Nine Ways To Make The Holidays Great

I saw on Facebook this past week a post that said “Ruin Thanksgiving in four words.”  The post received 186 comments in one day. I didn’t post a comment because I want to try my best to maintain positivity when all possible, but there is something about the holidays that evoke a sense of anxiety, fatigue and even disappointment. These feelings seem to be felt universally.  As I scrolled through the comments, memories of holiday gatherings of the past surfaced.  Burned food, awkward interactions with family, ex’s, political conversations (especially in an election year), missing critical food elements and more were represented.  

The question comes to mind, how can it be any different?  How can we switch the narrative to “make the holiday great in just four words.”?  How, especially this year- which has embedded a layer of fear and anxiety in so many, can we make a great memory of the holidays?  I sift through my memories both good and bad, I return to the simplicity that feels comforting in the holidays.  The year that we opted for a paper table cloth with crayons and paper plates was loads of fun for the kids and really easy on clean-up.  The year that the weather was so mild that we moved the table outside and ate while the leaves fell around us. When we celebrated with lots of friends or no one but our sweet babies, or special dinners with family who are no longer with us.  With so many ways to ruin the holidays, what are the things that make them great, truly special and really at the core why we bother to do all that we do to make it happen?

Top ideas for changing the narrative and making the holiday season great in four words :

1. This year choose less

Yes less. Less food, less presents, less rush, less stress.  Let’s just choose less. In choosing less you, choose what you need most and what makes you most happy.  You will find more out of that less, more joy, more rest and more content family time. We are in the process of moving this holiday season and have been living with less stuff in our house over the past few weeks. The children’s toys have been reduced to one box of playdoh and Legos.  Yes that’s all- 2 choices. This reduction has been very positive for everyone.  Less is freeing and I promise it’s better.   

2. Do what is easy

Sometimes the complicated recipes are just too much. Sometimes fulfilling all the traditions of years past feels really hard.  I have to admit I have been cutting corners in the kitchen more and more.  I have also been trying to look for the easy button more. How can I cut the parts out that don’t bring the most joy to the experience. This path is not a cop-out, but an attempt to spend more time in relationship rather than doing more tasks.  A friend mentioned today ordering her Thanksgiving from a local restaurant this year.  Although this cuts a lot of corners, it seems like a really great idea this year.  Not only is she alleviating many time consuming tasks, but she is also supporting a local business who may be struggling. She noted she was still cooking her famous biscuits, but getting help on the other parts.

3. Bring family in virtually 

This is no one’s preferred method of being relational, but especially during COVID and the heightened germ season, it’s a great alternative. It can also be helpful with challenging relationships in which a longer visit may be too much.  Make it fun and come up with a theme for the virtual party.  Everyone brings a festive snack to the virtual time, wear a fun hat or eliminate use of a word like “turkey” during your conversation.  

4. Make it kid friendly

Let’s just soak in all the good being a parent of young kids brings!  The year we put paper on the table and set out crayons was a fun memory for everyone.  Making it kid friendly also means getting kids involved. Let the kids help cook foods they like, or have them pick recipes from Pinterest to add to the table.  The more ways a child can feel a part of the holiday preparation the more they too will find joy in all of the parts of it.  

5. Do something totally new

Switching things up often eliminates the expectation of what it should be.  My mom made a delicious traditional green bean casserole every year at the holidays.  It was a family favorite.  A few years ago I was hosting Thanksgiving and I decided to do a new twist on as many of the dishes as I could find.  My thought was that it would be familiar but lessen the comparison to my mom’s version. My mom and sisters were especially concerned about the green bean casserole being altered.  I found an updated recipe and everyone loved it more than the old one.  Doing the same things each holiday provides rhythm and predictability, but switching things up can infuse a freshness to the celebrations that may have fallen away over the years.  Doing something new minimizes expectations engrained over the years that are hard to meet.  

6. Remember “why” it happens 

Why do we take a family photo every Fall? Why do we make so many dishes for one meal?  Why do we bring a real tree in our house (they are so messy!)? Why do we search for that specific present that is nearly impossible to find?  Whatever it is that feels so crazy or unnecessary, try to remember the why.  If you can not fully identify your “why” you need to assess why you choose to continue to do it.  

7. Find a quiet moment 

I don’t know when or where you will find this moment, but find it!  This is going to be critical to survive the holiday.  I promise there will be an opportunity to find this quiet moment.  It may be on a last minute run to the grocery store, by yourself, that you turn on YOUR music and sit in the car while the song finishes.  Maybe it comes when you wake up early to begin the cooking, or late at night when wrapping that present in secret.  Find this moment and recognize it and soak it in for all it offers in refreshment.  

8. Get some fresh air

We have had some tough days since quarantine started in March- more tough days that I remember having in 2019.  The smoothest days are the ones that we are outside for as much of the day as we can possibly squeeze.  Plan to be outside.  Go for a walk, ride a bike, rake a leaf pile and jump in it.  The fresh air gives everyone a new attitude and it also gives people needed space.  Set up a yard game and get out there and play. 

9. Think of serving others

Whenever I feel down on things, I turn to gratitude and then to serving others.  Find a way to serve others this holiday season.  I have seen people put snacks and drinks in a basket outside for the delivery people.  Give your mailman a note and a water bottle, write cards or make artwork for a local nursing home, buy new socks and keep them in your car for the homeless you may see. There are so many ideas, so get your children involved too.  Service and gratitude are key characteristics that we want our children to exemplify.  They won’t become better at these things without practice, so include them in the process.  They may have a terrific idea for how to serve someone and just need a little help. 

So there you have it. 9, four word statements to improve the holidays and add some ideas to refresh the holidays and not ruin them in 4 words.  Rather you can make them wonderful in simplicity, newness, serving and identifying your priorities.

Written by Naomi Brubaker

Naomi is a mom of 3 girls ages 7, 5, and 2.  Her oldest daughter is diagnosed with ADHD and a visual processing disorder.  Her family lives in Richmond Virginia where Naomi leads the special needs ministry at their church.  Her background in special education and ability to understand parents from her experiences with her daughter give her a unique perspective in her role at the church.  Naomi loves to run, sew and take walks with her husband with any free time she has. 

When Being Thankful Is Hard As a Special Needs Parent

When being thankful is hard as a special needs parent––and let's not beat around the bush, watching our children struggle doesn't lend itself to loud hosannas––how do we approach Thanksgiving? How do we cultivate gratitude without sugar coating the challenges in our kids' lives? How can we be grateful when a child's condition is going from bad to worse, and we can find nothing to be grateful for?

I stared down those questions more than once when our baby boy struggled to stay alive.

The first time was during my first Thanksgiving as a parent. By then our six-month-old had endured 2 major surgeries, a three week NICU stay, a week long PICU stay, two dozen early morning GI procedures, and an overnight hospital stay on Halloween weekend. I was sleep-deprived, grieving, and my breasts were sore after months of pumping milk for our tube-fed baby who could tolerate nothing but breast milk. The thought of being thankful for my child's precarious state of health and the pain our baby had endured was unimaginable. Cruel.

I couldn't do it.

The week after my thankless Thanksgiving, I did what proud, new parents everywhere do. I composed a Christmas letter, complete with pictures of our baby boy in his elf costume, to mail to the many friends and family members who had faithfully prayed for us since our son's birth. As I reread Luke 1 and 2, looking for a verse for the end of the letter, the story of Jesus' birth came alive for me in a way it never had before. For the first time, I understood the enormity of what God had done in sending His Son to earth to live among sinners and die to save them. I understood that while God knew the good that would come through the death of Jesus, the sacrifice he made broke his heart.

In that moment, for the first time since I had become a parent, gratitude flooded my soul.

 Not for my son's condition. Not for the anguish my husband and I had experienced. Not for our son's life. Not for healing. Not for doctors. Not for modern medicine. Not for the family and friends who had rallied around us. Not for any of the things clueless people said should make me thankful as the parent of a child with special needs.

I was grateful because God, the ruler of the universe, knew my pain.

Instead of commanding me to be grateful, he shared my broken heart. He sat with me. He put his arm around me. He cried with me. He said, "I know. It hurts. Go ahead and cry. Borrow my hankie. Take as long as you need. I'm here for you."

When being thankful is hard as a special needs parent this Thanksgiving, remember that he is here for you too.

He's not asking you to be grateful for the challenges in your child's life. He's not asking you to deny your emotions. He's not asking you to act like everything is okay. He's not asking you to soldier on. He's asking you to lean into him. To cry on his shoulder. To cling to his compassion until one day, a day you can not yet imagine, you realize you have someone to be thankful for.

Jolene Philo is the mother of a son born with life-threatening special needs and the daughter of a father severely affected by multiple sclerosis. In her 25 years as an educator, she integrated children with special needs into her classroom. She’s written 5 books about caregiving, special needs parenting, and childhood PTSD. She recently co-authored a book with Dr. Gary Chapman about how parents of kids with special needs can use the 5 love languages in their families. Jolene speaks at conferences around the country and internationally, facilitates classes about childhood trauma for educators, and trains special needs ministry leaders and volunteers. She blogs at  www.DifferentDream.com. She and her husband live in Iowa.

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Giving Thanks When You Don't Feel Thankful

It’s two weeks from Thanksgiving. For many households around the United States, Thanksgiving means turkey dinner, pumpkin pie, family reunions and football. It will often include a round of everyone sharing something that they are thankful for.

What does Thanksgiving mean for you and your family?

When we were new to this journey, Thanksgiving meant trying to figure out how to feed our son his specialty diet at the larger family get togethers, sensory overload, and missing old traditions while trying to learn enough to make new traditions.  

Perhaps this is where you find yourself. When you are in this spot, it can be difficult to find things to be thankful for and you may feel disingenuous trying to muster the energy to celebrate, when all you feel is overwhelmed.

When you are struggling to find things to be thankful for in everyday life, here are five truths about God that you can praise Him for this Thanksgiving season.

1. God is with you. – Psalm 23:4 “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and staff, they comfort me.”

2. He is in control.-  Psalms 73:26 “My flesh and heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart.”

3. He understands your pain. – Psalms 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

4. You are loved – John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believe in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

5. He has a plan -  1 Corinthians 12:18 “But as it is, God arranged all the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose.”

This Thanksgiving, when you feel like you are overwhelmed and can’t take one more step forward. Pause, take a breath, and reflect on one of these truths. When you do this regularly, you will find your anxiety levels will decrease, your sense of peace will increase, and you will truly have something for which to be thankful.

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

 

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