Love Your Neighbor

What do I do? This is the question that has kept going through my mind last week as I have seen so many families struggling. I’ve read the Facebook posts of my African American friends and my heart has wept with them. 

I am a middle aged white male that lives in an agricultural area that is 96.7% Caucasian. This makes me feel like I should be the last person to speak on this matter but when you see injustice you can’t remain quiet. When your friends are hurting, you don’t ignore it.

 I am going to step out on a limb here and share what I’ve learned about inclusion based on my experience as a dad of a child with special needs. I’m not pretending to understand the depth of the pain that people of color are experiencing and I’m not saying that the pain or injustice is equal.

As a special needs dad, I remember the disgusted looks when our son melted down in public. The comments and the whispering under the breath. I’ve seen the public make fun of those with disabilities. Kids calling other kids with developmental disabilities names and parents turning kids away so they wouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable around the nonverbal child.

The sad thing is that this is not just limited to public settings. I can share story after story of families who were told their child was not welcome at a church because they were “disruptive” or the church didn’t know how to come alongside them. I can share story after story of families of kids with disabilities that have completely walked away from the church because of how badly they’ve been hurt.

Perhaps this is your story. 

In Matthew 12, Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was. He replied that the first is to love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength. He went on to say that the second greatest command is to love your neighbor as yourself. 

As I look back at the period of time in our lives mentioned above, what our family would have wanted and what many of the other families we talk to would have wanted is to be loved and to have their children be loved. 

It is hard to love someone as yourself if you don’t know them.

In that season of a few years where things were especially rough, we only had one couple sit down with us and ask us how we were doing. They then just sat there and listened and listened and listened some more. They didn’t offer advice. They didn’t go into fix it mode. They didn’t make promises.

They loved us by listening.

So back to my original question. What do I do? I can love my neighbor as myself and I can do this by listening.

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire is the father of two sons and two sons and the Co-Founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disabilities and special needs on a spiritual and emotional level.

You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook HERE. Hope Anew has launched the Hope Anew Online community and would love to have you be a part of it! You can learn more about it at WWW.HOPEANEW.COM.  

DUE TO COVID-19, HOPE ANEW IS WAIVING ALL MEMBERSHIP FEES FOR THE COMMUNITY!

Please...Don't encourage me!

One of the things I typically love at conferences is talking with people and getting to hear their stories. I recently had the opportunity to speak at a conference. After the final workshop that Sarah and I lead, an individual came up to talk with me. It was a memorable conversation. He introduced himself and went on to tell me that mourning the loss of the dreams we had for our child when we have a child impacted by special needs is a lie from Satan. After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I mentally went through the workshop we had just lead on “5 Beliefs That Make Hard Times Harder & How To Practically Come Alongside Families Impacted By Special Needs” and had to wonder where we miscommunicated so badly that this individual felt this was the best way to come alongside me. After a brief conversation, he walked away saying that “he was just trying to encourage me.”

What I am about to say may sound harsh but it needs to be said. Please do not come alongside someone who is struggling, admonish them and then try to wrap a pretty bow on it by saying that you are “just trying to encourage them.” I don’t need that kind of encouragement and neither does any other parent I know who has a child who is impacted by special needs.

Parents of children impacted by special needs will go through seasons like other parents. Ecclesiastes 3:1,4 tells us there is a season for every activity under the sun. There is a time to cry, a time to laugh, a time to grieve and a time to dance. As parents of children with additional needs, we may bounce between these seasons more frequently or even be in one season longer than another.  And you know what, it’s okay. It’s okay to grieve. It’s okay acknowledge the loss. In fact, it is actually a good thing.  We are not saying that we love the child any less. We are not denying the value of the child or that God has a plan and is using this. There will come a time when we will heal (not to say we won’t still grieve at times) and we will be able to dream a new dream for our child. But if today isn’t that day, that’s okay.

Do you really want to encourage families whose children have additional needs? Leave any judgment or condemnation at the door! Don’t feel the pressure to be a teacher or educator on this particular season of life we are in. Most parents of children with additional needs already have enough self-condemnation and guilt that they are dealing with. Instead, be their friend and love them where they are at. Love them in the midst of their emotions without trying to clean it up. Be a part of that healing process.

Are you the parent of a child with additional needs? We want to hear from you! What has been the most loving way you have been blessed by a friend, family member or complete stranger when you were really struggling?