The Importance Of A 5 Minute Break

It was 12:30 in the morning and I was lying in bed, wide awake. I had managed to fall asleep for a few minutes but for some reason woke up. Sleep did not come, so I finally went downstairs, made a cup of tea, went into my home office and got to work. I knew I would likely be worthless the next day, after not sleeping, so I reasoned that I should get a jump on my goals to compensate for that.

At 4 am, I finally pulled myself away from my desk and headed to bed, while I braced myself for the official start of the day that would be coming shortly. The morning’s coffee would need to be stronger than normal.  

When I got up, I took the dogs on a little walk, drank my first cup of coffee and read the Bible. The grogginess cleared and negativity took its place. I found myself not engaging in conversation with my boys, being controlling over dumb things and over-reacting to little things.

 I was downright surly and didn’t even want to be around myself. Can you relate? It would have been easy for me to justify my attitude and actions to myself by blaming it on lack of sleep and stress over the work that needed to be done but those would have just been excuses.

At a particularly ugly point, I finally stepped back. I sat down in a chair, prayed and just breathed. As I prayed, I confessed my negativity and lack of lovingness and asked for help. I thought through my attitude and the circumstances around it.

It wasn’t a long break. In fact, I didn’t even leave the room but it made a world of difference in my perspective and how I treated those around me. It was like I had taken a refreshing shower after working outside on a hot day. I was still tired and I still had a lot of work I needed to accomplish, but this time breathed life into me for the rest of the day and I no longer felt like that surly bear who no one wanted to bump into.

Lack of sleep is pretty common for those of us who have children impacted by disability. Stressful days are often the norm as well. It can be hard to stay positive throughout the day as we interact with therapists, teachers, doctors and, most importantly, our families. It can be easy for our speech to become short and have a bite to it as opposed to filled with grace and love.

In those times, taking a step back to pray, reflect and breath can be the perfect answer. The therapist, IEP meetings, doctor and kids will still be there but this time may give you the chance that you need to refocus and refresh.

After my break, I sucked up my pride and apologized to the boys. The atmosphere in the house changed from nervousness and timidity to a place where everyone wanted to be.

What helps you to refocus when you are exhausted, overwhelmed and stressed with life?

Written by Jonathan McGuire, Co-Founder of Hope Anew

Yes, I Am Depressed

Do you struggle with depression? I was sitting in a sterile office with my wife and kids as some stranger was analyzing my blood and this is the question he asked. My gut response was to swallow the lump that suddenly appeared in my throat and say “No. No, I don’t struggle with depression,” rather than admit the truth before my wife and boys.

Instead, I swallowed my pride and with my heart beating in my ears, admitted that I struggle with depression. Oddly, I wasn’t met with scorn or rejection and the world didn’t fall apart when I spoke the truth. My boys didn’t suddenly think less of me and, if I’m being honest, it really wasn’t a surprise to Sarah.

So why was it so hard to admit that depression was a struggle? I didn’t want to be seen as weak or dare I say, unstable. I didn’t want it to impact my relationships with those around me.

 I’ve always been pretty even keel. I don’t have an extreme visible range of emotions. I’m not known for displaying high levels of exuberance when I’m excited or for flying off the handle when I am angry and I definitely don’t talk to others about being depressed.

 Why not? Have you ever felt like you had to wear a mask in order to be perceived a certain way? You wear one mask with your friends. Another mask at your church and so on.

By admitting I struggle with depression, it felt like I was admitting that I was “less than.” Somehow in my personal life, I equated depression with not being strong enough mentally or physically. More importantly, I equated it to not being strong enough spiritually or having enough faith.

Isn’t that ridiculous? Of all the foolish notions, I don’t even apply the same standard to others when I see them struggling emotionally. In fact, it grieves my heart to hear of individuals who didn’t open up or get help when they needed it.

Sadly, I think many of us are stuck in this game of wearing a mask. Not everyone is trying to hide depression. It might be worries over a child who is struggling with a disability. It might be a marriage that is in shambles or an addiction of some type. We’re afraid of what will happen when we are real about where we are at.

Do you know what happened when I answered this man’s question? He said, “Okay, that fits. Let’s look at your adrenals.” He helped me look for an answer and came alongside me. What if I had buried the truth? My overall health would have suffered as a result.

As parents of children who are impacted by additional needs, we often neglect our own emotional, physical and spiritual health. Are there areas that you are burying? Who can you find that will allow you to safely take your mask off so you can begin to experience healing?

A Change In Perspective

I confess that one of my greatest weaknesses during the holiday season is watching the mass variety of shows, concerts and movies that celebrate all things Christmas. I especially enjoy more of the live music and performances on Christmas Eve, usually from a great church or legendary concert hall. One year I watched a new musical, which was a fresh modern take on the Dickens classic, A Christmas Carol.

Toward the end of the show, after the death of Tiny Tim, his father, Bob Cratchit, sings a song of mourning the loss of his son. But this was not a typical song lamenting the tragic loss of a child. This song, called “No Trouble At All,” was an almost lighthearted reflection on the life of Tiny Tim. In a whimsical kind of tone, the character of Cratchit speaks to all of the struggles his son faced.

As he sang over the list of ailments and the challenges that each of those brought to the family, he answered each one with a wide smile and an incredibly heartwarming saying, “No Trouble At All.”

I watched the scene with tears welling up in my eyes as I immediately substituted all of the challenges that the actor was communicating in his song for my own son’s challenges and reflected on how I felt about them.

The normal emotional responses of anxiety, frustration and anger almost instantly melted away. What I was left with was the perspective of a father looking back at his experience of his son now that he had come to the end of his life.

While my son was still alive and well, I had now stepped into the shoes of Bob Cratchit, and found my perspective was one of gratefulness and love to all of his conditions.

 I sat and let all of my experiences with my son wash over me, and with the now appropriate response: when I am upset at my son for not being able to control his body, he is no trouble at all. When I’m frustrated that he can’t be more independent and needs so much support, he is no trouble at all. When he won’t go to sleep and requires me to sit or lay in bed with him until he does, he is no trouble at all.

 Most importantly, when I am in those places of upset, frustration and sleep deprivation; my Lord reaches down from heaven and with a loving hand and a gentle voice whispers to me how much I am loved and forgiven. He shows me the grace that I so desperately need when I am not being the father that I am called to be. He cares for me in so many ways and reassures me, even in times of weakness, I am no trouble at all.

           “Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish.” ~ Psalm 25:17, NIV

 

 Written by John Felageller

You can connect with John on his Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/johnsspecialneedsblog/

WILL MY CHILD BE ACCEPTED?

I finally watched the movie “Wonder” and I may or have may not have cried. Don’t get me wrong, the tears were manly tears. Each tear probably had its own little beard but they were tears none the less.

What was it that hit me? Was it the hard times Auggie faced? The initial lack of social acceptance? Was it the fear and trepidation that his parents dealt with when they sent him to school or the conflict they had when they were not on the same page about sending him to school? Or was it how Olivia’s (Auggie’s sister) life was impacted?

It wasn’t any of these things. Although, all these things were right on the money and in one way or another I could relate to each of them. While our struggles were different, I could relate to each of the challenges depicted and have seen them exemplified in our own family. No, the thing that got me was the acceptance.

After all the difficulties, Auggie’s classmates accepted him. They laughed at his jokes. They high fived him and gave him a standing ovation when he was given an award for being an exemplary person at the end of the school year. This is what made the tears stream down my face.

 I’ve learned to take the good days with the hard. But it breaks my heart when I sit down with my little buddy, talk with him about his goals and his top goal is to make friends. He wants to make more friends but social situations can be really hard for him.

 He wants to be accepted and you know what, I want that for him. I want the kids high fiving him. I want them laughing at his jokes. I want them to be seeking him out and to miss him if he is not there.

Do I care if he is popular or if he ever has a standing ovation from a group of peers? No, but I want him to be accepted.

 This is why I cried such manly tears in this movie, because not all of our sons and daughters will win over the hearts of their peers and be accepted for the “Wonders” that they are. We don’t have screen writers in place to tie beautiful bows on our situations and make everyone else see our children the way we do. And it hurts.

 Here’s the thing though, even in the midst of the uncertainty about his future and how he will be accepted. I have a confident hope and assurance. Even when I’m no longer around, my son has a heavenly father in whose image he was made. A father who will never leave him, forsake him or turn him away. A father who recognizes how wonderfully our children were made.

 “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.”

~ Jesus (Mark 10:14 NIV)

 Have you seen the movie, “Wonder”?  How did it resonate with you?

Helpless...

Helpless. As I sat for hours with my screaming, writhing son, that’s how I felt – helpless. When he started screaming and projectile vomiting every time he ate at 15 days old, I had called and asked the doctor what was causing it and how to help him. I was told it was separation anxiety. Ummm…he’s only 3 weeks old and he’s not separate. At his one month appointment I asked again.

A few more doctors, a few more months, a year, the same questions. No more answers, help or direction.

 It’s likely you can relate – symptoms with no answers. A diagnosis with no cure. A treatment plan or educational plan with no prognosis. A future that is murky and unclear except that it will likely be different than what you had dreamed and harder than you had ever imagined.

As my son screamed and writhed, I couldn’t take his pain away. I couldn’t make it stop. He was too young to talk or to understand my words. But, I could be with him in it. I could provide security and comfort just by my touch, love, and presence. He might still be in pain, but at least he knew he wasn’t alone. Neither are you.

Your life circumstances may be out of your control. You may feel overwhelmed and helpless, maybe hopeless too. But if you are God’s child, he is there with you and he is for you.

A verse that became a favorite of mine during these years of life and remains a favorite to this day is Zephaniah 3:17.

“For the Lord your God is living among you.
    He is a mighty savior.
He will take delight in you with gladness.
    With his love, he will calm all your fears.[a]
He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”

Look at all the words and phrases in here that describe how he thinks of and relates us: God, mighty savior, delight, gladness, love, calming, rejoice, joy. Whenever I think on this verse, I picture God, my Father, lovingly cradling me in his arms (as I did for my dear son), calming my fears and singing to me with joy and gladness, delighting in me, his beloved child.

 I might still be helpless to stop my son’s pain, but I didn’t feel so alone and hopeless. Meditating on this verse helped me to remember that I am loved and delighted in by the creator of the universe and you are too.

Written by Sarah McGuire, Co-Founder of Hope Anew