Let GOD be GOD- Many times I remind myself “You have faith in God for a reason, let Him be in this with you.”  We must remember who is in control ultimately and not try to sabotage what God is doing in us and through us.  Don’t let fear take away from the growing that God is doing in these times that feel upside down, but actually pull closer to God and ask him to show you more clearly the purpose. The familiar story from the Gospels of Matthew, Mark and Luke of when Jesus calms the storm is a good reminder of the vast power and control the Lord has over everything. 

Jesus  replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!” Matthew 8:26-27

Keep moving forward- The tendency to let fear to hold us in a state of indecision can be problematic.  Keeping momentum even when things are not what we had hoped is important.  Every morning before school, my girls pick out a mantra from a list we heard about from Big Life Kids.  Many mornings these simple statements the girls pick for themselves stick in my mind as I go through the day. Two common statements chosen are “ My imperfect action is better than no action at all” and “I have grit and I won’t quit.”.  These simple statements remind all of us to move forward through the hard and continue on.  Building a mindset of positive, forward motion through the things that don’t feel normal is healthy.  

The Lord encourages us as he encouraged Joshua to keep moving forward and lead the Israelites into the promised land - “Be strong and courageous, do not lose hope, for the Lord your God is with you.”Joshua 1:9

Be generous-  The idea of generosity can be molded into many different domains of our time, resources, words, etc, but in the end- the act of giving ends up returning some vital things when we are in a season of chaos.  A few of the benefits of generosity noted in the Pyshalive article are that generosity improves our sense of purpose, deepens relationships and connections, and reduces stress.  All of these benefits are what we are looking for when we are seeking a sense of status quo that we can not find.  In these circumstances where we feel like the bottom is falling out we must remember where our heart is rooted.  

 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.  But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:19-21

It feels like most days my family is living our life on the edge and I don’t think we are that unusual in those feelings.  We have weathered unexpected changes, and detours and sit in the present place trying to put the pieces in order to make sense looking ahead.  Looking behind us feels like a trail of wreckage that we call our life.  The only thing keeping us together is that we are graciously provided what we need for today. When I feel like my life is moving towards chaos, I remind myself of what is true and practice the things that bring me back to my root system of our loving God.

Written by Naomie Brubaker

Naomi is a mom of 3 girls ages 7, 5, and 2.  Her oldest daughter is diagnosed with ADHD and a visual processing disorder.  Her family lives in Richmond Virginia where Naomi leads the special needs ministry at their church.  Her background in special education and ability to understand parents from her experiences with her daughter give her a unique perspective in her role at the church.  Naomi loves to run, sew and take walks with her husband with any free time she has. 

The Parenting "Long Game"

PARENTING can be a loaded word- it’s personal and relational and it comes in long stages.  There is joy mixed with fatigue and confusion.  It seems like, as a parent, we are often experiencing the polar ends of emotions.  Moments of hope are fleeting and followed by despair.  We are on mountain tops and sinking into the valleys in a matter of minutes.  You can read many parenting books and blogs, listen to podcasts and talk to professionals, as well as trusted friends and still feel like you are in the dark.  Sometimes we end up more overwhelmed than before we started looking for answers.  All this messiness is because parenting is personal and our kids are each unique. Additionally we bring our own mixed up parenting perspectives into the relationship to add to the emotional confusion.  Even within a family unit, parenting multiple children can look very different.  

On top of all of that, we take the outcome very personally.  We place the value of our parenting in the goodness of our children.  Am I an effective parent because my kids made it through dinner in a restaurant without making a scene?  Did my children exhibit kind, respectful behavior at a friend's house because I taught them all the polite things? And on the negative side of things; is my child going to struggle forever because I am failing in parenting?   The idea that our worth as a parent is a result of their good or bad behavior is FALSE.  The two ideas are not connected.  The true source, of both our worth and our goodness, comes from the Father, the same is true for our children. 

I have 3 girls, ages 8, 6 and 3, and parenting each of them the same way would be ineffective and unfair.  Parenting becomes personal because each child is unique. We have done a lot of ground work to establish the rules and values of our family.  Although the house rules and family values are the same, the way they have learned and experienced this varied.  We have gone through a lot of hard work to get here and now the lessons are learned through them trying out what we have taught them and feeling the consequences of their actions and independence. 

Take a look at the long game of being a parent.  The goal is not that they put their toys away, or tidy up their room, or have impeccable table manners.  The goal is that they have self-respect, compassion towards others, take responsibility  and can positively contribute to their family, community and the world through their own unique giftings. 

This long game perspective makes parenting highly relational. 

I felt like my family had a season where we were losing our relationships for the rules.  There was very little joy or fun and it was a battle over who was more persistent. The result was negative and loss of the relational ground we needed to be building with our daughters. Slowly that stage of parenting has shifted as well as our perspectives and their needs. 

What feels like we are in a hard phase that will never end; slowly, we are actually moving to a new place almost overnight and there is light.  I have appreciated the 4 phases of parenting outlined as Commander, Coach, Counselor and Consultant by “Focus on the Family”.  I can recognize that when it felt like a battle ground in our house, we were likely in the middle of the commander stage with 3 young kids. And now we have progressed to some coaching and some commanding as the kids have aged.  Don’t lose the relationship over the rules, don’t linger too long in the a stage, push yourself and your child to stretch when the time is right.  Don’t be afraid to return there when needed. Always remembering, the character and care of our heavenly father is being extended to us in these stages as we navigate life as well.  

After months of being “off” my parenting game due to moving, COVID, virtual school and so many other disruptions I feel like I have had to go back to the “commander” stage more than I would like.  I try to balance this with intentional time to build the relationship individually with each of my kids.  Today, we had a longer day of chores, but focused on the relationship as I took two daughters to get their nails done and later made a secret dessert for the family with another.  I feel more effective as a parent when I have made these relational efforts with my kids.  And I feel more effective as a parent when I make relational efforts with God. 

Invite God into the struggles and joys of parenting by prayer and worship.  He wants to share in this process, as He is a supportive, loving, present father.  

Written by Naomi Brubaker

Naomi is a mom of 3 girls ages 7, 5, and 2.  Her oldest daughter is diagnosed with ADHD and a visual processing disorder.  Her family lives in Richmond Virginia where Naomi leads the special needs ministry at their church.  Her background in special education and ability to understand parents from her experiences with her daughter give her a unique perspective in her role at the church.  Naomi loves to run, sew and take walks with her husband with any free time she has. 

Adventures In Faith

What feels like a very long time ago, I was in a unique situation.  It was an opportunity for me to be used by God as a means to bring peace and comfort to a whole family without me even realizing it.  My husband and I were traveling to visit my grandparents in Florida. We were leaving from our small Richmond airport.  We always look around for people we may know or recognize even when in larger airports, because you never know who else is on the go.  I did not recognize anyone around our terminal, but recognized a very familiar sound.  I turned to my husband and said, “That’s J!”.  He was surprised that I could recognize a child by the sounds and his voice in this busy airport. 

I spotted them in the terminal seating area and went over to introduce myself. I taught at this boy’s small private school for kids with autism in another classroom. The whole family was traveling to Florida for an experimental trial and then of course Disney.  They were nervous and so was J.  I could tell by the sounds he was making that he was teetering on the edge of a meltdown in the middle of the airport.  I feared what a small space of the airplane would feel like for him.  I told the family that if they needed any help while on the plane to come find me and I gave them my seat/row number.  

We all boarded the plane, J and his family were close to the front on the plane, while my husband and I were towards the back.  Not long after taking off, the seatbelt light clicked off and almost immediately J’s sister was at my row.  Out of breath, she quickly said, “Were you serious about helping us?”  I kindly said “Yes” and left my husband to see how I could be of any support to this family.  When I got to J’s row, his mom was sitting next to him trying to calm him down.  The look of panic was replaced with relief when she saw me standing there willing to help.  She simply said “I just don’t know what to do.”  I told her it was totally fine and she could sit with my husband if she wanted to during the flight.  She passed over the reins of her intricate boy and bag of goldfish and breathed a timid breath as she walked back to my old seat.  

J and I settled in for an exciting 2 hour ride to the Orlando airport.  I used lots of distraction techniques to help him stay seated in the small confines of his seat.  I helped him use the tiny bathroom with the VERY loud toilet and wash his hands in a sink unlike any he had used before.  We ordered drinks and snacks and talked about what it was like to be in the clouds.  There were moments when I thought I was going to have a bad situation on my hands, and then we recovered into a safe space.  It really tested my ability to remain calm and loving to him in this environment packed with people.  We landed in Florida and got off the plane and we all reunited in the terminal space, me with my husband and J with his family.  They asked when my return flight was so we could travel together on the way back.  It felt so good to be able to care for this family during the stress of traveling.  It is a plane ride I will never forget.  

I am so proud of this family’s bravery to ask for help.  There are so many times I am hesitant to ask for help because I don’t want my own weakness exposed, especially when it comes to my parenting. 2 Corinthians 12:19 says exactly this- "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. “

I honor this family's ability to recognize their needs and their limits while still stepping out of their comfort zone to travel and stretch themselves. 

Psalm 16:5-6 says, “Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup,  you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.” God has given us limits for our good and we must recognize and honor them. 

This family trusted God would provide and they trusted me, a complete stranger.  This trust allowed them to widen the circle of care not only for their son, but for their whole family.  They kept their eyes open to what God’s provision would look like and acted when they needed. The family stuck together and supported each other in this challenging circumstance.  Rather than blaming or feeling guilty, they celebrated the fact they could receive help.  

Now as a mother, traveling feels as exhausting as it must have for this family…it feels scary too.  Will I be able to provide for the needs of my family when we step away from our systems, structure, predictability and comforts of our home?  The answer is unfortunately “no”, I will not be able to provide and protect as I typically do, but God will. Not only that, leaving the comfort zone and relying on God brings growth, family unity and adventure. 

So, plan for God to step in where you know you will not be enough and be ready when He brings unlikely answers to your needs.

Written by Naomi Brubaker

Naomi is a mom of 3 girls ages 7, 5, and 2.  Her oldest daughter is diagnosed with ADHD and a visual processing disorder.  Her family lives in Richmond Virginia where Naomi leads the special needs ministry at their church.  Her background in special education and ability to understand parents from her experiences with her daughter give her a unique perspective in her role at the church.  Naomi loves to run, sew and take walks with her husband with any free time she has. 

The Hour

There has always been a time of day in which things seem to be extra hard.  The volume on the emotions are turned up high. It comes as predictably as clockwork each day.  As much as I try to prepare myself for this time, or just embrace it, I can't change the course of that time of day.  It’s in these moments of the day that I begin to question my every ability to do the simple, most innate things for myself and my family.  The morning after a particularly challenging evening, I found myself in the Walmart parking lot writing down the words of this poem.

THE HOUR

5:00- World is collapsing in on itself.

Can I multiply myself to cover all the needs? 

Put out the fires?

5:03-The worst parts of all of us

are sneaking out.

Quickly colliding.

5:13- Need to cook dinner, 

Recipe is too complicated.

Just can’t.

I think I forgot to buy the ingredients, or were they eaten?

I yell.

Get it together.

5:18-Second grade math homework.

The chaos clouds her mind.

She makes the same mistakes.

We do this everyday.

Why does it continue like this?

She’s refusing.

I’m at a loss, 

Be patient.

There’s not enough of me,

I’m withering inside.

Why can I not calm this part of the day?

5:23- Frustration welling up.

They are all fighting.

Now crying.

Lord, surround us.

Don’t even mention the needs of the dog.

5:30- Husband should be home,

No, he said he was working late.

Can’t do this.

I need to change the course we are on.

5:37- Don’t think this will help but- “Pandora play hymns”.

Sing even though you don’t know the words.

Sing even though it doesn't feel like you deserve this.

Dinner is leftovers.

It’s fine.

Turn up the volume on the music.

5:45 -Give someone a hug

Apologize for losing my patience, 

losing my mind.

5:50- Homework finished, incredibly.

Please set the table. 

I still need help. 

We can do this together better.

6:00- Daughter says the dinner prayer.

“Thank you God for my family, 

Did she hear me yelling?

For this delicious meal, 

It’s leftovers from last night!

My friends.

Yes, we need to feel accepted.

Keep us safe and healthy.

I can do this, we made it.

Amen.”

Hope.

Coincidence, I think not, that this poem was scratched down on the back of a piece of paper outlining St. Ignatius Loyola's Examen.  It is a method of prayerfully looking at your day and seeking to find God in it.  So in the company of the Holy Spirit we are invited to become aware of God’s presence and look back on the events of our day with gratitude. The mess of happy, confusing, fun, disappointing, ugly, beautiful moments that made up the day.  We are encouraged to become aware of God’s presence and movement in our emotions.  This is an opportunity for God to point out where we may have fallen short.  We then pick one moment of the day and pray through it with the Holy Spirit.  This could be a positive moment or negative moment, monumental or insignificant.  Allow the prayer to arise from your heart and push you to praise, repent, or ask for guidance. And finally, look forward to tomorrow. Ask God to go before you in tomorrow’s challenges and be a light.  Be aware of your feelings and offer them to God and pray for hope.  

The Lord’s love surrounds those who trust him.  -Psalm 32:10

Be joyful because you have hope.  Be patient when trouble comes.  Pray at all times. -Romans 12:12

Written by Naomi Brubaker

Naomi is a mom of 3 girls ages 7, 5, and 2.  Her oldest daughter is diagnosed with ADHD and a visual processing disorder.  Her family lives in Richmond Virginia where Naomi leads the special needs ministry at their church.  Her background in special education and ability to understand parents from her experiences with her daughter give her a unique perspective in her role at the church.  Naomi loves to run, sew and take walks with her husband with any free time she has. 

Our Guide

I was sifting through memories the last few months and came across a picture of me that unknowingly marked a significant point in my life.  The picture is of me surrounded by a bunch of Honduran kids with a huge smile on my face.  It was taken somewhere between 2004 and 2007 at an orphanage in Lapaz, Honduras, off a dirt road with dogs running around and many more kids laughing and playing elsewhere. 

This was my first mission trip. I had no idea what I was doing or the real reason for me being there.  The kids surrounding me in the picture knew Jesus way better than I did and I did not have a clear job on the mission trip other than to play and connect with these kids.  This picture was stored away and became memories that were patched together as my life went on.  It was a fun trip, but it wasn’t easy.  I know if I had a greater understanding of what the trip was for and why we were doing a mission I would have experienced the trip in a totally different way, or maybe chosen to not go at all.  

Looking back on this seed planted for missions I can faintly see how there was work being done all along to get me where I am in this season. The “me” in the picture thought being a pediatrician would be a great career and this trip might be an interesting thing to talk about in a college essay or put on a resume.  The real story being written was that God would expand my love for children in need to advocacy and education for kids with severe disabilities.  The “me” in the picture could not understand why anyone would need a savior or faith in God, let alone a clue who Jesus was.  The story God was writing was He would come for me too as I needed a savior more than I could have ever understood. The “me” in the picture thought this trip was a fun adventure, and the story that God was writing was that I would have no idea how amazing an adventure God was planning for me.  

A lot has happened since that picture, but I feel like saying “yes” to Jesus put my life in acceleration. 

So many things have changed, shifted, fallen into place or made sense since saying yes.  The me in that picture is not so different from me now, but more focused.  Since that mission trip to Honduras, I got my masters in special education rather than becoming a doctor.  I am now covered in kids that look like me in pictures and we are heading to the mission field with more focus and direction from the Lord and I could ever imagine.  God has used my background of special education to get me to come back to him and also immediately put me to work bringing His children back home too.  I have enriched my Jewish roots and heritage with a clearer picture of who God is and who I am in the love of Christ.  God has shown me a place to care and love others as He did.  

The smile on my face in that picture is just as big now. When I think about how my mission experience started as a Jewish teen at a honduran orphanage and now I am preparing, with my husband and 3 kids, to launch to France to serve at a camp.  I can not fully appreciate or understand His preparation of my heart in the process.  My heart is so different since that picture, no longer am I thinking about what would look good on a resume, but rather how can I bring more people to know the depth of this love and acceptance.  It shouldn’t surprise me though, God is unchanging and knows all these things.  I am the one who is changing as I experience and know Him more deeply.  I think about this memory from God’s perspective, as he sees the whole breath of my life at once. There was no coincidence about this journey, nothing surprising to Him and whether I realize it or not, He will guide me.  The verses from the end of Psalm 48:14 feels so comforting in thinking about the journey that has been completed and the road ahead of all of us in our walk: “For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end.” 

Wherever God has placed us, whether in our job, role as a parent, ministry role, etc, God has worked ahead of us and in us in preparation.  We are in practice and getting prepared long before we realize it.

I see more clearly the truth of the verses from Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose…”  I know that God is guiding me to something good, not easy, but good, and that’s something I can get excited about and put my faith in.  Praise God for this first mission trip and the seed that it planted in my heart.  Praise God that He has chosen to continue to make his plan clear for me and chosen me as bold and courageous enough to do as he has called.  Praise God that He is with me now, in the past and every day to come. 

Written by Naomi Brubaker

Naomi is a mom of 3 girls ages 7, 5, and 2.  Her oldest daughter is diagnosed with ADHD and a visual processing disorder.  Her family lives in Richmond Virginia where Naomi leads the special needs ministry at their church.  Her background in special education and ability to understand parents from her experiences with her daughter give her a unique perspective in her role at the church.  Naomi loves to run, sew and take walks with her husband with any free time she has. 

Nine Ways To Make The Holidays Great

I saw on Facebook this past week a post that said “Ruin Thanksgiving in four words.”  The post received 186 comments in one day. I didn’t post a comment because I want to try my best to maintain positivity when all possible, but there is something about the holidays that evoke a sense of anxiety, fatigue and even disappointment. These feelings seem to be felt universally.  As I scrolled through the comments, memories of holiday gatherings of the past surfaced.  Burned food, awkward interactions with family, ex’s, political conversations (especially in an election year), missing critical food elements and more were represented.  

The question comes to mind, how can it be any different?  How can we switch the narrative to “make the holiday great in just four words.”?  How, especially this year- which has embedded a layer of fear and anxiety in so many, can we make a great memory of the holidays?  I sift through my memories both good and bad, I return to the simplicity that feels comforting in the holidays.  The year that we opted for a paper table cloth with crayons and paper plates was loads of fun for the kids and really easy on clean-up.  The year that the weather was so mild that we moved the table outside and ate while the leaves fell around us. When we celebrated with lots of friends or no one but our sweet babies, or special dinners with family who are no longer with us.  With so many ways to ruin the holidays, what are the things that make them great, truly special and really at the core why we bother to do all that we do to make it happen?

Top ideas for changing the narrative and making the holiday season great in four words :

1. This year choose less

Yes less. Less food, less presents, less rush, less stress.  Let’s just choose less. In choosing less you, choose what you need most and what makes you most happy.  You will find more out of that less, more joy, more rest and more content family time. We are in the process of moving this holiday season and have been living with less stuff in our house over the past few weeks. The children’s toys have been reduced to one box of playdoh and Legos.  Yes that’s all- 2 choices. This reduction has been very positive for everyone.  Less is freeing and I promise it’s better.   

2. Do what is easy

Sometimes the complicated recipes are just too much. Sometimes fulfilling all the traditions of years past feels really hard.  I have to admit I have been cutting corners in the kitchen more and more.  I have also been trying to look for the easy button more. How can I cut the parts out that don’t bring the most joy to the experience. This path is not a cop-out, but an attempt to spend more time in relationship rather than doing more tasks.  A friend mentioned today ordering her Thanksgiving from a local restaurant this year.  Although this cuts a lot of corners, it seems like a really great idea this year.  Not only is she alleviating many time consuming tasks, but she is also supporting a local business who may be struggling. She noted she was still cooking her famous biscuits, but getting help on the other parts.

3. Bring family in virtually 

This is no one’s preferred method of being relational, but especially during COVID and the heightened germ season, it’s a great alternative. It can also be helpful with challenging relationships in which a longer visit may be too much.  Make it fun and come up with a theme for the virtual party.  Everyone brings a festive snack to the virtual time, wear a fun hat or eliminate use of a word like “turkey” during your conversation.  

4. Make it kid friendly

Let’s just soak in all the good being a parent of young kids brings!  The year we put paper on the table and set out crayons was a fun memory for everyone.  Making it kid friendly also means getting kids involved. Let the kids help cook foods they like, or have them pick recipes from Pinterest to add to the table.  The more ways a child can feel a part of the holiday preparation the more they too will find joy in all of the parts of it.  

5. Do something totally new

Switching things up often eliminates the expectation of what it should be.  My mom made a delicious traditional green bean casserole every year at the holidays.  It was a family favorite.  A few years ago I was hosting Thanksgiving and I decided to do a new twist on as many of the dishes as I could find.  My thought was that it would be familiar but lessen the comparison to my mom’s version. My mom and sisters were especially concerned about the green bean casserole being altered.  I found an updated recipe and everyone loved it more than the old one.  Doing the same things each holiday provides rhythm and predictability, but switching things up can infuse a freshness to the celebrations that may have fallen away over the years.  Doing something new minimizes expectations engrained over the years that are hard to meet.  

6. Remember “why” it happens 

Why do we take a family photo every Fall? Why do we make so many dishes for one meal?  Why do we bring a real tree in our house (they are so messy!)? Why do we search for that specific present that is nearly impossible to find?  Whatever it is that feels so crazy or unnecessary, try to remember the why.  If you can not fully identify your “why” you need to assess why you choose to continue to do it.  

7. Find a quiet moment 

I don’t know when or where you will find this moment, but find it!  This is going to be critical to survive the holiday.  I promise there will be an opportunity to find this quiet moment.  It may be on a last minute run to the grocery store, by yourself, that you turn on YOUR music and sit in the car while the song finishes.  Maybe it comes when you wake up early to begin the cooking, or late at night when wrapping that present in secret.  Find this moment and recognize it and soak it in for all it offers in refreshment.  

8. Get some fresh air

We have had some tough days since quarantine started in March- more tough days that I remember having in 2019.  The smoothest days are the ones that we are outside for as much of the day as we can possibly squeeze.  Plan to be outside.  Go for a walk, ride a bike, rake a leaf pile and jump in it.  The fresh air gives everyone a new attitude and it also gives people needed space.  Set up a yard game and get out there and play. 

9. Think of serving others

Whenever I feel down on things, I turn to gratitude and then to serving others.  Find a way to serve others this holiday season.  I have seen people put snacks and drinks in a basket outside for the delivery people.  Give your mailman a note and a water bottle, write cards or make artwork for a local nursing home, buy new socks and keep them in your car for the homeless you may see. There are so many ideas, so get your children involved too.  Service and gratitude are key characteristics that we want our children to exemplify.  They won’t become better at these things without practice, so include them in the process.  They may have a terrific idea for how to serve someone and just need a little help. 

So there you have it. 9, four word statements to improve the holidays and add some ideas to refresh the holidays and not ruin them in 4 words.  Rather you can make them wonderful in simplicity, newness, serving and identifying your priorities.

Written by Naomi Brubaker

Naomi is a mom of 3 girls ages 7, 5, and 2.  Her oldest daughter is diagnosed with ADHD and a visual processing disorder.  Her family lives in Richmond Virginia where Naomi leads the special needs ministry at their church.  Her background in special education and ability to understand parents from her experiences with her daughter give her a unique perspective in her role at the church.  Naomi loves to run, sew and take walks with her husband with any free time she has. 

Not Alone

I have often felt lonely as a mom.  It’s a weird feeling when you are always surrounded by little people to also feel so alone, but I’m rarely really alone. Sometimes the depth of my loneliness as a parent feels suffocating. 

Who could possibly understand this feeling?  Truly, I am not alone.  In Isaiah 7:14 and Matthew 1:22-23 we are introduced to the idea of God being Immanuel, God with us.  This idea of God being with us is an idea I quickly took comfort in. Knowing I was seen by God in my struggles brings me deep comfort for my loneliness.  God is so many things, but having God with me is a place to take shelter. 

The depth of God’s desire to be with us is so strong that He has sacrificed his Son to bring us closer to him.  God is our shelter, protector, healer, comforter, loving father, He is wise, loving, faithful, unchanging, merciful, gracious, creative and he is all these things with us.   

There are so many times my children want me with them.  They want me to protect them and comfort them, show them affection, give them affirmation and remind them that they are loved.  Even though I am an adult I still long for those same things. 

God with me, Immanuel, is where I can find the love, affirmation, protection, healing and strength to be filled and continue to pour out to my children.  My oldest daughter struggled to learn how to ride her bike without the training wheels.  She worked tirelessly for 2 years to be able to ride successfully.  The entire time she was working on mastering this new skill she did not want me to let go of her. 

Having my hand on the back of her bike was a comfort she needed. My hand gave her the physical stability she needed, increased her confidence, and was a huge comfort to her.  Sometimes I want to have someone’s hand on my back as I walk through scary or new situations. I want to have God’s hand on me to increase my confidence as I interact with my child’s educational team at her school and ask for accommodations that will benefit her.  It can feel so lonely to navigate the series of waiting rooms and overwhelming to read the educational and behavioral reports on my daughter. In these challenging situations I am not alone.  I have God with me, offering similar comforts to the familiar hand that guides my daughter on her shaky bike.  

When the Israelites were wandering in the desert for 40 years, God guided them.  God led them as a pillar of fire and a cloud of smoke (Exodus 13:21).  Wandering. For 40 years. And God was with them as a visible presence.  Do you ever feel like you might be wandering in a desert?

I remember before we began our process of getting our daughter identified, I felt lost, wandering, disoriented.  I would move from one failed parenting attempt to another.  Reading blogs, books and anything that could help me feel like I had a handle on how to connect with my daughter.  I was not lost, nor was I wandering, I was being guided.  Do you know what the Israelites did as they wandered following this mystical cloud and fire?  They doubted, they complained and they felt that they were never going to make it out of it.  I have been there, complaining, doubting and feeling like I would never make it out.  Although my daughter’s challenges are quite mild, to see your child struggle in any way is painful.  Navigating this with God is a huge comfort. 

God deeply desires intimacy with us.  He wants to be with us in all situations.  God wants us to go to Him for our needs before we go elsewhere.  God wants to sit with me in the unknowns and the frustrations and also wants to celebrate with me when we have success.  We are his beloved children and he would rather we spend time with him then be busy, worried or distracted.  God with us, Immanuel, is an unending relationship with our creator. Immanuel is seeking us, waiting for us and guiding us into a deeper relationship with him.  This relational time brings joy, peace, comfort, strength and more.  We just have to be willing to be with Him. 

To grow closer to God we should go to God in prayer, walk with God, sit quietly and learn His loving, guiding corrective voice. Studying His word is how we grow closer to the God in us, the God with us, the God who sees us, the God who loves us and the God who deeply wants to be in an intimate relationship with us always.

Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Written by Naomi Brubaker

Naomi is a mom of 3 girls ages 7, 5, and 2.  Her oldest daughter is diagnosed with ADHD and a visual processing disorder.  Her family lives in Richmond Virginia where Naomi leads the special needs ministry at their church.  Her background in special education and ability to understand parents from her experiences with her daughter give her a unique perspective in her role at the church.  Naomi loves to run, sew and take walks with her husband with any free time she has. 

Who Needs Some Grace?

As we step closer and closer to the start of the 2020-2021 school year, for most of us, there are a ton of unknowns; more unknowns than I would typically encounter with the start of the school year.  All of this has me spinning in a perpetual whirl of worry and confusion and wondering,

“Am I doing the right thing?”

For me, there feels like so there are many choices but none of them are the ones I feel really good or excited about. 

A few weeks ago I was spinning in a sea of worry about the Fall and the idea of needing a lot of grace and understanding in this season was impressed upon me.  I began thinking of all the people I would be extending grace to this Fall and all the people that would be extending grace back to me.

1. My kids- This is ALL new for them. This is disappointing, hard, confusing, sad and filled with unknowns. There is a big sense of loss for their connections with their teacher and their peers. 

2. Their teacher- Teachers have not been taught to teach like this!  As a former special education teacher, I can not fathom how I might prepare for a semester of teaching my students online.  I know the heart of most teachers is to be with kids, lead them to love learning and be successful, thriving students.  What most teachers are having to prepare for goes against how they were wired at their core to care for kids and ignite a strong desire for learning.

3. Other families- The more I talk to people, the more I become aware that everyone is experiencing this differently.  There are a small number of people who are thriving in Covid, a few that are really struggling and many that are somewhere on the spectrum in between.  This range of views and sentiments towards this disorienting experience is hard to navigate with other families and friends.  

4. Myself- I have the tendency to try to control things more than I should. I have struggled to strike a good balance of being all the roles I am needed in in this season.  There is simply not enough time and energy to do all of this to the full extent.  

5. My spouse- He is a fabulous supporter, cheerleader, and a loving husband and father.  Part of his day is spent out of the house working his full time job.  Sometimes, the ability to leave the house feels like a special privilege, especially when I think about what my day will entail.     

6. School administrators/IEP team- My daughter’s intervention team tried to meet just after school closed in early March.  At that time they didn’t even know how to sign documents to initiate her evaluation.  As the months have passed, they have figured out many things, but there are still so many unknowns. Her evaluation has not even been initiated! Her accommodations are mostly supports I have to implement at home for her success in a virtual format.  With no manual on how to navigate this we have had to be very patient with the school team and offer them a lot of grace as they try to figure out what to do.  I am not implying that we compromise our child’s education for the circumstances, but offer a large measure of patience when working through the challenges as a team.

The list could go on, to include employers, immediate family members and many more. 

So what does extending grace look like practically?  Being OK with the unknowns, things being slower, loud and messy.  Maybe this looks like doing the opposite of what you are inclined to do or say.  

Maybe grace in this season looks like focusing on personal self-care.  Taking small moments of deep breathing, breath prayers, walks, enjoying nature and going to bed earlier are some simple ways to care for ourselves during the day.  Try using some of the sensory strategies we use with our kids on ourselves to remain calm. Make yourself a cup of tea and look out the window for birds.

Maybe grace in this season looks like stepping up our organization game. Packing lunches the night before, laying out clothes and waking up earlier can help us be able to better focus on the hard things that we will encounter during the day.  Creating visual schedules and using timers or alarms on our smart devices can help us not miss the virtual check-ins with the teachers.  

But maybe ultimately grace in this new school year can look like us being more realistic, more loving and more flexible with everyone and everything we encounter.  And ultimately, that is the example I want to set for my children, as now more than ever, they are watching me and learning from my actions.

Written by Naomi Brubaker

Naomi is a mom of 3 girls ages 7, 5, and 2.  Her oldest daughter is diagnosed with ADHD and a visual processing disorder.  Her family lives in Richmond Virginia where Naomi leads the special needs ministry at their church.  Her background in special education and ability to understand parents from her experiences with her daughter give her a unique perspective in her role at the church.  Naomi loves to run, sew and take walks with her husband with any free time she has. 

Summer Memories

Ahh sweet Summer memories...this year has put quite a twist on any memories.  For our family, it felt like Summer essentially began in mid-March when the kid’s schools closed for COVID.  Although we tried to stick with the programming our country sent home, the plans didn’t really work for my family. 

With a background in special education, I was ready to improvise and try to keep our family moving in a positive direction.  We began adding special things to our day to help each day feel different from before.  We worked on some school and some character building.  We tried to learn to love the people in our house really well.  While some of those things were easier than others, we made the days pass until school was “officially” over as best we could.  

It has been a relief to give a close to the 2019-2020 school year and step into true “summer mode”.  

My family has never been one to plan a typical week long vacation during the summer but rather take advantage of smaller opportunities as they come up and fit with the needs of the kids.  We found so often in the past, planning a week long vacation never came at a good time.  With the anticipation of the trip, challenging behaviors swelled and thoughts and doubts like “This is not going to be a vacation at all!”, “What was I thinking?” filled my mind and heart.  We would walk into those vacations stressed and trying to calm an overstimulated/excited kid.  On top of that, we often had a sick kid.  My daughter seemed to be often sick and always right before our trips. Needless to say, it was not a good memory for my husband and me, let alone the kids. 

While we have escaped illness through building her immune system and more likely limiting contact with COVID concerns, advance planning and long trips just doesn’t work for our family.  We have settled into the spontaneity of short trips and day visits that work well for us. The difficult part for me is fighting the comparison of other people’s experiences.  I can often lose myself in the pictures and narratives people post of their vacations.  While a picture is only capturing a moment and most of the time only the best moments, I can still be tricked by someone else’s experience, thinking mine is insufficient in some way. 

Since “Summer” abruptly began for us in March, we began a paper chain of good things from our day.  The idea at the time was I wanted and needed a way to know when life would go back to a normal rhythm. I wanted to know when the bus was coming back down my street. I wanted to know when I would have my 2 hours to breathe and run my errands, squeeze in a work call and brush my teeth before noon!  Since that was a big unknown and still is, I wanted to mark each day with a positive by adding links to a paper chain. 

The kids and my husband got into the idea and each night at dinner we add a paper link to mark a happy memory from our wacky day.  There was always something to add.  We have continued with this each evening adding different color links to mark the happy memories amidst the blur of days that drag on.  Each day still feels like a tiring Saturday in which my husband and I are trying to work and nurture children.  In the middle of this grind, we are able to intentionally acknowledge the good things with our children.  The paper link helps each of us look for the happy and still anticipate the future with joy.  My middle daughter asked the other night if we could decorate the Christmas tree with the paper links.  We are 5 months away from Christmas, but she is already looking forward to it. For me, thinking ahead to Christmas reminds me of the ground we have already covered and the challenges we have overcome with so much change and unknown in our life all at once. 

Reflecting on the time and memories captured in these links gives such a positive view of what we have gone through and a hopeful outlook for the coming months.

This summer is off to a good start for our family.  We are sneaking quick trips in between virtual summer school and tele-therapy sessions.  The great joy comes at the end of the day when I get to hear what part of the day was remarkable for one of the kids or my husband.  We have added links saying “swimming” in the spout pool, berry picking, finished the first chapter book alone, took off training wheels, beautiful sunset and someone even added time as a family…  

Written by Naomi Brubaker

Naomi is a mom of 3 girls ages 7, 5, and 2.  Her oldest daughter is diagnosed with ADHD and a visual processing disorder.  Her family lives in Richmond Virginia where Naomi leads the special needs ministry at their church. 

Her background in special education and ability to understand parents from her experiences with her daughter give her a unique perspective in her role at the church. 

Naomi loves to run, sew and take walks with her husband with any free time she has.