To The Caregivers

She was three, he was seven and I was in crisis.  I was overweight, overtired and overwhelmed.  I felt so sick and old. 

I felt all of this, but I so rarely reflected on my state of being that I almost didn’t notice that I felt this way at all. I was just not on my own mind in any way. I would read about “self care” and think it such an indulgent luxury.  I would get so taken aback at the mention of it, as if I was making a choice not to care for myself.  Of course I didn’t feel that was the case.  I was allowing my hectic circumstance to be the fall guy for that.  I was so deep into my role as caregiver that I couldn’t see how my body was struggling.  My child was being tested for vitamin deficiencies and receiving appropriate supplements.  Both of my children were eating pretty clean diets free from inflammatory foods, artificial ingredients and they were eating organic choices as much as possible.  I was not.  I was treating my exhaustion with food, and making all of the wrong choices. I was convincing myself that I deserved the joy that overindulging in food brought.  I earned it.  Eating was something I looked forward to.

There was no time for a spa day, or even to enjoy reading a novel.  There was time to get through the day, most of the night, and then crash into my bed, but not before “medicating” with some yummy meal or treat eaten way too late and consisting of absolutely terrible choices.  With zero help in the childcare department, jogs or trips to the gym were also out of the question.  So, this is where I was.    

Then the pandemic hit our world and our world hit the pause button.  Many people began to overindulge and neglect physical wellness in an effort to deal with all of the emotions living through the fear a pandemic brought on.  I suddenly wasn’t alone in this struggle.  So many people started  “medicating” with food as I had been.  Comfort food and sourdough bread recipes were all over social media, and many people soon felt ready to reign it in.  This was my window of opportunity.  Something was awake in me, finally.  I did a deep dive into wellness with others who had gained extra weight during the pandemic.

God led me to a plan that really helped give my body the respect it deserved. 

Encouraged by a family member, I dove in.  I still couldn’t get to a gym, and I still was running wild until far later in the evening than typical, but when I ate I was eating vegetables and meat.  I was choosing fruit and eliminating all of the things my child had eliminated years before.  I cut out those same artificial ingredients and inflammatory foods.  I began taking the supplements my body needed and I started pulling myself out of the fog.  I started loving on myself as I had always done for my children.

Quickly life became easier.  I found I could handle the hectic moments with more grace for myself and my family.  I realized that the way I love and care for my children, is the way God loves me. I was not caring for my God-given body as I should have been.  It is such a gift to be given a body in the first place.  Isn’t it?  

So many lightbulbs started turning on for me.  As much as, my role as caregiver to my children requires, as does my role as caregiver to myself.  It’s easy when you’re navigating special needs or medical fragility within your home to completely forget about yourself.  It’s not at all a case of that horrible phrase “letting yourself go”.  In my experience, it was a case of just completely forgetting my health needs altogether in the flurry of life.  We can’t do that.  We can’t get lost in the”figuring it out” and the “making our way through”.  We need to try to honor ourselves and our bodies and our children will be the beneficiaries.  First off, we’ll hopefully improve our chances of living longer.  Next, when we, as caregivers, feel well and healthy, have energy and aren’t flooding our system with terrible food additives and sugary junk we can care better for those we love.   Finally, I think when you’re taking exceptional care of what God has trusted you with, your heart feels lighter and you can begin to fulfill the role you have before you. 

Our homelife has calmed significantly in the last year.  There are many reasons for that. We’ve found appropriate treatment and a proper diagnosis for our child, we’ve settled more comfortably into this role of caregiver, and we have now turned our eyes toward caring for ourselves in the same way we feverishly care for our children.  

Everyone is the caregiver to something or someone.  It may be a child with special needs, it may be a beautiful golden retriever, and it may be a dear friend. May it always be that we are caregivers to ourselves first and foremost.  If you have forgotten yourself for a bit, as I did, it is my hope that reading this will serve as a reminder of what a gift our bodies are and of how deserving you are to feel outstanding in yours. 

Written by BreAnn Tassone

BreAnn is a wife and mother to two beloved children.  Her 8 year old son is twice exceptional and has been diagnosed with PANS/PANDAS, and her 3 year old daughter is his most incredible advocate.  They both bring joy to this world in their own individual ways. BreAnn lives with her family in central Virginia.  She is a former Special Education teacher and serves as a volunteer at her church within the special needs ministry.  She is a homeschooler and coordinates groups and events within her community to support the childhood experience of her neighbors and friends. It is her conviction that all children benefit when all children are included, accepted and can live this life learning from and supporting each other.

CHRONIC GRIEF: WHEN LIFE DOESN'T GO AS "PLANNED"

Our church recently had a family game night. I was playing Farkle at a table with other ladies. Two who are currently pregnant, one with her first child. Oh, the anticipation! The glittery eyes, the talk of baby things like car seats, strollers, carriers, sippy cups and swings. I loved joining in on the celebration, excitement, and planning for this new precious one’s arrival.

The conversation turned to maternity leave with all the same joy and sparkle of the previous conversation. Six or eight weeks off work and then back to work and baby gets to come along and how wonderful the situation will be so mom can be out and about. 

That triggered me. I’d had the same anticipation when I was pregnant. I’d had similar expectations. But it had turned out so very differently.

Suddenly, I was struggling to participate in the conversation or even stay sitting at the table. I couldn’t rejoice with the anticipation of the soon-to-be-mom anymore. I wanted to try to warn her to be careful with her expectations or at least have a Plan B in case baby isn’t an easy baby. Because, well, you just never know.  

I couldn’t leave the table without it being abrupt, so I tried hard to keep a pleasant, neutral look on my face so I didn’t throw a wet blanket of gloom on everyone at the table and festivities. I don’t know if I succeeded, but conversation continued swirling and my mind went back in time.

I’d been so excited about my baby. I’d planned and prepared. I’d gotten everything ready. I’d been so careful about not taking any over-the-counter medications or eating food that could pose a danger. I researched natural birth. I had a birth plan. Due to our life circumstances at the time, I had an after-hospital plan, a 2-month plan and a first year plan. And of course, expectations for the rest of my newest little love’s childhood and life. 

But, things don’t always go as planned. You know that or you wouldn’t be reading this. Sometimes plans gone awry are a little hiccup, no big deal. Sometimes, life will never ever be the same.

During the first few years I fought it with everything in me. In the last few years I have come to accept it – whatever “it” looks like – progress or regressions. The unknowns of the future. I grieved the child and life I expected but will never have and came to accept our new normal. Not to say that daily life is easy. But I’ve accepted our reality and am content in my life.

Let me be clear – I delight in my child and who he is, but accepting all the challenges that came with him, the struggle that he (and we) live with daily, and the total upending to our entire life expectations is what was difficult.

Then there was game night and an excited new mom-to-be. As I sat down to write this blog post and traveled back to where she is now, I found tears rolling down my cheeks and sobs escaping my throat. I guess I’m still grieving the loss of that dream, of what never was and what never will be. It’s been so long since I’ve gone there and remembered that I ever had a different dream than what I’m living right now.

Chronic grief. It can be all consuming when you’re in the worst of it or can hit at any moment, unexpectedly. It’s okay. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your child with all your heart. It means that you lost something that was dear to you. Cry, sob, acknowledge it, name it - grief. Then dry those tears and go hug the child you do have and love dearly.

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children with additional needs on spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

3 Things To Remember When You're Overwhelmed

I don’t know about you, but there are times when my energy levels simply dip and it feels as though my motivation and get up and go has got up and gone. There are times when everything feels too much; too much of an uphill struggle, too much of a battle, too relentless. And in those times I also fight overwhelming feelings of guilt and failure.

I shouldn’t feel this way, should I? After all I dearly love my kids, why can’t I just enjoy every minute like I feel should, why does it all get so negative?

At times I need to be reminded of these 3 basic things.

I’m not alone

Maybe we don’t talk openly about this as much as we should. But years of walking alongside other families, other caregivers like me, show me I’m not the only one that goes through this. I also pray, holding onto the promise I believe that God says he will not leave or forsake me. I look again at the many characters in the Bible stories who God was faithfully present with against all the odds. My favorite is Elijah when he wants to give up and face plants the dust. God gets it, dusts him down and tucks him in for a well needed sleep. There are also others I can talk to now who understand, who have been there and will go there again.

Finding those people, whether through an online community or a local support group has been really important. They are the ones to message or meet up with when things get tough. They will remind me I’m not alone.

Self-care is not selfish

Sleep deprivation is no joke, the physical and psychological effects are real. It is not selfish to recognize my need for rest in the middle of all the demands on my time and energy as I care for others. I need healthy energy giving food as well as my emergency chocolate supply. I need space to catch my breath just for a second every now and then.

The logistics of self-care as a caregiver are not at all easy but when I can find a moment I want to remind myself that taking that opportunity for a space, a snack or a snooze is not selfish but important. It’s part of what keeps me resilient, it is needed to stay healthy.

Look for the blessings

When things feel negative it’s all too easy to only see the difficult bits and not notice the little joys. I feel cross when I hear myself remind myself to look for the blessings but I know full well that unless I make the decision to find even just a few each day the negative spiral gains pace.

One of the ways I have found that helps me get going is to try and be more mindful as I go about the everyday. During the day asking myself what 5 things I can see, what 4 things I can hear, what 3 things I can touch, what 2 things I can do, what 1 thing I can smell. Being intentionally more aware of my interaction with the world around me often opens me up to begin seeing the little moments of beauty, joy and peace again. It grounds me and reminds me there are blessings around me and dotted in and through each day that can refresh and nurture me.

Written by Cathy Porter 

Cathy Porter is  a disciple of Jesus, a mum, ordained and a vicar's wife (in the Church of England), a writer, a creative, a blogger.

Cathy and her husband, Andrew, have 3 children. Her two girls both a diagnosis of ASC. You can follow the ups and downs of family life & faith on her blog:

www.clearlynurturing.wordpress.com

Yes, I Am Depressed

Do you struggle with depression? I was sitting in a sterile office with my wife and kids as some stranger was analyzing my blood and this is the question he asked. My gut response was to swallow the lump that suddenly appeared in my throat and say “No. No, I don’t struggle with depression,” rather than admit the truth before my wife and boys.

Instead, I swallowed my pride and with my heart beating in my ears, admitted that I struggle with depression. Oddly, I wasn’t met with scorn or rejection and the world didn’t fall apart when I spoke the truth. My boys didn’t suddenly think less of me and, if I’m being honest, it really wasn’t a surprise to Sarah.

So why was it so hard to admit that depression was a struggle? I didn’t want to be seen as weak or dare I say, unstable. I didn’t want it to impact my relationships with those around me.

 I’ve always been pretty even keel. I don’t have an extreme visible range of emotions. I’m not known for displaying high levels of exuberance when I’m excited or for flying off the handle when I am angry and I definitely don’t talk to others about being depressed.

 Why not? Have you ever felt like you had to wear a mask in order to be perceived a certain way? You wear one mask with your friends. Another mask at your church and so on.

By admitting I struggle with depression, it felt like I was admitting that I was “less than.” Somehow in my personal life, I equated depression with not being strong enough mentally or physically. More importantly, I equated it to not being strong enough spiritually or having enough faith.

Isn’t that ridiculous? Of all the foolish notions, I don’t even apply the same standard to others when I see them struggling emotionally. In fact, it grieves my heart to hear of individuals who didn’t open up or get help when they needed it.

Sadly, I think many of us are stuck in this game of wearing a mask. Not everyone is trying to hide depression. It might be worries over a child who is struggling with a disability. It might be a marriage that is in shambles or an addiction of some type. We’re afraid of what will happen when we are real about where we are at.

Do you know what happened when I answered this man’s question? He said, “Okay, that fits. Let’s look at your adrenals.” He helped me look for an answer and came alongside me. What if I had buried the truth? My overall health would have suffered as a result.

As parents of children who are impacted by additional needs, we often neglect our own emotional, physical and spiritual health. Are there areas that you are burying? Who can you find that will allow you to safely take your mask off so you can begin to experience healing?

I Need A Grandparent

“What do you need?” This was the question our pastor asked just before going on the stage. To which Sarah broke down in tears and replied, “I need a grandma!” It really didn’t have to be a blood related grandma, any grandma would do. We were living over a thousand miles from family and she just needed someone who could come alongside her and hold our son. She needed someone who could give her a break.

Grandmas and Grandpas, I know this can be a challenging time in your life. This is a time of transition in your life and in some instances you may feel undervalued and like you are no longer able to make a difference. Let me tell you, there is a family out there just like ours, a family impacted by special needs, who would love to have you come alongside them. You might be the only source of encouragement those parents have that week. Your help might allow the mom to get a much needed break and keep her from succumbing to emotional and physical exhaustion.

When you first reach out to the mom of a child impacted by special needs, she will likely leap with joy when you first offer to provide her with a break but then you will see the excitement leave her face as she immediately thinks that she won’t be able to teach you everything it will take for you to watch her child. Acknowledge this and let her know that you are willing to learn, even if it takes a few visits of just being there with her and learning so you both are comfortable with what it takes to care for the child.

Here are some tips to help you get started:

• Be teachable. Take notes if you need to. Ask about how the parent would respond in certain situations (parenting a child with special needs often looks different than how you may have responded with your children).
• Take the initiative to set up a time to get started with learning. The parent probably won’t want to impose on you by asking you to come over. If things seem like they will work out and you will be able to care for the child, set up a regular time so the parent can know that they will get a break. Also, don’t feel obligated to be there all the time.
• Be flexible. Doctor appointments can change and sometimes the child can have challenging days where you might not be able to care for him or her.
• Be understanding. Don’t give the parent platitudes to try and encourage them. For example, “Your child seems just fine to me” or “God will never give you more than you can handle.”

It has been nine years since Sarah broke down in tears and cried, “I just need a Grandma.” Now, we live next door to one set of grandparents and only 3 hours away from the other set. This summer, when our oldest son went to camp with his friends, our youngest son went to “Grandma Camp.” He spent an entire week with his grandparents and had a blast! I have to say, it was pretty wonderful for his mom and I as well.

Are you in that grandparent phase of life and wondering how you can make an impact in the world around you? If you are involved in a local church, ask the pastor if there is a family impacted by special needs who could use a “Grandma” or “Grandpa”.  

"No, I'm good."

Do you ever feel like you are just running from one thing to the next? Running from one meeting to the next, from one sports practice to the next. Running from counseling appointments to therapy sessions to school IEP meetings and the list goes on and on.

This week I was preparing to go to a meeting and was talking to our youngest son. As we were talking, I jokingly asked him if he would like to go to the meeting instead of me. He quickly replied, “No, I’m good,” laughed and walked away without any remorse and as happy as can be. Obviously, I didn’t really want him to take my place in the meeting but I can’t help but think there is so much I can learn from his response.

It can be hard to say “No.” I often have opportunities come across my plate. Some that I need to be at but others that I don’t really need to be at. I often have a twinge of guilt when I turn down an opportunity, especially if it is an opportunity that will help someone else.

In the last year I heard someone say, “Every time you say ‘yes’ to one thing, you are choosing to say ‘no’ to something else.” This really helped me to put things in perspective. It is easy for me to live life and commit to opportunities like I have an endless amount of time and energy.

When I live this way, I find myself completely exhausted, having a minimal amount of quality time with my family and generally not having the bandwidth to focus on the areas that are most important to me.

There will always be things that I have to do. The therapy appointments and things like that that generally have to be done but for everything else, I have begun running it through a filter. I look at how it will impact Sarah’s and my goals for our family and I look at how it will impact our goals with Hope Anew. If it doesn’t align with these goals, then it doesn’t get added to my list. I’m still working on not feeling guilty when I say “No” but it is amazing how much more present I can be for the things that do make it through the filter process!

We talk a lot about “self-care” on this site. Sometimes self-care doesn’t mean doing something to take care of ourselves. Sometimes it means not doing something.

Are you the parent of a child impacted by special needs? What is on your list that can be taken off? What filters can you put in place to determine if an opportunity is something you should or want to be a part of? There will always be opportunities and things to do but there is only one you.

Next time you are presented with an opportunity that doesn’t make it through your filters, feel free to follow the example of my youngest son and say, “No, I’m good.” Walk away without feeling guilty and know that you are doing the right thing for your health and your family.

Hope & Healing For Special Needs Parents

We were young parents, our second son had just been born and I was rocking in a recliner with him on my chest at two in the morning as he finally stopped screaming for a little while and slept. Oh what satisfaction, to finally have him sleep, even if for just a little while. This was allowing Sarah to get a brief rest after caring for him all day. 

This was our “intro” into special needs eleven years ago. This was our first clue that something was different. This is when our world changed.  Many doctor appointments later, the only help we received was, “We’ll make a note in his chart.” They would make a note that he couldn’t keep food down, that he was screaming in pain all day long, that he was projectile vomiting every time he ate and struggling with diarrhea and anal fissures. They would make a note that he was failing to thrive.

Our journey in special needs has taken us through many ups and downs. Every day having its challenges, it left us feeling alone and feeling like no one got it. There was a loss of faith in the medical system as it was unable to provide the answers or help we needed. It brought us to a point of questioning what we had been taught in church and Sunday school, wondering what promises from scripture we could hold on to. It brought us to a point of feeling broken, not being able to move forward, but having to. As a father, I mourned the loss of dreams that I had for my family and for my son. I struggled with how to best support my wife and family.

When did your world change? Does any of the following resonate with you? Is it all you can do to just keep pushing on, one more step, one more day, one more appointment? Do you feel like there is no one you can be real with and share the struggles you are having, so you bury them and keeping going forward? I’m guessing you keep caring for your family and making sure each person has what they need, except for you.

How long can you keep going like this?

Imagine a community who gets it. A community made up of parents who have been there. This community exists and we would like to invite you to be a part of it! Come join Hope Anew’s online Hope & Healing Group. We will kick off on March 22nd and will meet for 90 minutes on a weekly basis for 5 weeks. Sarah and I have the privilege of guiding you through this time, equipping you with tools you need for the journey ahead. Our background is in Biblical studies and counseling but most importantly we are the parents of two boys, the youngest of which has his own special needs. Each week, you will be able to see and interact with each other live as we discuss the topics of:

• Why God?
• What is Chronic Grief?
• Guilt & Forgiveness
• What is a Heart Wound?
• Healing Hearts

Come join a community who “gets it”, and be equipped in your journey towards Christ-centered hope and healing.  Click here to register.

A Little Help, Please!

Have you ever been in a place where you just can't keep going? You want to, you know you need to, others are depending on you, but you are just too tired. You've given and given and now you are completely exhausted. This is the situation we find Moses in in Exodus 17:8-16 (NLT).

The Amalekites have attacked. Joshua and the Israelite army are fighting a battle. Moses, as the leader for the Israelite people, has climbed to the top of a nearby hill with his brother Aaron and a man named Hur. As long as Moses holds "the staff of God" up in the air in his hand, the Israelite army would be winning the battle, when it dropped, the Amalekites would gain the advantage. "Moses' arms soon became so tired he could no longer hold them up. So Aaron and Hur found a stone for him to sit on. Then they stood on each side of Moses, holding up his hands so his hands held steady until sunset. As a result, Joshua overwhelmed the army of Amalek in battle."

Moses knew the stakes, if he didn't continue to do his role of holding the staff, the Israelite army would lose the battle. Lives were at risk. If he faltered, people would die. You too have a critical role - mom, dad, caregiver, advocate, intermediary, decision-maker, shelter, security, guide, teacher, nurse. If you falter, your child's life or welfare may be at risk. The stakes are high. You know the pressures, I don't have to tell you about them.

Reflection Questions:

1. Do you have an Aaron and Hur in your life who help when you need it?
2. Do you share (gently) with others that you need help or try to do everything on your own?
3. Do you accept help from others when it is offered? Why or why not?
4. What type of help do you most need – practical tasks, prayer, a listening ear? Who can you approach to be your Aaron and Hur? (It may be different people for different types of tasks.)

Lord, the needs of my family are so great and beyond my ability meet. I'm tired, worn and can't do it all by myself. Please send an Aaron and Hur into my life to help hold me up and make it so I can continue on in this very important role you have given me parenting my dear child(ren).

Breathe

Christmas and New Years have come and gone.  All the gifts have been unwrapped, the parties are a memory and the last of the fruit cake has been eaten.  Your therapists have come back from vacations and school has resumed. Give me a high five, you made it! While there were many wonderful moments that I am sure you never want to forget.  I know it wasn’t without its challenges.

Now you can resume those precious routines until the next big thing.

But before you dive in, take a moment to just breathe.  I mean it.  Take a moment right now to close your eyes, let the tension melt out of your shoulders, relax your muscles and follow the following 4 steps. 

1.    Take a deep, slow breath from your belly, and silently count to 4 as you breathe in.

2.    Hold your breath, and silently count from 1 to 7.

3.    Breathe out completely as you silently count from 1 to 8. Try to get all the air out of your lungs by the time you count to 8.

4.    Repeat 3 to 7 times.

It is easy to always focus on what needs to happen next and always be in go mode.  The stress compounding the way we wish our bank accounts would, affecting our physical, emotional, and spiritual health.  Taking a toll on the relationships we have and leaving us depleted and unable to take one more step. 

So as you feel that stress mounting, and you are getting ready to dive into the next thing just take a moment and remember to breathe.

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS WITH A TWIST

The new year has come and with it comes conversations about New Year’s resolutions. There are some very intentional folks out there who set aside time to think over the previous year and set goals for the upcoming year. There are other individuals that are more whimsical and just wing it, putting together a list of things on the spot when someone asks them what their New Year’s resolutions are. Typically, resolutions focus on health, finances, and relationships and often are very lofty goals that almost no one accomplishes. In fact, one source states that only 8% of people accomplish their list of resolutions!

It is easy to be fatalistic about new year resolutions given the low level of success. I admit that I am often the first to scoff at the idea of making a New Year’s resolution but I don’t want to minimize the need to set goals. As parents of children impacted by special needs, our resolutions may need to be more down to earth and have a different focus but in some ways it can be even more important for us.

So without further ado, I want to give you some ideas for New Year’s resolutions with a twist.

• This year, on those days I am seriously stressed, I am going to eat the WHOLE bar of dark chocolate with my coffee!
• Once a month, I will soak in a hot bubble bath with my earphones on so I can’t hear my screaming child (please note that said screaming child is safe and no harm will come to him).
• Instead of joining a men’s basketball team, I will set up the trashcan across the room and perfect that jump shot with my child’s diapers.
• If married, I will regularly take an evening out by myself while my spouse stays home with the kids, and I’ll encourage my spouse to do so as well.
• Each week, I will look for something to laugh about. This may come from my own life or it may require googling a funny video or comic.
• I will put together my own special music playlist on my smartphone or iPod that I can jam to when I need a break.
• I will stay off social media during times of high societal stress (elections, etc.) and will not follow those people on social media who drain my energy.
• This year I will download a fun audiobook…and actually listen to it.
• I will watch a movie of my choosing and not my child’s.
• I will get a massage at least once this year.
• I will try something new that I have always wanted to do but never have.

You may have noticed a theme with the above resolutions. Not to say that you won’t want to have other resolutions but this year, I want you to give yourself permission to look after you and do some things you enjoy without feeling guilty. Our tendency is to always focus on our children and their needs but if we don’t take care of ourselves, we won’t be there for the long haul with our children.

Let’s be real, with everything on our plates as parents of children impacted by special needs, the odds are not real high that we will achieve our new year resolutions. However, the first step in accomplishing something great or small is to set a goal. Michael Hyatt shared in a recent training that he provided that when we write down our goals, we are 42% more likely to achieve them. Look at the list above, what are two or three things you can set as your goal for caring for yourself this year or are there other things you can do? Now, write them down and put them somewhere you will see them.

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU. WHAT WOULD YOUR LIST LOOK LIKE?

HOW ARE YOU....REALLY?

“How are you?”  Such seemingly simple words that are often used in passing. Acceptable social responses range from fine, good, or great.  Sometimes if someone wants to be slightly more real they will say “tired” followed by a quick laugh.  Have you ever met someone that you felt you could be real enough with to give an answer beyond the standard “good”? 

This happened one Sunday morning to my wife, Sarah.  We were in the church service of all places and during the meet and greet time, the pastor asked her how she was doing.  Little did he know how loaded the question was.  As she replied, and he inquired more, she could no longer hold down the emotion that she was feeling and she started crying (not normal for her).  She cried all the way through the service and all the way home, where she slept for the next two and half days.  She was spent…there was no more strength to keep going.

As parents, whose children are impacted by special needs, our natural tendency is to focus on the needs of our child over our own.  We neglect our health (physical, emotional and spiritual), our marriages and other relationships because we are so driven to care for our child(ren). 

When flying, before you take off the flight attendant always walks through what to do in case of an emergency.  Through that process, they explain the importance of first placing the oxygen masks over your own mouth and nose before taking care of your children.  The airline has realized that if we don’t take care of ourselves, then we won’t be able take care of our children’s needs very long.  They have also realized that our natural tendency, as parents, is to take care of our children first.

Christ set an example for us in how he cared for himself. When we look back at his time on earth, we can see him taking time to get away to pray, setting boundaries, seeking companionship from those who were close to him during difficult times and resting.

Below is a list of ways that you can take care of yourself.  Pick two or three that you can realistically do, even if for just 5 minutes.  You aren’t being selfish.  You are doing what you need to take care of yourself and your family.

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• Relax and rest

• Eat nutritiously (Avoid sugar)

• Exercise/Go for a walk

• Get enough sleep

• Talk about what happened (to God and others)

• Write about what happened (journaling, letters, e-mails)

• Laugh when you can

• Set small goals

• Keep some sort of routine

• Spend time with those who are supportive   and helpful

• Cry if you can

• Pray

• Reflect on the Word

• Sing or listen to music

• Know that the intensity of the pain will not continue forever

• Anticipate difficult times to come

• Ask for help and let others help you

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What two or three of the above things can you do or are there other things you can do?  How you implement them in your life may look different day to day depending on your situation but put that oxygen mask on. 

So...How are you really?  We want to hear from you! Please comment below what you plan to do or if there is something you are already doing that helps renew you.  Let us know what is working for you.