Jonathan McGuire Jonathan McGuire

Rejoicing Vs. Grieving

If there was ever a verse in the Bible that I felt like taking the white out marker to, this at one point may have been right at the top of the list. Written by Jonathan McGuire

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!”

~ Philippians 4:4

 

If there was ever a verse in the Bible that I felt like taking the white out marker to, this at one point may have been right at the top of the list. Let’s be real, when we are in the midst of a hard time this probably isn’t our go-to scripture passage. As a side note, if you are coming alongside someone who is struggling, this shouldn’t be your go-to scripture to encourage them.

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When we are struggling, we are often told to REJOICE as if that is an exclusive emotion and that we shouldn’t grieve the loss.

Did you know that you can feel multiple emotions at once?

At times, these emotions can even seem contradictory to each other. For example, we have the word, “bittersweet.”  Can you think of a time that was bittersweet to you? It might be the completion of a therapy but the loss of a therapist. It may have been the graduation of a child or when a friend had to move out of state for a job.

There is a focus that is often missed when a caring soul tells us to rejoice. The focus that is missed is, “in the Lord.” No matter how bad things get, I can look at my heavenly Father  and rejoice in who He is. I can rejoice in His character, His power, that even when it feels like we are alone…He never leaves us. I can rejoice that someday I will be with Him in heaven and the effects of a sin-cursed world will no longer wreak havoc on those I love.

While I am rejoicing in the Lord, I can still grieve a particular situation. I can grieve that milestone my child didn’t reach. I can grieve the therapist who left that they connected with. I can grieve the additional struggles and pain that my child may experience in life due to the effects of their disability.

In fact, we need to grieve those things.

There have been times when I have asked couples how they coped with various difficult situations in their journey through disability and they replied with they just chose to rejoice. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but that is just called denial. This is one of the official stages of grief and can last for a short period, for decades, or can come and go.

When we live in the land of denial and refuse to move forward in the grieving process, it will re-emerge eventually. It may re-emerge as negative emotions or even health issues.

If you find yourself in this place of grieving, don’t feel guilty or like it means that your faith isn’t strong. It is part of the journey and it is part of healing.

As I close, I want to encourage you to REJOICE…IN THE LORD. However, when you rejoice in the Lord, know that He is with you as you journey through the land of grief. 

What is one character trait of God that you can praise Him for today?

Written by Jonathan McGuire

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Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

Hope Anew has launched the Hope Anew Online Community and would love to have you be a part of it! You can learn more at www.HopeAnew.com.

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Jolene Philo Jolene Philo

Rejoice To Do Good

After the birth of our first child, my reaction to the rejoice to do good thing would have been to throw my Bible across the room. Written by Jolene Philo

Rejoice to do good.

Those words from Ecclesiastes 3:12 have been easy to obey this month with the release of Sharing Love Abundantly in Special Needs Families, which I co-wrote with Dr. Gary Chapman. Yeah, he's the love languages guy. So I have plenty to rejoice about these days.

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But when I was a kid surreptitiously carrying my dad's urinal to the empty in the church bathroom or feeling the stares of neighbor kids as I wheeled him around the block, the command to rejoice to do good stuck in my craw.

After the birth of our first child, my reaction to the rejoice to do good thing would have been to throw my Bible across the room. If I'd had time to read my Bible. Which I didn't thanks to sleep deprivation, and atypical baby care like pumping breast milk 6 times a day to pour down his feeding tube, and way too many 240 mile round trips from the remote town where we lived to the doctor's office.

 All of which prevented the throwing of my Bible. And proves that Romans 8:28 is true. God does work all things to good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes.

 Back to rejoice to do good thing. My point is this.

 Throughout my childhood, when Mom, my siblings, and I cared for Dad we were doing great good. My husband and I also did great good caring for our son during the hard first years of his life. In both situations, we had no idea we were doing good. We were just doing what loving families do–we were taking care of our family members who couldn't care for themselves.

I'm sure there were people who pointed this truth out to Mom, but it went over my daydreamy head. I think there were people who pointed out this truth to my husband and me, but we were too sleep deprived and stressed for it to register. Not to mention that hearing such a sentiment from a person who is hasn't raised a child with disabilities or special needs would have been hard for me to swallow.

I, however, am a parent who raised a child with special needs. I am like you, so I can speak this truth into your heart. You are doing great good.

You do great good every time you race your medically fragile child to the doctor's office or hospital.

You do great good when you stand calmly beside your child when he has a meltdown at the grocery store.

You do great good when you advocate for your child at IEP meetings and annual reviews.

You do great good work when you change your adult son's diaper or your adult daughter's menstrual pad.

You do great good by showing up at church with your entire family on Sunday morning.

You do great good when you drag out of bed every night to comfort your child.

You do great good by biting your tongue and choosing words of affirmation instead of frustration.

You do great good when you look into your child's eyes and say, "I love you. You are worthy. You are made in God's image."

In these ways and a thousand million others every day you are doing great good.

Though you may not see all the good now, one day–in this world or the next–you will. In that day, you will be amazed by the good God has accomplished through you and through your child. This is why we can rejoice to do good even in the hard days of caregiving. We can rejoice to do good because as believers and children of God, we stand upon God's promise to use our present situation for eternal good. We know, without a shadow of doubt, that the best is yet to come. 

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think,

according to the power that works within us,

to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.

Ephesians 3:20–21 (NASB)

Written by Jolene Philo

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Jolene Philo is the mother of a son born with life-threatening special needs and the daughter of a father severely affected by multiple sclerosis. In her 25 years as an educator, she integrated children with special needs into her classroom. She’s written 5 books about caregiving, special needs parenting, and childhood PTSD. Most recently, She co-wrote a book with Dr. Gary Chapman about how parents of kids with special needs can use the 5 love languages in their families.

Jolene speaks at conferences around the country and internationally, facilitates classes about childhood trauma for educators, and trains special needs ministry leaders and volunteers. She blogs at  www.DifferentDream.com.

She and her husband live in Iowa.

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