Just Get Over It

Do you know what words have never helped anyone get over their hurt, their pain and their grief? This phrase right here…“Just get over it.” Yet this is a phrase I have repeatedly heard others say to parents who are grieving the loss of a dream of a typical childhood and the challenges their child will face growing up.

Wouldn’t it be nice if in the midst of your grief, you could flip a switch and say, “I’m over it.” I will never grieve this again.  Life is good and I have completely healed.

However, that is not the case for many parents who have a child impacted by special needs. Sure, there will be periods where the grief subsides and the parent is able to dream a new dream and appreciate the incredible person that their child is but then there will be other moments when grief rears its head again and floors us. The grief is chronic.

Just get over it? How do I just get over it?

My son cut his leg this week while on a bike ride. What if I told him to just get over it and go on with his day? There would have been stones, dirt and grease from the bike chain left in the cut. What would have happened next? If left the way it was, the cut would have attracted flies and eventually become infected.

The reality is if I choose to just get over it, I am choosing to ignore it and just bury the pain. If I bury the pain, it will become “infected” and it will come back. It will come back as anger, resentment, health issues, sin issues and the list goes on.

When my son cut his leg, instead of telling him to “just get over it”, I listened to him. I let him share from his perspective what happened and then he washed off his leg.

Some of you may find yourself at this point of grieving. If you do, be assured that it does not mean that you love your child any less.

Healing takes time and we all heal at different rates. That is why a husband and wife can experience the same event but be in different places emotionally.

If you find yourself in this place of grief, I would encourage you to take a look at the Psalms and laments. It may even  be helpful for you to write your own lament. If you find yourself stuck in this place of grieving, it may be time to meet with a counselor so you can get that listening ear.

But whatever you do….don’t “just get over it” because you won’t.

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

 Hope Anew has launched the Hope Anew Online Community and would love to have you be a part of it! You can learn more at www.HopeAnew.com.  Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!

Overcoming Parental Burnout

Help! I’m on the road to parenting burnout and don’t know what to do!

 This is a hard place to be. When we struggle with burnout at work, we can look for another job if needed. When we find ourselves here as parents, it can feel hopeless at times. We can’t just say,  “I’m done being a mom or a dad”. Although my wife has tried that but after a couple hours she’s ready to jump back in.

As parents whose children have additional needs, the recommendations you are about to read will seem difficult and if you are a single parent, they will seem impossible.

So what do we do when we recognize we are showing signs of burnout?

1. Talk to someone and ask for help!

If you are married, let your spouse know where you are at emotionally and ask if they can help with a specific task.  “I am completely overwhelmed and could use extra help for a while. Can you watch the kids for a couple hours while I get groceries?” (You might want to allow extra time to drink a cup of coffee at the local coffee shop and bring one back for your helper. 😁)

If you are a single parent, this is really hard. Do you have a friend that you trust that you can both share where you are at and that you can ask for help from?

It is oddly hard for us to ask for help. There are a lot of reasons for this. We may be thinking that we don’t want to add extra burden on someone else or one of many other excuses.

Here are three things to keep in mind when asking for help:

• Be specific. It is hard for someone to agree to help when they don’t know what they are agreeing to.

• Be flexible. If a person is only available to help during a certain time, what can you reschedule to try to make that time work?

• Let go of perfection. Realize that things may not be done perfectly or the way you would do it. If it is not something that threatens the health of your child, then let it go.

2. Prioritize sleep.

You likely know this is a need already. Our bodies need sleep. This may mean taking a nap as a family. You may need to ask a spouse, friend, someone from church or a babysitter to watch the kids while you take a nap. This may mean that the stack of dishes doesn’t get washed or put away or that load of laundry doesn’t get folded.

3.     See a counselor.

Many churches have an agreement with local counselors and will pay for you to see the therapist. There was a period in our journey when Sarah went to see a therapist that our church provided. The main motivating factor for her was so she could have an hour break.

4.     Establish a routine and minimize multitasking. 

I’ve heard multiple parents express that they are experiencing decision fatigue. Routine will help with this. Establish a two week menu plan so you don’t have to think about what you are going to eat every day and so you can use the same grocery list each time. Determine which outfit you will wear each day of the week and stick with it so you don’t have to think about it every morning. One mom we know wears a t-shirt every Monday that says, “This is my Monday uniform.”

We often feel pressured to multitask. In some cases, I feel like this is especially true for women. The truth about multi-tasking is that it can decrease our productivity by up to 40% and we typically feel more stressed as a result. It is not completely unavoidable, but how can you set boundaries to minimize the amount of multitasking you do in a day. 

5.     Take a break.

It is important to take a break, even if it is only 5 minutes.  Let’s be real though. Sometimes we need a longer break.

Here are some ideas to help with that:

• Talk with your pastor and see if there is grand parent or nurse that would volunteer to  come watch the kids. You don’t even have to go anywhere. You could take a nap!

• Check with area churches and see if any of them provide a respite night for parents of children impacted by disabilities and special needs.

• If you don’t see a church that does this, check out 99 Balloons or Nathaniel’s Hope and see if they come alongside families in your area.

6.     Take care of your body.  

This is often the last thing that we want to do. It adds extra stress when we think about it and seems like more work.

What we put into our bodies can help or hinder our recovery from burnout. Nutrient dense foods provide us with the fuel we need to recover. Our eating habits do impact our overall health, energy levels and how we feel about ourselves.  I’m not saying that we need to always eat organic freshly prepared meals. Sometimes self-care means throwing that frozen pizza in the oven and having a bag of chips.

Related to this is being physically active. Aside from the physical benefits, being active can boost energy and increase those feel good hormones. This doesn’t have to be going to the gym for an hour each day. It can be  as simple as going on a walk with your dog, playing outside with your kids,  or taking time to stretch your body.

7.     Laugh.  

When we are stressed, it can be difficult to find things to smile about and laugh about. Laughter is refreshing and lightens the mood of the entire house. Save a folder on your computer with links to funny videos, jokes, etc. Take a 5 minute laugh break every day and this will help so much with your stress levels. Even fake or forced laughing has been shown to be beneficial. In fact, here is a funny video to help get you started.

Change and recovering our health happen incrementally. Don’t feel like you have to do everything on this list this week, but what is one thing you can do?

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

Hope Anew has launched the Hope Anew Online Community and would love to have you be a part of it! You can learn more at www.HopeAnew.com.  Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!

Stages of Parent Burnout

So did you take a break last week and ask yourself if you recognize the signs of burnout in your life? Some of you just thought, “I didn’t need to pause to know I’m burnt out.” Others of you are thinking, “I’m good. In fact, I think I will make cupcakes for our therapists when I can get out of the house.”

Did you know that you don’t just wake up suddenly not wanting to be a parent or not wanting to get out of bed. Burnout happens gradually.

How many of the following points resonate with you?

• Having a child with physical or mental health challenges

• Perfectionism: feeling you need to be the “perfect” parent at all times

• Lack of support from spouse

• Both parents working outside the home

• Financial concerns

• Not enough support from outside the family (childcare, extended family, etc.)

• Finding it hard to ask for help

• Over-scheduled kids

Many of us can look at that list and can easily circle between a third to half of the points and even come up with additional points. As the stressors increase, we become more at risk for burnout. This burnout can range from mild to severe.

In her podcast episode on Parental Burnout, Krista Maltais describes the severity of burnout as follows.

Mild Burnout: Mild burnout can start with some situation that is outside your normal that causes extra stress. This can be something as basic as caring for a child or spouse that is temporarily sick. These symptoms may include, short temper and/or limited tolerance, foggy-brain, heightened sensitivity to their emotions and environment, and is usually accompanied by disruptions in sleep patterns.

Moderate Burnout: A parent who is experiencing moderate burnout, perhaps due to prolonged sleep deprivation or other stressors (such as finances, lack of childcare, limited opportunities for self care, etc) may begin to experience additional physical symptoms such as headaches, confusion, forgetfulness, upset stomach, anxiety/depression, feelings of isolation and/or overwhelm. As burnout sets in, communication with others also tends to break down which can lead to an increase in conflict, misunderstandings, etc, especially with the partner.

Severe Burnout: A parent with severe burn out due to long-term exhaustion, stress, lack of physical/emotional/logistical support, and/or physical/mental health complications, may exhibit the above-mentioned signs as well as hormonal imbalance which can further cause a loss of sex-drive, insomnia or dis-regulated sleep patterns, and additional health problems. Burnout symptoms may also present as obsessive compulsive tendencies or a multitude of uncompleted/avoided tasks due to overwhelm.

The first step in overcoming burnout and preventing burnout is the same. You have to recognize the stressors in your life. 

Next week we will look at steps to preventing and overcoming burnout. In the meantime, if you haven’t done it yet, download our free “5 Minute Vacations” guide and check out our friends at Run Hard Rest Well. That will get you started in the right direction.

If you find yourself in this severe state of burnout and are having suicidal thoughts, please seek immediate professional help. The number for the suicide hotline is: 1-800-273-8255.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” ~John 16:33 (NIV)

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

 

Hope Anew has launched the Hope Anew Online Community and would love to have you be a part of it! You can learn more at www.HopeAnew.com.  Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!

When It Is Not Well With My Soul

Today I want to introduce you to someone. This person is acquainted with grief. He knows what it is like to experience loss. He has been through it. Now I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking I am going to talk about Jesus and will relate it back to having a savior who is intimately familiar with pain and gets what you are going through.  Nope, although that is true and would be a good article.

Today I want to introduce you to Horatio Spafford. Horatio was a successful attorney and real estate investor who lost a fortune in the Chicago fire of 1871. Around the same time, his four year old son died of scarlet fever.

Horatio thought it would be good for his family to get away for a while so he sent his wife and four daughters on a ship to England, where he planned on joining them later. As his family was traveling, the ship was involved in a collision and sunk. Horatio’s daughters perished in the accident.

As Horatio travelled to meet his wife, he penned the words to the hymn, “It Is Well With My Soul.”

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll

Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say

It is well, it is well with my soul.

If you didn’t know the back story, this is one of those hymns that you would think was written by someone who had an easy life and never experienced loss or hard times.

As I write this and share about Horatio’s response to his pain, I’m fearful that you may think that I am saying that you are not supposed to grieve the hard, the difficult, the pain that is in your life. I’m fearful that you may think that I’m saying that we are supposed to gloss over it all and say that everything “is well with my soul” similar to answering “fine” when asked, “How are you?”

That is not the message here. I like Kristene DiMarco’s rendition of the song. In it she sings,

Through it all my eyes are on you. Through it all it is well.

Let go my soul and trust in Him. The waves and wind still know His name.

When we are in the midst of the storm, we can say ,“It is well with my soul” when we keep our eyes on Him. It is not well with my soul because of life circumstances. It is well because I know that God is in control. This does require a trust in God in the midst of the hard, which can in itself seem hard…sometimes impossible, especially when you feel like your boat is sinking. But, remember you do have a savior who gets what you’re going through and is intimately familiar with pain and sorrow. The same savior who calmed the waves and the wind is in control and knows what you are going through.

Hmm…I guess this article was about Jesus after all.

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

Hope Anew has launched the Hope Anew Online Community and would love to have you be a part of it! You can learn more at www.HopeAnew.com.

When Life Is Hard

How are you doing? No, REALLY…how are you doing? Are you feeling great, energetic and looking forward to the day? Or are you feeling tired, stressed, and overwhelmed?

If I am being completely transparent,  I would have to say that I am more in the latter category. Our family is the middle of a move. This isn’t one of those moves where you are looking forward to the new possibilities (although we will get there). Due to health reasons, we are moving, leaving our dream house and property and frankly don’t know where or what we are moving to. To add a little more stress to the situation, we are losing a quarter of our income with this move and won’t be able to take most of our belongings with us.

These last couple days have been extra hard as Sarah has been packing, deciding what we can keep and can’t and grieving the loss of the home where our boys have spent the last eight years of their lives growing up.  There has been a lot of tears as we let go.

Can you relate to this?

I was reading the Bible this morning and Genesis 18 stood out to me. In this chapter, we see a very old Abraham and Sarah. The promise of God has not been fulfilled yet and his descendants do not yet number the stars. When we find Abraham, it is the hottest part of the afternoon and he is escaping the heat by relaxing in the opening of his tent. The Lord shows up in the form of three strangers and he immediately jumps up, greets them, washes their feet and asks them to stay to eat.

While eating, the Lord blesses Abraham and tells him that in a years time He will come back and Abraham and Sarah will have a son. Sarah is not there, but is in the tent listening and in her disbelief, laughs.

My tendency is to want to judge Sarah for not having faith. But let’s look at this situation through her eyes. What would you have thought if you were her? The reality is, she was old and beyond child bearing years and so was Abraham. We don’t know this but I do know people, especially people of faith, and I would almost bet that she had prayed on multiple occasions before then that they would have a child. Being childless was a disgrace in that time. She had lived years and to that point, God had not answered and provided them with a child.

God hears Sarah, and turns to Abraham and asks, “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Will I really have a child now that I am old.’” This is the part I love, in verse 14 He asks, “Is anything too hard for the Lord?”

I love this because I know God is with me. I know He is in control. I love this because I know that this situation that seems overwhelming to me is not too hard for the Lord.

Is it too hard for me? Definitely, I don’t have all the answers and that’s okay. God never promised that we wouldn’t have more than we can handle. He did say that He would be with us every step of the way and we can know that nothing is too hard for Him.

Chronic Grief and the Holidays

Next week is Thanksgiving and Christmas isn’t far behind! I love these holidays but for many families the holidays can be a sad time as they grieve loved ones who have been lost, relationships that have been severed or other difficult situations.

For families with children impacted by disability, this can also be a difficult time.  There can be a grieving of lost family traditions, the mourning of distanced family relationships due to lack of understanding of your child’s disability, and grief related to how the disability impacts your child.

Don’t hear me say that there aren’t many wonderful things about our children or that they are somehow less than. I’m NOT saying that at all. Our children are fearfully and wonderfully made but that doesn’t mean we don’t grieve. This grief can even become chronic. 

You may be thinking, “What is that? Chronic grief?”

With “typical” grief there is a definitive start point and while the timeframe varies from person to person, the person grieving eventually arrives at a place of acceptance and the grief generally diminishes. It may spike on significant dates such as birthdays and anniversaries. 

With “chronic” grief, the loss is a living loss. At its core, there is a discrepancy between what is perceived as a painful reality on one hand and continues to be dreamed of on the other hand. The loss is ongoing since the source of the loss continues to be present.

Lorna Bradley had the following to say about the grief we experience as parents in this disability journey:

“All parents have hopes, dreams and expectations for the life of their child.  There is an expected order to life with developmental milestones leading toward maturity and independence. With every milestone that is not met, every hardship the child faces related to their need, every struggle the parent faces as they care for their child, the parent is thrown back into grief with all its ferocity. The parent will eventually develop new dreams for their child and family but will always mourn the child and family life that never was.”

Are there things you are grieving this holiday season? Be assured, that you have a savior who gets it. Jesus was acquainted with grief intimately.

Isaiah 53:3 – A man of sorrows acquainted with deepest grief.                               

Hebrews 2:18  -Jesus was tested & suffered and is able to help those who are tested.     

John 11:33-35 – Jesus wept over the death of Lazarus.

Hebrews 5:7-9 - He offered prayers & pleadings with a loud cry & tears to the One who could rescue him from death.             

John 12:27 – My soul is deeply troubled.                  

Matthew 26:37-38 – He became anguished & distressed. His soul was crushed with grief to the point of death.

In this Thanksgiving and Christmas season, if grief is hitting you extra hard. Be assured that you are not alone. God is our helper and has given us a comforter.

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

Hope Anew has launched the Hope Anew Online Community and would love to have you be a part of it! You can learn more at www.HopeAnew.com.

Hope In The Dark

“My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.”  ~Psalms 73:26

In one of our workshops, I ask the participants what their breaking point is and go on to share about a time when I had personally reached my breaking point. I had reached that point where the stressors of raising a child with special needs, dealing with my own health issues and other factors lead to that moment of brokenness.

I find myself reflecting back on this moment, as I am again struggling with health issues and hovering on the brink of exhaustion and vacillating between hopeful and overwhelmed as I consider all that needs to be done in so many  areas of life.

Do you know what I mean? As a parent and a caregiver, it is not uncommon to feel this way. You have so many stressors coming on you from what seems like every direction. Believe me, I get it.

I recently read the following from Craig Groeschel’s  You Version “Hope in the Dark” plan,

 “The world may seem upside down, but the Lord is still there.

When you have nowhere else to turn, when your own ideas and resources have evaporated, when your control over a situation is in shambles, God is still there. When your knees ache from kneeling in prayer but you can’t tell if he’s even listening, God is still there. 

No matter what happens in your life, the Lord is in his holy temple.”

The word pictures that Pastor Craig used so fittingly describe the parent’s journey in special needs and disabilities. Our worlds do often seem upside down, resources seem to evaporate before our eyes and it often seems like we have no control.

I love his conclusion though. God is still there.  

When your health fails, and your spirit grows weak, don’t give up. On those days when you don’t know how you are going to pay for specific therapies or house modifications, you don’t feel like you can face the stressors of the coming holidays or you are scared to think about your child’s future… Be encouraged, God is still there.

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

Hope Anew has launched the Hope Anew Online Community and would love to have you be a part of it! You can learn more at www.HopeAnew.com.

Rejoicing Vs. Grieving

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!”

~ Philippians 4:4

If there was ever a verse in the Bible that I felt like taking the white out marker to, this at one point may have been right at the top of the list. Let’s be real, when we are in the midst of a hard time this probably isn’t our go-to scripture passage. As a side note, if you are coming alongside someone who is struggling, this shouldn’t be your go-to scripture to encourage them.

When we are struggling, we are often told to REJOICE as if that is an exclusive emotion and that we shouldn’t grieve the loss.

Did you know that you can feel multiple emotions at once?

At times, these emotions can even seem contradictory to each other. For example, we have the word, “bittersweet.”  Can you think of a time that was bittersweet to you? It might be the completion of a therapy but the loss of a therapist. It may have been the graduation of a child or when a friend had to move out of state for a job.

There is a focus that is often missed when a caring soul tells us to rejoice. The focus that is missed is, “in the Lord.” No matter how bad things get, I can look at my heavenly Father  and rejoice in who He is. I can rejoice in His character, His power, that even when it feels like we are alone…He never leaves us. I can rejoice that someday I will be with Him in heaven and the effects of a sin-cursed world will no longer wreak havoc on those I love.

While I am rejoicing in the Lord, I can still grieve a particular situation. I can grieve that milestone my child didn’t reach. I can grieve the therapist who left that they connected with. I can grieve the additional struggles and pain that my child may experience in life due to the effects of their disability.

In fact, we need to grieve those things.

There have been times when I have asked couples how they coped with various difficult situations in their journey through disability and they replied with they just chose to rejoice. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but that is just called denial. This is one of the official stages of grief and can last for a short period, for decades, or can come and go.

When we live in the land of denial and refuse to move forward in the grieving process, it will re-emerge eventually. It may re-emerge as negative emotions or even health issues.

If you find yourself in this place of grieving, don’t feel guilty or like it means that your faith isn’t strong. It is part of the journey and it is part of healing.

As I close, I want to encourage you to REJOICE…IN THE LORD. However, when you rejoice in the Lord, know that He is with you as you journey through the land of grief. 

What is one character trait of God that you can praise Him for today?

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

Hope Anew has launched the Hope Anew Online Community and would love to have you be a part of it! You can learn more at www.HopeAnew.com.

When Things Don't Go As Planned

It was one of those mornings. Our car was in the shop. The evening before, they called to let me know it was ready to be picked up. When they called, I asked, “Were there any other issues?” They promptly replied, “No,” and I went to pick it up the next morning, excited that we would have our car back. Twenty minutes later, as I neared home, I noticed a sound like driving over rumble strips on the side of the road, only there were no rumble strips so back to the repair shop I went.

 It would have been easy for me to turn the drive back to the repair shop into a pity party, grow angry with them for not catching the problem and to get upset about the time I had lost.

Instead, I had to consciously choose to reframe the situation. Through this process I was able to praise God that:

1. The problem occurred immediately so it was not a mystery what the issue was.

2. It didn’t happen in the upcoming weeks as we traveled for different speaking engagements.

3. Family was loaning us a vehicle so we were not stranded.

4. The shop was ethical and told me to bring the car back in immediately for them to look at it.

As I processed this, I felt the tension reduce. I was able to arrive at the shop and talk with the manager in a way that was glorifying to God as opposed to my  natural response in the situation.

While I was stressed about how the delay in schedule would impact the rest of my day, I didn’t carry the tension of anger, bitterness and resentment with me boiling under the surface, building up pressure until it exploded and later burned an innocent bystander.

This reframing is a difficult process, requires the help of the Holy Spirit and I have to take it moment by moment. In all truth, my success rate is not real high but God is gracious and it’s exciting to see growth…as incremental as it may be.

What do you have going on right now that you can reframe? Are you battling the school for services your child needs? Is there a therapy or service you want for your child, but can’t access because of the expense? Are you discouraged from constant caregiving? How would it impact  you emotionally, mentally, physically  and spiritually if you were able to reframe that situation?

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”

Philippians 4:8 (NLT)

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

Diagnosis, A Defining Moment

I remember the moment perfectly. I was a counselor and was at a Burger King with a client when I heard the news about the planes hitting the twin towers in New York.  The rest of that day, my role was to help my clients process their own fears as the news unfolded.  Coming alongside the student who had hidden under his desk and was scared to come out and checking in with the rest of my families to see how they were doing.

There was a unification in our country as we mourned with the families impacted and we wanted justice. There was a time when it was no longer taboo to talk about God and how He comes alongside us.

The pain has faded for many and except for a posters on 9/11 saying “We Will Remember”, life has returned to normal for those who were not directly impacted.

---

 For those of us with a child impacted by disability, there is another date that is cemented in our minds. We each have our own twin towers moment. That moment when our world came crashing down. My twin towers moment began with Sarah telling me, “I think our son has autism.” The rest of the conversation is a bit of a blur to me as she walked me through why she thought Jordan was autistic but I do remember the emotions.

I remember being flooded with denial and thinking that she was over-reacting and must be wrong. I remember the fear of the unknown and what it would mean for his future. I remember the feelings of being overwhelmed and the sadness that came with wondering if Sarah was right.

 After Sarah shared this with me, I went into work the next morning and sat down in the office of a trusted colleague who had a grandson that was diagnosed with autism. When he asked how I was, the first words out of my mouth were, “Sarah thinks Jordan has autism.” We talked, he listened and I went back to work grieving and eventually building a new normal, and a new dream.

If you and I were to sit down together, I bet you could tell me exactly when your child was diagnosed, where you were and how you felt. You could tell me what life has been like since then and about the people who were there for you in the beginning and who it is that still comes alongside you.  

You may still get a sense of anxiety and panic as you are in situations that bring back those memories. You may still be in that place of grieving and asking God those hard questions. That’s okay. Someday, you will be able to dream a different dream too.

Healing will come but we will always remember.  

“I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”

 Ephesians 3:16-19 (NIV)

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

To The Mom Who Is Broken

Sarah couldn’t sleep all night. I heard her come into the bedroom and could see the hint of sunlight coming in from behind our curtains, when I finally heard the gentle rhythm of her breath indicating she was asleep. She was no longer staying awake at night because she was with a child who needed her. She was awake because of her own health struggles. It was going to be another rough day.

 Later in the day, she would greet me in her perpetual state of exhaustion. Sadness and frustration in her eyes as she wished she could do more, be the wife and mom that she always dreamed of being, and make memories together as a family as we did activities together.

 Her brokenness was not a lack of motivation or desire but a reality that stood like a locked door with the life she wanted on the other side.

 A couple years ago, we were visiting with an older couple who had walked this journey of special needs before us. The wife shared that through the process of raising their son, she became broken. Her old self died and she was no longer the same woman that she used to be.

This resonated with Sarah and it may resonate with many of you. At first, I was so close to the pain that it grieved me. I didn’t want to accept the truth of the statement. I didn’t want to let go.

Time has passed and the sentiment still holds true in Sarah’s mind.  However my perspective has changed as I see that while there was a death of her old self, the person she has become is so much more.

It may seem cliché, but to me, the change more resembles that of a caterpillar changing to a butterfly.  When a caterpillar is in its chrysalis, it goes from eating everything in sight and growing, to being dormant for a period of days to weeks. At the end of this time it struggles to finally emerge from its cocoon, unfurl a beautiful set of wings and then launches into a life it could never have imagined as a butterfly.

I once heard the story of a child who watched a butterfly struggle as it was coming out of its chrysalis. The child felt so bad for the butterfly struggling that she tried to help by freeing it of its encasement.

The butterfly was never able to fly and it died. It needed the struggle to build the strength to fly.

 Sarah may never have the strength to do what she did before, and while she is delicate, she has become much more beautiful than before she was broken.

Where are you at? Do you miss who you were and how strong you used to be? Do you, like Sarah, feel like a significant part of you has died and you are no longer the person you once were? Do you feel like you are failing others and at times like you just want to cry?

Be encouraged, in your weakness these struggles are strengthening you. You are beautiful and you are loved.

He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.

Psalms 147:3

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

When Life Overwhelms You

Have you ever felt like you could not go on and that it was all you could do to take one more step? Some of you are thinking, “I’m there right now!” I get it. I’ve been there.

I was recently encouraged by the story of Kyle Maynard. Kyle was born with a rare condition known as quadruple congenital amputation. What this means is that while he was still in his mother’s womb, fibrous bands prevented the development of his limbs. All of his limbs end before the start of his knees and elbows.

Through the encouragement of his family, Kyle didn’t let his disability slow him down. As a youth, he  played football, wrestled, and was awarded the title of GNC’s Worlds Strongest Teen by bench pressing 23 repetitions of 240 lbs.

As an adult, Kyle continues to inspire others. After training and conditioning at different climbing sites around the United States, he set out with a group to climb Mount  Kilimanjaro! On Friday, January 6, 2012, Kyle embarked on this new adventure. In ten days time, he crawled the 19,340 feet to the summit of Mount Kilimanjaro and became the first quadruple amputee to reach the top without assistance!

Kyle shared that with having to crawl the entire way, climbing really was not fun for about 95% of the time. He spent most of the time “looking at rocks, dirt and bugs. And after 14,000 feet, there are no bugs.” In those moments where he felt like he could go no further, Kyle would pause and look back at where he had been.

It is easy to get bogged down in the day to day. Each day you may feel like you are climbing your own Mount Kilimanjaro. The effort it takes to just keep moving forward is momentous.  The needs of your child may be so great that it is consuming all of your focus.

If this is where you are at, I want to encourage you to stop and look back at where you have been. The clouds may have surrounded you and it may be hard to see right now, but there is beauty in the journey and you’ve come a long way.

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.