5 Simple Activities To Talk About Big Feelings

Covid-19 has stirred up some big feelings. What is happening in our own communities and around the world is so very unexpected and unusual it is difficult to work through the emotions that have come along with all this change. Talking about feelings, naming them and acknowledging them together can be incredibly helpful at times like this. But where can we begin?

Knowing where something hurts, or what emotion is being felt doesn’t come instinctively to some members of my family and I find myself reaching for creative ways to get the conversation going to help me to support my children through this time where I’m sure they’re wrestling with huge emotions – fear, disappointments, worry, uncertainty in all the changes, helplessness, out of control. Talking together gives a chance to bring myself alongside and support more closely, and for us helps us to pray more specifically having talked about how we’re doing.

Here are 5 simple activities to help us talk about big feelings:

1. Out of control get a large piece of card or paper and draw a big circle in the middle. Using old magazines to tear out words and pictures, and pens to draw and write fill the circle with things you can control and outside the circle with things out of our control. Picking one of the things in our control that we could act on can even bring some relief to the big feelings.

2. Body mapping – make gingerbread cookies talking about what each part of your child’s body might be feeling like right now. While they’re cooking maybe draw round the cookie cutter and mark the parts of the body that feel different (like butterfly tummy, or aching head) and be detectives together to work out what emotion might be making our body feel that way.

3. Playdough faces – use Playdough to make faces with different expressions. Make one for how you are feeling today.

4. Color– Get out some paint and paint those feelings – what kind of character are they, what do they look like, what color are they?

5. ·Charades– play emotion charades, taking turns to act out and guess emotions. Have a good laugh together and then chat about which one each of us have felt recently.

I hope these ideas are as useful to you as they have been to us. These are unsettling times for us and our children and anything that can help me to stay closely alongside, ready to help and support seems to be a worthwhile thing – I guess chatting with them about their big feelings is inside my circle of control!

Written by Cathy Porter

Cathy Porter is  a disciple of Jesus, a mum, ordained and a vicar's wife (in the Church of England), a writer, a creative, a blogger.

Cathy and her husband, Andrew, have 3 children. Her two girls both a diagnosis of ASC. You can follow the ups and downs of family life & faith on her blog: www.clearlynurturing.wordpress.com.

It is Cathy’s heart to encourage families to share in the adventure of faith together, especially families beautifully shaped by ASC. She loves to write stories that make the reader think, ask questions about what we believe, and help the reader to discover what the Bible has to say about God and friendship with him. 

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

“Blessed is the one who listens to me, watching daily at my gates, waiting beside my doors.” (Prov. 8:34, ESV)

My autistic, non-verbal son has several ways he likes to communicate with us. It is mostly through body language, some basic sign language, as well as through the communication app on his iPad.

There are times when his actions are very clear in terms of what he’s trying to tell us, such as when he goes to sit on his favorite stool near the door to garage. This indicates that he’s ready to put on his shoes. Putting on your shoes, of course, means that you’re getting to go somewhere: walking the dog, a drive to a favorite park or forest preserve, or maybe just shopping at a big box store. Mom and dad, however, are not always ready or, more specifically, willing to go on another errand or to another place for a long walk in the sweltering summer heat. 

 While we love the fact he is finding a way to share his needs with us! It does make it frustrating for us to honor his request but to also give him boundaries when it’s not a good time to go somewhere, or, I dare say, we are not in the mood to go. I often wonder about what goes on his head as he sits there and waits while his parents decide what we are going to do. I think about how much I would just love to be able to grab my shoes each time he sits on that stool and just say “sure thing kiddo” and off we would go on another adventure to wherever. 

In a more profound sense, my child’s experience sitting on that stool and waiting is kind of like my experiences waiting on God for many of my own hopes or prayers, and how difficult it is to sit on the “stool” of life while we wait on an answer from Him.  If I learned anything from this analogy with my son, it’s this. As his father he needs to know that I do see him, sitting there. I do hear him even though he has no voice to ask. I know from my son’s experience that I am equally seen and heard by God when I ask for what I need. While the waiting is hard, the comfort in being seen and heard makes it easier.

So my prayer is for the strength that comes in the silent knowing of His presence, that I will learn to be patient when I immediately want an answer for myself, or my child but that I know it will be answered exactly when it needs to, when He’s ready.

Written by John Felageller

John lives in Northbrook, IL with his wife Elizabeth and his son Christopher (ASD), and is currently an Elementary Teacher at a Charter School in Chicago, IL.  He is a regular contributor to Key Ministry’s Special Needs Family blog, and is both a live presenter and on Key Ministry’s Facebook page. He coordinates a Special Needs Dads meet-up in his community and works with several other local Special Needs organizations that serve both parents and children.

 

Connect with John on his Facebook page here.

4 Steps To Better Communication

Parenting is hard work… As a parent of a child impacted by special needs, you will have to work even harder.  Advice that you hear experts giving other parents often doesn’t work with your family.  This makes one piece of expert advice even more critical…communicate.

If you are married, the need for you to communicate with each other is key.  It is easy to get discouraged, not know what to do, or not know what to say.  It is imperative that you work together to come up with a game plan so you know that you are both on the same team, not working against each other.

Our son has a hard time communicating with me, especially when he is struggling with a decision I have made. During these times, he will go and talk to his Mom about it. She listens (so he feels heard, understood and calms down) and then coaches him on how to come back and talk with me. Notice, she doesn’t just listen to his side and overrule what I told him. She and I have an understanding about what she is doing during this time and instead of me being offended, I can recognize it for what it is and see the value of what is happening – he is getting training in how to handle conflict and how to communicate in a more effective way.  However, if Sarah and I hadn’t talked about this, it could easily appear that he was just going behind my back in these conversations.  She had to intentionally take time to communicate with me how he was feeling and what she was doing with these conversations.

Communication is difficult.  There is never enough time and we are all so unique in how we process things that it is easy to interpret a word or glance incorrectly.  Here are four tips to improve how you and your spouse communicate:

1. Set an appointment – If there is something the two of you really need to discuss, don’t just dive in right before bed but let your spouse know you need to talk and find out when would be good for them.
2. Be present – Make eye contact, put away the cell phone, laptop and other distractions.  Don’t interrupt or jump in with solutions.
3. Reflect – Summarize back to your spouse what you think you are hearing them communicate.
4. Determine – Was this informational?  Did your spouse just need to vent or do you need to work together for a solution?

How are you and your spouse doing with communicating? We want to hear from you.  What helps you and your spouse stay on the same page?