A Good Habit To Break

I overheard a teen at the check out counter the other day use the word "retarded." He wasn't talking about someone but something that was "retarded." Believe it or not, I hear it fairly frequently.  When I do, I try to be polite and let it roll off my back. I'd even say it doesn't rank high in my list of pet peeves since most people don't even think about what it really means.  

The R-word is an expression used for retard or retarded, words considered offensive and disrespectful when used to describe people with intellectual disabilities.  It is also used to insult people, places, and things.  The verb "retard" means to hinder or to make something slow. "Mental retardation" was introduced as a medical term for people with intellectual disabilities , replacing terms that were considered to be more offensive.

Over time, the word "retard" came to be used as an insult, tossed around the playground as a synonym for "stupid" or "dumb." It is not a respectful way to refer to individuals with any kind of disability.

We often fail to understand how words can hurt until they become personal. Right now our country is in a war of words. Books have been written to teach us how to use politically correct words for race, religion, and politics. 

While 'disability awareness' isn't trending like some other topics, I hope you're willing to think about this population for a moment today. 

Here are a few thoughts from a mom of a kid with special needs:

1. Stereotypes are crippling. It affects how the world views my son. He is not dumb or stupid, just a person with  genes ordered differently that you or I.

2. I wish that Ben's siblings never had to hear that word.  I don't want them to think of their brother as "less than" in any way.  He is much more than his intellectual capability.  

3. I'm not trying to censor anyone's language, or be politically correct. I just want to use words that provide appropriate consideration, dignity, and respect for people with disabilities.

4. I'm also not trying to shame anyone.  I've used "stupid" or "dumb" in the wrong way before having Ben.  But, having Ben has taught me that the value of a person is not found in their cognitive abilities. 

5. It's never too late. Maybe you only use the word occasionally or maybe it's a habit. But it's never too late to stop. Here's a way I can help you.

Every time you are about to say the R word... please think about the people you are hurting when you you throw around such a useless word.  There may be someone within earshot that has a friend, sibling or child with a disability.  Consider if their loved one should be reduced to "dumb" or "stupid".  

Also, think about the value that those with disabilities bring into the world.  For example, my kid brings more laughter and happiness to my life than I could ever imagine.  He takes life in stride and could teach us all to not take things so seriously.  Rather than being "dumb", it's almost like he is a genius at teaching joy.

He has compassion. He feels and loves big.  And when you love big, you can also feel hurt deeply.  He hurts not just for himself but for the ones who are hurting around him.  He has a Master's degree in compassion.

He has accomplished many things. He plays soccer, baseball, runs track, and was manager of the Middle School basketball team, High School baseball and football team. 

He is daily teaching me about loving, laughing, patience and working hard.

So the next time you think about using the "r" word just think about him!

It is really a good habit to break and worth it to us!

Written by Leigh Ann Kaman

Leigh Ann Kaman is a wife and mom to three kids, one of which has Down Syndrome. She advocates in the special needs community and has started a ministry in her church for those touched by special needs. She is also actively involved in Capernaum, a ministry of Young Life for young adults with disabilities. Writing about her life as a special needs parent has always been her passion.