5 Powerful Ways Special Needs Parents Impact The World

5 powerful ways special needs parents impact the world may sound hyperbolic to people looking in on the disability community. But I've been part of a caregiving family all my life, and I assure you that special needs parents impact the world every single day. We just don't realize it. In fact, we tend to discount the importance of what we do. To see if that's true for you, read through the following statements.

• When someone asks about my job, I say things like "I'm just a mom" and "I'm just a dad."

• I sometimes think other people contribute more to society than I do.

• I sometimes think my life is too ordinary to make a difference.

• I rarely ask our physician questions about treatment options for my child because the doctor is the expert.

• I don't say much at parent-teacher conferences or IEP meetings, because the teachers and administrators know more about education than I do.

• I care for my child, but that's just what parents do. It's no big deal.

If 1 or more of the above statements describes you at least once in a while, you are selling yourself short as a special needs parents. As Bob Newhart said in one of the best comedy sketches ever, you need to stop it because your work caring for a child with special needs is making a huge impact on the world in these 5 ways.

1. You impact your kids' lives. All parents impact their kids' lives. That's no different for parents of kids with special needs because that's what parenting is. That's what parents do. We impact our kids' lives as we care for them, comfort them, teach them, provide for them, and encourage them. We are training them and creating a framework of support so they can be as independent as possible throughout their lives.

2. Your love changes your child's life trajectory. When you meet your child's basic physical and emotional needs, you are programming the wiring of her brain. Your daily love and care makes her brain more resilient, more intelligent, and more loving for the rest of her life. With every cuddle, every changed diaper or pad, every book read, every bath, every song you sing, and every walk around the block, your love and care maximizes your child's potential and enriches her life.

3. You fight against the power of evil. The brains of children who are raised without a loving primary caregiver, even if their physical needs are met, suffer lasting effects throughout life. Their relationships tend to be unhealthy, and they make poor choices. They are more prone to develop serious mental and physical illnesses, they age prematurely, and their life expectancy is shorter. By caring for your child with special needs, you fight against and minimize these evils. To put it another way, love is your super power.

4. You are an example to your children. I watched my mother care for my father for 38 years, starting when I was 2. She did many things right and some things wrong, and both were an example to me and my siblings. She wouldn't ask for help and required far too much of us as children. Because of her example, I now encourage parents raising kids with special needs to ask for help when they need it and to make space for their typical children to be kids and not caregivers. Through her example, I also saw that the foundation of loving someone in sickness and health is built on ordinary moments of care and compassion in which the holiness of God is displayed. In the same way, you are an example to your children now and for as long as they live.

5. Your care and compassion for your child with special needs testify of Christ in you. People outside the disability community see you and your child. Your caregiving is love in action, which means you are a living testimony of Christ. Even better, when onlookers say things like "I couldn't do what you're doing," you have an opportunity to share your faith story. You can explain how your dependency on Christ is why you can do what you do. God will use both your spoken and your lived testimony to draw onlookers closer to Him.

These 5 powerful ways special needs parents impact the world are the tip of the iceberg. How do I know that? Because God considers your sacrificial acts on behalf of your child to be valuable and worthy. He never discounts them. You shouldn't either because God is using what you do for your child to change the world!

Written by Jolene Philo

Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She recently co-authored Sharing Love Abundantly in Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities with Dr. Gary Chapman. Her blog for parents raising children with special needs and disabilities can be found at www.DifferentDream.com.

Trust Your Mom-Sense!

You are not just a mom! Don’t let others intimidate you into questioning what you know is working or not working for your child. Trust yourself and keep moving forward.

I have to admit that sometimes I outwardly went along with the therapist’s plans for my child (shhh, don’t tell her. She really was a good therapist), but when I saw it was resulting in much more frustration on both my child’s and my part on a daily, hourly, basis driving us both to tears and at the same time not resulting in any progress, I set it aside and did other things. We kept the therapists’ weekly appointments to document his progress and I could keep in mind what he as supposed to be working on and maybe try it a few times over the course of the week instead of every hour and see how he responded, if he responded at all. From the therapy, I learned ways to help him when he was ready for it and markers by which to measure his progress. But, at the time, he wasn’t ready for it. It was helpful, but it wasn’t what he needed most at the time.

As his mom who was with him all day every day, it was obvious to me. The therapist couldn’t see it on a day in, day out basis. All the tension and anxiety the therapies introduced and his complete lack of ability to respond how he was asked to respond just made things worse. Instead, I focused on what he could do and built on that and focused other aspects of his treatment apart from therapy.

Yes, there are times to push our kids into things that are difficult for them. They need to be stretched and challenged in order to grow. Sometimes, that will cause tears and frustration. But as mom or dad, you have a front row seat to what is stretching them toward growth and what is pushing them too far and into the breaking point. No, you won’t get it right every time. And sometimes, hindsight will inform you how to do something differently next time. That’s okay. That’s part of the journey. Learn from it and adjust, but let the guilt go!

When a DAN (Defeat Autism Now) doctor insisted on a treatment program with medications that I had seen cause significant regression in my child and refused to treat him without him being on those medications, I pulled my son out of that doctor’s care and went back to the drawing board to figure out how to do accomplish the same treatment goal another way. And I did it!

 Moms, Dads, you are amazing advocates for your child! You know your child better than anyone. If plan A isn’t working or is causing too much angst, there is plan B, C or D. Even if plan B, C, or D doesn’t exist yet and you have to figure it out. Take a deep breath, pray, talk with other parents who have been there or somewhere similar and take one step forward. Then another.

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.