We Are In God's Loving Hands, Always

One of the hats that special needs parents wear is that of a risk assessment manager.  Depending on the special needs your child has, this looks different.  In our case, without even knowing that I’m assessing risk, I am nearly always assessing and maneuvering around potential meltdown triggers, dangers and needs. It’s amazing how fast I can survey an environment and pinpoint each and every possible worst case scenario.  How fast I then come up with a contingency plan for each possibility and a plan for continued vigilance and surveillance until our time there is over.  I am always two steps ahead in my mind.  Many times the worst case never happens, but many times I’m right on and I am ready.  My kiddo sees these risky spots just as quickly as I do, it seems.  He is also super vigilant in his surveillance of a room. For this reason, I am just always on my toes. 

There are emotional risks that are also assessed.  Will we be embraced or accepted as we are in this environment?  Will our hearts, both my child’s and mine, be safe in this space, with these people? I can make sure that a door is locked, or that there is appropriate physical accommodations made for our needs.  That part is easy.  It’s the emotional risks that often give me the most pause. 

There was a time that my heart had been hurt by watching how some people respond to us.  I was so afraid of my child ever feeling like he was less just because of things that are completely out of his control, and of myself feeling that parental pain of observing that, that my first thought would be to sit it out.  I never did.  I wanted to.  I wanted to protect us from the emotional risks so badly, that I’d consider missing the parts of life that make for a full and vibrant existence.  

I never benched us.  We never sat out, and you shouldn’t either.

Instead, the route I’ve chosen to go when it comes to shielding our hearts, is that of specific and focused prayer.  We go.  We are now making our way through the Christmas season.  A time of excitement and hope and waiting.  There are so many opportunities to encounter this pause.  Should we go?  Will we fit?  I no longer entertain those old fears when they enter my mind.  I take a deep breath and ask the Lord to guide our day, our thoughts and to be with the people we encounter.  I ask that he’ll grow their knowledge and acceptance through their time with us.  I ask that he’ll guide their hearts to be inclusive and accommodating.  I ask that they not treat us like we’re different, because we really aren’t.  And, I thank him for the grace he’s given me, as a parent.  I pray that I’ll be able to give that same grace to myself, as I navigate environments that aren’t set up for us, both physically and more importantly emotionally.   Finally, I thank him for trusting me with this incredible child, and pray that I am graceful in my parenting of him.

Not one thing has grown my faith more than this practice of specific prayer.  When the Lord answers your prayer directly, in real time, it’s life changing, life giving, and sets you free from fear.  Choosing faith over fear is no longer a choice for me.  I just plain have faith.  I’ve entered spaces after praying like this and experienced the most beautiful, caring and loving interactions.  I’ve met people that have become friends to me, and my child has also found real friendship and acceptance, as well.  I’ve felt that we were safe and protected, just as we are. 

This year, there are fewer opportunities for large gatherings.  If you do find yourself looking at an upcoming outing or event with that familiar pause, whatever you do please don’t sit out.  Take a deep breath and pray.  We are in God’s loving hands.  Always.

Written by BreAnn Tassone

BreAnn is a wife and mother to two beloved children.  Her 8 year old son is twice exceptional and has been diagnosed with PANS/PANDAS, and her 3 year old daughter is his most incredible advocate.  They both bring joy to this world in their own individual ways. BreAnn lives with her family in central Virginia.  She is a former Special Education teacher and serves as a volunteer at her church within the special needs ministry.  She is a homeschooler and coordinates groups and events within her community to support the childhood experience of her neighbors and friends. It is her conviction that all children benefit when all children are included, accepted and can live this life learning from and supporting each other.

Feeling Isolated in the Midst of Gatherings

The season of holiday get-togethers was upon us.  Church carry-ins, family potlucks, and work dinners began filling up the calendar. With it, our level of anxiety went up as we began thinking about what preparations we would need to make so we could be at each of these events.  Tension mounted as we checked what food was being planned at each activity.  Often, we would find that we would need to bring an entire meal for our son due to his dietary needs.  There was a scramble to figure out how we could make a holiday meal that in some way resembled what everyone else would be eating so he wouldn’t feel too left out. 

At the events, our minds would be on hyper-alert trying to ensure that someone didn’t accidentally give our son a food item that he would react to and reverse months of developmental progress.  We would constantly be monitoring Jordan for signs that he might be on the verge of overload or any indication that he might suddenly melt down.   Picture two soldiers transporting precious cargo to a new location. They are driving through areas that are often friendly, the locals are waving, giving thumbs up to them but they are still vigilant for an attack that might come seemingly out of nowhere.  Their eyes trained to spot things most people wouldn’t notice.  While we would engage with friends and family, our guard was constantly up.  We were amid people who loved us but we still felt alone.

As I think about these struggles, I can’t help but think back to the very first Christmas.  The angel Gabriel came to Mary and let her know that she would be giving birth to the son of God. During this time, Gabriel also told her about her relative Elizabeth who was experiencing her own birth related miracle. Just a few days after receiving the news, Mary traveled to be with Elizabeth.

Elizabeth and her husband Zechariah had been unable to have children and now were old. Zechariah was a priest.  He was in the temple sanctuary burning incense when the angel Gabriel met with him and told him that he and Elizabeth would have a son who was to play an important role in preparing the way for the coming of the Lord.  Zechariah questioned how this could happen since both he and his wife were so old.  As a result of his doubt, Gabriel told Zechariah that he would be unable to speak until their child was born.

Imagine the relief that both Mary and Elizabeth must have felt to have had someone that they could talk to.  Mary likely received many incredulous looks from family and friends as they found out she was pregnant and probably had many of her own fears and doubts.  What a relief to have someone that believed her and didn’t question her story that the baby she carried in her was the son of God.  Imagine what it would have been like for Elizabeth not being able to really talk to her husband about the baby growing in her and not having other women in the community who could relate to what she was experiencing.  How extremely valuable it was to be able to have someone there who got it.  They valued each other’s company so much that Mary stayed with Elizabeth for three months, until just before Elizabeth was due.

If you find yourself feeling on guard this Christmas season and just trying to get through it, take comfort in knowing that you have a heavenly Father who sees you and knows what you are going through.  You might not have angels singing in the sky above you, or shepherds coming to your door, which is probably a good thing…talk about sensory overload, but the same Father who sent a star to guide the wise men to their Savior knows your every need, your heart, your struggles and is with you when you feel alone.  He didn’t just provide a Savior and turn His back on you but He is with you every day.

I’m praying that this Christmas season, when it is so easy to lose sight of why we are celebrating and when our precious routines are thrown out the window, God will provide you with an “Elizabeth”.  That He will direct you to someone who gets it, that you can encourage each other and that this season truly is a season of celebration. You are not alone.

We would like to hear from you.  What is your biggest challenge during the Christmas season and what helps you the most during this time?