Our Guide

I was sifting through memories the last few months and came across a picture of me that unknowingly marked a significant point in my life.  The picture is of me surrounded by a bunch of Honduran kids with a huge smile on my face.  It was taken somewhere between 2004 and 2007 at an orphanage in Lapaz, Honduras, off a dirt road with dogs running around and many more kids laughing and playing elsewhere. 

This was my first mission trip. I had no idea what I was doing or the real reason for me being there.  The kids surrounding me in the picture knew Jesus way better than I did and I did not have a clear job on the mission trip other than to play and connect with these kids.  This picture was stored away and became memories that were patched together as my life went on.  It was a fun trip, but it wasn’t easy.  I know if I had a greater understanding of what the trip was for and why we were doing a mission I would have experienced the trip in a totally different way, or maybe chosen to not go at all.  

Looking back on this seed planted for missions I can faintly see how there was work being done all along to get me where I am in this season. The “me” in the picture thought being a pediatrician would be a great career and this trip might be an interesting thing to talk about in a college essay or put on a resume.  The real story being written was that God would expand my love for children in need to advocacy and education for kids with severe disabilities.  The “me” in the picture could not understand why anyone would need a savior or faith in God, let alone a clue who Jesus was.  The story God was writing was He would come for me too as I needed a savior more than I could have ever understood. The “me” in the picture thought this trip was a fun adventure, and the story that God was writing was that I would have no idea how amazing an adventure God was planning for me.  

A lot has happened since that picture, but I feel like saying “yes” to Jesus put my life in acceleration. 

So many things have changed, shifted, fallen into place or made sense since saying yes.  The me in that picture is not so different from me now, but more focused.  Since that mission trip to Honduras, I got my masters in special education rather than becoming a doctor.  I am now covered in kids that look like me in pictures and we are heading to the mission field with more focus and direction from the Lord and I could ever imagine.  God has used my background of special education to get me to come back to him and also immediately put me to work bringing His children back home too.  I have enriched my Jewish roots and heritage with a clearer picture of who God is and who I am in the love of Christ.  God has shown me a place to care and love others as He did.  

The smile on my face in that picture is just as big now. When I think about how my mission experience started as a Jewish teen at a honduran orphanage and now I am preparing, with my husband and 3 kids, to launch to France to serve at a camp.  I can not fully appreciate or understand His preparation of my heart in the process.  My heart is so different since that picture, no longer am I thinking about what would look good on a resume, but rather how can I bring more people to know the depth of this love and acceptance.  It shouldn’t surprise me though, God is unchanging and knows all these things.  I am the one who is changing as I experience and know Him more deeply.  I think about this memory from God’s perspective, as he sees the whole breath of my life at once. There was no coincidence about this journey, nothing surprising to Him and whether I realize it or not, He will guide me.  The verses from the end of Psalm 48:14 feels so comforting in thinking about the journey that has been completed and the road ahead of all of us in our walk: “For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end.” 

Wherever God has placed us, whether in our job, role as a parent, ministry role, etc, God has worked ahead of us and in us in preparation.  We are in practice and getting prepared long before we realize it.

I see more clearly the truth of the verses from Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose…”  I know that God is guiding me to something good, not easy, but good, and that’s something I can get excited about and put my faith in.  Praise God for this first mission trip and the seed that it planted in my heart.  Praise God that He has chosen to continue to make his plan clear for me and chosen me as bold and courageous enough to do as he has called.  Praise God that He is with me now, in the past and every day to come. 

Written by Naomi Brubaker

Naomi is a mom of 3 girls ages 7, 5, and 2.  Her oldest daughter is diagnosed with ADHD and a visual processing disorder.  Her family lives in Richmond Virginia where Naomi leads the special needs ministry at their church.  Her background in special education and ability to understand parents from her experiences with her daughter give her a unique perspective in her role at the church.  Naomi loves to run, sew and take walks with her husband with any free time she has. 

3 Ways To Focus On How Our Children Are Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

We love our children fiercely. We would do anything to care for them and provide for all their additional needs. Though our children can feel like our whole world, there are also times it is easy to wish things were different for them. To compare them to other children and wish things came easier. To focus on their health and their weaknesses and struggles and additional needs. To feel like there’s no end to the tunnel of appointments and accommodations and needs our children will have. And we lose sight of the fact that our child is “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14).

It has taken me years of parenting two children with special needs to stop focusing so much on their delays and differences and weaknesses and instead focus on just how uniquely and beautifully God made them.

It’s a mindset shift I’m still working on today, but one that has helped my heart immensely. It has allowed me to enjoy my children more and to be proud to be their mother. There are three ways in particular that have helped me focus on my children more like I imagine God does. 

First – Focus on Your Child’s Victories

It’s so easy to see how far our child has to go to catch up with their peers. To see how slow the progress can be sometimes. But we have to be intentional to focus on the positive. To focus on each and every victory, no matter how small it may seem.  

In the Genesis account of God creating the world, He said “it was good,” after everything He created. He didn’t just say “it was good,” when it was all done. We must do that too. Celebrate every milestone and every hard-fought inch in-between. After all, they are all victories and all deserve celebration. 

And we shouldn’t just celebrate those developmental victories, but spiritual ones as well. When you see your child exhibiting any of the fruit of the Spirit, praise and celebrate that. When you see your child grasp a deeper understanding of God’s love for them, celebrate that. 

I’m sure God is celebrating right along with us. He knows how hard our children have worked on each and every skill and He cares about the things we care about. 

Reflection: What are some of the latest victories you’ve seen in your child(ren)?

Second – Focus on Your Child’s Heart

“But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart,” (1 Samuel 16:7).

While Jesse didn’t think his youngest son looked like a king, and in fact didn’t even have David come in from tending the sheep to present to Jesse to be a future king, David’s heart was the one that God knew was right for the job.

It is easy to focus on our children’s outward appearance, their development, their health, their behaviors, and their struggles, and not on their heart. To not focus on those personality traits and strengths and gifts and passions that are unique to them. To not see the fruit of the spirit they exhibit in their lives. To not see how they give and receive love. To not see and nurture those deeper aspects of who they are that makes them so unique, so wonderful, and such a blessing to our lives.

Reflection: In what ways do you focus more on your child’s outward appearance than you do their heart? What can you do to show your child(ren) how much you love their heart?

Third – Focus on Your Child’s Gifts and Passions

In Exodus 31:1-6 God tells Moses about how He designed and gifted Bezalei. God says “I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with skill, ability and knowledge in all kinds of crafts-to make artistic designs for work in gold, silver and bronze, to cut and set stones, to work in wood, and to engage in all kinds of craftsmanship.” You can sense the pride in God’s voice as He brags about Bezalei using his gifts and skills. This was the man that God had chosen to build His holy tabernacle, where God’s presence would reside. 

When you have a child with special needs, it’s easy to want to focus on the areas they need to improve, rather than focus on their strengths and passions and giftings. Our children have gifts and talents that God wants us to help nurture and steward in our children.

They have something awesome to offer the kingdom of God too. And we have the honor of coming alongside them and helping them identify and use and grow their gifts and skills and passions.

 Reflection: What are some of your child(ren)’s gifts and passions?

What can you do to nurture those gifts and passions? 

*    * *

It’s an intentional mindset shift, choosing to focus on these aspects of our children when it can be so easy to focus on other things. But by choosing to focus on seeing our children as God does, it will help you find the beauty in the way God uniquely, fearfully, and wonderfully crafted your child(ren). 

Reflection: Which of these ways do you find easiest to focus on your child(ren)?

Which ways do you want to be more intentional in focusing on your child(ren) like God does?

Written by Jenn Soehnlin

Jenn Soehnlin is the mother of two young boys who are precious blessings and who both have special needs. She is the author of Embracing This Special Life: Learning to Flourish as a Mother of a Child with Special Needs.

Jenn enjoys blogging about faith, praying scripture, and special needs parenting at www.embracing.life. 

Finding Purpose In The Pain

Have you ever been heartbroken at the extra pain and the struggles your child is facing? I get it. The doing everything you can for your child. The wanting to be able to do more. The helplessness, the weariness from always pushing, always looking, always being on.

Viktor Frankl survived four concentration camps in the Holocaust and developed his own system of psychotherapy. At the core of his therapy, he felt people were searching for meaning. More than six million Jews died during the Holocaust.  Viktor  believed that those who survived seemed to have a meaning and purpose in their lives. They had some goal that was beckoning them, something they wanted to do, some project they wanted to finish. It may have been as basic as living so others outside the camp would know the atrocities that were happening.

While I don’t agree with Frankl on many things, I do agree that we are searching for meaning.  When we see our children struggling, it creates an incongruity in our hearts as we try to find meaning and purpose in what they are going through.

When we were in the worst of it, I would have struggled to personally share how there was meaning and purpose in this journey of disability that we were going through. I could give the church answer of God is using this to bring glory to Him, through my response and how I treated my family (which is true) but  beyond that, I couldn’t understand what other purpose there could be in this journey.

Last week was our youngest son’s birthday! He turned 12 years old and we had a wonderful day of celebration. We started the day off by going out for breakfast, just he and I. I was able to find a restaurant that served breakfast food that he was able to eat. We talked, we laughed and I reflected.

How could life change so much in twelve years? This persistent, out of the box thinker has completely changed the direction of our family. I still remember rocking him on my chest as he cried and screamed through the night, me trying to give Sarah a break. I remember the joy of finally hearing a few words come from his lips, and the agony of his losing those words later.

I remember relinquishing dreams that I had for him and our family as he grew. I remember how this journey slowly shaped and changed my heart. I grew from thinking I could help people who were struggling because I had been trained to, to having an intimate knowledge of what it means to be helpless and broken. The list of how this young man has changed me could go on and on.

God has already used this young man to accomplish so much, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that God still has much more that He is going to accomplish through him.

Some of you may be in this place trying to figure out the purpose in your child’s pain. As you struggle with the incongruity, remember these truths:

• God is good (Psalm 145:5-7)

• God is sovereign (Proverbs 19:21).

• He personally knows your pain (Psalm 56:8).

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.”

~ Psalm 139:13 (NLT)

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.