Special Needs Mom, How Are You Doing this Mother’s Day?

Special needs mom, how are you doing this Mother’s Day?

Has anyone ask you that question before? Has anyone acknowledged that your feelings may not match what cards and commercials make them out to be? Have you had the courage to acknowledge, even to yourself, the swirl of emotions that surround you as the second Sunday in May approaches?

Joy.

Loss.

Love.

Grief.

Wonder.

Fear.

Gratitude.

Guilt. 

I felt all those emotions as Mother’s Day and our son’s first birthday arrived within weeks of one another in 1983. I was a wreck that May––exhausted, worried, depleted, and unable to think straight. Though our son is now an independent adult, those early emotions tend to resurface each May. As our son got older, I became wiser about how to acknowledge my feelings and celebrate being a mom without letting difficult emotions rule the day. I hope these 5 lessons help you do the same.

Lesson #1: Enjoy your Child

Your child is a wonder, perhaps not the wonder you expected, but wonderful all the same. Take a moment to enjoy who your child is––or who she was if she’s no longer physically present. What about her makes you laugh? How does she surprise you? Why is your world better because of her? What has she taught you about love? Let your answers increase your joy in the wonderful aspects of her life and lighten your heart.

Lesson #2: Make Room for Grief

The joy your child brings is real and so is your grief. This Mother’s Day weekend make room to acknowledge this emotion for what it is––the loss of many dreams. Dreams of what parenting would be like. Dreams of how your child’s development would progress. Dreams of celebrating milestones. Write your thoughts down. Tell God how much your heart hurts. Admit how hard your grief is to bear. God knows a thing or two about loss and heartache. Let him hold you as you grieve.

Lesson #3: Put on your Mama Bear

Not the kind of mama bear who destroys everything in her path to protect her child, but the kind who uses her strength to advocate for her child, her family, and herself. This can involve big things like advocating with doctors, therapists, schools, and churches regarding resources and accessibility needs. It can also mean being the mama bear who lets other people in by introducing herself and her child to other moms and kids at the park. By joining an online or in person support group for parents of kids with disabilities. By taking advantage of a neighbor’s offer to come over with coffee and cookies to get to know her and her child. 

Lesson #4: Anticipate Adventures to Come

Thinking about the future was tough when my husband and I were busy keeping our son safe and alive. I wish I could go back to Mother’s Day 1983 and assure the woman I was then that the future held both struggles and adventures. I would want her to know that the adventures yet to come were rooted in the hard stuff our family was experiencing then. The same is true for you and your family. Since anticipation is part and parcel of future adventures, start dreaming about what’s yet to come now!

Lesson #5: Trust the God Who Is Both Parent and Child

You may not understand why God allowed your child’s disability and your parenting journey. God, however, fully understands why Mother’s Day is a mixture of joy and grief for you. He has been where you are. Cling to that truth even as you doubt his kindness and are angry with his ways. Cling to this promise that held me fast when I couldn’t hold onto him. I am praying it for you this Mother’s Day.

He who did not spare his own Son, but delivered him for us all, 

how will he not also graciously give us all things?

Romans 8:32 (NAS)

Written by Jolene Philo

Jolene Philo is the author of several books for the caregiving community. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and Amazon. See Jane Dance!, the third book in the West River cozy mystery series, which features characters affected by disability, was released in October of 2023. The audio version of Book 1, See Jane Run! See Jane Run!, was released in November of 2023.

Beyond Labels: Seeing the Beauty in EVERY Child

Do you ever feel like your child is looked down on because of their disability or special need?

In the world, you often see a differentiation between the “haves” and the “have nots.” Those in sports are esteemed more highly than the shelf stocker at Walmart. The advice of those with the largest following on social media or YouTube is more sought after than the grandfather or grandmother up the street.

Sadly, this can even be true at churches. I hear of many parents on this journey in special needs walking through the church doors looking for community and eventually walking away because they are made to feel like their child is a burden. Congregation members treated their child as less than and not really valued.

If this is your story, I’m sorry. This Easter season, I want to assure you that God does not see your son or daughter as less than.

Here are 5 ways that we can see this in the Bible. 

1. Your child is created in God's image

"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." - Genesis 1:27 (NIV)

This verse reminds us that every person, including those with special needs, is created in God's image and is therefore uniquely valuable and important in God's eyes.

 

2. God sees beyond physical limitations

“But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.’”

– 1 Samuel 16:7 (NIV

While human beings often focus on physical appearances and abilities, God looks at the heart. He sees beyond a person's disabilities to their true character and potential.

3. God sees my child's struggles and cares for them

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." - Psalm 34:18 (NIV)

As a parent, it can be heartbreaking to see my child struggle with challenges or disabilities. But I take comfort in knowing that God sees their struggles and cares for them deeply. God is close to those who are brokenhearted, and I believe that He is with my child every step of the way.

4. We are all equal in Christ

“There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” – Galatians 3:28 (NIV)

In this passage we can see that in Christ, there is no distinction between people based on their race, gender, or social status. This includes people with disabilities, who are equal members of the body of Christ. God values each person equally and desires for us to love and accept one another just as Christ has loved and accepted us (John 13:34-35).

5. God has given your child a unique gift or talent to share with the world

"Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms." - 1 Peter 4:10 (NIV)

This verse reminds us that every person, including those with special needs, has unique gifts and talents that can be used to make a positive impact on the world. By valuing and nurturing these gifts, we can help our children to realize their full potential and make a positive difference in the world around them.

This Easter season, as we celebrate the death and resurrection of our savior, I want to encourage you that not only does our heavenly father know and love you. In the same way, He fully loves your son or daughter. He does not view them as a burden or less than.

He tends his flock like a shepherd:
    He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
    he gently leads those that have young.

~ Isaiah 40:11 (NIV)

Written by Jonathan McGuire

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Jonathan McGuire  is the dad of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides the beat up, battered, and worn out parents of children impacted by disabilities and special needs through the spiritual and emotional challenges they face to Christ-centered hope and healing.

Our Guide

I was sifting through memories the last few months and came across a picture of me that unknowingly marked a significant point in my life.  The picture is of me surrounded by a bunch of Honduran kids with a huge smile on my face.  It was taken somewhere between 2004 and 2007 at an orphanage in Lapaz, Honduras, off a dirt road with dogs running around and many more kids laughing and playing elsewhere. 

This was my first mission trip. I had no idea what I was doing or the real reason for me being there.  The kids surrounding me in the picture knew Jesus way better than I did and I did not have a clear job on the mission trip other than to play and connect with these kids.  This picture was stored away and became memories that were patched together as my life went on.  It was a fun trip, but it wasn’t easy.  I know if I had a greater understanding of what the trip was for and why we were doing a mission I would have experienced the trip in a totally different way, or maybe chosen to not go at all.  

Looking back on this seed planted for missions I can faintly see how there was work being done all along to get me where I am in this season. The “me” in the picture thought being a pediatrician would be a great career and this trip might be an interesting thing to talk about in a college essay or put on a resume.  The real story being written was that God would expand my love for children in need to advocacy and education for kids with severe disabilities.  The “me” in the picture could not understand why anyone would need a savior or faith in God, let alone a clue who Jesus was.  The story God was writing was He would come for me too as I needed a savior more than I could have ever understood. The “me” in the picture thought this trip was a fun adventure, and the story that God was writing was that I would have no idea how amazing an adventure God was planning for me.  

A lot has happened since that picture, but I feel like saying “yes” to Jesus put my life in acceleration. 

So many things have changed, shifted, fallen into place or made sense since saying yes.  The me in that picture is not so different from me now, but more focused.  Since that mission trip to Honduras, I got my masters in special education rather than becoming a doctor.  I am now covered in kids that look like me in pictures and we are heading to the mission field with more focus and direction from the Lord and I could ever imagine.  God has used my background of special education to get me to come back to him and also immediately put me to work bringing His children back home too.  I have enriched my Jewish roots and heritage with a clearer picture of who God is and who I am in the love of Christ.  God has shown me a place to care and love others as He did.  

The smile on my face in that picture is just as big now. When I think about how my mission experience started as a Jewish teen at a honduran orphanage and now I am preparing, with my husband and 3 kids, to launch to France to serve at a camp.  I can not fully appreciate or understand His preparation of my heart in the process.  My heart is so different since that picture, no longer am I thinking about what would look good on a resume, but rather how can I bring more people to know the depth of this love and acceptance.  It shouldn’t surprise me though, God is unchanging and knows all these things.  I am the one who is changing as I experience and know Him more deeply.  I think about this memory from God’s perspective, as he sees the whole breath of my life at once. There was no coincidence about this journey, nothing surprising to Him and whether I realize it or not, He will guide me.  The verses from the end of Psalm 48:14 feels so comforting in thinking about the journey that has been completed and the road ahead of all of us in our walk: “For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end.” 

Wherever God has placed us, whether in our job, role as a parent, ministry role, etc, God has worked ahead of us and in us in preparation.  We are in practice and getting prepared long before we realize it.

I see more clearly the truth of the verses from Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose…”  I know that God is guiding me to something good, not easy, but good, and that’s something I can get excited about and put my faith in.  Praise God for this first mission trip and the seed that it planted in my heart.  Praise God that He has chosen to continue to make his plan clear for me and chosen me as bold and courageous enough to do as he has called.  Praise God that He is with me now, in the past and every day to come. 

Written by Naomi Brubaker

Naomi is a mom of 3 girls ages 7, 5, and 2.  Her oldest daughter is diagnosed with ADHD and a visual processing disorder.  Her family lives in Richmond Virginia where Naomi leads the special needs ministry at their church.  Her background in special education and ability to understand parents from her experiences with her daughter give her a unique perspective in her role at the church.  Naomi loves to run, sew and take walks with her husband with any free time she has. 

Three Things That Give Me Hope – Part 2

Have you ever heard the saying that "it can be hard to see the forest through the trees?" To me, that phrase has meant that it can be easy to get bogged down in the details and lose the big perspective. That can be true in our journey too. 

Sometimes, we get so bogged down in the day to day...the researching, the appointments, the (fill in the blank) and we miss the good that is happening. The life giving things. The hope filled things.

Does this sound familiar?

When I lift weights, those muscles I am using grow stronger. This is the same with how we think. When we focus on the negative, those negative pathways in the brain become stronger. It is harder to see the good.

You may be able to recall conversations with people where the negative pathways have become really strong. In those interactions, it can be hard to steer the conversation in a positive direction and you just leave the conversation feeling blah and hopeless. The converse is true when you sit with people who are joy-filled.

This idea of building a positive, hope-filled mindset is a Biblical idea.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Philippians 4:8 (NIV)

It can be hard to see the good things going on in the world and more specifically, it can be hard to see the good things that are going on in your life…especially if you are living from one crisis to the next.

Sarah has recently began asking each person in our family what one good thing is that we appreciate today. Sometimes a family member shares something big. Sometimes it's a rougher day and the good thing is that the sun is shining.

Sometimes finding the good becomes easier when we look outside of our circumstances and the day to day. It depends where you look though. I wouldn’t recommend looking at the news or even at Facebook.

The best way to find the good, is to look for where God is at work. Find a mission organization or nonprofit that aligns with a cause you are passionate about and sign up for their newsletter. You will have stories of how God is at work sent straight to your inbox or delivered to your front door. Also, find positive people with whom you can associate.

When we start seeing those good things that are happening in our lives and when we start seeing the good things that God is doing around the world, it starts to reframe how we think. It starts to restore hope. 

This week I would like to challenge you to look for one good thing that is happening in your life each day.

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

Hope Anew has launched the Hope Anew Online Community and would love to have you be a part of it! You can learn more at www.HopeAnew.com.  Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!

A Better Way

Here in Illinois we are in week 4 of the Coronavirus lockdown and our house is rapidly edging toward stir crazy. I am used to working from home. Pretty much no one else here is. My wife is a raging extravert and my daughter, a sophomore in high school, desperately wants to see her friends. Our oldest can’t go to work because it is shut down. Even my autistic son Nathan, who is in a transition program he doesn’t really like, wants to go back to school. Online school simply isn’t the same. His mom has been his paraprofessional and she is tough.

For most of us, the coronavirus pandemic is inconvenient, but for others, it really is causing suffering: people are dying from this disease, businesses are failing because they cannot operate. There is going to be fallout for some time to come. Just like our series looking at the causes of suffering related to our special needs children, many of us are asking why this pandemic is happening. Is it our fault? Is it God’s fault or the devil’s fault? Is there no fault at all? What are we to do about this?

As we have seen, these questions often lead to answers that come up short. The Bible simply doesn’t offer us a catalog of reasons for suffering. Sometimes we will suffer for following God, but that is clearly not the only kind of suffering we see in Scripture. Sometimes the reason is hidden. Sometimes we don’t get a reason. So what are we to do? How do we face another day, another meltdown, another shattered dream?

We look to God.

I know, I know, that sounds trite. A “Jesus Juke”. Something the person who has never had a problem says. I get it. I am tempted to respond that way, but beyond the cliché there is something real. When I say “look to God”, I mean it. Look to God’s character. When we do this, something very important comes to light.

Throughout the Old Testament, God is patient with his people. Old School King James: “long-suffering”. Over and over again God’s people fail. Adam and Eve, Cain, Abraham (often the same failures repeatedly), Jacob, Moses, the entire book of Judges, Saul, David, Solomon . . . you get the picture. God never abandons his people. He never walks away. They provoke his anger, yet he is patient. When his people repent, he is always there for them. He may have seemed far away, silent, but he is always closer than they think. Perhaps the most dramatic picture is the book of Hosea – a man who is repeatedly betrayed by his wife, who suffers greatly because of it, but who sees restoration and healing. Hosea is a picture of God and his wife Gomer is Israel. God understands suffering and is in his very nature long-suffering. But this is not the end of the story.

 In Jesus we see something more. Not only does God suffer because of his people, in Jesus he suffers with his people. Paul, in Philippians 2:5-11 reminds us that Jesus was God who chose to become a slave, a human and to die a violent death on our behalf. God suffers with his creation. God suffers for his creation. 

When we ask “why?!”, we mostly want to know that this suffering matters, that someone cares. Jesus shows us that God does care, that he is paying attention even if we do not see it. This changes everything. When we realize that God suffers on behalf of his rebellious children, the very children who broke his beautiful creation, when we see that he has taken the job of repairing the breach on himself, we can be encouraged to face the next day, the next challenge, the next . . .

We do not always see or understand how or where God is at work. We know, we have seen, that he is trustworthy. Jesus reminds us that God sees even the sparrow fall and that we are worth far more than a sparrow (Matt. 10:29-31). 

“Why?” is an important question, a question that does not, I believe, offend God in the slightest. It is a question we ought to ask. But we can’t live there. In Jesus God shows us that we don’t have to. In Jesus God holds out his hand to us and says

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matt. 11:28-30)

Written by Kevin O’Brien

Kevin O’Brien is a husband, father, ordained minister, writer and volunteer theologian. He holds a Master of Divinity and Master of Theology from Liberty Baptist Theological Seminary where he won the Th.M. award in 1997. He has also done graduate work at the Institute for Christian Studies in Toronto.  Kevin worked as a brand manager on the Bible team at Tyndale House Publishers. During his time at Tyndale he has helped to develop several Bibles and has written articles which have appeared in The Way, the iShine Bible, and the Illustrated Study Bible. He also wrote a series of devotionals for WAYFM’s World’s Biggest Small Group.

Most recently, Kevin wrote an Advent devotional eBook. You can find it here. 

Kevin lives in the far western suburbs of Chicago with his wife, three children, a dog, and a cat. He would prefer to spend his time reading, writing, woodworking and watching the Chicago Blackhawks.

4 Steps for Navigating Fear

In last week’s article, I shared how fear serves an important role and acts like the warning light on the dash of our car.  How did last week go? Did you recognize this warning light going off in yourself, your spouse, or child?

If your answer is yes, then you may be wondering what to do. Here are four steps to help you navigate your fear and for you to help your family members navigate their fears:

1.     Pray & remind yourself of who God is:

Take a deep, slow breath or 20 and share your fears with your heavenly father. Ask Him for His peace and wisdom. Remind yourself of those truths in God’s word about who He is and His character. For example, He is sovereign and all knowing.

2.     Develop & implement a plan:

For example:

1. Determine steps needed to protect your family from getting sick, such as limit social interaction, wash hands, etc.

2. Establish a new routine – after being somewhere, get in car and use hand sanitizer on hands, inside door handle, phone and wallet before touching the steering wheel

3. Check into alternative options to meet medical needs, if the need arises

4. Think of alternative solutions for social engagement

5. …..

This will not be a one and done plan. As you implement it, you will need to revise it to better meet your family’s needs. There will be items on the list that you won’t have immediate solutions for but part of your plan may be steps to find those solutions.

3.     Find a community:

Fear becomes more paralyzing when we go through it alone. Find a community that gets it but be aware of the culture of that community.  You become like the people you spend the most time with. If the community is negative and not hope-filled, that will feed your fear and not reset it.

As a side note, if this is a need that you see in your life, I would like to invite you to join the Hope Anew Online Community. This is a great time to join as we have waived the membership fee. You can learn more at HopeAnew.com

4.     Look for ways to bless others:

When we look for ways to be “Jesus with skin on” to others, it can take our focus off ourselves and we can receive joy as we encourage others.

During this time you may need to be creative but it can become a fun family project.

As you are figuring out how to navigate this new season, remember that God is with you. He loves you and your family. He will never leave you and never forsake you.

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

Hope Anew has launched the Hope Anew Online Community and would love to have you be a part of it! You can learn more at www.HopeAnew.com.  Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Is It Okay To Fear?

Is it okay to fear?

This is a question I keep finding myself asking, especially with the current COVID-19 pandemic. As I talk with other people and watch posts on social media, I see an unspoken tension between families who are fearful about the current health pandemic and those who say, “Do not fear and be courageous.”

Families fear for their parents or spouses that fall in the high risk category. Mothers are fearful for their spouses and children who have “essential” jobs and still have to go out. Parents are fearful of losing their jobs or how to provide for their families if they have lost their jobs. Moms and dads are fearful of how to protect their medically fragile children and make sure they have what they need whether that is medication, special equipment or even special food for restricted diets.

I remember standing in church singing, “There’s No Fear In Love.” This is a direct quote from the first sentence 1 John 4:18. The entirety of this passage reads:

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

Every time I sang this song, I would internally scoff and think, “Really…no fear.” Then I would get irritated as I thought of those who received a new diagnosis for their child and were scared or found themselves in a situation that was out of their control such as a job loss, cancer diagnosis or myriad of other fear inducing scenarios. I would half-heartedly sing through the song and move on.

If you look at the verse leading up to 1 John 4:18, it says the following:

“This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus.”

“There’s no fear in love” refers to the day of judgement. Those who have a relationship with God through His son, Jesus, do not have to fear on the day of judgement.

So back to the original question. Is it okay to fear? Yes…but. 

God created our emotions, including fear. Fear can serve a beneficial purpose. It can help trigger that fight or flight response. If a lion starts to chase you, fear pushes you to take action and to try to escape. It is like the warning light on your dash that tells you something needs to happen. If you ignore that low fuel light for long, you will find that your car will stop moving.

That light on your car’s dash makes you pause and put together a plan. You mentally go through the check list of determining how far you can go, when you will fill up and what gas station you will stop at to get gas. A plan is put in place.

Similarly, when fear lights up on our internal dashboard it should make us pause, figure out why it is showing up and then determine our response or action plan. 

You may be thinking to yourself, you said, “Yes…but” when you asked if it is okay to fear. What is the “but.”

Have you ever watched a YouTube video or National Geographic show where a giant predator starts to attack its prey and the prey freezes in place? This is when fear becomes bad. When fear becomes all-consuming to the point that we are frozen in inaction.

It is also bad when it becomes chronic. When we live in a chronic state of  “fight and flight”, our bodies will respond negatively. It will negatively affect our emotional, physical, and spiritual health.

So what can we do when we see that dash light? Next week we will look at four steps to walk through when we start to feel fearful.

As you look at how you are doing during this time, are there any dash board lights going off? If you are married or have children, do you see any warning lights going on with your family members?

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

Hope Anew has launched the Hope Anew Online Community and would love to have you be a part of it! You can learn more at www.HopeAnew.com. Due to COVID-19, all membership fees have been waived.

15 Scriptures For Overcoming Lies, Fears And Doubts

When we go through dark, lonely times it’s easy for our thinking to get cloudy, to forget the things we know, and to get confused. It’s easy to start believing lies instead of truth.

~ Sarah McGuire

During my doubting, fighting-daily-for-faith years, I started a list of thoughts I struggled with and Bible verses that I could go to in order to combat those lies or struggles. This was nothing formal or beautifully done, just a long, narrow sheet of paper torn from my magnetic grocery list pad.

When I came across a verse that spoke to me and could help with a thought I struggled with, I’d jot down the thought and the coordinating verse reference. I left it in my Bible so it was handy to add to it. As it grew over months and years, I had my own personalized list of lie-combatting, confusion-clearing, truth-telling, uplifting Scriptures.

Here is my list, maybe you struggle with some of the same thoughts I did and you’ll find some of these helpful. Some were quite personal and aren’t normally references I would associate the with topic, but the day I read them, it was clear God’s Holy Spirit was speaking it to me, so I put it on my list.

1. I am valuable – Mt. 10: 30-31; Isa 43:4; Zeph 3:17

2. It’s more than I can bear. I can’t do it (overwhelmed, inadequate, worn out) – Zech 4:6, Deut 31:8, Ps 37:5, 2 Cor 1:8-9, Isa 43:2

3. God may not watch out for me in this situation – Haggai 2:19, 23

4. Troubled, worried, stressed – John 14:1

5. Overwhelmed by evil or suffering – Phil 4:8

6. In need of help – Isa 30:18

7. God has forgotten me – Isa 40:27, Isa 49:14-16

8. If I seek God, I’ll find God – Isa 65:24

9. God isn’t in charge of this world – Daniel 4:17, 25, 32

10. Worried about needs – Mt 6: 33, Rom 8:32, Isa 65:24, Phil 4:19

11. God always hears me – Jn 11:41, 42

12. Not sure what to do – Ps 32:8

13. I’m broken – 2 Cor 1:8-9

14. God isn’t listening or acting – Mt 6:8, 2 Chron 7:14, Lk 11:9, 10

15. It’s useless to pray – James 5:16

None of us are perfectly the same. Satan is good at finding our vulnerable spots and the lies that will have the greatest power in our lives. I encourage you to start your own list and let God speak His truth into your life.

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here!

3 Ways To Focus On How Our Children Are Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

We love our children fiercely. We would do anything to care for them and provide for all their additional needs. Though our children can feel like our whole world, there are also times it is easy to wish things were different for them. To compare them to other children and wish things came easier. To focus on their health and their weaknesses and struggles and additional needs. To feel like there’s no end to the tunnel of appointments and accommodations and needs our children will have. And we lose sight of the fact that our child is “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14).

It has taken me years of parenting two children with special needs to stop focusing so much on their delays and differences and weaknesses and instead focus on just how uniquely and beautifully God made them.

It’s a mindset shift I’m still working on today, but one that has helped my heart immensely. It has allowed me to enjoy my children more and to be proud to be their mother. There are three ways in particular that have helped me focus on my children more like I imagine God does. 

First – Focus on Your Child’s Victories

It’s so easy to see how far our child has to go to catch up with their peers. To see how slow the progress can be sometimes. But we have to be intentional to focus on the positive. To focus on each and every victory, no matter how small it may seem.  

In the Genesis account of God creating the world, He said “it was good,” after everything He created. He didn’t just say “it was good,” when it was all done. We must do that too. Celebrate every milestone and every hard-fought inch in-between. After all, they are all victories and all deserve celebration. 

And we shouldn’t just celebrate those developmental victories, but spiritual ones as well. When you see your child exhibiting any of the fruit of the Spirit, praise and celebrate that. When you see your child grasp a deeper understanding of God’s love for them, celebrate that. 

I’m sure God is celebrating right along with us. He knows how hard our children have worked on each and every skill and He cares about the things we care about. 

Reflection: What are some of the latest victories you’ve seen in your child(ren)?

Second – Focus on Your Child’s Heart

“But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart,” (1 Samuel 16:7).

While Jesse didn’t think his youngest son looked like a king, and in fact didn’t even have David come in from tending the sheep to present to Jesse to be a future king, David’s heart was the one that God knew was right for the job.

It is easy to focus on our children’s outward appearance, their development, their health, their behaviors, and their struggles, and not on their heart. To not focus on those personality traits and strengths and gifts and passions that are unique to them. To not see the fruit of the spirit they exhibit in their lives. To not see how they give and receive love. To not see and nurture those deeper aspects of who they are that makes them so unique, so wonderful, and such a blessing to our lives.

Reflection: In what ways do you focus more on your child’s outward appearance than you do their heart? What can you do to show your child(ren) how much you love their heart?

Third – Focus on Your Child’s Gifts and Passions

In Exodus 31:1-6 God tells Moses about how He designed and gifted Bezalei. God says “I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with skill, ability and knowledge in all kinds of crafts-to make artistic designs for work in gold, silver and bronze, to cut and set stones, to work in wood, and to engage in all kinds of craftsmanship.” You can sense the pride in God’s voice as He brags about Bezalei using his gifts and skills. This was the man that God had chosen to build His holy tabernacle, where God’s presence would reside. 

When you have a child with special needs, it’s easy to want to focus on the areas they need to improve, rather than focus on their strengths and passions and giftings. Our children have gifts and talents that God wants us to help nurture and steward in our children.

They have something awesome to offer the kingdom of God too. And we have the honor of coming alongside them and helping them identify and use and grow their gifts and skills and passions.

 Reflection: What are some of your child(ren)’s gifts and passions?

What can you do to nurture those gifts and passions? 

*    * *

It’s an intentional mindset shift, choosing to focus on these aspects of our children when it can be so easy to focus on other things. But by choosing to focus on seeing our children as God does, it will help you find the beauty in the way God uniquely, fearfully, and wonderfully crafted your child(ren). 

Reflection: Which of these ways do you find easiest to focus on your child(ren)?

Which ways do you want to be more intentional in focusing on your child(ren) like God does?

Written by Jenn Soehnlin

Jenn Soehnlin is the mother of two young boys who are precious blessings and who both have special needs. She is the author of Embracing This Special Life: Learning to Flourish as a Mother of a Child with Special Needs.

Jenn enjoys blogging about faith, praying scripture, and special needs parenting at www.embracing.life. 

When Our Faith Falters We Need Faith-filled Friends

If you read You Are Not Alone, you know that I had some significant struggles with questions about God and my faith. There were times I couldn’t muster the faith I knew I needed. I wanted to have faith. I wanted to trust God. But, I didn’t.

Yes, I trusted Him for my eternal salvation, but I didn’t trust Him for how my daily life was unfolding. I felt ashamed. I knew where I wanted to be – at peace and rest in His arms, not worrying about the things of daily life, because He’s got this! But I couldn’t seem to get there on my own.

I claimed, “I walk by faith and not by sight” and said it a hundred times per day some days. Reminding myself that walking by faith doesn’t mean everything works out or makes sense, yet I could trust God anyway. He has a plan. But in reality, I felt more like, “I stumble blindly.” Period. The end. 

This bring me to Mark 2: 1-12. Jesus is preaching at a house and so many people come to see him there’s no more room, not even outside the door.  

You’ve been there, right? An 18-year waiting list for services your child needs. A doctor or therapy that might help, but it’s too expensive and insurance doesn’t cover it. You need rest SO badly but can’t access respite services. There’s help in view, but you can’t get to it.

Back to Mark 2. A paralyzed man arrives carried on a mat by four men. He couldn’t get to Jesus on his own, so four people carried him! I don’t know how it came about, maybe he asked them to carry him or maybe he protested the whole way, “Put me down. I don’t want to be a bother. I’ll be such an inconvenience.” We don’t know. 

They arrived to find the house where Jesus was filled to overflowing. Did his helpers stop there? No. They made a hole through the roof and lowered the man down right in front of Jesus. “Seeing their faith Jesus said to the paralyzed man, ‘My child, your sins are forgiven.’” Because of the religious teachers who were present and their thinking that was a blasphemous statement, Jesus went on to heal the man physically as well!

The phrase that stands out to me in this recounting is, “Seeing their faith…”. “Their,” plural, not “the man’s” or “his” faith, but “their faith”. Whether this indicates all five of them or not, I don’t know. But it does refer to more than one of them. Whether it applies to the man who was paralyzed or only to his helpers, I do not know.  

What I do know is that the faith of the man’s helpers played a substantial part in the man being forgiven of his sins and physically healed. Sometimes, when our faith is weak, we need to depend on the faith of those around us. We need to let their faith carry us for a time.

Do you have faithful friends who can speak words of encouraging truth, said with grace, to you? Do you have friends around you, who, when you struggle in your faith, can pick you up on your mat and carry you where you need to go? That is what Christian community is all about! If you don’t have that or don’t have enough of that, come check out the Hope Anew Online Community and let’s walk this parenting kids with disabilities journey together!

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here!

A Mentor During Hard Times

Have you ever had those “ah ha” moments? Sometimes they are that one piece that helps everything else fit together and sometimes they are so obvious that you don’t know why you didn’t think of it before.

I was helping our youngest son fill out a form for an online contest, when I had just such an “ah ha” moment.  One of the questions on the form asked him who he considered to be a mentor of his. He went through the obvious answers of his grandparents, his mom and his dad. Frankly, I was excited to see that I still made the list. It was his last answer that surprised me and made me think. The answer was God/the Holy Spirit.

At first, I wanted to say that he couldn’t say that. I wanted to tell him that wasn’t what the question meant. It reminded me of the old joke where a Sunday school teacher would ask the students a question and the students would always give the answer of “Jesus.”  It didn’t matter what the question was.

After we talked, our son reminded me who our God, specifically the Holy Spirit is. He is always with us and He helps us in understanding God’s word. He convicts us. He teaches us.  

The definition of a mentor is an experienced and trusted advisor. Synonyms are a guide, confidant, counselor, spiritual leader, and therapist. For those of us, who have a relationship with Christ, the word “mentor” so wonderfully describes who the Holy Spirit is to us.   

As followers of Christ, the Holy Spirit  is our mentor, our counselor, our comforter, our guide, our confidant who lives within us (Romans 8:9).  

Do you ever get stuck in those moments of wanting to give up? Do you ever feel like you are alone in this journey and like a complete failure? Perhaps you are struggling with God, His promises and wondering why He would ever allow your child to struggle with the pain they are experiencing. Maybe you are in the process of making some difficult decision and you feel like it’s a no win situation.  

We often go through life, trying to make it day to day on our own. There is a feeling that we should be able to “pull ourselves up by our bootstraps.”  Our pain is so deep and vulnerable that we don’t dare open up to those who are close to us but keep it buried somewhere.

In those moments, remember that if you are a follower of Christ, you have a mentor, a counselor, a comforter and a guide.  You have someone that knows your fears, your feelings of guilt, and the depths of your struggles. You have someone that will guide you to the truth, and our hope.

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

Beauty In The Ordinary

It never ceases to amaze me just how tiring and intense our family life can be, especially if I’m honest when school term is over and everyone has time off. All around us friends and family are heading off excitedly on holidays together – and we also head off, but perhaps with a more complex set of emotions than simple excitement.

Out of routine children in unfamiliar places can be a challenge! Just thinking about the extra energy needed to get us there, and survive the experience makes me tired in itself! You know how it is.

We have just had to be spontaneous (I know, not one of our family strengths) and come home earlier than planned because a weather front plus camping at a Christian festival might not have been the most sensible plan. Its upset all the known plans, and caused anxiety all round but before we left I was sitting in a seminar surrounded by other carers and parents who find hope in Jesus like me, and I was reminded by one who commented that her way of self-care in the midst of caring for others was to notice the beauty in the ordinary.

It struck me, and I have brought that thought home with me. If the weather behaves for us I will pack that thought and take it with us to our next week of camping with my sister and her kids by the coast.

Seeing the beauty in the ordinary, such a simple thing.

And as I think about it, such a transforming thing.

Simply taking time to notice beauty; in an unexpected smile; a flower growing through the pavement cracks; the pattern of the sun bouncing and dancing off the sequins of my daughters T-shirt in the car. There is beauty everywhere we turn, when we notice. But how easy to miss it when we are feeling tired and overwhelmed. Somehow we find ourselves using our energy to anticipate the negatives and the problems round every corner, and forgetting to note the beauty in each other and the world around us.

I am reminded of Jesus’ words to a crowd of worried parents,

“Will all your worries add a single moment to your life? For example why worry about clothes? Look how the wild flowers grow. They don’t work hard to make their clothes. But I tell you that Solomon with all his wealth wasn’t as well clothed as one of them. - have you ever seen colour and design quite like it?” (Matthew 6:27-29)

When we stop and notice beauty, pause just for a moment to take it in, we can’t help but see intricate detail and design, amazing extravagant colours and shapes. They remind me of a Creator who takes care in the details – all the small things, even the things so many of us walk past. He sees them, they make Him smile, they delight Him. He has knit beauty into His world at every turn and every hidden corner, nothing is too small for His attention and care.

I am reminded again that nothing in my life, or in my family is too small for His attention and care either.

He has knit beauty in and through us too. We make Him smile, we delight Him! There is nothing about us, even in our most awkward and ordinary moments that He walks past without noticing. He sees. He smiles.

So, today waking up unexpectedly at home and faced with piles of washing, suitcases everywhere hurriedly packed, the kitchen piled high with shopping done for camping that needs sorting and tidying – perhaps today is a good day to put this into practice! Where is the beauty in all of that? I need to take those moments just to notice and take it in. I need reminding that my God sees, and smiles. He sees the beauty in the ordinary- every time!

Written by Cathy Porter

Cathy Porter is  a disciple of Jesus, a mum, ordained and a vicar's wife (in the Church of England), a writer, a creative, a blogger.

Cathy and her husband, Andrew, have 3 children. Her two girls both a diagnosis of ASC. You can follow the ups and downs of family life & faith on her blog: www.clearlynurturing.wordpress.com.

It is Cathy’s heart to encourage families to share in the adventure of faith together, especially families beautifully shaped by ASC. She loves to write stories that make the reader think, ask questions about what we believe, and help the reader to discover what the Bible has to say about God and friendship with Him.

When Life Is Too Hard

The phone buzzed with an incoming email. I was sitting in our minivan out in my parents’ garage hiding and crying – a full on ugly cry with gasping sobs. We were coming to the end of our visit to the Midwest where both of our families lived. It was only a couple of days until we needed to go “home.” Eleven hundred miles away from help and our support system. I was feeling the crushing weight of the non-stop caregiving for a 4-year-old and special needs two-year-old piling directly onto me again and I didn’t have enough strength or energy to bear it.

During this full-on ugly cry, I was also crying out to God. I wasn’t asking anything or listening to what He might say, or focusing on Him. I was just unloading my soul. My soul thoughts were pretty straightforward, “I can’t do it. I can’t do it. God, it’s so much. It’s too much. It’s beyond my ability to bear. I can’t do it.”

With tears running down my face, I checked my email. A sweet friend back in Texas had been praying for me and felt God wanted her to share a few things with me. She had no idea what was going on. We hadn’t had any contact in weeks. Specifically, she shared three verses or things drawn from three verses. All three were exactly what I needed to hear, but the one that stood out the most was, “I can move mountains.” This was taken from Matthew 17:20 (NLT), “You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.”

One of the things I love most about the message from God through my friend, it focused on Him and what He can do “I can move mountains,” not on my lack of faith.

God knew I was already so discouraged. I didn’t need to have one more area of failure pointed out. I needed to change my focus, get it off of what I can and cannot do and focus on Him and what He can do.

 It’s a decade later, and I still get overwhelmed by life circumstances. I often need to get my eyes off of me and my circumstances and look at God and who He is. Two of my all-time favorite chapters of the Bible are Isaiah 40-41, especially 40:12-28 because this section illustrates how He is amazing, mighty, and without equal. Here are a few of my favorites (40:12, 25-26), “Who has held the oceans in his hand? Who has measured off the heavens with his fingers? Who else knows the weight of the earth or has weighted the mountains and hills on a scale?” “ ‘To whom will you compare me? Who is my equal?’ asks the Holy One. Look up into the heavens. Who created all the stars? He brings them out like an army, one after another, calling each by its name. Because of His great power and incomparable strength, not a single one is missing.”

When life is too hard and you are overwhelmed, remember He can move mountains. He’s in the business of impossible, and your problem is not too big for Him.

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah and her husband, Jonathan, co-founded Hope Anew in 2016. Hope Anew is a non-profit that comes alongside parents of kids with special needs on the spiritual and emotional side of that journey guiding them toward Christ-centered hope and healing. They connect with parents through a curriculum-based Hope & Healing Workshop they wrote and facilitate as well as writing, speaking, and podcasting focusing on the challenges and struggles of special needs parenting. They will also be launching an online community in the fall of 2019. Both Jonathan and Sarah also write for Key Ministry, a ministry that helps churches welcome families with special needs kids and also has a family-focused blog and Facebook page.

When Life Hands You Lemons

Years ago, my husband and I had felt God call us to move to a new state, and we left behind friends and family and stepped forward in obedience. But we struggled to find a new home church where we felt we could fit in. And our young sons, ages one and three at the time, were receiving diagnosis after diagnosis. My life began to revolve around their therapies, doctor’s offices, fighting with insurance, and researching online how to help my boys. Anxiety and depression took turns settling into my life and making themselves cozy. 

I thought of the quote, “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.” I held on to my growing pile of lemons and prayed for some mighty act of God to miraculously turn them into lemonade. He didn’t. 

God felt far away and no longer like the good God I had loved and served for the majority of my life and I experienced a crisis of faith that scared me. 

Releasing the Lemons

In desperation I turned to scripture and stumbled upon a verse in which we are commanded to “Let go of all bitterness, rage and anger….” (Ephesians 4:31) and I realized I was holding on to a lot of negative things in my life. I had become bitter and angry at God because He wasn’t being the God I expected Him to be and I wasn’t living the life I had always expected to live. I had to surrender all those lemons of expectations and bitterness and doubts and struggles to God. I had to be open to what He wanted to do in my life.

I started thinking about all the heroes of faith in the Bible. No where do we see our Bible heroes getting everything they wanted and desired. They all go through a lot of struggles, sometimes decades of trials, before God’s plan comes to beautiful fruition. Joseph, Abraham and Sarah, Moses, Job, Ruth and Naomi, David, Jesus, the disciples, Paul, and many others had to go through their share of lemons and hard circumstances.

But they became heroes of the Bible because they didn’t allow those lemons to paralyze them like I had. They didn’t cling to rotting lemons. No, they decided to focus on God and God was able to turn those lemons into something good. 

A Season For Lemonade

In Ecclesiastes 3 we are told there are different seasons in life. Seasons of grief and mourning and lemons. And seasons of joy and dancing and sweetness. 

It’s ok to go through seasons of hard times and grief and lemons. But eventually, we have to let those lemons go. We’re not meant to carry them forever.

As I learned to release the lemons I’d been holding, I began to see all the sweet things in my life. I had so many things to be thankful for. Precious children and a loving husband. A new strength and a new purpose that came through my special needs parenting trials. And so much more.

What lemons are you holding on to? Seek God and what He has to teach you with your lemons. And get ready to sip on some sweet lemonade.

Written by Jenn Soehnlin

Jenn Soehnlin is a mother to two young boys who are precious blessings and who both have special needs. She is the author of Embracing This Special Life: Learning to Flourish as a Mother of a Child with Special Needs.

Jenn enjoys blogging about faith and special needs parenting at www.embracing.life. You can also find her onFacebook, Twitter, andInstagram.

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Why, God, Did You Fail Me?

My one-year old son had been sick since he was three weeks old: screaming, writhing, projectile vomiting every time he ate, anal fissures, bashing his head into hard surfaces, rashes, not sleeping for more than twenty minutes at a time, and more. My husband, myself, and our now three year old son had moved across the country the year before with our work as missionaries with Wycliffe Bible Translators. In our assigned location of Arlington, Texas, we had no friends, family or church connections upon our arrival and our youngest son’s health issues kept me mostly homebound.

I had grand dreams of the ministry work we would do and the global impact that we would be a part of through our ministry with Wycliffe. The reality of life was a far cry from that. I rarely left the house, couldn’t build friendships, and caring for our sons was so all-consuming taking 20-22 hours out of the 24 in a day, leaving only two to four hours for sleep. I was barely functioning, let alone reaching out to the rest of the world with the Scriptures.

As the days turned to weeks, the weeks to months and the months into a year and more, I started questioning God, His involvement in my life, His care of me and my family, His care for this world and the fight of good versus evil within it. In short, I had a crisis of faith and I learned six paradigm shifting lessons over the next several years as I worked through these and other questions. 

1. Suffering can lead to a crisis of faith, even if you are (or thought you were) fully submitted to God’s will and to serving Him.

2. Even ministry leaders will struggle in their faith and will question God. 

3. You can be faithful and obedient to God and life may not go well for you. I was serving God obediently and faithfully. Why was He failing me?  

4. God’s goodness and care doesn’t stem from our perspective or what He does or does not do for us in this life. God is God and He is good, regardless.

5. God not “fixing” a situation does not mean He doesn’t see us, has abandoned us, or isn’t good. Fixing it is just not His plan, at least not for now.

6. |\In the process of questioning and wrestling with God, we will get to know Him better – for Himself, as He truly is, not as we have been taught about Him, but Him.

My faith was shaken to its foundations and I questioned and wrestled with God for several years as I worked to rebuild it. And in the rebuilding, I found a God who loves me, even when I doubt or don’t achieve. I found a God who is bigger and more mysterious than I knew. I found a God who wants me to be more like Him and who wants to purify my heart, motives and beliefs, even though that process may cause me pain (which also pains Him) and may have caused some distance in our relationship for a time (which also pains Him). I found a God who is the definition of unfailing love. He is love and I am His, regardless of life circumstances.

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

I Walk By Faith And Not By Sight

“I walk by faith and not by sight” 2 Corinthians 5:7. These words are painted on a board that sits atop my kitchen cabinets. It became my theme verse for many years. You might think it was because my faith was so strong and unshakeable that this was my mantra. After all, I had dedicated my life to serving God. I’d given up career options that could have been very lucrative, I’d gone to Bible school instead and become a missionary. But, you would be completely wrong. The opposite was in fact the truth.

My faith was so badly shaken that this verse served as a guiding light to me in my world which had shrunken to the size of my house, the screams and pain of my child and the darkness that seemed to enfold me in hopelessness.

I felt lost, adrift and like nothing made sense any more. When nothing made sense, including God, and darkness surrounded me, I would repeat this verse, “I walk by faith, not by sight.” It assured me that in my darkness and not being able to understand anything, especially God, that IS where faith begins.

Hebrews 11 is the great chapter that spotlights heroes of faith. You’re probably familiar with it. I memorized the first several verses in fourth grade. They are wonderful and encouraging and give us examples to look to of people living out their faith in God with victorious results. But it wasn’t until I was a parent of a child with special needs and life was desperate that I really took note of verses 35b-39 that starts with, “But others…” These “others” lived with just as much faith as those in the first 34 verses but their experiences in life turned out a bit differently “…were tortured…jeered at…cut open with whips…chained in prisons…died by stoning…sawed in half…killed with the sword…destitute and oppressed and mistreated. They were too good for this world, wandering over deserts and mountains, hiding in caves and holes in the ground. All these people earned a good reputation because of their faith, yet none of them received all that God had promised. For God had something better in mind for us.” And if you jump back to v.35, “They placed their hope in a better life after the resurrection.”

Is God able to conquer armies, close lions mouths, raise the dead, create dry ground where a river had been moments before? Heal our child? Pay for the therapy we can’t afford? Provide a great therapist or school? Yes He IS able. Will He? For some of us, yes. For some of us, no. Do I know why or understand? No. And until the resurrection, I won’t. His thoughts are nothing like my thoughts and are far beyond anything I can imagine (Isa 55:8) But I do know that He has a plan and whether His answer is yes or no, He sees me and He sees you. And until the day when we can see, we can walk by faith and not by sight.

Written by Sarah McGuire, Co-Founder of Hope Anew