Stages of Parent Burnout

So did you take a break last week and ask yourself if you recognize the signs of burnout in your life? Some of you just thought, “I didn’t need to pause to know I’m burnt out.” Others of you are thinking, “I’m good. In fact, I think I will make cupcakes for our therapists when I can get out of the house.”

Did you know that you don’t just wake up suddenly not wanting to be a parent or not wanting to get out of bed. Burnout happens gradually.

How many of the following points resonate with you?

• Having a child with physical or mental health challenges

• Perfectionism: feeling you need to be the “perfect” parent at all times

• Lack of support from spouse

• Both parents working outside the home

• Financial concerns

• Not enough support from outside the family (childcare, extended family, etc.)

• Finding it hard to ask for help

• Over-scheduled kids

Many of us can look at that list and can easily circle between a third to half of the points and even come up with additional points. As the stressors increase, we become more at risk for burnout. This burnout can range from mild to severe.

In her podcast episode on Parental Burnout, Krista Maltais describes the severity of burnout as follows.

Mild Burnout: Mild burnout can start with some situation that is outside your normal that causes extra stress. This can be something as basic as caring for a child or spouse that is temporarily sick. These symptoms may include, short temper and/or limited tolerance, foggy-brain, heightened sensitivity to their emotions and environment, and is usually accompanied by disruptions in sleep patterns.

Moderate Burnout: A parent who is experiencing moderate burnout, perhaps due to prolonged sleep deprivation or other stressors (such as finances, lack of childcare, limited opportunities for self care, etc) may begin to experience additional physical symptoms such as headaches, confusion, forgetfulness, upset stomach, anxiety/depression, feelings of isolation and/or overwhelm. As burnout sets in, communication with others also tends to break down which can lead to an increase in conflict, misunderstandings, etc, especially with the partner.

Severe Burnout: A parent with severe burn out due to long-term exhaustion, stress, lack of physical/emotional/logistical support, and/or physical/mental health complications, may exhibit the above-mentioned signs as well as hormonal imbalance which can further cause a loss of sex-drive, insomnia or dis-regulated sleep patterns, and additional health problems. Burnout symptoms may also present as obsessive compulsive tendencies or a multitude of uncompleted/avoided tasks due to overwhelm.

The first step in overcoming burnout and preventing burnout is the same. You have to recognize the stressors in your life. 

Next week we will look at steps to preventing and overcoming burnout. In the meantime, if you haven’t done it yet, download our free “5 Minute Vacations” guide and check out our friends at Run Hard Rest Well. That will get you started in the right direction.

If you find yourself in this severe state of burnout and are having suicidal thoughts, please seek immediate professional help. The number for the suicide hotline is: 1-800-273-8255.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” ~John 16:33 (NIV)

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

 

Hope Anew has launched the Hope Anew Online Community and would love to have you be a part of it! You can learn more at www.HopeAnew.com.  Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!

Parenting Burnout

It is week number whatever since COVID-19 began and I am making good progress on my coffee stash.  The cutesy Facebook posts highlighting everyone’s Pinterest projects are starting to fade. The smiles are starting to look more strained  as parents are wondering how much longer they will have to be the counselors/craft room directors at “Camp Corona.”

When asked how they are doing, I have heard multiple parents sheepishly reply that they “need a break from their kids.”  

There is a feeling of always being “on” and no end in sight. Parents are helping their kids navigate emotions, trying to come up with activities, and teaching school. They may have less help and support to care for their children impacted by disability. They are helping their children work through interpersonal conflict with each other and trying to come up with out of the box ways for their children to have social interaction. This is all while trying to figure out the rest of life. You know the little things like jobs, bills, taxes, food, and toilet paper.

I’m going to make a comparison that you may find to be controversial and may make you uncomfortable but if we were looking at someone who had these types of stressors at their regular place of employment, we would say that they were at risk of “burnout.”

You may be thinking to yourself, “but parents aren’t allowed to burnout.”

 If you Google burnout, you will get the following definition:

“Burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It occurs when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and unable to meet constant demands.”

Does this sound familiar? In all reality, due to the nature of this journey in special needs and disabilities, you have likely found yourself in this position prior to COVID-19.

In those times where you find yourself fantasizing about a half day where you don’t have to be a parent, a spouse and a care giver, you likely have recoiled and buried the emotion. We feel guilty because we fear it means that we love our families less and are fearful of sharing this emotion with others because we are afraid of what they may think.

I want to encourage you. This feeling doesn’t mean that you love your family less but it is a feeling we should take seriously when we experience it. It serves as a warning.

I recently heard the analogy that batteries only have so much energy that they can expend before they are completely depleted. This is true of us as well.  We know that if we want to use our cell phones tomorrow, we can’t just use them non-stop and not charge them.  Similarly, we need to charge our own batteries. This is done through self-care.

So how are you doing? Do you recognize the signs of burnout in your life? If so, what is one thing you can do today to begin recharging your battery?

If you need ideas for self-care, feel free to download our pdf on “5 Minute Vacations” or watch the video here. We will also be talking about this more in upcoming posts.

Written by Jonathan McGuire

Jonathan McGuire  is  the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.

Hope Anew has launched the Hope Anew Online Community and would love to have you be a part of it! You can learn more at www.HopeAnew.com.

Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!