When The Rug Gets Yanked Out From Under Your Life

The last year and a half has been a doozy for me, and I’d guess it has been for many of us for different reasons. I mean, 2020-2021, seriously? Over this year and a half my personal inner-life journey has taken me on quite a ride and while circumstances have offered up different challenges that haven’t resolved yet, my personal journey has been life-giving.

How does that happen? How can we not have circumstances align with what we want or need, yet have our heart, mind, & soul thrive anyway?

I’ll give a caveat that my most basic physical needs were met. I had a roof over my head, heat, food, water, sleep, and my immediate family with me whom I love dearly and who love me. The rest of life, including a house, friends, church, church family, homeschool group, and a significant chunk of our income, well, those were stripped away and my health was already greatly diminished, so that’s where I was a year and a half ago.

How do we move forward when the rug gets yanked out from under us and our life, as it has been, as we liked, as we dreamed of and worked to build, suddenly crumbles? For some of us that day is when our child gets a diagnosis that we know will change our lives forever. For some, a job loss. For some, a support system we depend on suddenly isn’t dependable or even available. What then?

Finding a private place to melt into a pile on the floor and cry it out with a bag of Lindt chocolates (my personal favorite – the chocolate, not the melting into a sobbing mess) close at hand may come first. Screaming to God about it might happen too. Grief – however that looks for you – is important. Acknowledging the pain (in a healthy way – not hurling anger on everyone around us) is critical! If we bury it, it will fester and cause other problems.

After scraping myself off the floor and expressing my feelings and thoughts to God repeatedly, this is what I did. I made a conscious choice that when I stepped out of my beloved house and into my new (not what I would have chosen) residence, I would NOT complain. Complaints would not cross my lips. I could still acknowledge & grieve the sadness of the losses, but I would not complain about the present.

It took several months, but the resolution to not complain morphed into intentionally looking for things to be thankful for – every day. And when challenges arose, to look for what I could be thankful for in the situation. I didn’t deny that it wasn’t ideal or that it wasn’t hard or unwanted, but I’d look for the good in it.

Instead of griping about the hot water running out 6 minutes into my shower, I could be thankful for the hot water I did have and get my hair cut shorter so I could take quicker showers. Guess what, I got lots of compliments on my shorter hair. It suits me better!

Instead of complaining about things breaking, falling off, or getting damaged on our new home (an RV), I could focus on being thankful for a resourceful, capable, problem-solving husband and it became part of the adventure.

One of the latest examples, I was commenting to a friend how I felt bad for my kids and how they weren’t getting to experience a typical (even typical for homeschool) high school experience with friends close by, sports, group activities, etc. during these critical years. She graciously called my attention to all they are getting to experience. A few hours later as I reflected on the conversation, I realized an unfavorable trait (that isn’t the kind that can be overcome with teaching or training) that had characterized one of my sons a good part of his life had completely disappeared over the previous year. Oh my, I’d been focused on what my husband and I weren’t able to provide for them and what I thought was lacking and instead there was so, so much he had gained that was worth invaluably more!

I have a long way to go in overcoming my negative thinking and making thankfulness my default, but one day at a time, I get closer to that goal!

How about you, have you ever taken a period of time to intentionally focus on annihilating complaining and to be purposefully thankful? How did it go? What happened?

Written by Sarah McGuire

SARAH MCGUIRE IS THE MOM OF TWO BOYS AND CO-FOUNDER OF HOPE ANEW, A NONPROFIT THAT GUIDES PARENTS TO CHRIST-CENTERED HOPE AND HEALING. YOU CAN FOLLOW HOPE ANEW ON FACEBOOK HERE.

Just Get Over It

Do you know what words have never helped anyone get over their hurt, their pain and their grief? This phrase right here…“Just get over it.” Yet this is a phrase I have repeatedly heard others say to parents who are grieving the loss of a dream of a typical childhood and the challenges their child will face growing up.

Wouldn’t it be nice if in the midst of your grief, you could flip a switch and say, “I’m over it.” I will never grieve this again.  Life is good and I have completely healed.

However, that is not the case for many parents who have a child impacted by special needs. Sure, there will be periods where the grief subsides and the parent is able to dream a new dream and appreciate the incredible person that their child is but then there will be other moments when grief rears its head again and floors us. The grief is chronic.

Just get over it? How do I just get over it?

My son cut his leg this week while on a bike ride. What if I told him to just get over it and go on with his day? There would have been stones, dirt and grease from the bike chain left in the cut. What would have happened next? If left the way it was, the cut would have attracted flies and eventually become infected.

The reality is if I choose to just get over it, I am choosing to ignore it and just bury the pain. If I bury the pain, it will become “infected” and it will come back. It will come back as anger, resentment, health issues, sin issues and the list goes on.

When my son cut his leg, instead of telling him to “just get over it”, I listened to him. I let him share from his perspective what happened and then he washed off his leg.

Some of you may find yourself at this point of grieving. If you do, be assured that it does not mean that you love your child any less.

Healing takes time and we all heal at different rates. That is why a husband and wife can experience the same event but be in different places emotionally.

If you find yourself in this place of grief, I would encourage you to take a look at the Psalms and laments. It may even  be helpful for you to write your own lament. If you find yourself stuck in this place of grieving, it may be time to meet with a counselor so you can get that listening ear.

But whatever you do….don’t “just get over it” because you won’t.

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

 Hope Anew has launched the Hope Anew Online Community and would love to have you be a part of it! You can learn more at www.HopeAnew.com.  Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!

When You Want To Quit

Do you have days when you just want to quit? Days when you wish you were a kid again and your parents took care of everything, but now you are the Dad or Mom and you’re the one that has to provide, take care of, figure out, fight the battles, create a calm place in the midst of the chaos and storms of life? Not only is it hard, you may not even have a clue what you’re doing or how to go about it, yet you are responsible for doing it and achieving the needed result.

Here are 3 things do you do when you just want to quit:

1.     Take a breath or a walk.

Get a little space and a little perspective. Come up for air. You’re likely tired and being physically tired makes it hard to think clearly and make decisions or just do daily tasks. Of course, getting some sleep is great, but next to that, deep breathing does wonders for our physical and mental health. It helps release stress and calm the nervous system. Exercise does too and releases endorphins that help you feel better.

2.     Schedule time with a friend.

Sharing your challenges and struggles with a safe friend, maybe a friend who has walked some of life’s challenging paths ahead of you, often can help shed some light and perspective on your situation and can be just what you need.

3.     Cry out to God.

You already know you can’t do this on your own. That’s why you want to quit! It’s hard! But, fortunately, God already knows this life is more than you can handle and that’s why He clearly promised to be with you and not to abandon you. Ask for what you need. Do you need direction? Ask. Do you need insight? Ask. Do you need to know you’re loved and not forgotten? Ask Him to show you and keep your eyes and ears open for His answer.

This life is hard. We live in a broken world with pain, sadness, disease, and evil. This is not our home. We are just passing through. It may seem like you’re stuck here forever, like this struggle is never-ending. But, you are one day closer to your real home. Your home where your all-knowing, all-powerful, unconditionally loving, good Dad rules, has everything taken care of for you. There is no hard. There is no pain. You’re one day closer to being truly home.

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here!

When Life Is Hard

How are you doing? No, REALLY…how are you doing? Are you feeling great, energetic and looking forward to the day? Or are you feeling tired, stressed, and overwhelmed?

If I am being completely transparent,  I would have to say that I am more in the latter category. Our family is the middle of a move. This isn’t one of those moves where you are looking forward to the new possibilities (although we will get there). Due to health reasons, we are moving, leaving our dream house and property and frankly don’t know where or what we are moving to. To add a little more stress to the situation, we are losing a quarter of our income with this move and won’t be able to take most of our belongings with us.

These last couple days have been extra hard as Sarah has been packing, deciding what we can keep and can’t and grieving the loss of the home where our boys have spent the last eight years of their lives growing up.  There has been a lot of tears as we let go.

Can you relate to this?

I was reading the Bible this morning and Genesis 18 stood out to me. In this chapter, we see a very old Abraham and Sarah. The promise of God has not been fulfilled yet and his descendants do not yet number the stars. When we find Abraham, it is the hottest part of the afternoon and he is escaping the heat by relaxing in the opening of his tent. The Lord shows up in the form of three strangers and he immediately jumps up, greets them, washes their feet and asks them to stay to eat.

While eating, the Lord blesses Abraham and tells him that in a years time He will come back and Abraham and Sarah will have a son. Sarah is not there, but is in the tent listening and in her disbelief, laughs.

My tendency is to want to judge Sarah for not having faith. But let’s look at this situation through her eyes. What would you have thought if you were her? The reality is, she was old and beyond child bearing years and so was Abraham. We don’t know this but I do know people, especially people of faith, and I would almost bet that she had prayed on multiple occasions before then that they would have a child. Being childless was a disgrace in that time. She had lived years and to that point, God had not answered and provided them with a child.

God hears Sarah, and turns to Abraham and asks, “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Will I really have a child now that I am old.’” This is the part I love, in verse 14 He asks, “Is anything too hard for the Lord?”

I love this because I know God is with me. I know He is in control. I love this because I know that this situation that seems overwhelming to me is not too hard for the Lord.

Is it too hard for me? Definitely, I don’t have all the answers and that’s okay. God never promised that we wouldn’t have more than we can handle. He did say that He would be with us every step of the way and we can know that nothing is too hard for Him.

One Tip To Keep From Feeling Overwhelmed

How did you start the new year off…motivated or overwhelmed?

When the new year rings in, it’s not uncommon to be asked if you made new year resolutions. Upon being asked this, you may be thinking to yourself that your biggest goal is to make it to when your child goes to sleep…let alone set a resolution for the whole year.

I can relate to those days. When our son was doing the worst, the goal of making it to when he was asleep was even too long term of a goal, especially since he would only sleep 15 minutes at a time. Sarah’s goal was to make it through the next second, the next minute. One minute at a time was all she could think about.

You may find yourself in a similar position. If you do, then I’m guessing your answer to the first question in the article was overwhelmed.

There are many tips out there for helping with the feeling of being overwhelmed ranging from self-care, time management, prioritizing what you do, eliminating unnecessary activities, creating routines and the list goes on. Many of these things are helpful and I may even write a future article about some of them but there is one place to start.

I recently read the following quote from Charles Stanley,

“I’ve had short periods in my life when a particular problem or situation would cause me  nights of tossing and turning, hour after hour unable to sleep. I’ve discovered the best thing I can do when I can’t seem to let go of thinking about a particular problem, conversation, or criticism, is to get out of bed, get down on my knees, and cry out to God: ‘Please help me through this. Help me focus on You alone.’ Sleep comes when my focus is on the Lord and how He’d have me think or respond to a particular situation…Thinking about the Lord brings a person peace. Thinking about anything else is usually a shortcut to anxiety, fear, or worry.”

If you are starting off the new year feeling overwhelmed, remember this one thing.

God is with you. He is with you in the day to day. He is with you as you sit on the store floor holding your child in the midst of a meltdown. He is with you as you are listening to the sounds of monitors to make sure your child is alright. He is with you as you are trying to figure out how you are going to make your rent payment with finances so tight. He is with you when your marriage has shattered. God is with…YOU and loves you. Focus on Him when you are feeling overwhelmed.

“Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; He will neither fail you nor abandon you.”

~ Deuteronomy 31:8 (NLT)

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

Hope Anew has launched the Hope Anew Online Community and would love to have you be a part of it! You can learn more at www.HopeAnew.com.

5 Scriptures For When You Are Overwhelmed

Do you ever feel overwhelmed? Some of you may have just snorted and thought to yourself, “I feel overwhelmed right now.” As I was sitting at the dinner table last night, finishing the last of the Thanksgiving turkey and sweet potato casserole, I  began thinking of the parents I know with families that are impacted by special needs, who are in this place of being overwhelmed.

It’s like the movie, “The Perfect Storm.”  In this movie three raging weather fronts collide with each other to form this super storm. The movie tells the story of a commercial fishing vessel that was lost at sea with her crew.   

While we look forward to the holidays, they undeniably create extra stress. The stress from Thanksgiving merges and intensifies with Christmas. When you insert another major stressor (health issues, marriage issues, additional needs related to the care of your child…all the above), you find yourself in the middle of your own Perfect Storm. 

This can result in irritability, exhaustion, depression, wanting to escape life and being less able to deal with the individual stressors in a healthy way.

You may find yourself in a place of wishing you could just hunker down in the midst of the storm and wait it out until about January 2, as you feel exhausted, wrung out and overwhelmed.

 If this is you, I hope that the following five scriptures bring you comfort and peace during this season.

1.  “Your word is a lamp for my feet,
   a light on my path.” ~ Psalm 119: 105

2.  “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” ~ Psalm 23: 4

3.  “Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
   will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
   I will say of the Lord, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress,
   my God, in whom I trust.'” ~ Psalm 91: 1-2

4. “For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” ~ Isaiah 41: 13

5. “I, even I, am he who comforts you.” ~ Isaiah 51: 12

As this week closes, pause, take a breath and reflect on the above scriptures before diving into the to do list for next week. The same God who calmed the storms over the sea of Galilee, is with you through the storms of life today.

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

Hope Anew has launched the Hope Anew Online Community and would love to have you be a part of it! You can learn more at www.HopeAnew.com.

To The Mom Who Feels Like A Failure

It was another long day, which turned into another long night, week, and month. There wasn’t much distinction between day and night. Either way, my son was in pain, screaming, and needing what comfort I could provide.

Have you been there? On caregiving duty day and night. All day. All night. All week. All month for months on end.

What was expected to be the newborn exhaustion phase has continued and instead of a few weeks has lasted several months or years? Sleep deprived. Your brain is foggy. Your emotions aren’t exactly stable. You’re not sure when you last showered, an uninterrupted bathroom break is a luxury, and sleep? What is that? You’re not the picture of the joyful, intentional mother you always dreamed you’d be and still crave to be.

I don’t know if that’s you, but that’s my story.

It can seem unending. And trying to squeeze in anything else, how do you do that when you’re already on full-time duty 24 hours/day? You know, those other peripheral things like the basic daily care of your husband, other kids, household tasks and reading your Bible.

 You’re just dragging yourself through the day (and night) because while you’re no longer that energetic, “I’ve got this” mom, you are that loving, caregiving mom and you’re doing all you can to make sure your child survives and hopefully gets the help he needs too. Yet, you see all things and people you are neglecting in life and they stack up like a litany of failures of all that you are not doing. Cannot do.

If my story and the feelings of failure and guilt resonate with you and some part of your story and feelings, it’s time to reframe some of those thoughts! You may not be able to change your circumstances, but you can change your thoughts and perspective. 

Over the next two weeks, together we will look at four of those thought patterns that we so often struggle with and how we can reframe them.

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

When Life Is Too Hard

The phone buzzed with an incoming email. I was sitting in our minivan out in my parents’ garage hiding and crying – a full on ugly cry with gasping sobs. We were coming to the end of our visit to the Midwest where both of our families lived. It was only a couple of days until we needed to go “home.” Eleven hundred miles away from help and our support system. I was feeling the crushing weight of the non-stop caregiving for a 4-year-old and special needs two-year-old piling directly onto me again and I didn’t have enough strength or energy to bear it.

During this full-on ugly cry, I was also crying out to God. I wasn’t asking anything or listening to what He might say, or focusing on Him. I was just unloading my soul. My soul thoughts were pretty straightforward, “I can’t do it. I can’t do it. God, it’s so much. It’s too much. It’s beyond my ability to bear. I can’t do it.”

With tears running down my face, I checked my email. A sweet friend back in Texas had been praying for me and felt God wanted her to share a few things with me. She had no idea what was going on. We hadn’t had any contact in weeks. Specifically, she shared three verses or things drawn from three verses. All three were exactly what I needed to hear, but the one that stood out the most was, “I can move mountains.” This was taken from Matthew 17:20 (NLT), “You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.”

One of the things I love most about the message from God through my friend, it focused on Him and what He can do “I can move mountains,” not on my lack of faith.

God knew I was already so discouraged. I didn’t need to have one more area of failure pointed out. I needed to change my focus, get it off of what I can and cannot do and focus on Him and what He can do.

 It’s a decade later, and I still get overwhelmed by life circumstances. I often need to get my eyes off of me and my circumstances and look at God and who He is. Two of my all-time favorite chapters of the Bible are Isaiah 40-41, especially 40:12-28 because this section illustrates how He is amazing, mighty, and without equal. Here are a few of my favorites (40:12, 25-26), “Who has held the oceans in his hand? Who has measured off the heavens with his fingers? Who else knows the weight of the earth or has weighted the mountains and hills on a scale?” “ ‘To whom will you compare me? Who is my equal?’ asks the Holy One. Look up into the heavens. Who created all the stars? He brings them out like an army, one after another, calling each by its name. Because of His great power and incomparable strength, not a single one is missing.”

When life is too hard and you are overwhelmed, remember He can move mountains. He’s in the business of impossible, and your problem is not too big for Him.

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah and her husband, Jonathan, co-founded Hope Anew in 2016. Hope Anew is a non-profit that comes alongside parents of kids with special needs on the spiritual and emotional side of that journey guiding them toward Christ-centered hope and healing. They connect with parents through a curriculum-based Hope & Healing Workshop they wrote and facilitate as well as writing, speaking, and podcasting focusing on the challenges and struggles of special needs parenting. They will also be launching an online community in the fall of 2019. Both Jonathan and Sarah also write for Key Ministry, a ministry that helps churches welcome families with special needs kids and also has a family-focused blog and Facebook page.

When Life Overwhelms You

Have you ever felt like you could not go on and that it was all you could do to take one more step? Some of you are thinking, “I’m there right now!” I get it. I’ve been there.

I was recently encouraged by the story of Kyle Maynard. Kyle was born with a rare condition known as quadruple congenital amputation. What this means is that while he was still in his mother’s womb, fibrous bands prevented the development of his limbs. All of his limbs end before the start of his knees and elbows.

Through the encouragement of his family, Kyle didn’t let his disability slow him down. As a youth, he  played football, wrestled, and was awarded the title of GNC’s Worlds Strongest Teen by bench pressing 23 repetitions of 240 lbs.

As an adult, Kyle continues to inspire others. After training and conditioning at different climbing sites around the United States, he set out with a group to climb Mount  Kilimanjaro! On Friday, January 6, 2012, Kyle embarked on this new adventure. In ten days time, he crawled the 19,340 feet to the summit of Mount Kilimanjaro and became the first quadruple amputee to reach the top without assistance!

Kyle shared that with having to crawl the entire way, climbing really was not fun for about 95% of the time. He spent most of the time “looking at rocks, dirt and bugs. And after 14,000 feet, there are no bugs.” In those moments where he felt like he could go no further, Kyle would pause and look back at where he had been.

It is easy to get bogged down in the day to day. Each day you may feel like you are climbing your own Mount Kilimanjaro. The effort it takes to just keep moving forward is momentous.  The needs of your child may be so great that it is consuming all of your focus.

If this is where you are at, I want to encourage you to stop and look back at where you have been. The clouds may have surrounded you and it may be hard to see right now, but there is beauty in the journey and you’ve come a long way.

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

3 Things To Remember When You're Overwhelmed

I don’t know about you, but there are times when my energy levels simply dip and it feels as though my motivation and get up and go has got up and gone. There are times when everything feels too much; too much of an uphill struggle, too much of a battle, too relentless. And in those times I also fight overwhelming feelings of guilt and failure.

I shouldn’t feel this way, should I? After all I dearly love my kids, why can’t I just enjoy every minute like I feel should, why does it all get so negative?

At times I need to be reminded of these 3 basic things.

I’m not alone

Maybe we don’t talk openly about this as much as we should. But years of walking alongside other families, other caregivers like me, show me I’m not the only one that goes through this. I also pray, holding onto the promise I believe that God says he will not leave or forsake me. I look again at the many characters in the Bible stories who God was faithfully present with against all the odds. My favorite is Elijah when he wants to give up and face plants the dust. God gets it, dusts him down and tucks him in for a well needed sleep. There are also others I can talk to now who understand, who have been there and will go there again.

Finding those people, whether through an online community or a local support group has been really important. They are the ones to message or meet up with when things get tough. They will remind me I’m not alone.

Self-care is not selfish

Sleep deprivation is no joke, the physical and psychological effects are real. It is not selfish to recognize my need for rest in the middle of all the demands on my time and energy as I care for others. I need healthy energy giving food as well as my emergency chocolate supply. I need space to catch my breath just for a second every now and then.

The logistics of self-care as a caregiver are not at all easy but when I can find a moment I want to remind myself that taking that opportunity for a space, a snack or a snooze is not selfish but important. It’s part of what keeps me resilient, it is needed to stay healthy.

Look for the blessings

When things feel negative it’s all too easy to only see the difficult bits and not notice the little joys. I feel cross when I hear myself remind myself to look for the blessings but I know full well that unless I make the decision to find even just a few each day the negative spiral gains pace.

One of the ways I have found that helps me get going is to try and be more mindful as I go about the everyday. During the day asking myself what 5 things I can see, what 4 things I can hear, what 3 things I can touch, what 2 things I can do, what 1 thing I can smell. Being intentionally more aware of my interaction with the world around me often opens me up to begin seeing the little moments of beauty, joy and peace again. It grounds me and reminds me there are blessings around me and dotted in and through each day that can refresh and nurture me.

Written by Cathy Porter 

Cathy Porter is  a disciple of Jesus, a mum, ordained and a vicar's wife (in the Church of England), a writer, a creative, a blogger.

Cathy and her husband, Andrew, have 3 children. Her two girls both a diagnosis of ASC. You can follow the ups and downs of family life & faith on her blog:

www.clearlynurturing.wordpress.com

Yes, I Am Depressed

Do you struggle with depression? I was sitting in a sterile office with my wife and kids as some stranger was analyzing my blood and this is the question he asked. My gut response was to swallow the lump that suddenly appeared in my throat and say “No. No, I don’t struggle with depression,” rather than admit the truth before my wife and boys.

Instead, I swallowed my pride and with my heart beating in my ears, admitted that I struggle with depression. Oddly, I wasn’t met with scorn or rejection and the world didn’t fall apart when I spoke the truth. My boys didn’t suddenly think less of me and, if I’m being honest, it really wasn’t a surprise to Sarah.

So why was it so hard to admit that depression was a struggle? I didn’t want to be seen as weak or dare I say, unstable. I didn’t want it to impact my relationships with those around me.

 I’ve always been pretty even keel. I don’t have an extreme visible range of emotions. I’m not known for displaying high levels of exuberance when I’m excited or for flying off the handle when I am angry and I definitely don’t talk to others about being depressed.

 Why not? Have you ever felt like you had to wear a mask in order to be perceived a certain way? You wear one mask with your friends. Another mask at your church and so on.

By admitting I struggle with depression, it felt like I was admitting that I was “less than.” Somehow in my personal life, I equated depression with not being strong enough mentally or physically. More importantly, I equated it to not being strong enough spiritually or having enough faith.

Isn’t that ridiculous? Of all the foolish notions, I don’t even apply the same standard to others when I see them struggling emotionally. In fact, it grieves my heart to hear of individuals who didn’t open up or get help when they needed it.

Sadly, I think many of us are stuck in this game of wearing a mask. Not everyone is trying to hide depression. It might be worries over a child who is struggling with a disability. It might be a marriage that is in shambles or an addiction of some type. We’re afraid of what will happen when we are real about where we are at.

Do you know what happened when I answered this man’s question? He said, “Okay, that fits. Let’s look at your adrenals.” He helped me look for an answer and came alongside me. What if I had buried the truth? My overall health would have suffered as a result.

As parents of children who are impacted by additional needs, we often neglect our own emotional, physical and spiritual health. Are there areas that you are burying? Who can you find that will allow you to safely take your mask off so you can begin to experience healing?

I'm Not Supermom...

“I don’t know how you do it.” “I could never do what you do.” “God knew just what He was doing when He gave Jordan to you. He knew you could handle it.”

I’ve heard these phrases more than once and by different people. How about you? You have heard them too, right? These phrases or ones like them are commonly heard by us special needs parents. I know they are said by good-hearted people meaning to encourage me, but that’s not how my heart responds.

When I hear, “I don’t know how you do it.” My heart responds, “Neither do I. I’m barely surviving.” When I hear, “I could never do what you do.” My heart responds, “What other option do I have? I do it because it must be done.” When I hear, “God knew just what He was doing when he gave Jordan to you. He knew you could handle it.” My heart responds, “God may have known what he was doing. But from my perspective, I’m thinking God might have been a little crazy the day he made that decision.”

Why does my heart respond so viscerally to these statements? Because they imply that I’m supermom. That I’ve got it all together. That these extra challenges in life around having a child with additional needs are not much of a challenge to me. 

What they don’t know is how much our hearts are aching. How much doubt we carry. That we don’t know what to do. Don’t know how to help our child. Don’t know what the future holds for our child or for us. They don’t see the house that hasn’t been cleaned well in, umm, I don’t know because I’m just too tired to get to that. They don’t see that I’m just surviving today, this hour, this minute. I can’t think about 5 minutes from now, tomorrow, next month or next year. And so many other areas where I drop the ball and fall short in all the normal “mom” duties. 

Last month Diane Kim gave the keynote speech at a conference where Jonathan and I were breakout speakers. In her talk she touched on this topic and stated, “We are green berets in a room of soccer moms.” I love that!  

We may drop the ball on cleaning the house or having a Pinterest-worthy birthday celebration for our kids, but we are advocating for our kiddo in meetings with therapists, educators, and doctor appointments. We are figuring out how to help them every way we can and when plan A doesn’t work, going to plan B and plan C. In fact, in order to make a trip to the grocery store, we may need to have prepared a plan A, B and C just in case. We are the child’s biggest cheerleader and strongest support, whether the child knows it or not. We know that child better than anyone else in the world. And love them deeply, unconditionally, sacrificially.

Yes, we have a different focus than most moms. I’ll never be a soccer mom. I’ll forever be a green beret with some different bullet points on my job description from the other moms.

It’s been a few years since I’ve had someone say one of these phrases to me. Life has changed since then. I don’t live in crisis mode all the time anymore. I’ve had the time to stop and reflect and wrestle with God and gain a little perspective on those years. 

Did God know what He was doing when he gave me my son with extra needs? Yes, for certain! He knew I would love that boy and do everything I could for him, but I think God knew I needed Jordan more than Jordan needed me. Did He know I could handle it? He knew I absolutely could not handle it.

That’s why He promised to be with me.

~ Written by Sarah McGuire, Co-Founder of Hope Anew