Parenting Burnout
When asked how they are doing, I have heard multiple parents sheepishly reply that they “need a break from their kids.”
Written by Jonathan McGuire
It is week number whatever since COVID-19 began and I am making good progress on my coffee stash. The cutesy Facebook posts highlighting everyone’s Pinterest projects are starting to fade. The smiles are starting to look more strained as parents are wondering how much longer they will have to be the counselors/craft room directors at “Camp Corona.”
When asked how they are doing, I have heard multiple parents sheepishly reply that they “need a break from their kids.”
There is a feeling of always being “on” and no end in sight. Parents are helping their kids navigate emotions, trying to come up with activities, and teaching school. They may have less help and support to care for their children impacted by disability. They are helping their children work through interpersonal conflict with each other and trying to come up with out of the box ways for their children to have social interaction. This is all while trying to figure out the rest of life. You know the little things like jobs, bills, taxes, food, and toilet paper.
I’m going to make a comparison that you may find to be controversial and may make you uncomfortable but if we were looking at someone who had these types of stressors at their regular place of employment, we would say that they were at risk of “burnout.”
You may be thinking to yourself, “but parents aren’t allowed to burnout.”
If you Google burnout, you will get the following definition:
“Burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It occurs when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and unable to meet constant demands.”
Does this sound familiar? In all reality, due to the nature of this journey in special needs and disabilities, you have likely found yourself in this position prior to COVID-19.
In those times where you find yourself fantasizing about a half day where you don’t have to be a parent, a spouse and a care giver, you likely have recoiled and buried the emotion. We feel guilty because we fear it means that we love our families less and are fearful of sharing this emotion with others because we are afraid of what they may think.
I want to encourage you. This feeling doesn’t mean that you love your family less but it is a feeling we should take seriously when we experience it. It serves as a warning.
I recently heard the analogy that batteries only have so much energy that they can expend before they are completely depleted. This is true of us as well. We know that if we want to use our cell phones tomorrow, we can’t just use them non-stop and not charge them. Similarly, we need to charge our own batteries. This is done through self-care.
So how are you doing? Do you recognize the signs of burnout in your life? If so, what is one thing you can do today to begin recharging your battery?
If you need ideas for self-care, feel free to download our pdf on “5 Minute Vacations” or watch the video here. We will also be talking about this more in upcoming posts.
Written by Jonathan McGuire
Jonathan McGuire is the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.
Hope Anew has launched the Hope Anew Online Community and would love to have you be a part of it! You can learn more at www.HopeAnew.com.
Due to COVID-19, Hope Anew is waiving all membership fees for the community!
One Tip To Keep From Feeling Overwhelmed
How did you start the new year off…motivated or overwhelmed?
Written by Jonathan McGuire
How did you start the new year off…motivated or overwhelmed?
When the new year rings in, it’s not uncommon to be asked if you made new year resolutions. Upon being asked this, you may be thinking to yourself that your biggest goal is to make it to when your child goes to sleep…let alone set a resolution for the whole year.
I can relate to those days. When our son was doing the worst, the goal of making it to when he was asleep was even too long term of a goal, especially since he would only sleep 15 minutes at a time. Sarah’s goal was to make it through the next second, the next minute. One minute at a time was all she could think about.
You may find yourself in a similar position. If you do, then I’m guessing your answer to the first question in the article was overwhelmed.
There are many tips out there for helping with the feeling of being overwhelmed ranging from self-care, time management, prioritizing what you do, eliminating unnecessary activities, creating routines and the list goes on. Many of these things are helpful and I may even write a future article about some of them but there is one place to start.
I recently read the following quote from Charles Stanley,
“I’ve had short periods in my life when a particular problem or situation would cause me nights of tossing and turning, hour after hour unable to sleep. I’ve discovered the best thing I can do when I can’t seem to let go of thinking about a particular problem, conversation, or criticism, is to get out of bed, get down on my knees, and cry out to God: ‘Please help me through this. Help me focus on You alone.’ Sleep comes when my focus is on the Lord and how He’d have me think or respond to a particular situation…Thinking about the Lord brings a person peace. Thinking about anything else is usually a shortcut to anxiety, fear, or worry.”
If you are starting off the new year feeling overwhelmed, remember this one thing.
God is with you. He is with you in the day to day. He is with you as you sit on the store floor holding your child in the midst of a meltdown. He is with you as you are listening to the sounds of monitors to make sure your child is alright. He is with you as you are trying to figure out how you are going to make your rent payment with finances so tight. He is with you when your marriage has shattered. God is with…YOU and loves you. Focus on Him when you are feeling overwhelmed.
“Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; He will neither fail you nor abandon you.”
~ Deuteronomy 31:8 (NLT)
Written by Jonathan McGuire
Jonathan McGuire is the father of two sons and the co-founder of Hope Anew, a nonprofit that comes alongside the parents of children impacted by disability on a spiritual and emotional level. You can follow Hope Anew on Facebook here.
Hope Anew has launched the Hope Anew Online Community and would love to have you be a part of it! You can learn more at www.HopeAnew.com.
A Note For The Brokenhearted
I keep waiting for it to get easier. For the sting of this disease to ease. Written by Laurisa Ballew
I keep waiting for it to get easier. For the sting of this disease to ease.
One of my daughters is a sensitive soul. She feels things deeply. She will skin her knee and just cry so hard about it. (for a day. mmmkay?) And then in the days to come will continue to tell me it hurts, she will wince, guard it, and even weeks later she will point out the mostly healed spot and recount the pain of it. And try to con me into giving her another princess band-aid. I mostly ignore her- count it as drama. Because let’s be honest it partially is, but it is also how she is affected by pain. It really bothers her. And then with the next wound it is the same. Over and over again, she doesn’t seem to get much tougher.
And that is about how I feel about my child having Tuberous Sclerosis. There has been so much grieving with this disease. I find myself waiting to settle into this being my life. To be content with this reality. In some ways I have found peace with a lot of things. And in so many other ways the core of my being opposes these struggles head on. It makes me feel conflicted. I want to walk this out peacefully. To find Joy in the crevices of my broken heart. To let life and love and experience pour out of its cracked places. But that is a hard things to do.
Sometimes I feel like I am the ‘about healed’, hardly visible skinned knee. You know when the scab is gone, but the new skin is just a darker shade? Not obvious to those around. But when I think I should be feeling better, a remembering-pain from the depths of my soul comes rushing forward.
Time and time again I come back to this. If God cares about me even half as much as I care about my daughter, if he feels the pain of the deep wounds like I feel hers. If he mourns with me like I mourn with her. If he really is the Good God that I think he is, then a few things must be true
I am not even slightly alone in my pain. There is a real, powerful God standing with me through all of this.
The brokenness of this world was not God’s Plan, but he will work through it. He has worked through it. He has sent His Son, and someday all the brokenness will be healed. My favorite children’s bible says this about Jesus coming back “Everything sad will come untrue. Even death is going to die! And he will wipe every tear from every eye. Yes, the rescuer will come. Look for him. Watch for him. Wait for him. HE WILL COME! I promise.” Just take a minute and let that wash over your broken heart.
My friends- There is no shame in broken places. Brokenness is the thread that connects us all. There is holiness in standing with each other in these moments.
Recently a friend shared with me a Japanese art form called Kintsugi. It is where value is still seen in brokenness. And broken pottery is fixed with a gold lacquer.
The bowl is not useless because of its brokenness. Instead its brokenness is highlighted, seen as a part of its history, part of its beauty.
May these broken places in my life not shatter me. Or render me useless. But instead become a golden bond of character. Of strength. And beauty.
Peace and love to you dear friends as we stand together in the beauty of our broken.
Written by Laurisa Ballew
