3 Things To Remember When You're Overwhelmed
I don’t know about you, but there are times when my energy levels simply dip and it feels as though my motivation and get up and go has got up and gone…Written by Cathy Porter
I don’t know about you, but there are times when my energy levels simply dip and it feels as though my motivation and get up and go has got up and gone. There are times when everything feels too much; too much of an uphill struggle, too much of a battle, too relentless. And in those times I also fight overwhelming feelings of guilt and failure.
I shouldn’t feel this way, should I? After all I dearly love my kids, why can’t I just enjoy every minute like I feel should, why does it all get so negative?
At times I need to be reminded of these 3 basic things.
I’m not alone
Maybe we don’t talk openly about this as much as we should. But years of walking alongside other families, other caregivers like me, show me I’m not the only one that goes through this. I also pray, holding onto the promise I believe that God says he will not leave or forsake me. I look again at the many characters in the Bible stories who God was faithfully present with against all the odds. My favorite is Elijah when he wants to give up and face plants the dust. God gets it, dusts him down and tucks him in for a well needed sleep. There are also others I can talk to now who understand, who have been there and will go there again.
Finding those people, whether through an online community or a local support group has been really important. They are the ones to message or meet up with when things get tough. They will remind me I’m not alone.
Self-care is not selfish
Sleep deprivation is no joke, the physical and psychological effects are real. It is not selfish to recognize my need for rest in the middle of all the demands on my time and energy as I care for others. I need healthy energy giving food as well as my emergency chocolate supply. I need space to catch my breath just for a second every now and then.
The logistics of self-care as a caregiver are not at all easy but when I can find a moment I want to remind myself that taking that opportunity for a space, a snack or a snooze is not selfish but important. It’s part of what keeps me resilient, it is needed to stay healthy.
Look for the blessings
When things feel negative it’s all too easy to only see the difficult bits and not notice the little joys. I feel cross when I hear myself remind myself to look for the blessings but I know full well that unless I make the decision to find even just a few each day the negative spiral gains pace.
One of the ways I have found that helps me get going is to try and be more mindful as I go about the everyday. During the day asking myself what 5 things I can see, what 4 things I can hear, what 3 things I can touch, what 2 things I can do, what 1 thing I can smell. Being intentionally more aware of my interaction with the world around me often opens me up to begin seeing the little moments of beauty, joy and peace again. It grounds me and reminds me there are blessings around me and dotted in and through each day that can refresh and nurture me.
Written by Cathy Porter
Cathy Porter is a disciple of Jesus, a mum, ordained and a vicar's wife (in the Church of England), a writer, a creative, a blogger.
Cathy and her husband, Andrew, have 3 children. Her two girls both a diagnosis of ASC. You can follow the ups and downs of family life & faith on her blog:
A Little Help, Please!
Have you ever been in a place where you just can't keep going? You want to, you know you need to, others are depending on you, but you are just too tired. You've given and given and now you are completely exhausted.
Have you ever been in a place where you just can't keep going? You want to, you know you need to, others are depending on you, but you are just too tired. You've given and given and now you are completely exhausted. This is the situation we find Moses in in Exodus 17:8-16 (NLT).
The Amalekites have attacked. Joshua and the Israelite army are fighting a battle. Moses, as the leader for the Israelite people, has climbed to the top of a nearby hill with his brother Aaron and a man named Hur. As long as Moses holds "the staff of God" up in the air in his hand, the Israelite army would be winning the battle, when it dropped, the Amalekites would gain the advantage. "Moses' arms soon became so tired he could no longer hold them up. So Aaron and Hur found a stone for him to sit on. Then they stood on each side of Moses, holding up his hands so his hands held steady until sunset. As a result, Joshua overwhelmed the army of Amalek in battle."
Moses knew the stakes, if he didn't continue to do his role of holding the staff, the Israelite army would lose the battle. Lives were at risk. If he faltered, people would die. You too have a critical role - mom, dad, caregiver, advocate, intermediary, decision-maker, shelter, security, guide, teacher, nurse. If you falter, your child's life or welfare may be at risk. The stakes are high. You know the pressures, I don't have to tell you about them.
Reflection Questions:
- Do you have an Aaron and Hur in your life who help when you need it?
- Do you share (gently) with others that you need help or try to do everything on your own?
- Do you accept help from others when it is offered? Why or why not?
- What type of help do you most need – practical tasks, prayer, a listening ear? Who can you approach to be your Aaron and Hur? (It may be different people for different types of tasks.)
Lord, the needs of my family are so great and beyond my ability meet. I'm tired, worn and can't do it all by myself. Please send an Aaron and Hur into my life to help hold me up and make it so I can continue on in this very important role you have given me parenting my dear child(ren).