Romance, A Divine Design

As I shared last week, I’m a complete romantic. To my core. I love romantic books and movies. December rolls around and I get excited about the sappy movies that will soon be on television. Jonathan teases me saying, “Let me tell you what happens. Boy meets girl. Boy has an ugly sweater. Girl has a problem. It gets solved. They fall in love. The end.”  I grin and say, “Yup, isn’t it great! You want to watch with me?” That usually earns me a kind-hearted eye-roll. Yes, the story line is basically the same in all of them, but I don’t tire of it. I love all things about falling in love

When I find myself longing for something that seems impossible to attain or to attain fully, I find that it often points to a desire placed in me by God that will be fulfilled in eternity. I think romance is one of those longings.

The thing I love about romance is that it involves being known, chosen, desired, completely loved and adored for who you uniquely are. There is no disapproval or disappointment, only delight, delight in each other over all others.

 Throughout Scripture, there are several pictures of God’s relationship with us such as potter/clay, shepherd/sheep, father/child, as well as bridegroom and bride (that translates as “fiancé”). He has proposed. And when He returns for us, to bring us to the home He has been preparing, there will be a wedding celebration feast!

Hosea 2:16, 19-20 says, “When that day comes,” says the LORD, “you will call me ‘my husband’.” “I will make you my wife forever, showing you…unfailing love and compassion. I will be faithful to you and make you mine.”

 This story doesn’t just follow the typical plot line, it created the typical plot line. Boy loves girl. Girl has a problem (sin). Boy rescues girl (gives His life, pays the price owed by girl to get her out of her problem – I John 4:10). They fall in love. There’s a wedding!

Are you questioning the falling in love part? Does it feel like a long-distance relationship before the telephone? When the doctor handed you the diagnosis, your child is in surgery – again, you haven’t had a full night of sleep in years due to the breathing machine, your child has no friends and your heart breaks with their pain, when your spouse says, “I didn’t sign up for this” and leaves. It can all feel like God doesn’t care for you at all, let alone that He cares with unfailing love.

If that is where you are at, take time to contemplate that He defines love. He IS love (I John 4:8). He has chosen you and He takes “great delight in you” (Zeph. 3:17). He knows the number of hairs on your head (Matt. 10:30) and collects your tears in a bottle (Ps. 56:8) and promises to one day wipe every tear from your eye and to get rid of death, sorrow and pain forever (Rev. 21:4). How romantic is that!

 

I find that too often I walk through life consumed with my tasks and problems, totally unaware of the things my Fiancé has put all around me to show His love for me and that He’s thinking of me. If His love feels distant, ask Him to show it to you and then keep your eyes open for little things He puts in your path to say, “I love you. You are precious to me. Enjoy this, my darling”. Tonight, maybe look up in the sky and remember that your Fiancé actually did hang the moon for you.

Written by Sarah McGuire, Co-Founder of Hope Anew

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children with additional needs on spiritual and emotional level.

Building Your Home & Your Marriage

At a bridal shower, I once heard the story of a young newlywed couple who were working intentionally on their marriage and good communication and loving each other well. They made the arrangement that they would greet each other at the door every day when the husband arrived home from work. If he had had a particularly challenging day at work, was not in a good mood and needed some extra space, understanding and TLC he would turn his hat (that he always wore) backwards. That way the wife knew to give him some extra grace, care and to take on more of the evening household duties. And vice versa, if the wife had had a particularly stressful day and needed extra measures of understanding, grace and TLC she would pin her apron up. This way the husband could take over making dinner, make an extra effort to listen and whatever else was needed. This was a great arrangement until the day when the husband arrived home with his hat backwards and met his wife at the door with her apron pinned up.

I don’t know about you, but when special needs entered our worlds, every day my apron would have been pinned up had we had this arrangement. Of course, no apron was needed…I wasn’t at the door to greet him. Dinner was not yet in the works, or if it was, it had only gotten as far as some chopped veggies on the counter with no further plan. Crying (our son’s) often could have been heard before he ever arrived at the front door or at least as soon as he opened it. Welcome home, Dear. If his hat was backwards, I wouldn’t have noticed.

These men of ours. These special needs dads. They are a special lot. They keep showing up. As men, they have the desire to fix it and make it better, but they can’t. Not for the child, not for their wife, not for the other kids.

Some dads (and moms) don’t stick it out. They say, “I didn’t sign up for this” and they are gone. If that’s your family’s story, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for your pain, loss and that you are alone to handle all the pressures now.

If your husband is faithfully showing up, I encourage you to take a minute or two to express your appreciation for who he is and all he does. It can be spoken or written. If you write it, he may tuck it away to read repeatedly, especially during times when he needs a reminder that he is valued. It doesn’t have to be ornate or long. If you have time and energy for a long letter, wonderful. But, short and sweet, even one line, can work just as well.

If you need some ideas to get you going, I suggest using one of these:

• “I’m so proud to be your wife because… (of your integrity, hard work, perseverance, courage, fortitude, thoughtfulness, humor, etc)”
•  “I respect you because…”
•  “Our family is so fortunate to have you because…”

Proverbs 14:1 says, “A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.” I’ve seen women who criticize, put their husbands down or tell him what he is currently doing or providing isn’t enough. These women are tearing down their homes with their own hands. I’ve also seen women who build their husbands up speaking into their souls words that encourage and empower.

What can you do today to help build your home and your husband?

Written by Sarah McGuire Co-Founder of Hope Anew

Unique Challenges Of Marriage: My Spouse Is Overreacting

“My wife thinks our son has autism.” It was morning and I was sitting in the office of a colleague of mine. He had just asked how I was doing and that was my reply. There was a disassociation there, as I didn’t want to believe it yet.

It took me longer to accept the diagnosis than what it did for Sarah. For Sarah, the diagnosis was a relief because it gave direction and helped her better understand what was going on. She had been caring for our son all day and all night, day in and day out. She was searching for answers when no one else could give us any.

I was away at work all day and not home until late evening. I didn’t see the day in and day out as much. For me, the diagnosis communicated a weight, a finality, the beginning of the end of a dream. I didn’t want the diagnosis to be true so I denied it.

You may find yourself identifying with where I was. You may be smack dab in the middle of denial and think that your spouse is way out in left field with whatever diagnosis your child is facing. You may think your spouse is overreacting to whatever is going on. If you are in this camp, it can be easy to become irritable whenever the diagnosis or other health struggles are mentioned. It can be easy to be upset and even grow bitter at your spouse.

If this is where you find yourself and some of the above thoughts resonate with you, remember it is time to love well. Notice, I didn’t say to just humor your spouse but love them. Here are some ways that you can do that:

• Engage with them. Don’t just burry yourself in your work to avoid the problem. They are likely lonely and need you.
•  Listen to them. Set down the phone. Turn off the TV. Make eye contact and really listen.
• When they bring research and information to you, study it.
• Whenever you have a chance, go with them to the doctor appointments. Don’t be afraid to ask the doctor questions.
• Trust them. I don’t know you but more than likely, if you are in this spot, your spouse is the primary caregiver and is with the child a greater portion of the day. Trust them and trust their instincts.

After a time, I accepted what was going on and became that much more engaged. While I went on to go through the other aspects of chronic grief, I came to a point of being able to dream a different dream for our son and Sarah and I became a stronger team.

How you demonstrate love to your spouse during this time is so crucial. This time can have the effect of tearing apart a marriage or strengthening it. How you show love to each other will make all the difference.

How can you best show love to your spouse right now?

P.S. If you feel like your spouse is in denial, don’t just print this article off and leave it waiting for them somewhere! That probably won’t be received the most favorably.