We Are In God's Loving Hands, Always

One of the hats that special needs parents wear is that of a risk assessment manager.  Depending on the special needs your child has, this looks different.  In our case, without even knowing that I’m assessing risk, I am nearly always assessing and maneuvering around potential meltdown triggers, dangers and needs. It’s amazing how fast I can survey an environment and pinpoint each and every possible worst case scenario.  How fast I then come up with a contingency plan for each possibility and a plan for continued vigilance and surveillance until our time there is over.  I am always two steps ahead in my mind.  Many times the worst case never happens, but many times I’m right on and I am ready.  My kiddo sees these risky spots just as quickly as I do, it seems.  He is also super vigilant in his surveillance of a room. For this reason, I am just always on my toes. 

There are emotional risks that are also assessed.  Will we be embraced or accepted as we are in this environment?  Will our hearts, both my child’s and mine, be safe in this space, with these people? I can make sure that a door is locked, or that there is appropriate physical accommodations made for our needs.  That part is easy.  It’s the emotional risks that often give me the most pause. 

There was a time that my heart had been hurt by watching how some people respond to us.  I was so afraid of my child ever feeling like he was less just because of things that are completely out of his control, and of myself feeling that parental pain of observing that, that my first thought would be to sit it out.  I never did.  I wanted to.  I wanted to protect us from the emotional risks so badly, that I’d consider missing the parts of life that make for a full and vibrant existence.  

I never benched us.  We never sat out, and you shouldn’t either.

Instead, the route I’ve chosen to go when it comes to shielding our hearts, is that of specific and focused prayer.  We go.  We are now making our way through the Christmas season.  A time of excitement and hope and waiting.  There are so many opportunities to encounter this pause.  Should we go?  Will we fit?  I no longer entertain those old fears when they enter my mind.  I take a deep breath and ask the Lord to guide our day, our thoughts and to be with the people we encounter.  I ask that he’ll grow their knowledge and acceptance through their time with us.  I ask that he’ll guide their hearts to be inclusive and accommodating.  I ask that they not treat us like we’re different, because we really aren’t.  And, I thank him for the grace he’s given me, as a parent.  I pray that I’ll be able to give that same grace to myself, as I navigate environments that aren’t set up for us, both physically and more importantly emotionally.   Finally, I thank him for trusting me with this incredible child, and pray that I am graceful in my parenting of him.

Not one thing has grown my faith more than this practice of specific prayer.  When the Lord answers your prayer directly, in real time, it’s life changing, life giving, and sets you free from fear.  Choosing faith over fear is no longer a choice for me.  I just plain have faith.  I’ve entered spaces after praying like this and experienced the most beautiful, caring and loving interactions.  I’ve met people that have become friends to me, and my child has also found real friendship and acceptance, as well.  I’ve felt that we were safe and protected, just as we are. 

This year, there are fewer opportunities for large gatherings.  If you do find yourself looking at an upcoming outing or event with that familiar pause, whatever you do please don’t sit out.  Take a deep breath and pray.  We are in God’s loving hands.  Always.

Written by BreAnn Tassone

BreAnn is a wife and mother to two beloved children.  Her 8 year old son is twice exceptional and has been diagnosed with PANS/PANDAS, and her 3 year old daughter is his most incredible advocate.  They both bring joy to this world in their own individual ways. BreAnn lives with her family in central Virginia.  She is a former Special Education teacher and serves as a volunteer at her church within the special needs ministry.  She is a homeschooler and coordinates groups and events within her community to support the childhood experience of her neighbors and friends. It is her conviction that all children benefit when all children are included, accepted and can live this life learning from and supporting each other.

The Prayers You Say Waiting at the Food Counter

“And those servants went out into the roads and gathered all whom they found, both bad and good. So the wedding hall was filled with guests.” (Matt. 22:10 ESV)

One of the most challenging things to do as a special needs parent is to take your child out to crowded public places, specifically restaurants, as there is frequently a great deal of stimulus and activity. There are also lots of variables, even when you go to a place you’ve been to before and your child is experienced with, as everyday can bring something different. But when you go to a completely new place, then it can quickly feel like the whole world is up for grabs, and you do your best to try to assess the situation quickly.

One recent weekend, I found myself in a new restaurant with my son and while I was excited to eat there with him, I realized the difficulties that were going to come with it soon after we entered.

It was relatively empty with only a few tables being used in the main dining area, but I still chose a table as far back as possible as I have become accustomed to, and told him to wait while I ordered the food. I raced up to the counter and began to scan the rather full menu and made choices as quickly as possible, when all of a sudden I heard a peculiar sound. I turned to the side to glance over at my son, assuming the worst, and standing there I observed my son having opened a folding door near our table. The folding door covered up some mechanical things in the restaurant and he had become very curious with the machinery, and the folding door. I quickly put my order in, paid and ran back over to my son to let him know to stop and he couldn’t do that, but the whole time in between the ordering and getting back to the table seemed like forever. I could have easily just screamed across the restaurant at him but I didn’t want to embarrass him, yet I couldn’t help but start to feel embarrassed anyway. 

I went right back up to the counter to wait for the food, and grabbed all of my necessary cutlery and napkins and such, and went right back to the table while we waited for the food to arrive, changing the apps on his Ipad to keep him distracted. The food came a few minutes later and that instantly calmed him, as usual, and we proceeded to have a relaxing time. That is, until it was time for him to be done, and after sitting for an extended time deciding  he was done and needing to get up and walk. I promptly cleaned up and we went to the bathroom and left, getting through another meal the same way we usually do, but also grateful that we didn’t have a scene with him opening the closet door earlier. But as we walked out I remembered that not one person made a comment to us the entire time we were there, and I considered that maybe even after all these as a special needs parent, I still struggle. 

I struggle with my son being called out for bad behavior, or actions that just don’t look normal, or with myself for appearing like some frantic parent who can’t handle their child. But the fact remains that when no one makes those comments, and when we can get in and out of a restaurant without a comment or even a look, I wonder to myself, am I trusting the prayers I say while i wait at the food counter? Am I believing in the God I pray to that he is hearing me when I struggle with those experiences, and remember the power in the prayers that I say when I need his help the most? It is a solemn wake up call for me, that the God I pray to once reminded us that all should be invited to the wedding feast, so that every table, and every heart, was full.

Written by John Felageller

Connect with John on his Facebook page: www.facebook.com/johnsspecialneedsblog/

Answered Prayers For Healing

I prayed that God would heal my son’s food allergies and autism. I prayed that He would lead me to the right research, interventions, and answers to bring healing to my son’s body that would heal his allergies and autism.

I prayed that God would heal my chronic illness involving extreme fatigue, brain fog and insomnia. I prayed that God would give me enough energy to take care of my family and even minister to others too.

I prayed that I would know God more, who He really is and not just knowing about Him from church and Bible school. I prayed for spiritual healing, salvation yes, I resolved that long ago. But beyond salvation, my desires and motivations had (and still have) a long way to go in mirroring His.

He answered my prayers for healing my son and spiritual healing with a yes and He is in the process of answering my prayer for healing my chronic illness with a yes, but none of them were how I expected or how I would have chosen for Him to do it.

My son’s healing came through extreme lifestyle changes that revolutionized most aspects of our family’s life. It was not easy, took a lot of time, commitment money, research, and sacrifices.

My chronic illness, of 10 plus years, is at the beginning of the process (it’s been 3 weeks), but the differences are significant already. It is not easy, requires our family to relocate, and involves huge sacrifices on the part of all of each family member and extended family in order to make it happen.

My spiritual healing isn’t easy either. It was initiated with my Savior suffering and dying a horrible death and taking my sins on Him to pay the price I owed. I’m sinful. God is holy. Without the pain and sacrifice of Jesus, there would be no healing for me. Ongoing as I desire to be more like Him, His answer to my prayer for that is not simply to give me a more spiritually mature perspective and faith, but to grow it in me by the challenges I face in this life as I come to Him with the problems and struggles and depend on Him as we go through them.

There was a time (years) in my life where I felt like God had abandoned me, was silent and was not answering my prayers. In reality, He was answering, but I couldn’t see it because the answer was in such a different form than I expected. At least that was the case for healing my son and my spiritual healing. For healing my chronic illness, evidently it wasn’t the right time yet. That answer is involving stripping many other beloved things and people away from my family and I, and I don’t think it would have been good for my family for that to have come much sooner. He knows the perfect timing.

God doesn’t always answer prayers with a, “Yes”, nor does He always answer right away or even soon. When He does answer with a, “Yes”, it may involve other sacrifices, work, and painful things. But no matter His answer, He is always working for our good, even when it doesn’t look or feel like it.

Written by Sarah McGuire

Sarah McGuire  is the Mom of two boys and co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that guides parents to Christ-centered hope and healing. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here. You can also check out Hope Anew’s Online Community here!

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

“Blessed is the one who listens to me, watching daily at my gates, waiting beside my doors.” (Prov. 8:34, ESV)

My autistic, non-verbal son has several ways he likes to communicate with us. It is mostly through body language, some basic sign language, as well as through the communication app on his iPad.

There are times when his actions are very clear in terms of what he’s trying to tell us, such as when he goes to sit on his favorite stool near the door to garage. This indicates that he’s ready to put on his shoes. Putting on your shoes, of course, means that you’re getting to go somewhere: walking the dog, a drive to a favorite park or forest preserve, or maybe just shopping at a big box store. Mom and dad, however, are not always ready or, more specifically, willing to go on another errand or to another place for a long walk in the sweltering summer heat. 

 While we love the fact he is finding a way to share his needs with us! It does make it frustrating for us to honor his request but to also give him boundaries when it’s not a good time to go somewhere, or, I dare say, we are not in the mood to go. I often wonder about what goes on his head as he sits there and waits while his parents decide what we are going to do. I think about how much I would just love to be able to grab my shoes each time he sits on that stool and just say “sure thing kiddo” and off we would go on another adventure to wherever. 

In a more profound sense, my child’s experience sitting on that stool and waiting is kind of like my experiences waiting on God for many of my own hopes or prayers, and how difficult it is to sit on the “stool” of life while we wait on an answer from Him.  If I learned anything from this analogy with my son, it’s this. As his father he needs to know that I do see him, sitting there. I do hear him even though he has no voice to ask. I know from my son’s experience that I am equally seen and heard by God when I ask for what I need. While the waiting is hard, the comfort in being seen and heard makes it easier.

So my prayer is for the strength that comes in the silent knowing of His presence, that I will learn to be patient when I immediately want an answer for myself, or my child but that I know it will be answered exactly when it needs to, when He’s ready.

Written by John Felageller

John lives in Northbrook, IL with his wife Elizabeth and his son Christopher (ASD), and is currently an Elementary Teacher at a Charter School in Chicago, IL.  He is a regular contributor to Key Ministry’s Special Needs Family blog, and is both a live presenter and on Key Ministry’s Facebook page. He coordinates a Special Needs Dads meet-up in his community and works with several other local Special Needs organizations that serve both parents and children.

 

Connect with John on his Facebook page here.