Beyond Labels: Seeing the Beauty in EVERY Child

Do you ever feel like your child is looked down on because of their disability or special need?

In the world, you often see a differentiation between the “haves” and the “have nots.” Those in sports are esteemed more highly than the shelf stocker at Walmart. The advice of those with the largest following on social media or YouTube is more sought after than the grandfather or grandmother up the street.

Sadly, this can even be true at churches. I hear of many parents on this journey in special needs walking through the church doors looking for community and eventually walking away because they are made to feel like their child is a burden. Congregation members treated their child as less than and not really valued.

If this is your story, I’m sorry. This Easter season, I want to assure you that God does not see your son or daughter as less than.

Here are 5 ways that we can see this in the Bible. 

1. Your child is created in God's image

"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." - Genesis 1:27 (NIV)

This verse reminds us that every person, including those with special needs, is created in God's image and is therefore uniquely valuable and important in God's eyes.

 

2. God sees beyond physical limitations

“But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.’”

– 1 Samuel 16:7 (NIV

While human beings often focus on physical appearances and abilities, God looks at the heart. He sees beyond a person's disabilities to their true character and potential.

3. God sees my child's struggles and cares for them

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." - Psalm 34:18 (NIV)

As a parent, it can be heartbreaking to see my child struggle with challenges or disabilities. But I take comfort in knowing that God sees their struggles and cares for them deeply. God is close to those who are brokenhearted, and I believe that He is with my child every step of the way.

4. We are all equal in Christ

“There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” – Galatians 3:28 (NIV)

In this passage we can see that in Christ, there is no distinction between people based on their race, gender, or social status. This includes people with disabilities, who are equal members of the body of Christ. God values each person equally and desires for us to love and accept one another just as Christ has loved and accepted us (John 13:34-35).

5. God has given your child a unique gift or talent to share with the world

"Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms." - 1 Peter 4:10 (NIV)

This verse reminds us that every person, including those with special needs, has unique gifts and talents that can be used to make a positive impact on the world. By valuing and nurturing these gifts, we can help our children to realize their full potential and make a positive difference in the world around them.

This Easter season, as we celebrate the death and resurrection of our savior, I want to encourage you that not only does our heavenly father know and love you. In the same way, He fully loves your son or daughter. He does not view them as a burden or less than.

He tends his flock like a shepherd:
    He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
    he gently leads those that have young.

~ Isaiah 40:11 (NIV)

Written by Jonathan McGuire

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Jonathan McGuire  is the dad of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides the beat up, battered, and worn out parents of children impacted by disabilities and special needs through the spiritual and emotional challenges they face to Christ-centered hope and healing.

To The Caregivers

She was three, he was seven and I was in crisis.  I was overweight, overtired and overwhelmed.  I felt so sick and old. 

I felt all of this, but I so rarely reflected on my state of being that I almost didn’t notice that I felt this way at all. I was just not on my own mind in any way. I would read about “self care” and think it such an indulgent luxury.  I would get so taken aback at the mention of it, as if I was making a choice not to care for myself.  Of course I didn’t feel that was the case.  I was allowing my hectic circumstance to be the fall guy for that.  I was so deep into my role as caregiver that I couldn’t see how my body was struggling.  My child was being tested for vitamin deficiencies and receiving appropriate supplements.  Both of my children were eating pretty clean diets free from inflammatory foods, artificial ingredients and they were eating organic choices as much as possible.  I was not.  I was treating my exhaustion with food, and making all of the wrong choices. I was convincing myself that I deserved the joy that overindulging in food brought.  I earned it.  Eating was something I looked forward to.

There was no time for a spa day, or even to enjoy reading a novel.  There was time to get through the day, most of the night, and then crash into my bed, but not before “medicating” with some yummy meal or treat eaten way too late and consisting of absolutely terrible choices.  With zero help in the childcare department, jogs or trips to the gym were also out of the question.  So, this is where I was.    

Then the pandemic hit our world and our world hit the pause button.  Many people began to overindulge and neglect physical wellness in an effort to deal with all of the emotions living through the fear a pandemic brought on.  I suddenly wasn’t alone in this struggle.  So many people started  “medicating” with food as I had been.  Comfort food and sourdough bread recipes were all over social media, and many people soon felt ready to reign it in.  This was my window of opportunity.  Something was awake in me, finally.  I did a deep dive into wellness with others who had gained extra weight during the pandemic.

God led me to a plan that really helped give my body the respect it deserved. 

Encouraged by a family member, I dove in.  I still couldn’t get to a gym, and I still was running wild until far later in the evening than typical, but when I ate I was eating vegetables and meat.  I was choosing fruit and eliminating all of the things my child had eliminated years before.  I cut out those same artificial ingredients and inflammatory foods.  I began taking the supplements my body needed and I started pulling myself out of the fog.  I started loving on myself as I had always done for my children.

Quickly life became easier.  I found I could handle the hectic moments with more grace for myself and my family.  I realized that the way I love and care for my children, is the way God loves me. I was not caring for my God-given body as I should have been.  It is such a gift to be given a body in the first place.  Isn’t it?  

So many lightbulbs started turning on for me.  As much as, my role as caregiver to my children requires, as does my role as caregiver to myself.  It’s easy when you’re navigating special needs or medical fragility within your home to completely forget about yourself.  It’s not at all a case of that horrible phrase “letting yourself go”.  In my experience, it was a case of just completely forgetting my health needs altogether in the flurry of life.  We can’t do that.  We can’t get lost in the”figuring it out” and the “making our way through”.  We need to try to honor ourselves and our bodies and our children will be the beneficiaries.  First off, we’ll hopefully improve our chances of living longer.  Next, when we, as caregivers, feel well and healthy, have energy and aren’t flooding our system with terrible food additives and sugary junk we can care better for those we love.   Finally, I think when you’re taking exceptional care of what God has trusted you with, your heart feels lighter and you can begin to fulfill the role you have before you. 

Our homelife has calmed significantly in the last year.  There are many reasons for that. We’ve found appropriate treatment and a proper diagnosis for our child, we’ve settled more comfortably into this role of caregiver, and we have now turned our eyes toward caring for ourselves in the same way we feverishly care for our children.  

Everyone is the caregiver to something or someone.  It may be a child with special needs, it may be a beautiful golden retriever, and it may be a dear friend. May it always be that we are caregivers to ourselves first and foremost.  If you have forgotten yourself for a bit, as I did, it is my hope that reading this will serve as a reminder of what a gift our bodies are and of how deserving you are to feel outstanding in yours. 

Written by BreAnn Tassone

BreAnn is a wife and mother to two beloved children.  Her 8 year old son is twice exceptional and has been diagnosed with PANS/PANDAS, and her 3 year old daughter is his most incredible advocate.  They both bring joy to this world in their own individual ways. BreAnn lives with her family in central Virginia.  She is a former Special Education teacher and serves as a volunteer at her church within the special needs ministry.  She is a homeschooler and coordinates groups and events within her community to support the childhood experience of her neighbors and friends. It is her conviction that all children benefit when all children are included, accepted and can live this life learning from and supporting each other.

Yes, I Am Depressed

Do you struggle with depression? I was sitting in a sterile office with my wife and kids as some stranger was analyzing my blood and this is the question he asked. My gut response was to swallow the lump that suddenly appeared in my throat and say “No. No, I don’t struggle with depression,” rather than admit the truth before my wife and boys.

Instead, I swallowed my pride and with my heart beating in my ears, admitted that I struggle with depression. Oddly, I wasn’t met with scorn or rejection and the world didn’t fall apart when I spoke the truth. My boys didn’t suddenly think less of me and, if I’m being honest, it really wasn’t a surprise to Sarah.

So why was it so hard to admit that depression was a struggle? I didn’t want to be seen as weak or dare I say, unstable. I didn’t want it to impact my relationships with those around me.

 I’ve always been pretty even keel. I don’t have an extreme visible range of emotions. I’m not known for displaying high levels of exuberance when I’m excited or for flying off the handle when I am angry and I definitely don’t talk to others about being depressed.

 Why not? Have you ever felt like you had to wear a mask in order to be perceived a certain way? You wear one mask with your friends. Another mask at your church and so on.

By admitting I struggle with depression, it felt like I was admitting that I was “less than.” Somehow in my personal life, I equated depression with not being strong enough mentally or physically. More importantly, I equated it to not being strong enough spiritually or having enough faith.

Isn’t that ridiculous? Of all the foolish notions, I don’t even apply the same standard to others when I see them struggling emotionally. In fact, it grieves my heart to hear of individuals who didn’t open up or get help when they needed it.

Sadly, I think many of us are stuck in this game of wearing a mask. Not everyone is trying to hide depression. It might be worries over a child who is struggling with a disability. It might be a marriage that is in shambles or an addiction of some type. We’re afraid of what will happen when we are real about where we are at.

Do you know what happened when I answered this man’s question? He said, “Okay, that fits. Let’s look at your adrenals.” He helped me look for an answer and came alongside me. What if I had buried the truth? My overall health would have suffered as a result.

As parents of children who are impacted by additional needs, we often neglect our own emotional, physical and spiritual health. Are there areas that you are burying? Who can you find that will allow you to safely take your mask off so you can begin to experience healing?