R.E.S.T.
Being a parent often seems like there is never enough time, and often we shortchange ourselves on rest to compensate. Sometimes I thrive on all the hustle and bustle, and other times I feel as though I’m on a speeding train I’d love to make an immediate departure from. The worst part is that sometimes I’m unable to distinguish between the two, propelling me into confusion. My wife Naomi knows too well, but after I’ve given my best to work and the kids, there isn’t much left for her. That isn’t fair, or honoring our sacred relationship. What am I robbing myself of when I deprive myself of rest in all its forms?
Rest. This is an elusive and mystical word to a parent of young kids, which often makes me think; “one day I’ll have time for that” or “I’ll rest when I’m dead.” Neither of these views help me give my best to my family. But I often fall into the trap of pushing myself, keeping busy and just getting the things done that Dad’s need to do. Do I wear it as a badge of honor? Possibly, and that is not healthy nor productive. That view is selfish and does nothing to glorify God. When I can’t be my true (and rested) self, I am robbing the world of the joy God has placed in my heart. Even if you're SuperMom or SuperDad, be honest, you can’t fake it but for so long.
But I got responsibilities man! Your quick schemes won’t work for me! Yes, it’s a challenge to find rest, or is it? I think it’s important to remember that Grace through Jesus comes through Him, not through our deeds. Deeds keep us busy, and we often give too much credit to our works. We spiral into an endless cycle of “doing” in order to prove our worth, and this isn’t just a spiritually manifested issue.
I can’t give you a definition of what rest looks like, because everyone’s needs are different. But lately I’ve been thinking of an acronym that helps me, and may help you determine how you can weave rest into your schedule, however brief. Here are my guidelines for R.E.S.T.
Recurring - Make it intentional, and on a schedule that works for you. Even if it’s locking yourself in the bathroom to escape for 5 minutes (and yes, we have all done it). Don’t let those little fingers under the door distract you, they will surely survive, as their only aim at that moment is to pull your attention. Setting yourself boundaries will help you carve out some time. Isn’t it strange how boundaries can make us more free? Understanding this has always been a challenge, because as the parent you are always the enforcer. In my daily rhythm, I try to catch myself “scrolling” and jolt myself into stealing my time back. We all find ourselves scrolling social media, so this is the perfect time to reclaim that few minutes as your own. I also find that if I wake up before my kids, it’s hard for them to interrupt me during that time. It’s the absolutely most perfect time of the day, since I tend to be a morning person.
Enjoy - The act of resting should recharge you, which means it should be a departure from your normal routine. Shock your system by doing something you enjoy, which is something you have probably deprived yourself of as a busy parent. You will be surprised how even a small burst will recharge your battery. This is a deeply personal choice, dig deep for something God has uniquely placed in your heart.
Solitary - I’m a social person, so this one is sometimes a struggle for me. But I find with the constant draw for my attention by my kids, the best rest for me in my current phase of life is often in solitude. It gives me a chance to reflect, which leads to the last and most important part.
Thankful - When you take time away, always do so with a thankful attitude. You shouldn’t shame yourself while you are taking time away, that will always be self defeating. The idea of rest (in the form of a sabbath) is deeply Biblical. You can choose to explore any of the scriptures around this topic, but I always fall back on the creation story. If God decided to take a rest, then it’s perfectly fine for you to do so as well!
As you go about your day, I challenge you to implement these ideas. Did you notice that it costs nothing? And that it has no constraints on what you should do, or how long it should take? You may need to enlist some help for you to carve out a small block of time, this is also perfectly acceptable. It is a process, just make sure that you protect what works for you. Take heart in this, and work on giving a slightly better version of yourself to the world. We are called to let our light shine, so do so with a restful heart.
Written by Jesse Brubaker
Nine Ways To Make The Holidays Great
With so many ways to ruin the holidays, what are the things that make them great, truly special and really at the core why we bother to do all that we do to make it happen?
Written by Naomi Brubaker
I saw on Facebook this past week a post that said “Ruin Thanksgiving in four words.” The post received 186 comments in one day. I didn’t post a comment because I want to try my best to maintain positivity when all possible, but there is something about the holidays that evoke a sense of anxiety, fatigue and even disappointment. These feelings seem to be felt universally. As I scrolled through the comments, memories of holiday gatherings of the past surfaced. Burned food, awkward interactions with family, ex’s, political conversations (especially in an election year), missing critical food elements and more were represented.
The question comes to mind, how can it be any different? How can we switch the narrative to “make the holiday great in just four words.”? How, especially this year- which has embedded a layer of fear and anxiety in so many, can we make a great memory of the holidays? I sift through my memories both good and bad, I return to the simplicity that feels comforting in the holidays. The year that we opted for a paper table cloth with crayons and paper plates was loads of fun for the kids and really easy on clean-up. The year that the weather was so mild that we moved the table outside and ate while the leaves fell around us. When we celebrated with lots of friends or no one but our sweet babies, or special dinners with family who are no longer with us. With so many ways to ruin the holidays, what are the things that make them great, truly special and really at the core why we bother to do all that we do to make it happen?
Top ideas for changing the narrative and making the holiday season great in four words :
1. This year choose less
Yes less. Less food, less presents, less rush, less stress. Let’s just choose less. In choosing less you, choose what you need most and what makes you most happy. You will find more out of that less, more joy, more rest and more content family time. We are in the process of moving this holiday season and have been living with less stuff in our house over the past few weeks. The children’s toys have been reduced to one box of playdoh and Legos. Yes that’s all- 2 choices. This reduction has been very positive for everyone. Less is freeing and I promise it’s better.
2. Do what is easy
Sometimes the complicated recipes are just too much. Sometimes fulfilling all the traditions of years past feels really hard. I have to admit I have been cutting corners in the kitchen more and more. I have also been trying to look for the easy button more. How can I cut the parts out that don’t bring the most joy to the experience. This path is not a cop-out, but an attempt to spend more time in relationship rather than doing more tasks. A friend mentioned today ordering her Thanksgiving from a local restaurant this year. Although this cuts a lot of corners, it seems like a really great idea this year. Not only is she alleviating many time consuming tasks, but she is also supporting a local business who may be struggling. She noted she was still cooking her famous biscuits, but getting help on the other parts.
3. Bring family in virtually
This is no one’s preferred method of being relational, but especially during COVID and the heightened germ season, it’s a great alternative. It can also be helpful with challenging relationships in which a longer visit may be too much. Make it fun and come up with a theme for the virtual party. Everyone brings a festive snack to the virtual time, wear a fun hat or eliminate use of a word like “turkey” during your conversation.
4. Make it kid friendly
Let’s just soak in all the good being a parent of young kids brings! The year we put paper on the table and set out crayons was a fun memory for everyone. Making it kid friendly also means getting kids involved. Let the kids help cook foods they like, or have them pick recipes from Pinterest to add to the table. The more ways a child can feel a part of the holiday preparation the more they too will find joy in all of the parts of it.
5. Do something totally new
Switching things up often eliminates the expectation of what it should be. My mom made a delicious traditional green bean casserole every year at the holidays. It was a family favorite. A few years ago I was hosting Thanksgiving and I decided to do a new twist on as many of the dishes as I could find. My thought was that it would be familiar but lessen the comparison to my mom’s version. My mom and sisters were especially concerned about the green bean casserole being altered. I found an updated recipe and everyone loved it more than the old one. Doing the same things each holiday provides rhythm and predictability, but switching things up can infuse a freshness to the celebrations that may have fallen away over the years. Doing something new minimizes expectations engrained over the years that are hard to meet.
6. Remember “why” it happens
Why do we take a family photo every Fall? Why do we make so many dishes for one meal? Why do we bring a real tree in our house (they are so messy!)? Why do we search for that specific present that is nearly impossible to find? Whatever it is that feels so crazy or unnecessary, try to remember the why. If you can not fully identify your “why” you need to assess why you choose to continue to do it.
7. Find a quiet moment
I don’t know when or where you will find this moment, but find it! This is going to be critical to survive the holiday. I promise there will be an opportunity to find this quiet moment. It may be on a last minute run to the grocery store, by yourself, that you turn on YOUR music and sit in the car while the song finishes. Maybe it comes when you wake up early to begin the cooking, or late at night when wrapping that present in secret. Find this moment and recognize it and soak it in for all it offers in refreshment.
8. Get some fresh air
We have had some tough days since quarantine started in March- more tough days that I remember having in 2019. The smoothest days are the ones that we are outside for as much of the day as we can possibly squeeze. Plan to be outside. Go for a walk, ride a bike, rake a leaf pile and jump in it. The fresh air gives everyone a new attitude and it also gives people needed space. Set up a yard game and get out there and play.
9. Think of serving others
Whenever I feel down on things, I turn to gratitude and then to serving others. Find a way to serve others this holiday season. I have seen people put snacks and drinks in a basket outside for the delivery people. Give your mailman a note and a water bottle, write cards or make artwork for a local nursing home, buy new socks and keep them in your car for the homeless you may see. There are so many ideas, so get your children involved too. Service and gratitude are key characteristics that we want our children to exemplify. They won’t become better at these things without practice, so include them in the process. They may have a terrific idea for how to serve someone and just need a little help.
So there you have it. 9, four word statements to improve the holidays and add some ideas to refresh the holidays and not ruin them in 4 words. Rather you can make them wonderful in simplicity, newness, serving and identifying your priorities.
Written by Naomi Brubaker
Naomi is a mom of 3 girls ages 7, 5, and 2. Her oldest daughter is diagnosed with ADHD and a visual processing disorder. Her family lives in Richmond Virginia where Naomi leads the special needs ministry at their church. Her background in special education and ability to understand parents from her experiences with her daughter give her a unique perspective in her role at the church. Naomi loves to run, sew and take walks with her husband with any free time she has.
Are You Feeling Stressed?
It’s August…How are you feeling? Sarah McGuire shares about the end of summer and where she is at with it.
It's August! What does August bring to your mind?
For me, it's still lots of summer memories. Garden harvest. Sweet Corn. The grass gets a bit brittle underfoot as less rain and hot days combine. And now, school.
Growing up in Michigan, school couldn't start until after Labor Day due to all the farming families. But in Indiana, school starts around mid August. Now on our 11th year of homeschooling, I've come to like starting school at the beginning of August. I use the term "like" loosely. I don't like starting school then, but I find it very beneficial and I like the benefits.
Why?
First, in Indiana homeschool law says you do school for 180 days. I've found that our family takes a lot more days off here and there throughout the year - canning peaches, plums, pears, running errands, appointments, I travel for speaking at conferences, etc. Those days add up, so if we don't start our year early, we don't finish until well into summer weather. Which in the north, is when you can't wait to get outside after the long winter and motivation for school work quickly dwindles for everyone, me included, when the robins start chirping and sunshine beckons.
Second, after several weeks off without a lot of directed activities, which at first is amazing, becomes well, stagnant and idle minds (even if bodies are active) start to wear on each other. So, while I get reluctance and groans about starting school again (afterall, they are boys and not the kind that love academic work), life, routine, and direction helps things run better in the household. Some years I start slow and ease into it, sometimes we jump right in with a full schedule.
This year, I'm prepping for a cross-country RV trip for the next 9-10 months (we leave in less than 2 weeks!) and I'm a little too busy to take on teaching right now, so we are starting with online electives where they'll each complete 1 course this month while I get things around for the trip and we hit the road. That will give me a couple weeks to get up to speed on the learning curve of RVing as well, before we dive into the full school schedule.
Whew, so that was a bit of rambling and sharing what our August looks like. Why do you care? Well, if you hadn't picked up on it, another theme of August is often STRESS! How many of you can relate to that? New things, new teachers, schools, schedules, establishing different routines, early mornings, deadlines, adjustments. For some of our group, it can also be a stress relief - to again have a team of people helping do the heavy lifting of daily care, therapy and interventions. But it often comes with anxiety about how will the new teacher, therapist, etc mesh with my child?This year, with COVID-19, it's magnified - it's not just a new school, a new routine, but school as it's never been done before. And for kids who can't tolerate change, yikes!
So what is a STRESSED OUT mama, or dad, to do? That's what August is all about here in the Hope Anew - STRESS RELIEF or more accurately, STRESS MANAGEMENT!
Because we all know all those responsibilities aren't getting relieved anytime soon, so we we need to pay attention to managing the stress, and yes, stress relief, because as we "manage" it can reduce our stresses in life and we can work the stress out of our bodies.
Who's ready to get some stress relief with me? Woot! Woot!
Written by Sarah McGuire
