My Child Seems Developmentally Delayed, What Do I Do? Part 2

What do I do? How accurate is this? What does this mean? What can we do to help?

Last week I shared the first two of five principles that I have found to be true and helpful for parents  who find have just been given a diagnosis or who know something is not quite “normal” with their child and are in the process of testing or diagnosis. Parents who are struggling with the above questions. If you missed Part 1, you can read it here.

Today, let’s look at the last three of these principles.

3.     SELF-EDUCATE, RESEARCH, & PRAY. In today’s world there are a myriad of options, finding the best, or even a very good, one will require you to educate yourself and do some research. Of course, much prayer and asking the Lord for guidance, discernment and good options is critical!

4.     TRUST YOURSELF AS HIS/HER MOM. You know your child better than ANYONE. You may not be an expert on all things medical or psychological, but you are an expert on your child! Use the experts in medicine and psychology to help inform, guide, and treat your child, but if one path doesn’t seem to match your child or their needs, don’t be afraid to say no. Or if another path does fit, but you will get a lot of opposition from friends and family, pursue it anyway and be an advocate for your child. Hands down, YOU are his or her most important and often, only, advocate!

I do have one word of caution. As a parent, you can understand and feel deeply for your child in a way others won’t that can come with both pros and cons. The pro side is partly touched on in the previous paragraph. The con side is when a parent feels too much sympathy and enables the weaknesses of their child so that the child is not challenged to do hard things or pushed to the next level and therefore, the child’s progress and prognosis stops short of what the child is capable of, which ends up harming the child in the long run, instead of helping. So, beware of falling into that trap!

5.     THERE IS HOPE! While there is no easy fix, there is hope in the journey. God does have a purpose and a plan for you AND your child. I’ve seen my son and other kids with additional needs grow and develop far beyond where doctors, therapists, counselors, teachers and others ever predicted they could. Yet, even if they don’t, God is still there beside you every step of the way.

I love Sally Clarkson’s words on this subject, “I’ve written a lot…about the importance of accepting our different children just as they are, providing a place for them to be themselves, and appreciating God’s design for them. This is absolutely crucial – but it needs to be balanced with doing our best to help our children grow and move forward in their lives.”

Are you the parent of a child with additional needs? What helps you find this balance that Sally Clarkson mentions?

*List highly adapted from Different by Sally & Nathan Clarkson

About the author: Sarah is the Co-Founder of Hope Anew and has a background in counseling but the title she treasures the most is Mom of two boys. The youngest of whom has his own additional struggles.

A PARENT'S GREATEST FEAR

I recently had someone message me and share some concerns they were having regarding their adult child who is in college. This person was really concerned about how the child’s struggles would impact completing college and their future ability to work. They closed by asking what I worry about for our son, Jordan, and if I had any concerns. At the heart of this question was, am I worried about my son’s future?

The short answer is, “Yes.” In the midst of being so excited and happy for the amazing progress he has made, it is easy for me to worry about my son’s future and wonder how his social/emotional struggles will impact it. It is easy for me to get caught up in the game of wondering. Wondering if he will be able to find a career he thrives at and enjoys? Wondering if he will get married? This wondering game can go on and on. If I don’t end it, I always come out the loser.

The future… How can two ambiguous words be so scary. These two words will strike fear in the heart of the most stout parent of a child with additional needs. I have had the opportunity to talk to many the parent who will refuse to even think about the future. Some parents offer a confident answer by sharing that one of the child’s siblings will take care of the child if something were to happen but many more just look back at me blankly because they don’t know.

The truth is none of us knows the future. I know what Jordan’s struggles are and am able to come alongside him and try to help him grow. He may always struggle with certain things but hopefully he will be more equipped to handle those struggles. That’s what we do. We take it day by day. We research and look for additional resources. We talk to other parents about what they are doing and we pray, because that is ultimately the only place where hope can be found.

We take comfort in Job 42:2, where Job acknowledges that no purpose of God can be thwarted. Why does this bring us comfort? It allows us to praise our heavenly Father because our son is fearfully and wonderfully made and when He knit Jordan together in his mother’s womb, He had a plan for him even at that time... That plan will not be thwarted. We look forward to that day spoken of in Revelation 21:4. That day when there will be no more pain, no more tears and our children will no longer have their additional struggles.

Are you the parent of a child with additional needs? We want to hear from you! What is your biggest fear about the future and what helps you overcome those fears?