The Waiting Room

Before I had children waiting rooms served one purpose.  They were a place to wait.  I’d look forward to those few quiet moments to flip through the pages of a Better Homes and Gardens stashed in the pile of outdated magazines.  I would exhale.  I would zone out.  I would be still.  Then, I would hear my name called and forget I was ever there. 

As a mom, and especially as a special needs parent, I very often find myself in waiting rooms.  However, the waiting is altogether different…

When I’m waiting for my child to complete testing with the school psychologist, or finish a session of occupational therapy, or therapeutic gymnastics, or swimming lessons, the list goes on, it’s never a time of exhale. I am zoned way in.  I am far from still.   It’s often a time of held breath.  It’s a time of anxiety.  I am almost always lending one ear to the task of waiting for signs of the session going awry or hear myself be beckoned to the room.  I can pretend to flip through the pages of a tattered magazine left for waiting parents, but it’s just to fill the time with any kind of distraction.  That is, unless there is another waiting parent there.  That’s when magic happens.

In these places of waiting, special needs parents find each other.  We are all so desiring of community and relationship with people in our same, or similar situation, that when you sit two of us in a room together, we just get to chatting.  A smile.  A greeting.  Then, before you know it, you’ve exchanged stories, you have shed the anxiety that you may have entered the waiting with and are sad when the waiting time ends.  You might, in the case of a recurring appointment, get to see this parent again. You might not. 

Regardless of that, in the midst of these sometimes frantic days, you connected with someone who gets it.  You were given the gift of a pause, a judgement-free exchange and probably even a shared laugh or tear.

I skip out of these chance meetings feeling so heard and so understood and with such an incredibly full cup.  What’s even more magical is when a bonafide friendship begins to form in the waiting room.  I’ve experienced that a few times on this road.  Imagine that, meeting a person in a waiting room, of all places, and bonding nearly instantly over this shared journey.  You just never know who might be waiting with you.  

I can admit that those peaceful days of leisurely and seemingly carefree times of solitude and reflection were nice.  Okay, very nice. They were maybe even dreamy.  I can share too, that this new type of waiting is far more fulfilling. 

If you find yourself waiting nervously for your child to finish up their speech session, pick your head up from that magazine, or from your phone, and look around that room.  Drum up some conversation with the parent next to you.  Even if it feels clumsy or awkward at first, don’t let that stop you.  Push through and take a chance. Odds are they are desiring connection, too.  You will both be blessed by interacting, and you may just make a treasured new friend.  

Written by BreAnn Tassone

BreAnn is a wife and mother to two beloved children.  Her 8 year old son is twice exceptional and has been diagnosed with PANS/PANDAS, and her 3 year old daughter is his most incredible advocate.  They both bring joy to this world in their own individual ways. BreAnn lives with her family in central Virginia.  She is a former Special Education teacher and serves as a volunteer at her church within the special needs ministry.  She is a homeschooler and coordinates groups and events within her community to support the childhood experience of her neighbors and friends. It is her conviction that all children benefit when all children are included, accepted and can live this life learning from and supporting each other.

WILL MY CHILD BE ACCEPTED?

I finally watched the movie “Wonder” and I may or have may not have cried. Don’t get me wrong, the tears were manly tears. Each tear probably had its own little beard but they were tears none the less.

What was it that hit me? Was it the hard times Auggie faced? The initial lack of social acceptance? Was it the fear and trepidation that his parents dealt with when they sent him to school or the conflict they had when they were not on the same page about sending him to school? Or was it how Olivia’s (Auggie’s sister) life was impacted?

It wasn’t any of these things. Although, all these things were right on the money and in one way or another I could relate to each of them. While our struggles were different, I could relate to each of the challenges depicted and have seen them exemplified in our own family. No, the thing that got me was the acceptance.

After all the difficulties, Auggie’s classmates accepted him. They laughed at his jokes. They high fived him and gave him a standing ovation when he was given an award for being an exemplary person at the end of the school year. This is what made the tears stream down my face.

 I’ve learned to take the good days with the hard. But it breaks my heart when I sit down with my little buddy, talk with him about his goals and his top goal is to make friends. He wants to make more friends but social situations can be really hard for him.

 He wants to be accepted and you know what, I want that for him. I want the kids high fiving him. I want them laughing at his jokes. I want them to be seeking him out and to miss him if he is not there.

Do I care if he is popular or if he ever has a standing ovation from a group of peers? No, but I want him to be accepted.

 This is why I cried such manly tears in this movie, because not all of our sons and daughters will win over the hearts of their peers and be accepted for the “Wonders” that they are. We don’t have screen writers in place to tie beautiful bows on our situations and make everyone else see our children the way we do. And it hurts.

 Here’s the thing though, even in the midst of the uncertainty about his future and how he will be accepted. I have a confident hope and assurance. Even when I’m no longer around, my son has a heavenly father in whose image he was made. A father who will never leave him, forsake him or turn him away. A father who recognizes how wonderfully our children were made.

 “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.”

~ Jesus (Mark 10:14 NIV)

 Have you seen the movie, “Wonder”?  How did it resonate with you?