Beyond Labels: Seeing the Beauty in EVERY Child

Do you ever feel like your child is looked down on because of their disability or special need?

In the world, you often see a differentiation between the “haves” and the “have nots.” Those in sports are esteemed more highly than the shelf stocker at Walmart. The advice of those with the largest following on social media or YouTube is more sought after than the grandfather or grandmother up the street.

Sadly, this can even be true at churches. I hear of many parents on this journey in special needs walking through the church doors looking for community and eventually walking away because they are made to feel like their child is a burden. Congregation members treated their child as less than and not really valued.

If this is your story, I’m sorry. This Easter season, I want to assure you that God does not see your son or daughter as less than.

Here are 5 ways that we can see this in the Bible. 

1. Your child is created in God's image

"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." - Genesis 1:27 (NIV)

This verse reminds us that every person, including those with special needs, is created in God's image and is therefore uniquely valuable and important in God's eyes.

 

2. God sees beyond physical limitations

“But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.’”

– 1 Samuel 16:7 (NIV

While human beings often focus on physical appearances and abilities, God looks at the heart. He sees beyond a person's disabilities to their true character and potential.

3. God sees my child's struggles and cares for them

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." - Psalm 34:18 (NIV)

As a parent, it can be heartbreaking to see my child struggle with challenges or disabilities. But I take comfort in knowing that God sees their struggles and cares for them deeply. God is close to those who are brokenhearted, and I believe that He is with my child every step of the way.

4. We are all equal in Christ

“There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” – Galatians 3:28 (NIV)

In this passage we can see that in Christ, there is no distinction between people based on their race, gender, or social status. This includes people with disabilities, who are equal members of the body of Christ. God values each person equally and desires for us to love and accept one another just as Christ has loved and accepted us (John 13:34-35).

5. God has given your child a unique gift or talent to share with the world

"Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms." - 1 Peter 4:10 (NIV)

This verse reminds us that every person, including those with special needs, has unique gifts and talents that can be used to make a positive impact on the world. By valuing and nurturing these gifts, we can help our children to realize their full potential and make a positive difference in the world around them.

This Easter season, as we celebrate the death and resurrection of our savior, I want to encourage you that not only does our heavenly father know and love you. In the same way, He fully loves your son or daughter. He does not view them as a burden or less than.

He tends his flock like a shepherd:
    He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
    he gently leads those that have young.

~ Isaiah 40:11 (NIV)

Written by Jonathan McGuire

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Jonathan McGuire  is the dad of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides the beat up, battered, and worn out parents of children impacted by disabilities and special needs through the spiritual and emotional challenges they face to Christ-centered hope and healing.

My 4 Tips for Surviving a Special Needs Train Wreck

My 4 tips for surviving a special needs train wreck became part of my life decades ago. Our son, who’d had major corrective surgery at birth, was thriving.

Or so we thought.

Then he pulled away one night while I nursed him. His eyes rolled back in his head, and he quit breathing. I screamed for my husband, who improvised his own version of baby CPR.

It worked.

I ran for the phone to call for an ambulance. Minutes later we were on our way to Rapid City Regional Hospital where the problem was diagnosed. The next day a medical transport plane flew my son and me to the University of Nebraska Hospital in Omaha for more corrective surgery. The surgery was a success, his recovery slow, steady, his long term prognosis good.

Even so, I struggled.

Our son’s health setback gobsmacked me. My husband, my parents and siblings, my friends were hundreds of miles away. I was alone on my birthday. From my perspective, the situation felt unsurvivable.

Yet we survived.

Our young family (including our son who is now 40) endured several more complications that required unexpected hospital stays. Over time I developed these 4 ways to cope with the train wrecks that are part of raising a child with disabilities and special needs.

Tip #1: Note the Ways God Prepared You

Sending our baby off to surgery again was hard. Even so, I was a better prepared parent the second time around. During the stay at Rapid City Regional, my husband went home and packed my suitcase with clothes and items we knew made hospital stays easier. Also, the hospital was a familiar place. I knew nurses in the neonatal intensive care unit I left them a message, and several of them visited. Those details showed how God had prepared the way, that this hospital trip was part of His plan. Let the evidence of God’s sovereignty over your family’s train wreck do the same for you.

Tip #2: Find Blessings Along the Way

Several blessings surprised me as the days unfolded. As a nursing mother, I had a seat on the medical transport plane. In a pediatric wing, even in 1982, I was treated like royalty. I stayed in my son’s room. They provided toiletries, a shower, a breast pump, and meals at no cost. Because my basic needs were taken care of, I had energy and time to advocate and care for our son. When we as parents look for and are buoyed by blessings in hard times, our capacity to care for our children grows.

Tip #3: Ask for Prayer and Practical Help

The prayers of friends and families made a difference during our son’s many surgeries and recoveries. I learned to ask people to pray in specific ways, and they did. When I finally requested help for specific, practical needs, the people who responded revealed God at work. When you ask for practical help, God will make others the answers to your prayer. Can you think of a better way to cope when life is hard?

Tip #4: Tend to Your Needs

When there’s a special needs train wreck, our first priority as parents is to protect our kids. I spent days protecting our son after his surgery. Eventually he stabilized. The nurses provided good care, and I could tend to my own needs. But I felt guilty and selfish paying attention to myself instead of him. How can we avoid that trap? By tending to our needs when our kids are in good hands. Those hands may not be as capable as ours, but they are good enough for a short time. Take advantage of those good enough hands while we can. so we can take care of our needs and return refreshed, recharged, and able to survive the ride.

Written by Jolene Philo

Jolene Philo is the author of several books for the caregiving community. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She's also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon. See Jane Run!, the first book in the West River cozy mystery series was released in June of 2022.

We Are In God's Loving Hands, Always

One of the hats that special needs parents wear is that of a risk assessment manager.  Depending on the special needs your child has, this looks different.  In our case, without even knowing that I’m assessing risk, I am nearly always assessing and maneuvering around potential meltdown triggers, dangers and needs. It’s amazing how fast I can survey an environment and pinpoint each and every possible worst case scenario.  How fast I then come up with a contingency plan for each possibility and a plan for continued vigilance and surveillance until our time there is over.  I am always two steps ahead in my mind.  Many times the worst case never happens, but many times I’m right on and I am ready.  My kiddo sees these risky spots just as quickly as I do, it seems.  He is also super vigilant in his surveillance of a room. For this reason, I am just always on my toes. 

There are emotional risks that are also assessed.  Will we be embraced or accepted as we are in this environment?  Will our hearts, both my child’s and mine, be safe in this space, with these people? I can make sure that a door is locked, or that there is appropriate physical accommodations made for our needs.  That part is easy.  It’s the emotional risks that often give me the most pause. 

There was a time that my heart had been hurt by watching how some people respond to us.  I was so afraid of my child ever feeling like he was less just because of things that are completely out of his control, and of myself feeling that parental pain of observing that, that my first thought would be to sit it out.  I never did.  I wanted to.  I wanted to protect us from the emotional risks so badly, that I’d consider missing the parts of life that make for a full and vibrant existence.  

I never benched us.  We never sat out, and you shouldn’t either.

Instead, the route I’ve chosen to go when it comes to shielding our hearts, is that of specific and focused prayer.  We go.  We are now making our way through the Christmas season.  A time of excitement and hope and waiting.  There are so many opportunities to encounter this pause.  Should we go?  Will we fit?  I no longer entertain those old fears when they enter my mind.  I take a deep breath and ask the Lord to guide our day, our thoughts and to be with the people we encounter.  I ask that he’ll grow their knowledge and acceptance through their time with us.  I ask that he’ll guide their hearts to be inclusive and accommodating.  I ask that they not treat us like we’re different, because we really aren’t.  And, I thank him for the grace he’s given me, as a parent.  I pray that I’ll be able to give that same grace to myself, as I navigate environments that aren’t set up for us, both physically and more importantly emotionally.   Finally, I thank him for trusting me with this incredible child, and pray that I am graceful in my parenting of him.

Not one thing has grown my faith more than this practice of specific prayer.  When the Lord answers your prayer directly, in real time, it’s life changing, life giving, and sets you free from fear.  Choosing faith over fear is no longer a choice for me.  I just plain have faith.  I’ve entered spaces after praying like this and experienced the most beautiful, caring and loving interactions.  I’ve met people that have become friends to me, and my child has also found real friendship and acceptance, as well.  I’ve felt that we were safe and protected, just as we are. 

This year, there are fewer opportunities for large gatherings.  If you do find yourself looking at an upcoming outing or event with that familiar pause, whatever you do please don’t sit out.  Take a deep breath and pray.  We are in God’s loving hands.  Always.

Written by BreAnn Tassone

BreAnn is a wife and mother to two beloved children.  Her 8 year old son is twice exceptional and has been diagnosed with PANS/PANDAS, and her 3 year old daughter is his most incredible advocate.  They both bring joy to this world in their own individual ways. BreAnn lives with her family in central Virginia.  She is a former Special Education teacher and serves as a volunteer at her church within the special needs ministry.  She is a homeschooler and coordinates groups and events within her community to support the childhood experience of her neighbors and friends. It is her conviction that all children benefit when all children are included, accepted and can live this life learning from and supporting each other.

Three Things That Give Me Hope – Part 2

Have you ever heard the saying that "it can be hard to see the forest through the trees?" To me, that phrase has meant that it can be easy to get bogged down in the details and lose the big perspective. That can be true in our journey too. 

Sometimes, we get so bogged down in the day to day...the researching, the appointments, the (fill in the blank) and we miss the good that is happening. The life giving things. The hope filled things.

Does this sound familiar?

When I lift weights, those muscles I am using grow stronger. This is the same with how we think. When we focus on the negative, those negative pathways in the brain become stronger. It is harder to see the good.

You may be able to recall conversations with people where the negative pathways have become really strong. In those interactions, it can be hard to steer the conversation in a positive direction and you just leave the conversation feeling blah and hopeless. The converse is true when you sit with people who are joy-filled.

This idea of building a positive, hope-filled mindset is a Biblical idea.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Philippians 4:8 (NIV)

It can be hard to see the good things going on in the world and more specifically, it can be hard to see the good things that are going on in your life…especially if you are living from one crisis to the next.

Sarah has recently began asking each person in our family what one good thing is that we appreciate today. Sometimes a family member shares something big. Sometimes it's a rougher day and the good thing is that the sun is shining.

Sometimes finding the good becomes easier when we look outside of our circumstances and the day to day. It depends where you look though. I wouldn’t recommend looking at the news or even at Facebook.

The best way to find the good, is to look for where God is at work. Find a mission organization or nonprofit that aligns with a cause you are passionate about and sign up for their newsletter. You will have stories of how God is at work sent straight to your inbox or delivered to your front door. Also, find positive people with whom you can associate.

When we start seeing those good things that are happening in our lives and when we start seeing the good things that God is doing around the world, it starts to reframe how we think. It starts to restore hope. 

This week I would like to challenge you to look for one good thing that is happening in your life each day.

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

Hope Anew has launched the Hope Anew Online Community and would love to have you be a part of it! You can learn more at www.HopeAnew.com.  Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!

Got Hope?

Do you remember the old “Got Milk?” ad campaigns? If so, you likely had the image of some celebrity or athlete holding a glass of milk and sporting a milk mustache come to your mind.

I want to start a new campaign and call it “Got Hope?” Instead of athletes and celebrities, it would feature moms and dads like you and I who have a child impacted by special needs. It would feature people fighting cancer. It would feature people who are struggling for various reasons.  Although, the people would need to be sporting something other than a glass of milk and milk mustaches.

Hope today can seem like a fleeting thing…even in Christian circles.

In the last few months I have seen hope placed in many different things. A couple of popular choices that I have heard is a hope that there will be a vaccine developed for Covid-19 so life can return to normal. The most current hope lies in the elections. People of both parties hope their candidate will win and have high hopes for what their candidate will do if elected. 

As parents of children impacted by special needs, we often place our hopes in doctors, support from friends or family, therapies, an upcoming surgery or some other needed resource.

But what happens if that candidate doesn’t get elected or does and doesn’t live up to the expectations you have? What happens when that therapy doesn’t work? What happens when that cancer treatment doesn’t cure your loved one’s cancer?  What happens when those friends or family aren’t there to support you. What happens to that hope?

 When our hope is in these things, it becomes fickle and changes like the wind. If only there was something constant that we could put our hope in. Oh wait, I guess there is. How easy it is to become distracted or forget where our true hope lies.

In a world that is constantly changing and that can leave you feeling like a grain of sand being tossed uncontrollably by the sea, there is a constant. We have a God that created us in His image. He is unchanging from the beginning to the end of time. He loved us so much that He provided us with a savior. He sent His only son to die and rise again in payment for our sin so that someday we can be reunited with Him in heaven.

So let me ask you. “Got Hope?”

Even as a follower of Christ, it can be easy to get distracted and discouraged. Over the next three weeks,  I’m going to share with you three things that help me when hope seems like a fragile thing.

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

Hope Anew has launched the Hope Anew Online Community and would love to have you be a part of it! You can learn more at www.HopeAnew.com.  Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!

Stages In The Parenting Journey Part 3

That last two weeks I have shared about how our current situation with selling our house due to health reasons and going on an epic family adventure bears similarity to many of our journeys as parents of children impacted by special needs. If you missed those, you can catch last week’s article here.

Stage 3 – Movement: First Unsteady Steps Forward

We were able to keep many kitchen tools and most clothing that was a single layer. Nothing upholstered or thick, no couch, comfy chairs, shoes, coats, papers, books, pictures, nothing made of particle board, etc. Anything that we were able to keep had to have every single surface thoroughly washed and wiped down with the mold cleaning solution before packing it. Our hands had to touch and sort every single item. Many dear, treasured, and sentimental things were simply thrown into a garbage bag or trailer for the dump…my wedding dress, photos of the boys’ baby pictures, our engagement night pictures by the pond out front that would soon no longer be ours, art the boys had drawn for me, Christmas stockings made by grandmothers and great aunts who are no longer alive, the china cabinet we bought on our honeymoon.

The items seemed endless and the process took months. Items we had saved money for months or years to be able to buy and finally were able to add them to our house to make it a comfortable, welcoming home became trash. Some items we sold in a moving sale (before the pandemic) for pennies of what they were worth. Two decades of building a home all gone and no insurance money to replace things. It was all consuming, that’s nearly all I did those 3+ months. Every. Day. Sort, trash, wash, cry, repeat. Just surviving through hurt, grief, and managing the day-to-day task of getting through the crisis.

With special needs, you get to the point that either your time limit has expired, and action must be taken immediately, or your research has progressed enough to make a first decision. In an emergency situation, your research may be listening to and solely relying on the information from a single doctor. Or, you may have time to dig deeper, consult with specialists, talk to friends who have been through it, and evaluate your options. But at some point, you have to make a decision and embark on the first interventions – a surgery, special school, therapies, special diet, or some other program. This may last for a week or it may last a year or more. It may work and you can keep moving forward to the next step or it may not, and you have to do more research and try plan B. Your stomach is likely tied in knots and your thoughts filled with hope and fears as you embark on this first step.

Your new reality starts to settle in as to what this new life will look like – the agony of surgery and recovery, follow up surgeries, speech therapy, trach tube, ABA therapy, doctor appointments galore, paperwork, adjusting your life and schedule around the needs of your child with additional needs, and changing it again at the last minute.

All future plans are written in pencil. It all feels foreign, unknown, and overwhelming. 

At this point in Stages 1-3 in the journey, it’s not uncommon to start asking some soul questions like, “Why? Why me? Why us? Why my child? God, why would you do this? Allow this? Why didn’t you protect us from this? God, I thought I was a good person, serving you, doing life the best I could for you, why did you punish me, my child?”

If you find yourself or your spouse asking these questions, it doesn’t mean that you are a bad person or a bad Christian. It is part of the grieving process. It is part of the healing process.

To be continued…

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here!

Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!

What’s In A Name - Hope Anew

Oh the anticipation, dreams, hopes, excitement, preparation and thoughts that filled our hearts and minds as we eagerly awaited the arrival of our first child! And one of the questions uppermost in our minds…what were we going to name him? To us, a name is very important. Pick the wrong name and the child could be made fun of for the first two decades of his life. We talked through hundreds of names – some reminded Jonathan or I of people we didn’t have fond memories of and we didn’t want our son to carry the same name. Some have common nicknames we didn’t like. Some one of us loved, but the other hated. Some we liked one week, not so much the next. Some were just meh. 

The meaning of the name was also very important, and we believe a child very often grows into the meaning of his name. As we talked through possibilities, one of our favorite names meant “firebrand”. While that could mean he would really make a mark on the world and leave a lasting legacy, it could also mean that he could be a hellion to rear, exciting pain or danger wherever he went. Yikes. Mark that one off the list. It was quite a process, but we finally arrived at a name we both loved and still do.

The process for naming Hope Anew wasn’t too different, except that baby name books were no help, and URLs that were already taken figured heavily into the decision. But, the significance of the name was important. Again, we talked through many possibilities before we came up with and then settled on Hope Anew. As soon as Jonathan said it, I loved it. We checked the URL – available! We put it in with two other top name options and asked friends and family their opinions and Hope Anew won hands down. 

Why did I love it so much upon first hearing it and grew to love it more and more as I continued to think about it?

Here are my reasons:

1. Hope. After the early years of a having a special needs child when I lived in crushing anguish, broken dreams, darkness, and hopelessness, hope was my #1 need. Like water in a wilderness, hope to a downcast soul brings life, renewal, healing, a way forward. Hope is an absolute necessity, yet many find it elusive! Having “hope” in the name of an organization where the support of parents with kids impacted by special needs and disability is the sole purpose and focus…brilliant idea!

2. Hope. Hope points to the true hope we have in life and this world…God, His son, Jesus.  Salvation, certainly, but also His faithful love and care for us here and now. A sure hope. Not the common, modern definition meaning, “a desire” as in, “I hope you have a nice day.” But rather the archaic definition, “trust, to expect with confidence, reliance” and the biblical definition, “confident expectation of what God has promised, and its strength is in His faithfulness.”  This isn’t a, “I hope my son gets better”, “I hope this therapy works” kind of hope. But rather a, “No matter what, God loves me, my child, and I can trust He sees the big picture, has a plan and will work thing together for our good even in the midst of this very broken world.”

3. Anew. Gaining hope again in the parent’s journey. I don’t know about you, but I certainly went through periods of time (years) where I had lost hope. No hope. No future. Darkness, all was darkness. Hopeless. I felt embarrassed, guilty, weak. I learned that is a common part of the special needs parenting journey. You don’t need to feel embarrassed, guilty or weak. Goodness, your life just got flipped upside down. All your hopes and dreams were shattered and scattered, and you have NO idea which way is up, let alone what’s ahead! No one has given you a map with “You are here” marked on it. For Pete’s sake (sorry, Pete, I don’t know who you are or why your name is used for this expression), you’re just trying to figure out how to make it through the next minute of crisis (aka your new life)! BUT, after that yawning chasm of hopelessness, darkness, brokenness, when you climb up and out on the other side, there are new dreams! There is light! There are less crisis, or at least a well-trod action plan for how to handle the next crisis. You can begin to see traces of God’s faithful care of you through that chasm and all those crises. He didn’t abandon you after all, even though it had felt like He had.  And now you gain the reassurance, the knowing deep in your soul, He’ll also carry you through the next one. Hope blooms anew, rebuilt, stronger, steadier on the far side of that chasm. Hope Anew.

What is in the name Hope Anew? Hope, a sure promise we can count on from a faithful God to carry us and love us as we walk through a broken, hurting world and pick us up and grow us up in our understanding of Him after we have lost our hope, vision and dreams.

Oh, and our eldest son – his name is Josiah, meaning “God supports, heals.” You might have some insight into the extra pressures on siblings of kids with special needs. I’d say avoiding “Firebrand” and going for “God supports” was a good call.

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here!

Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!

Seasons of Doubt

Hi Friends, it's April! I can't wait to see flowers start to bloom and trees start to bud after this winter season. Living in northern Indiana, we get to experience all four seasons very distinctly.

The theme in the Hope Anew Online Community this month is Questions, especially regarding God, Scriptures, and faith. This journey in disability and special needs has a way of making us question and rethink our worldview and priorities. Sometimes, whether we want to question them or not. We want to encourage you that if you are going through a time of unrest in your view of life and God, the Hope Anew Online Community is a safe place to voice those doubts, ask those questions, and work through that process. 

God is incredibly patient and understanding with us. He invites us to come to Him with our cares, fears, doubts, disappointments, misunderstandings, anger, and grief. He offers salvation because He knows we are a mess. He doesn't expect us to come to Him polished and perfect. He holds His arms wide in welcome, loving us as we are, and holds our hand as we take the next step in becoming more like Him. 

If you are currently in a time of questioning God, feeling abandoned and disillusioned by Him, keep asking, keep seeking, keep bringing those doubts, fears, anger, and grief to Him. Just as winter in Indiana can seem like it will never end, time and history show us that it will. Spring will come, flowers will bloom in their own right time if we wait for it.

If you keep pressing into God, asking questions, seeking HIM for who He is, He will meet your need for Him. His answer may not be what you were expecting or desiring, but it will be a good answer because that is His character. He is a good Father. He sees you and has promised never to abandon His children. 

All fees related to the community have been waived, so you can now join for free. I’m loving having a supportive, encouraging community of parents who “get it” and would love to have you join us!

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here!

4 Steps for Navigating Fear

In last week’s article, I shared how fear serves an important role and acts like the warning light on the dash of our car.  How did last week go? Did you recognize this warning light going off in yourself, your spouse, or child?

If your answer is yes, then you may be wondering what to do. Here are four steps to help you navigate your fear and for you to help your family members navigate their fears:

1.     Pray & remind yourself of who God is:

Take a deep, slow breath or 20 and share your fears with your heavenly father. Ask Him for His peace and wisdom. Remind yourself of those truths in God’s word about who He is and His character. For example, He is sovereign and all knowing.

2.     Develop & implement a plan:

For example:

1. Determine steps needed to protect your family from getting sick, such as limit social interaction, wash hands, etc.

2. Establish a new routine – after being somewhere, get in car and use hand sanitizer on hands, inside door handle, phone and wallet before touching the steering wheel

3. Check into alternative options to meet medical needs, if the need arises

4. Think of alternative solutions for social engagement

5. …..

This will not be a one and done plan. As you implement it, you will need to revise it to better meet your family’s needs. There will be items on the list that you won’t have immediate solutions for but part of your plan may be steps to find those solutions.

3.     Find a community:

Fear becomes more paralyzing when we go through it alone. Find a community that gets it but be aware of the culture of that community.  You become like the people you spend the most time with. If the community is negative and not hope-filled, that will feed your fear and not reset it.

As a side note, if this is a need that you see in your life, I would like to invite you to join the Hope Anew Online Community. This is a great time to join as we have waived the membership fee. You can learn more at HopeAnew.com

4.     Look for ways to bless others:

When we look for ways to be “Jesus with skin on” to others, it can take our focus off ourselves and we can receive joy as we encourage others.

During this time you may need to be creative but it can become a fun family project.

As you are figuring out how to navigate this new season, remember that God is with you. He loves you and your family. He will never leave you and never forsake you.

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

Hope Anew has launched the Hope Anew Online Community and would love to have you be a part of it! You can learn more at www.HopeAnew.com.  Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Is It Okay To Fear?

Is it okay to fear?

This is a question I keep finding myself asking, especially with the current COVID-19 pandemic. As I talk with other people and watch posts on social media, I see an unspoken tension between families who are fearful about the current health pandemic and those who say, “Do not fear and be courageous.”

Families fear for their parents or spouses that fall in the high risk category. Mothers are fearful for their spouses and children who have “essential” jobs and still have to go out. Parents are fearful of losing their jobs or how to provide for their families if they have lost their jobs. Moms and dads are fearful of how to protect their medically fragile children and make sure they have what they need whether that is medication, special equipment or even special food for restricted diets.

I remember standing in church singing, “There’s No Fear In Love.” This is a direct quote from the first sentence 1 John 4:18. The entirety of this passage reads:

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

Every time I sang this song, I would internally scoff and think, “Really…no fear.” Then I would get irritated as I thought of those who received a new diagnosis for their child and were scared or found themselves in a situation that was out of their control such as a job loss, cancer diagnosis or myriad of other fear inducing scenarios. I would half-heartedly sing through the song and move on.

If you look at the verse leading up to 1 John 4:18, it says the following:

“This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus.”

“There’s no fear in love” refers to the day of judgement. Those who have a relationship with God through His son, Jesus, do not have to fear on the day of judgement.

So back to the original question. Is it okay to fear? Yes…but. 

God created our emotions, including fear. Fear can serve a beneficial purpose. It can help trigger that fight or flight response. If a lion starts to chase you, fear pushes you to take action and to try to escape. It is like the warning light on your dash that tells you something needs to happen. If you ignore that low fuel light for long, you will find that your car will stop moving.

That light on your car’s dash makes you pause and put together a plan. You mentally go through the check list of determining how far you can go, when you will fill up and what gas station you will stop at to get gas. A plan is put in place.

Similarly, when fear lights up on our internal dashboard it should make us pause, figure out why it is showing up and then determine our response or action plan. 

You may be thinking to yourself, you said, “Yes…but” when you asked if it is okay to fear. What is the “but.”

Have you ever watched a YouTube video or National Geographic show where a giant predator starts to attack its prey and the prey freezes in place? This is when fear becomes bad. When fear becomes all-consuming to the point that we are frozen in inaction.

It is also bad when it becomes chronic. When we live in a chronic state of  “fight and flight”, our bodies will respond negatively. It will negatively affect our emotional, physical, and spiritual health.

So what can we do when we see that dash light? Next week we will look at four steps to walk through when we start to feel fearful.

As you look at how you are doing during this time, are there any dash board lights going off? If you are married or have children, do you see any warning lights going on with your family members?

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

Hope Anew has launched the Hope Anew Online Community and would love to have you be a part of it! You can learn more at www.HopeAnew.com. Due to COVID-19, all membership fees have been waived.

When You Want To Quit

Do you have days when you just want to quit? Days when you wish you were a kid again and your parents took care of everything, but now you are the Dad or Mom and you’re the one that has to provide, take care of, figure out, fight the battles, create a calm place in the midst of the chaos and storms of life? Not only is it hard, you may not even have a clue what you’re doing or how to go about it, yet you are responsible for doing it and achieving the needed result.

Here are 3 things do you do when you just want to quit:

1.     Take a breath or a walk.

Get a little space and a little perspective. Come up for air. You’re likely tired and being physically tired makes it hard to think clearly and make decisions or just do daily tasks. Of course, getting some sleep is great, but next to that, deep breathing does wonders for our physical and mental health. It helps release stress and calm the nervous system. Exercise does too and releases endorphins that help you feel better.

2.     Schedule time with a friend.

Sharing your challenges and struggles with a safe friend, maybe a friend who has walked some of life’s challenging paths ahead of you, often can help shed some light and perspective on your situation and can be just what you need.

3.     Cry out to God.

You already know you can’t do this on your own. That’s why you want to quit! It’s hard! But, fortunately, God already knows this life is more than you can handle and that’s why He clearly promised to be with you and not to abandon you. Ask for what you need. Do you need direction? Ask. Do you need insight? Ask. Do you need to know you’re loved and not forgotten? Ask Him to show you and keep your eyes and ears open for His answer.

This life is hard. We live in a broken world with pain, sadness, disease, and evil. This is not our home. We are just passing through. It may seem like you’re stuck here forever, like this struggle is never-ending. But, you are one day closer to your real home. Your home where your all-knowing, all-powerful, unconditionally loving, good Dad rules, has everything taken care of for you. There is no hard. There is no pain. You’re one day closer to being truly home.

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here!

When Life Is Hard

How are you doing? No, REALLY…how are you doing? Are you feeling great, energetic and looking forward to the day? Or are you feeling tired, stressed, and overwhelmed?

If I am being completely transparent,  I would have to say that I am more in the latter category. Our family is the middle of a move. This isn’t one of those moves where you are looking forward to the new possibilities (although we will get there). Due to health reasons, we are moving, leaving our dream house and property and frankly don’t know where or what we are moving to. To add a little more stress to the situation, we are losing a quarter of our income with this move and won’t be able to take most of our belongings with us.

These last couple days have been extra hard as Sarah has been packing, deciding what we can keep and can’t and grieving the loss of the home where our boys have spent the last eight years of their lives growing up.  There has been a lot of tears as we let go.

Can you relate to this?

I was reading the Bible this morning and Genesis 18 stood out to me. In this chapter, we see a very old Abraham and Sarah. The promise of God has not been fulfilled yet and his descendants do not yet number the stars. When we find Abraham, it is the hottest part of the afternoon and he is escaping the heat by relaxing in the opening of his tent. The Lord shows up in the form of three strangers and he immediately jumps up, greets them, washes their feet and asks them to stay to eat.

While eating, the Lord blesses Abraham and tells him that in a years time He will come back and Abraham and Sarah will have a son. Sarah is not there, but is in the tent listening and in her disbelief, laughs.

My tendency is to want to judge Sarah for not having faith. But let’s look at this situation through her eyes. What would you have thought if you were her? The reality is, she was old and beyond child bearing years and so was Abraham. We don’t know this but I do know people, especially people of faith, and I would almost bet that she had prayed on multiple occasions before then that they would have a child. Being childless was a disgrace in that time. She had lived years and to that point, God had not answered and provided them with a child.

God hears Sarah, and turns to Abraham and asks, “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Will I really have a child now that I am old.’” This is the part I love, in verse 14 He asks, “Is anything too hard for the Lord?”

I love this because I know God is with me. I know He is in control. I love this because I know that this situation that seems overwhelming to me is not too hard for the Lord.

Is it too hard for me? Definitely, I don’t have all the answers and that’s okay. God never promised that we wouldn’t have more than we can handle. He did say that He would be with us every step of the way and we can know that nothing is too hard for Him.

Behold I Make All Things New

“And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” (Rev., 21:5, ESV).

One of our favorite past times as a family is to visit the Botanical Gardens near our home in the Chicago suburbs. It is a huge space of grounds that covers many acres of forest preserve land, complete with a variety of gardens, wooded trails and greenhouses. As teachers (or former teachers!) we are always took advantage of free entry with our ID, and it has been a great place to take our autistic son whenever he needed a motor break or just needed to be outside. 

This year, we had a much different experience, as the Gardens hosted a new light show called Lightscape which unlike previous years where they had just stung up a variety of holiday lights, this was essentially a giant light show through the entire grounds, including whole displays timed to music, lighted shapes and designs placed along the walkways and trails, and even a light “cathedral” which featured hundreds of strings of lights that covered a long open gazebo.

We were excited to bring our son since it was something totally new, and we knew how much he loved both the outdoors but also music and lights. As we entered the grounds on a chilly Thursday evening, we were struck by how sophisticated and lovely the show was, and our son was so entranced by all of the sensory experiences that he continually produced a giant smile on his face. The best part was when he stood mesmerized at a fiber optics display that was set up along the rocks of an outdoor fountain, just standing and watching the lights flow down the rocks like water.

In that moment, I was reminded by how unique and special this light display had made an otherwise regular feature in the garden that my son would have seen hundreds of times before. It was the same, but different, it had been recreated, transformed and essentially made “new” right before my son’s eyes. 

This experience reminded me of some powerful lessons this holiday season. While we always come back to the birth of Christ at Christmas as our source for eternal hope, I find it all too easy to get lost in the craziness of the celebrations.

This year, I was forced to look at this season in a new light, as my wife and me began the unfortunate process of divorce in November. I personally struggled to find hope when all I could feel was my own personal pain, suffering and anger, but a visit to one of my favorite places helped to lighten my mood. But it did more than that, as I watched my son’s amazement at the incredible light show that had changed a very familiar location into something completely new and different. It had become changed in ways I couldn’t have expected, and I was brought back to a place of peace and remembering the promise we have in our lives being reborn. It is in moments such as this that I am reminded of the promise that He will literally remake everything, and all we must do is to show up, be aware, and behold the goodness of His promises.

Written by John Felageller

John lives in Northbrook, IL and is currently a Social Programs Manager at Total Link 2 Community in Chicago, IL.  He is a regular contributor to Key Ministry’s Special Needs Family blog, and is both a live presenter and on Key Ministry’s Facebook page. He coordinates a Special Needs Dads meet-up in his community and works with several other local Special Needs organizations that serve both parents and children.

Connect with John on his Facebook page here.

How God Is Using Depression To Give Me Hope

In this excerpt from her interview on the Hope Anew Disability Podcast, Gillian shares how her depression is being used by God to give her hope.

Listen to the full interview on the Hope Anew Disability Podcast January 6th!

When Hope Isn't A Thrill

This is the season of hope but I realize that many of you are going through hard times and not feeling so hopeful.

Sarah and I recently had the privilege of interviewing Gillian Marchenko on the Hope Anew Disability podcast and you will be able to hear the interview the first Monday in January! One of the questions that we asked was, “How do you find hope in the darkness?” We had a great conversation about this in the podcast. Gillian went on to write about it further in a recent article on her blog and gave us permission to repost it on the Hope Anew blog here!

May it help you find hope this Christmas season.

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A thrill of hope?

It’s Christmas time, those days in the year when popular lyrics like “a thrill of hope” are on the tip of the tongue. And yet, for some of us who fight depression, the idea of hope isn’t a thrill, but rather a briar patch of disappointment, confused emotions, and shame.

Depression is defined as hopelessness.

For me, hope often feels more lost than found when my mind is frost bitten by darkness. What in the world is a Christian supposed to do with all this?

“Gillian, how do you find hope in the darkness?” the podcast host asked me recently during a conversation about mental illness. A straight forward question with a layered and at times, seemingly complicated answer. How do I explain the inner turmoil that blows around my insides like a bitter, winter breeze swept up in a frenzy? Sometimes hope is a promise I can grab on to. Other times, it melts in my hands.

A positional hope

My friend Andrea and I are working through the book of Romans together and it talks a lot about hope. Look at some of chapter five:

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. 

Romans 5:1-2

Obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand. This is a positional hope a person has when he or she responds in faith to the gospel. It’s solid, sure. It doesn’t melt away. We rejoice in hope of the glory of God. What does glory mean here? It’s who he is. We rejoice in WHO GOD IS. He is our hope.

But can I find hope?

The wording of the question in the podcast, find hope, stuck with me. Can I find hope? Paul says yes. He talks about the already and not yet of hope, already possessed through the gospel and something that should be sought after and grown. But how do we do that? How do we seek hope and grow it?

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Romans 5:3-5

After Paul proclaims positional hope in the glory of God through Jesus, he then gives us action points to help cultivate hope in our day-to-day lives. We are told to endure in the faith (not give up) and to let that endurance grow our character (by living faithful lives obedient to God). Endurance produces character and character produces HOPE. How do we endure? By looking to the gospel and trusting God. How do we grow our character? By beholding Jesus above and beyond anything else in our lives, and we can behold him in scripture, prayer, and in fellowship with others.

The NIV adds the word ‘proven’ to these phrases in Romans; endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope. Although my emotions my say differently on any given day, when I look back at my life, I see God’s proven faithfulness over and over again. And when I commune with God in a rhythmic way, Christ has ample opportunity to whisper these truths in my ear.

There’s hope positionally in me. And there’s hope for today.

Hope grows in suffering

We rejoice in our sufferings.

Romans 5:3

Is my depression, the one thing I would flick out the window as quickly as people flicked cigarette butts out of the car in the 70s, what is teaching me to hope?

Years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to stomach the thought that my depression would produce hope. But as I’ve grown in my faith and in health, in the midst of freezing out the world in dark nights of the soul, crying out to God for healing, and clawing out of the pits of pain time after time, I have learned and continue to learn this:

When Jesus is all you have, you find that Jesus is all you need.

My depression is training me to hope. Suffering produces hope.

The weary world rejoices

Because of Christ, I can rejoice in my achy limbs and muddied thinking. They aren’t happenstance. They have purpose in me. They stretch me to endure. They mold my character. Hope exists whether I feel it or not because hope isn’t the desire of a future want or need fulfilled, but rather Jesus Christ himself. It’s his life, death, resurrection, and pending return. And when I focus on these truths, my weary world rejoices.

Hope is a promise, not a feeling. And God, by his grace and in his great wisdom, is growing hope in me today.

And that actually is pretty thrilling.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13

Written by Gillian Marchenko

This article was reposted with permission. To read the original, please go here.

Gillian Marchenko is an author and a speaker. She lives near St. Louis with her husband Sergei and their four daughters. Find out more about Gillian at her website gillianmarchenko.com.

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Answered Prayers For Healing

I prayed that God would heal my son’s food allergies and autism. I prayed that He would lead me to the right research, interventions, and answers to bring healing to my son’s body that would heal his allergies and autism.

I prayed that God would heal my chronic illness involving extreme fatigue, brain fog and insomnia. I prayed that God would give me enough energy to take care of my family and even minister to others too.

I prayed that I would know God more, who He really is and not just knowing about Him from church and Bible school. I prayed for spiritual healing, salvation yes, I resolved that long ago. But beyond salvation, my desires and motivations had (and still have) a long way to go in mirroring His.

He answered my prayers for healing my son and spiritual healing with a yes and He is in the process of answering my prayer for healing my chronic illness with a yes, but none of them were how I expected or how I would have chosen for Him to do it.

My son’s healing came through extreme lifestyle changes that revolutionized most aspects of our family’s life. It was not easy, took a lot of time, commitment money, research, and sacrifices.

My chronic illness, of 10 plus years, is at the beginning of the process (it’s been 3 weeks), but the differences are significant already. It is not easy, requires our family to relocate, and involves huge sacrifices on the part of all of each family member and extended family in order to make it happen.

My spiritual healing isn’t easy either. It was initiated with my Savior suffering and dying a horrible death and taking my sins on Him to pay the price I owed. I’m sinful. God is holy. Without the pain and sacrifice of Jesus, there would be no healing for me. Ongoing as I desire to be more like Him, His answer to my prayer for that is not simply to give me a more spiritually mature perspective and faith, but to grow it in me by the challenges I face in this life as I come to Him with the problems and struggles and depend on Him as we go through them.

There was a time (years) in my life where I felt like God had abandoned me, was silent and was not answering my prayers. In reality, He was answering, but I couldn’t see it because the answer was in such a different form than I expected. At least that was the case for healing my son and my spiritual healing. For healing my chronic illness, evidently it wasn’t the right time yet. That answer is involving stripping many other beloved things and people away from my family and I, and I don’t think it would have been good for my family for that to have come much sooner. He knows the perfect timing.

God doesn’t always answer prayers with a, “Yes”, nor does He always answer right away or even soon. When He does answer with a, “Yes”, it may involve other sacrifices, work, and painful things. But no matter His answer, He is always working for our good, even when it doesn’t look or feel like it.

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here!

Chronic Grief and the Holidays

Next week is Thanksgiving and Christmas isn’t far behind! I love these holidays but for many families the holidays can be a sad time as they grieve loved ones who have been lost, relationships that have been severed or other difficult situations.

For families with children impacted by disability, this can also be a difficult time.  There can be a grieving of lost family traditions, the mourning of distanced family relationships due to lack of understanding of your child’s disability, and grief related to how the disability impacts your child.

Don’t hear me say that there aren’t many wonderful things about our children or that they are somehow less than. I’m NOT saying that at all. Our children are fearfully and wonderfully made but that doesn’t mean we don’t grieve. This grief can even become chronic. 

You may be thinking, “What is that? Chronic grief?”

With “typical” grief there is a definitive start point and while the timeframe varies from person to person, the person grieving eventually arrives at a place of acceptance and the grief generally diminishes. It may spike on significant dates such as birthdays and anniversaries. 

With “chronic” grief, the loss is a living loss. At its core, there is a discrepancy between what is perceived as a painful reality on one hand and continues to be dreamed of on the other hand. The loss is ongoing since the source of the loss continues to be present.

Lorna Bradley had the following to say about the grief we experience as parents in this disability journey:

“All parents have hopes, dreams and expectations for the life of their child.  There is an expected order to life with developmental milestones leading toward maturity and independence. With every milestone that is not met, every hardship the child faces related to their need, every struggle the parent faces as they care for their child, the parent is thrown back into grief with all its ferocity. The parent will eventually develop new dreams for their child and family but will always mourn the child and family life that never was.”

Are there things you are grieving this holiday season? Be assured, that you have a savior who gets it. Jesus was acquainted with grief intimately.

Isaiah 53:3 – A man of sorrows acquainted with deepest grief.                               

Hebrews 2:18  -Jesus was tested & suffered and is able to help those who are tested.     

John 11:33-35 – Jesus wept over the death of Lazarus.

Hebrews 5:7-9 - He offered prayers & pleadings with a loud cry & tears to the One who could rescue him from death.             

John 12:27 – My soul is deeply troubled.                  

Matthew 26:37-38 – He became anguished & distressed. His soul was crushed with grief to the point of death.

In this Thanksgiving and Christmas season, if grief is hitting you extra hard. Be assured that you are not alone. God is our helper and has given us a comforter.

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

Hope Anew has launched the Hope Anew Online Community and would love to have you be a part of it! You can learn more at www.HopeAnew.com.

15 Scriptures For Overcoming Lies, Fears And Doubts

When we go through dark, lonely times it’s easy for our thinking to get cloudy, to forget the things we know, and to get confused. It’s easy to start believing lies instead of truth.

~ Sarah McGuire

During my doubting, fighting-daily-for-faith years, I started a list of thoughts I struggled with and Bible verses that I could go to in order to combat those lies or struggles. This was nothing formal or beautifully done, just a long, narrow sheet of paper torn from my magnetic grocery list pad.

When I came across a verse that spoke to me and could help with a thought I struggled with, I’d jot down the thought and the coordinating verse reference. I left it in my Bible so it was handy to add to it. As it grew over months and years, I had my own personalized list of lie-combatting, confusion-clearing, truth-telling, uplifting Scriptures.

Here is my list, maybe you struggle with some of the same thoughts I did and you’ll find some of these helpful. Some were quite personal and aren’t normally references I would associate the with topic, but the day I read them, it was clear God’s Holy Spirit was speaking it to me, so I put it on my list.

1. I am valuable – Mt. 10: 30-31; Isa 43:4; Zeph 3:17

2. It’s more than I can bear. I can’t do it (overwhelmed, inadequate, worn out) – Zech 4:6, Deut 31:8, Ps 37:5, 2 Cor 1:8-9, Isa 43:2

3. God may not watch out for me in this situation – Haggai 2:19, 23

4. Troubled, worried, stressed – John 14:1

5. Overwhelmed by evil or suffering – Phil 4:8

6. In need of help – Isa 30:18

7. God has forgotten me – Isa 40:27, Isa 49:14-16

8. If I seek God, I’ll find God – Isa 65:24

9. God isn’t in charge of this world – Daniel 4:17, 25, 32

10. Worried about needs – Mt 6: 33, Rom 8:32, Isa 65:24, Phil 4:19

11. God always hears me – Jn 11:41, 42

12. Not sure what to do – Ps 32:8

13. I’m broken – 2 Cor 1:8-9

14. God isn’t listening or acting – Mt 6:8, 2 Chron 7:14, Lk 11:9, 10

15. It’s useless to pray – James 5:16

None of us are perfectly the same. Satan is good at finding our vulnerable spots and the lies that will have the greatest power in our lives. I encourage you to start your own list and let God speak His truth into your life.

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here!

3 Ways To Focus On How Our Children Are Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

We love our children fiercely. We would do anything to care for them and provide for all their additional needs. Though our children can feel like our whole world, there are also times it is easy to wish things were different for them. To compare them to other children and wish things came easier. To focus on their health and their weaknesses and struggles and additional needs. To feel like there’s no end to the tunnel of appointments and accommodations and needs our children will have. And we lose sight of the fact that our child is “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14).

It has taken me years of parenting two children with special needs to stop focusing so much on their delays and differences and weaknesses and instead focus on just how uniquely and beautifully God made them.

It’s a mindset shift I’m still working on today, but one that has helped my heart immensely. It has allowed me to enjoy my children more and to be proud to be their mother. There are three ways in particular that have helped me focus on my children more like I imagine God does. 

First – Focus on Your Child’s Victories

It’s so easy to see how far our child has to go to catch up with their peers. To see how slow the progress can be sometimes. But we have to be intentional to focus on the positive. To focus on each and every victory, no matter how small it may seem.  

In the Genesis account of God creating the world, He said “it was good,” after everything He created. He didn’t just say “it was good,” when it was all done. We must do that too. Celebrate every milestone and every hard-fought inch in-between. After all, they are all victories and all deserve celebration. 

And we shouldn’t just celebrate those developmental victories, but spiritual ones as well. When you see your child exhibiting any of the fruit of the Spirit, praise and celebrate that. When you see your child grasp a deeper understanding of God’s love for them, celebrate that. 

I’m sure God is celebrating right along with us. He knows how hard our children have worked on each and every skill and He cares about the things we care about. 

Reflection: What are some of the latest victories you’ve seen in your child(ren)?

Second – Focus on Your Child’s Heart

“But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart,” (1 Samuel 16:7).

While Jesse didn’t think his youngest son looked like a king, and in fact didn’t even have David come in from tending the sheep to present to Jesse to be a future king, David’s heart was the one that God knew was right for the job.

It is easy to focus on our children’s outward appearance, their development, their health, their behaviors, and their struggles, and not on their heart. To not focus on those personality traits and strengths and gifts and passions that are unique to them. To not see the fruit of the spirit they exhibit in their lives. To not see how they give and receive love. To not see and nurture those deeper aspects of who they are that makes them so unique, so wonderful, and such a blessing to our lives.

Reflection: In what ways do you focus more on your child’s outward appearance than you do their heart? What can you do to show your child(ren) how much you love their heart?

Third – Focus on Your Child’s Gifts and Passions

In Exodus 31:1-6 God tells Moses about how He designed and gifted Bezalei. God says “I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with skill, ability and knowledge in all kinds of crafts-to make artistic designs for work in gold, silver and bronze, to cut and set stones, to work in wood, and to engage in all kinds of craftsmanship.” You can sense the pride in God’s voice as He brags about Bezalei using his gifts and skills. This was the man that God had chosen to build His holy tabernacle, where God’s presence would reside. 

When you have a child with special needs, it’s easy to want to focus on the areas they need to improve, rather than focus on their strengths and passions and giftings. Our children have gifts and talents that God wants us to help nurture and steward in our children.

They have something awesome to offer the kingdom of God too. And we have the honor of coming alongside them and helping them identify and use and grow their gifts and skills and passions.

 Reflection: What are some of your child(ren)’s gifts and passions?

What can you do to nurture those gifts and passions? 

*    * *

It’s an intentional mindset shift, choosing to focus on these aspects of our children when it can be so easy to focus on other things. But by choosing to focus on seeing our children as God does, it will help you find the beauty in the way God uniquely, fearfully, and wonderfully crafted your child(ren). 

Reflection: Which of these ways do you find easiest to focus on your child(ren)?

Which ways do you want to be more intentional in focusing on your child(ren) like God does?

Written by Jenn Soehnlin

Jenn Soehnlin is the mother of two young boys who are precious blessings and who both have special needs. She is the author of Embracing This Special Life: Learning to Flourish as a Mother of a Child with Special Needs.

Jenn enjoys blogging about faith, praying scripture, and special needs parenting at www.embracing.life. 

When Our Faith Falters We Need Faith-filled Friends

If you read You Are Not Alone, you know that I had some significant struggles with questions about God and my faith. There were times I couldn’t muster the faith I knew I needed. I wanted to have faith. I wanted to trust God. But, I didn’t.

Yes, I trusted Him for my eternal salvation, but I didn’t trust Him for how my daily life was unfolding. I felt ashamed. I knew where I wanted to be – at peace and rest in His arms, not worrying about the things of daily life, because He’s got this! But I couldn’t seem to get there on my own.

I claimed, “I walk by faith and not by sight” and said it a hundred times per day some days. Reminding myself that walking by faith doesn’t mean everything works out or makes sense, yet I could trust God anyway. He has a plan. But in reality, I felt more like, “I stumble blindly.” Period. The end. 

This bring me to Mark 2: 1-12. Jesus is preaching at a house and so many people come to see him there’s no more room, not even outside the door.  

You’ve been there, right? An 18-year waiting list for services your child needs. A doctor or therapy that might help, but it’s too expensive and insurance doesn’t cover it. You need rest SO badly but can’t access respite services. There’s help in view, but you can’t get to it.

Back to Mark 2. A paralyzed man arrives carried on a mat by four men. He couldn’t get to Jesus on his own, so four people carried him! I don’t know how it came about, maybe he asked them to carry him or maybe he protested the whole way, “Put me down. I don’t want to be a bother. I’ll be such an inconvenience.” We don’t know. 

They arrived to find the house where Jesus was filled to overflowing. Did his helpers stop there? No. They made a hole through the roof and lowered the man down right in front of Jesus. “Seeing their faith Jesus said to the paralyzed man, ‘My child, your sins are forgiven.’” Because of the religious teachers who were present and their thinking that was a blasphemous statement, Jesus went on to heal the man physically as well!

The phrase that stands out to me in this recounting is, “Seeing their faith…”. “Their,” plural, not “the man’s” or “his” faith, but “their faith”. Whether this indicates all five of them or not, I don’t know. But it does refer to more than one of them. Whether it applies to the man who was paralyzed or only to his helpers, I do not know.  

What I do know is that the faith of the man’s helpers played a substantial part in the man being forgiven of his sins and physically healed. Sometimes, when our faith is weak, we need to depend on the faith of those around us. We need to let their faith carry us for a time.

Do you have faithful friends who can speak words of encouraging truth, said with grace, to you? Do you have friends around you, who, when you struggle in your faith, can pick you up on your mat and carry you where you need to go? That is what Christian community is all about! If you don’t have that or don’t have enough of that, come check out the Hope Anew Online Community and let’s walk this parenting kids with disabilities journey together!

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here!