"Write Everything Down"
“Write everything down,” my adult daughter said.
I stared at her, equally amazed by her wisdom and my epic fail to practice what I’ve been preaching for more than a decade…
Written by Jolene Philo
“Write everything down,” my adult daughter said.
I stared at her, equally amazed by her wisdom and my epic fail to practice what I’ve been preaching for more than a decade.
When I spoke at special needs and disability conferences–pre-pandemic of course–parents would ask how to be effective advocates for their kids. My top 3 tidbits of advice were always:
Let people in.
Don’t take no for an answer.
Write everything down.
How had I forgotten my own best advice this spring while advocating on my mother’s behalf? I’m blaming my oversight partly on the pandemic (it’s about time it was good for something), and partly on my inability to see that effective special needs advocacy practices are equally effective while advocating for the elderly.
I tore myself away from staring in amazement at my daughter–when did she become so wise?– and went into my office where I began to write everything down as she had advised. That was about 2 weeks after Mom’s health issues began, and the timeline of events was still clear in my mind. At the time this post was written, the timeline had stretched to 4 weeks and counting. If my daughter hadn’t said to write everything down when she did, the increasing number of events would have become muddled and my recording of them inaccurate. Not good.
Because effective special needs advocacy practices can be applied effectively during elder care advocacy, and vice versa, let’s see how the other two tidbits of advice can work for both populations.
1. Let people in.
Once I wrote everything down, I sent copies of the document to my 2 siblings. I add to it a couple times a week and send the updated document to them again. Why? First, it eliminates the need to send lengthy texts to keep them in the loop. Second, they send me feedback about what they believe next steps should be. Today’s update led to my brother and I scheduling a meeting we’ll attend together on Mom’s behalf. Our sister, who lives in a different state, suggested language to use during the meeting. By letting them in, our advocacy is united and more powerful. We do our loved ones, whatever their ages, a great service when letting people leads to more effective advocacy.
2. Don’t take no for an answer.
As a lifelong rule follower and people pleaser, this one’s hard for me. I trust and respect people in authority. I don’t want to question them. If I was the only person involved, I probably wouldn’t question them. But this isn’t about me, just like your advocacy on behalf of your kids. It’s about them, their care, their quality of life, and respecting their wishes. So when I detect inaccuracies or hear something stated from an incomplete perspective, I push back. I provide my version of events and share my documentation. Which leads back to where this post started.
3. Write everything down.
Mom will need my sibling and I to be her voice, her advocates, for the rest of her life. Depending on your children’s special needs or disability, you will be their voices and their advocates, at least for a time. By writing everything down we are equipping ourselves to speak well on their behalf, for however long our loved ones require our advocacy.
I’ve added a final tidbit of advice to my list, though it may not work for you. Would you like to know what it is? Listen to your daughter. She’s one wise woman!
Written by Jolene Philo
Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She's also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.
Stressed Out?
On average, most people don’t like change…especially change that has been forced on us. Many of us had to find new ways of doing life or are in the process of figuring things out. We are holding onto future plans loosely. This change, this uncertainty leaves us feeling stressed.
How is Covid impacting your family right now?
The list of ways Covid is impacting our families could probably be as long as my arm and I have long arms.
If I were to ask you how you are doing right now, many of you may reply with the words “stressed out.”
On average, most people don’t like change…especially change that has been forced on us. Many of us had to find new ways of doing life or are in the process of figuring things out. We are holding onto future plans loosely. This change, this uncertainty leaves us feeling stressed.
Did you know that taking 5 minutes a day to do something that refreshes you has been shown scientifically to help with your stress levels?
Today, I would like to challenge you to pull out your calendar and schedule 5 minutes a day to do something that refreshes you. Treat it like a doctor appointment that you wouldn’t miss or reschedule.
Here are four FREE ideas that can be done in 5 minutes:
Deep Breathing – This effective relaxation technique significantly reduces stress levels. There are many techniques to choose from and they are very effective.
Meditate – Specifically, meditate on God’s word and the character of God. God is constant. He is unchanging. Nothing that is going on is a surprise to Him and He is in control.
Refocus on Gratitude –Yes, there is a lot of hard but there is also a lot of good change that is happening. For example, many families are less busy and are spending more time together than they did before. Each day, come up with three positives that you can be thankful for that day.
Laugh – You have probably heard the saying, “Laughter is the best medicine.” Save funny comics or links to funny videos on your computer. Intentionally seek opportunities to laugh even if it is a little silly or is at risk of being met with an eye-roll.
I don’t know about you but I can just feel the stress melt off of my shoulders when I have a good laugh.
So there you have it. Four things that you can do for free and that can be done in 5 minutes. The REST is up to you… no pun intended. Before you click that x to close this screen. Pull out your calendar and schedule 5 minutes a day each day next week and plan what you are going to try. Don’t put it off. This is important for you and for your family.
Written by Jonathan McGuire
