Myths of Caregiver Stress
Jolene Philo outlines myths that caregivers commonly believe when they experience compassion fatigue and caregiver stress. This is an excerpt from the March Hope Anew Disability Podcast, “Does My Child Have PTSD?”
Jolene Philo is the mother of a son born with life-threatening special needs and the daughter of a father severely affected by multiple sclerosis. In her 25 years as an educator, she integrated children with special needs into her classroom. She’s written 5 books about caregiving, special needs parenting, and childhood PTSD. She recently co-authored a book with Dr. Gary Chapman about how parents of kids with special needs can use the 5 love languages in their families. Jolene speaks at conferences around the country and internationally, facilitates classes about childhood trauma for educators, and trains special needs ministry leaders and volunteers. She blogs at www.DifferentDream.com. She and her husband live in Iowa.
When Life Hands You Lemons
Years ago, my husband and I had felt God call us to move to a new state… Written by Jenn Soehnlin
Years ago, my husband and I had felt God call us to move to a new state, and we left behind friends and family and stepped forward in obedience. But we struggled to find a new home church where we felt we could fit in. And our young sons, ages one and three at the time, were receiving diagnosis after diagnosis. My life began to revolve around their therapies, doctor’s offices, fighting with insurance, and researching online how to help my boys. Anxiety and depression took turns settling into my life and making themselves cozy.
I thought of the quote, “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.” I held on to my growing pile of lemons and prayed for some mighty act of God to miraculously turn them into lemonade. He didn’t.
God felt far away and no longer like the good God I had loved and served for the majority of my life and I experienced a crisis of faith that scared me.
Releasing the Lemons
In desperation I turned to scripture and stumbled upon a verse in which we are commanded to “Let go of all bitterness, rage and anger….” (Ephesians 4:31) and I realized I was holding on to a lot of negative things in my life. I had become bitter and angry at God because He wasn’t being the God I expected Him to be and I wasn’t living the life I had always expected to live. I had to surrender all those lemons of expectations and bitterness and doubts and struggles to God. I had to be open to what He wanted to do in my life.
I started thinking about all the heroes of faith in the Bible. No where do we see our Bible heroes getting everything they wanted and desired. They all go through a lot of struggles, sometimes decades of trials, before God’s plan comes to beautiful fruition. Joseph, Abraham and Sarah, Moses, Job, Ruth and Naomi, David, Jesus, the disciples, Paul, and many others had to go through their share of lemons and hard circumstances.
But they became heroes of the Bible because they didn’t allow those lemons to paralyze them like I had. They didn’t cling to rotting lemons. No, they decided to focus on God and God was able to turn those lemons into something good.
A Season For Lemonade
In Ecclesiastes 3 we are told there are different seasons in life. Seasons of grief and mourning and lemons. And seasons of joy and dancing and sweetness.
It’s ok to go through seasons of hard times and grief and lemons. But eventually, we have to let those lemons go. We’re not meant to carry them forever.
As I learned to release the lemons I’d been holding, I began to see all the sweet things in my life. I had so many things to be thankful for. Precious children and a loving husband. A new strength and a new purpose that came through my special needs parenting trials. And so much more.
What lemons are you holding on to? Seek God and what He has to teach you with your lemons. And get ready to sip on some sweet lemonade.
Written by Jenn Soehnlin
Jenn Soehnlin is a mother to two young boys who are precious blessings and who both have special needs. She is the author of Embracing This Special Life: Learning to Flourish as a Mother of a Child with Special Needs.
Jenn enjoys blogging about faith and special needs parenting at www.embracing.life. You can also find her onFacebook, Twitter, andInstagram.
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Connecting With Your Children When There Is No Time
Life can be really full on can’t it! With all the phone calls, appointments and forms that need filling in. Then there’s the planning and support needed for all the everyday things that need doing, and places that need going to… Written by Cathy Porter
Life can be really full on can’t it! With all the phone calls, appointments and forms that need filling in. Then there’s the planning and support needed for all the everyday things that need doing, and places that need going to. Add to that the constant worries and wonderings about small things like health, friendships, discipline, eating. You know the kind of small details I’m talking about! Life can be so crammed full that it is hard to find time to simply be with my children, and have that time to really connect.
I love to find hobbies or projects that we all have an interest in, and have them ready to go (out in a corner of a room for as long as we can practically stand it) for those moments when either we have space together or those moments when we both need a welcome distraction from the battle over whatever it happens to be right then. It took a bit of time to work out what kinds of things, and it also took a change of attitude to the mess of it constantly being left out but after a while it was so clear to me that it was well worth it.
I had gotten so overwhelmed by all the necessary busy-ness of life that I had lost moments of laughter, of fun, and of understanding and appreciating each other’s strengths in the midst of it all.
We have found common ground in Lego projects, in art for bedrooms, in puzzles, in gardening, in Sims, in crafts. Lately my youngest and I (often joined by my eldest too) have been working on a project to build a dolls house for her 14 inch doll. We have been having fun trying to repurpose all sorts of bits and bobs we have in the house. We have been taking our time and chatting as we go. AS clothes and furniture, wallpaper designs and garden spaces have evolved, we have adored it together. It may not be perfect but it’s been a wonderful process, worth all the mess and the saving of the recycling.
The thing is I never actually have time to do these things, but somehow when they are ready to go we can find moments to dip in and out of the project together.
It’s such a simple thing but something I am increasingly thankful for. Positive time together with my kids is just so needed, for them and their well-being and also for me as a parent under pressure. Doing something together that our strengths and talents can shine through is a wonderful thing, especially when so much of the day to day feels like a battle, and so much of the admin and appointments focuses in on the weaknesses and areas that need support.
What do you enjoy doing with your kids? My husband finds very different projects to be common ground. Whatever it is, be encouraged. Yes, you and I are busy with so many things but moments of busy enjoyment together are never wasted.
Written by Cathy Porter
