A Note For The Brokenhearted
I keep waiting for it to get easier. For the sting of this disease to ease.
One of my daughters is a sensitive soul. She feels things deeply. She will skin her knee and just cry so hard about it. (for a day. mmmkay?) And then in the days to come will continue to tell me it hurts, she will wince, guard it, and even weeks later she will point out the mostly healed spot and recount the pain of it. And try to con me into giving her another princess band-aid. I mostly ignore her- count it as drama. Because let’s be honest it partially is, but it is also how she is affected by pain. It really bothers her. And then with the next wound it is the same. Over and over again, she doesn’t seem to get much tougher.
And that is about how I feel about my child having Tuberous Sclerosis. There has been so much grieving with this disease. I find myself waiting to settle into this being my life. To be content with this reality. In some ways I have found peace with a lot of things. And in so many other ways the core of my being opposes these struggles head on. It makes me feel conflicted. I want to walk this out peacefully. To find Joy in the crevices of my broken heart. To let life and love and experience pour out of its cracked places. But that is a hard things to do.
Sometimes I feel like I am the ‘about healed’, hardly visible skinned knee. You know when the scab is gone, but the new skin is just a darker shade? Not obvious to those around. But when I think I should be feeling better, a remembering-pain from the depths of my soul comes rushing forward.
Time and time again I come back to this. If God cares about me even half as much as I care about my daughter, if he feels the pain of the deep wounds like I feel hers. If he mourns with me like I mourn with her. If he really is the Good God that I think he is, then a few things must be true
I am not even slightly alone in my pain. There is a real, powerful God standing with me through all of this.
The brokenness of this world was not God’s Plan, but he will work through it. He has worked through it. He has sent His Son, and someday all the brokenness will be healed. My favorite children’s bible says this about Jesus coming back “Everything sad will come untrue. Even death is going to die! And he will wipe every tear from every eye. Yes, the rescuer will come. Look for him. Watch for him. Wait for him. HE WILL COME! I promise.” Just take a minute and let that wash over your broken heart.
My friends- There is no shame in broken places. Brokenness is the thread that connects us all. There is holiness in standing with each other in these moments.
Recently a friend shared with me a Japanese art form called Kintsugi. It is where value is still seen in brokenness. And broken pottery is fixed with a gold lacquer.
The bowl is not useless because of its brokenness. Instead its brokenness is highlighted, seen as a part of its history, part of its beauty.
May these broken places in my life not shatter me. Or render me useless. But instead become a golden bond of character. Of strength. And beauty.
Peace and love to you dear friends as we stand together in the beauty of our broken.
Written by Laurisa Ballew
