5 Powerful Ways Special Needs Parents Impact The World

5 powerful ways special needs parents impact the world may sound hyperbolic to people looking in on the disability community. But I've been part of a caregiving family all my life, and I assure you that special needs parents impact the world every single day. We just don't realize it. In fact, we tend to discount the importance of what we do. To see if that's true for you, read through the following statements.

• When someone asks about my job, I say things like "I'm just a mom" and "I'm just a dad."

• I sometimes think other people contribute more to society than I do.

• I sometimes think my life is too ordinary to make a difference.

• I rarely ask our physician questions about treatment options for my child because the doctor is the expert.

• I don't say much at parent-teacher conferences or IEP meetings, because the teachers and administrators know more about education than I do.

• I care for my child, but that's just what parents do. It's no big deal.

If 1 or more of the above statements describes you at least once in a while, you are selling yourself short as a special needs parents. As Bob Newhart said in one of the best comedy sketches ever, you need to stop it because your work caring for a child with special needs is making a huge impact on the world in these 5 ways.

1. You impact your kids' lives. All parents impact their kids' lives. That's no different for parents of kids with special needs because that's what parenting is. That's what parents do. We impact our kids' lives as we care for them, comfort them, teach them, provide for them, and encourage them. We are training them and creating a framework of support so they can be as independent as possible throughout their lives.

2. Your love changes your child's life trajectory. When you meet your child's basic physical and emotional needs, you are programming the wiring of her brain. Your daily love and care makes her brain more resilient, more intelligent, and more loving for the rest of her life. With every cuddle, every changed diaper or pad, every book read, every bath, every song you sing, and every walk around the block, your love and care maximizes your child's potential and enriches her life.

3. You fight against the power of evil. The brains of children who are raised without a loving primary caregiver, even if their physical needs are met, suffer lasting effects throughout life. Their relationships tend to be unhealthy, and they make poor choices. They are more prone to develop serious mental and physical illnesses, they age prematurely, and their life expectancy is shorter. By caring for your child with special needs, you fight against and minimize these evils. To put it another way, love is your super power.

4. You are an example to your children. I watched my mother care for my father for 38 years, starting when I was 2. She did many things right and some things wrong, and both were an example to me and my siblings. She wouldn't ask for help and required far too much of us as children. Because of her example, I now encourage parents raising kids with special needs to ask for help when they need it and to make space for their typical children to be kids and not caregivers. Through her example, I also saw that the foundation of loving someone in sickness and health is built on ordinary moments of care and compassion in which the holiness of God is displayed. In the same way, you are an example to your children now and for as long as they live.

5. Your care and compassion for your child with special needs testify of Christ in you. People outside the disability community see you and your child. Your caregiving is love in action, which means you are a living testimony of Christ. Even better, when onlookers say things like "I couldn't do what you're doing," you have an opportunity to share your faith story. You can explain how your dependency on Christ is why you can do what you do. God will use both your spoken and your lived testimony to draw onlookers closer to Him.

These 5 powerful ways special needs parents impact the world are the tip of the iceberg. How do I know that? Because God considers your sacrificial acts on behalf of your child to be valuable and worthy. He never discounts them. You shouldn't either because God is using what you do for your child to change the world!

Written by Jolene Philo

Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She recently co-authored Sharing Love Abundantly in Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities with Dr. Gary Chapman. Her blog for parents raising children with special needs and disabilities can be found at www.DifferentDream.com.

3 Things To Remember When You're Overwhelmed

I don’t know about you, but there are times when my energy levels simply dip and it feels as though my motivation and get up and go has got up and gone. There are times when everything feels too much; too much of an uphill struggle, too much of a battle, too relentless. And in those times I also fight overwhelming feelings of guilt and failure.

I shouldn’t feel this way, should I? After all I dearly love my kids, why can’t I just enjoy every minute like I feel should, why does it all get so negative?

At times I need to be reminded of these 3 basic things.

I’m not alone

Maybe we don’t talk openly about this as much as we should. But years of walking alongside other families, other caregivers like me, show me I’m not the only one that goes through this. I also pray, holding onto the promise I believe that God says he will not leave or forsake me. I look again at the many characters in the Bible stories who God was faithfully present with against all the odds. My favorite is Elijah when he wants to give up and face plants the dust. God gets it, dusts him down and tucks him in for a well needed sleep. There are also others I can talk to now who understand, who have been there and will go there again.

Finding those people, whether through an online community or a local support group has been really important. They are the ones to message or meet up with when things get tough. They will remind me I’m not alone.

Self-care is not selfish

Sleep deprivation is no joke, the physical and psychological effects are real. It is not selfish to recognize my need for rest in the middle of all the demands on my time and energy as I care for others. I need healthy energy giving food as well as my emergency chocolate supply. I need space to catch my breath just for a second every now and then.

The logistics of self-care as a caregiver are not at all easy but when I can find a moment I want to remind myself that taking that opportunity for a space, a snack or a snooze is not selfish but important. It’s part of what keeps me resilient, it is needed to stay healthy.

Look for the blessings

When things feel negative it’s all too easy to only see the difficult bits and not notice the little joys. I feel cross when I hear myself remind myself to look for the blessings but I know full well that unless I make the decision to find even just a few each day the negative spiral gains pace.

One of the ways I have found that helps me get going is to try and be more mindful as I go about the everyday. During the day asking myself what 5 things I can see, what 4 things I can hear, what 3 things I can touch, what 2 things I can do, what 1 thing I can smell. Being intentionally more aware of my interaction with the world around me often opens me up to begin seeing the little moments of beauty, joy and peace again. It grounds me and reminds me there are blessings around me and dotted in and through each day that can refresh and nurture me.

Written by Cathy Porter 

Cathy Porter is  a disciple of Jesus, a mum, ordained and a vicar's wife (in the Church of England), a writer, a creative, a blogger.

Cathy and her husband, Andrew, have 3 children. Her two girls both a diagnosis of ASC. You can follow the ups and downs of family life & faith on her blog:

www.clearlynurturing.wordpress.com

"CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?"

“Can you hear me now?” In one simple phrase, Verizon highlighted and brought humor to a common frustration that befell many cell phone users.  We’ve all been there…talking away and eventually finding the line to be dead when we pause.  This leaves us wondering how long we have been talking to ourselves and at what point to resume the conversation when we finally reconnect. Or perhaps you have been in the position of trying to obtain some urgent piece of information like directions and the line is so garbled you can’t understand where to go next.  In one simple phrase, Verizon brought light to our desire to communicate and to be heard.

We all have a desire to be heard and this is an extremely meaningful way to come alongside families who have been impacted by special needs. 

In the three years that things were at their worst with our family, we only had one couple brave enough to invite us to sit down with them and share our journey and boy did we share our story.  We sat there over coffee, they listened, cried with us and didn’t offer a solution or other quick fix.  Now to be fair, we are fairly quiet and many people didn’t realize how bad it was.  However, that night was so refreshing and in so many ways it was healing just to be heard.  Did anything change in our situation?  No. But, we felt cared for, our pain was validated and we felt loved.

Listening is like any skill.  It takes practice.  Here are some tips to improve your listening skills to help those you are coming alongside feel heard.

·      Set aside time.  If you know someone is struggling, don’t give them five minutes in passing to share their heart. It will likely take a while for them to really be real with you.

·      Make eye contact.  Set down the cell phone.  Don’t take calls, check Facebook, reply to texts and don’t frequently check the time.

·      Be present…  Focus on what they are saying and not how you are going to respond.  Periodically repeat back to them in your words what you heard them say.

·      Acknowledge how they felt.  “Wow, that must have been…”  Don’t minimize the situation, over spiritualize, or offer some cliché response.  For example, “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle” is NOT helpful (or Biblical).

·      Love them.  When you leave your time together, they should feel loved and not judged.  They may be believing things that are not true.  As you develop your relationship with them, there may be a time to address that with them but that time is usually not when they are first sharing their story with you.

·      Finally, don’t avoid them afterwards or leave them wondering if they overshared.

So, “Can you hear me now?” 

What of the above tips can you implement to strengthen your listening skills?  Is there a family impacted by special needs that would be encouraged by having you intentionally sit down with them to hear their story?

“I called on the Lord in my distress, and I cried to my God for help.  From His temple He heard my voice, and my cry to Him reached His ears.” ~ Psalms 18:6 (HCSB)